“Sorry, can’t understand you, with all the hissing and all.”
He made a strange wheezing sound. Wait, was he laughing at me?
“He’s right,” Cora said. “Isn’t your hand getting tired of all the wanking?”
I dropped the brush. “Fucking hell, Cor, is nothing sacred anymore?” I sniffed. “Besides, I picked up Errol today, so I’m all good.”
“Who’s Errol?” Cyril asked.
“Fee’s plastic cock,” Cora said.
I refused to be embarrassed. There was nothing wrong with getting yourself off, and Errol was really fucking good at it. And like hell would I become one of Mal’s women. I wanted more than that from a bedroom partner. I wanted love. Okay, it sounded sappy, but there it was. Romantic, old-fashioned me.
“I don’t need a fuckbuddy.” I winced as the bristles of the brush snagged on a tangle. “I’m fine. I have it all under control. Strong, independent woman who doesn’t need a man to get off.”
“And the anger?” Cora said. “How is that?”
My hands faltered mid-braid. “I’m dealing.”
“What if Mal hadn’t been with you?” Cor asked the question that had been running through my mind. “What then? You said it was bad, like you would have lost-your-shit-berserker bad.”
And that had only happened once before. I mean, I’d had the rage, but this episode would have been one of epic proportions.
I set the brush down on the dresser and turned to face her. “I don’t know, Cor, but I’ll deal with it. I just need to not get so worked up.” My smile felt fake.
She gave me a skeptical look.
The anger had started a year ago after Aunt Lara died. But Cor had always been there to curb it. To calm me down. And now, I had my bodyguards, my shadows. But what happened when the rage hit me when I was alone? Part of me whispered that there was something wrong with me, but I squashed it. I didn’t have time to have things wrong with me.
“Maybe ask Azazel?” Cora suggested.
Ooh, Azazel … of course. He’d taught me how to shield and do all the other stuff, maybe he had some ideas on how to control the anger. “Yeah, I’ll do that.”
There was a knock at the door.
“Come in,” Cora replied.
Kiara popped her head around the door. “Dinner is ready.” She smiled at Cora, but it was a dodgy smile. A conspiratorial smile. “I thought we could all eat together in the dining room.”
No one ate in the dining room. We rarely ate together. Something was up. But Kiara was already gone.
I was being ridiculous. It was the guilt talking. The guilt of almost kissing a friend’s betrothed because Kiara had become a friend.
I was a bitch.
I didn’t deserve to eat.
But what if she’d made the tiny little sugared donut things with the pink frosting? My mouth pooled with saliva at the thought.
No. No, I did not deserve them. “You know what, I’m not hungry.” I sat on my bed. “Can you tell Kiara sorry from me?”
Cora rolled her eyes. “Enough. So you almost kissed her fiancé. What counts is that you didn’t. But snubbing her when she’s made an effort with dinner is just mean. You know how much Kiara loves to cook.”
“I’ll have to face Conah. I don’t want to be in the same room as him right now.”
“Tough. Man up.”
She was right. As usual. “Fine.”
“Mind if I sit next to you while you eat and pretend that I can taste stuff?”
“Sure.”
“Mind if I sleep on your bed?” Cyril asked.
But he’d already curled up and tucked his head into his coils. I had no idea why he bothered asking permission.
Cora and I headed down to the first floor where the kitchen and dining room were situated. She floated off ahead, using her ghost ability to put distance between us. For someone who couldn’t actually eat any of the food, she was pretty eager. She slipped through the closed dining room doors, leaving me to follow.
The aroma hit me as I got closer. Oh, man. I knew that smell. Ribs. Fucking barbecue sticky ribs. They were my favorite. Kiara, you beauty. How did demons do ribs? What ribs would we be eating? No, don’t dwell, just think pork or beef and eat. They had cow-like animals here. I’d seen them in the market at Senki.
I pushed open the doors to the room and froze. Faces looked back at me. Banners and balloons hung from the ceiling, and then Kiara and Cora shouted in unison.
“Happy birthday!”
Chapter Five
With all the shit going on, the date had slipped my mind. It was my birthday, and the evidence of my eyes and ears suggested that Cora and Kiara had teamed up to throw me a party. Although, from the look on Azazel’s face, he’d rather be anywhere else but here. He sat with a party hat perched on his head, arms crossed, glaring at the silver plate piled high with ribs as if it was offensive. Conah wouldn’t meet my eyes.
I never thought I’d say it, but thank fuck for Mal. We hadn’t spoken about the kiss we’d shared outside my house, and I didn’t think we were going to. It was done. It served a purpose, and now it was over.
He greeted me with a raised goblet and blew me a kiss. His emerald peepers were filled with mirth. He slid a glance toward Azazel, who was pulling at the elastic string of the hat Kiara had obviously made him wear.
I bit the insides of my cheeks to stop from smiling.
“Sit, sit.” Kiara pulled out the chair at the head of the table opposite Azazel.
Conah sat on the left side of the table two seats up and Mal to my right a seat away.
“I made all your favorites,” Kiara said. “And there’s cake. I understand you have cake to celebrate your day of birth?” She looked about the room as if to make sure everything was as it should be. “Is this how you celebrate? Did I do it right?”
Wait a second. “You don’t celebrate birthdays?”
Azazel snorted.
It was Mal that answered. “We live too fucking long to care,” he said. “Birthdays are a human thing. They have value because human lives are so short.”
That made sense, I guess. “Do you do anything to mark the passage of each year and keep track of how old you are?”
“Nope,” Mal said. He sipped his margarita.
Yeah, definitely a margarita. I could smell it. Yummy. “Can I have one of those?”
His brows shot up. “You like margaritas?”
“What I want to know is how you like them? Did you get addicted after a stint in the human world?”
He smirked. “I fucking invented these. A well-placed suggestion here and there and bam, these beauties were everywhere.”
So, he was the reason for my obsession. I couldn’t help but smile. “I love them.”
He picked up the silver cocktail shaker on the table and poured me a glass of perfection, and in that moment, my heart was full of joy, love, and possibility, or maybe it was just the first hit of alcohol in over a month.
“Delish.” I smacked my lips together.
Mal’s gaze dropped to my lips, and his tongue peeked out to touch the corner of his mouth. “Yes, it is.”
Butterflies pirouetted in my belly. I held his gaze and took another sip. His eyes darkened, and heat pooled low in my abdomen.
“Seraphina Dawn, are you flirting with me?” he crooned.
Shit, what was I doing? “Pfft. You wish.”
Cora took the seat to my right between Mal and me. “God, I miss being alive.”
Mal studied her for a long beat. “What do you miss the most?”
“Margaritas,” she said immediately, and then laughed. “Everything. I miss food and heat and cold. I miss it all.” She looked wistful.
“What about family?” Mal asked.
“Mal …” There was warning in Conah’s tone.
Why was he being so weird? I looked to Azazel, but he had his attention on Cora too.
She made a funny face. “Wow, center of attention. That doesn’t happen often. I d
Shit, she hated talking about her past. “And now you have me, and you have us.” I smiled at her.
Cora perked up. “I do, indeed.”
Conah cleared his throat. “We should eat before the wonderful spread Kiara has prepared gets cold.”
“Someone’s overcompensating,” Cor whispered in my ear.
I almost choked on my drink.
Kiara patted my back. “Oh, dear, did it go down the wrong hole?”
Mal gave a dirty chuckle.
Azazel snorted in derision, although I wasn’t sure what he was disgusted with. Me? Conah? Mal? Heck, he looked pissed off at the world.
Fuck this. As much as I appreciated this gesture, I needed it to be over. This was just too weird with Conah playing eye tag with me, and Azazel playing statue. Time to eat and run. I piled my plate high with ribs and tucked in.
I was hungry, and these were delicious. The meat melted in my mouth, and the sauce was sticky and sweet with a hint of spice that gave my mouth a zing. I was halfway through my plate when it hit me that the room had descended into complete and utter silence.
I raised my head and locked gazes with Azazel sitting opposite me at the other end of the table.
His irises were less silver and more white today, but there was no doubt that he was looking right at me. The derision and the impassivity were gone. Now his expression was pure hunger. Did he want my ribs? Wait … No, that hunger was aimed at me. My stomach flipped, and my chest tightened.
He slow-blinked and looked away, jaw ticking.
“Fuck,” Mal said. “Don’t stop. That was hot.” His lips were parted, and the tip of his tongue caressed his top teeth. “I love a woman who enjoys her food.” He picked up a rib and stripped it clean, licking the sauce from his fingers.
I wanted to climb across the table and suck the sauce off his lips in an open-mouthed kiss that tasted of ribs.
I blinked sharply. “Fuck off, Mal.”
He laughed. “Almost had you.”
“Napkins, Kiara,” Conah said gruffly.
I touched the corner of my mouth, and my fingertips came away sticky and red. Heck, ribs were messy.
“Now, Kiara,” Conah snapped.
Mal frowned at him.
“Oh, dear, of course.” Kiara hurried from the room.
I looked over at Conah, and our gazes snagged. “A please would have been nice. She’s not your servant.”
He didn’t reply, just stared at me. His pupils were huge, eating away at his sapphire irises, and twin spots of color stained his cheeks. I knew that look. It was desire. It was the horn monster looking back at me.
My pulse hammered in my throat. I needed to look away before I did something stupid like groaned or drooled.
“You eat like a peasant,” Mal said, breaking the tension. “Wanton and with passion.” He leaned forward in his seat. “Noble demon females are taught decorum in the bedroom and outside.” He caught his lips between his teeth, his eyes bright. “It’s why most noble demons take peasant lovers. You can tell how a woman will fuck by how she eats.”
Did he just call me a good lay?
“I think he just said you’d be a great fuck,” Cora clarified a little too loudly.
Part of me wanted to tell him to shove it, the other was flattered.
“Enough,” Azazel said, his voice low. His throat bobbed. “Enough.”
“Oh, give it up,” Mal retorted. “You’re both thinking it. You’re both feeling it—that rush of letting go and just giving in to primal desire.”
“No, Mal, that’s your forte,” Conah said stiffly.
Mal shrugged. “At least I’m getting some. From the looks of it, Kiara could do with a little poke too. All this baking and cooking, it’s obviously a sign of frustration. Have you fucked her since she came here? Or have you been too busy wanking off over Fee? And you?” He settled back and looked at Azazel. “Tell me, how long has it been since you fucked … anything?”
Azazel shoved back his chair and strode from the room, and it was then that we noticed Kiara standing in the doorway.
Shit, how much had she heard?
“Excuse me,” she said in a small voice, and then ducked out into the corridor.
“Fuck!” Conah scraped back his chair and went after her.
Mal raised his glass to me and then took a sip. “Happy birthday, Fee. Welcome to the family.”
“Shit,” Cora said. “All this over a plate of ribs.”
Chapter Six
Conah
“Kiara, wait, please.” I stride into my bedroom after her and close the door.
She stops in the middle of the room with her back to me. She looks so small and dejected. Her shoulders slump, and then they start to shake.
She’s crying.
I’ve done this.
I’ve made her cry.
“Is it true?” she asks in a small voice. “Do you have feelings for Fee?”
She turns to look at me with her huge brown eyes that pierce my soul, and in that moment, all I want to do is take away her pain.
“No, Kiara. I don’t.” The lie is bitter on my tongue.
“You’re lying.” She stares at me in horror. “That’s the first time you’ve ever lied to me, Conah. We’re soulmates. You owe me the truth.”
I bridge the distance between us and cup her shoulders. I know her. I know that if she discovers what I feel for Fee is more than an attraction, then our marriage will be in jeopardy. The alliance between the crown and Mammon, the only demon with enough power and allies to challenge it, will be at risk because Kiara is a demon who leads with her heart, and she won’t accept anything but the whole of mine.
She looks up at me searchingly. “Do you have feelings for her, Conah?”
“No.” I’m firm in my lie. “I won’t lie to you, Kiara. I find her attractive. The human aspects of her personality are intriguing, but I’m in love with you. You are in my heart and no one else. Attraction fades. What we have, this.” I stroke her cheek, and her eyes flutter closed. “This is eternal.”
She smiles softly, and a tear skates down her cheek.
“Don’t cry.” I kiss her lips softly.
She opens for me, obedient and eager. Fee’s face fills my mind, and I deepen the kiss.
Kiara moans and slides her hands into my hair, but I want more than her light touches, I need more. I want Fee’s mouth. I want … Oh, God. I’ll hate myself for this in the morning. I close my eyes and imagine Kiara is Fee, and then I let go and show her just how much I want her.
Chapter Seven
“Why do you have to be such an asshole?” I followed Mal down the corridor, annoyance simmering in my veins. He’d cleared the room out with his unnecessary comments.
“Why not?” Mal padded into his room.
I hesitated on the threshold for a fraction of a second, but fuck that, he wasn’t getting away from me that easily.
I marched in after him. “Kiara made a huge effort today, and you ruined it.”
“And you shouldn’t eat ribs like you’re sucking cock.”
“Dammit, Mal!”
He sobered and looked at me. “Did you deserve it? Did you deserve her kindness today?”
Guilt punched me in the chest. “What did you want me to do? Tell her that her fiancé tried to kiss me and that I wanted him to?” I sighed. “None of this is her fault, and nothing fucking happened between me and Conah, and it never will. You shouldn’t have said the stuff you did.”
“Maybe not, but I’m sick of the lies around here. All the uptight shit, and everyone looking down on me like I’m some kind of Lothario.”
“You have a different woman or women here every other night.”
“I don’t have a fucking choice!” He looked shocked with his outburst and turned away with a sound of exasperation.
My heart was suddenly pounding way too hard in my chest. “What do you mean?”
I dropped my shields a fraction and caught the edge of something dark and empty. Despair.
He spun to face me and grabbed my shoulders in a grip so tight it was almost painful. “Don’t you fucking dare.”
His emotions hit me harder—despair, shame, and something else I couldn’t define. Something that was unique to the demon race. My mind, adapted to human emotions, struggled to make sense of it.
“Put the shields back up,” Mal said. “Or I swear, I’ll throw you on that bed and fuck you raw.”
Shit, now I was conflicted because the heat of his fingers seeping through the fabric of my top, his spicy-rib breath, and the low vibrating timbre of his voice were making areas of my body flutter and throb that shouldn’t.
His eyes narrowed. “Unless you want me to fuck you?”
He sounded almost hopeful. Auditory hallucinations must be a thing now.
I put my shields up. “No. I’m good.” My voice was husky. I cleared my throat. “Let go of me.”
He obliged and walked over to his mini-fridge, pulled out a decanter of blood, and poured himself a drink.
His throat bobbed as he downed the blood. Out of the three Dominus, he was the only one I’d seen drinking blood. I was obviously spending way too much time with him.
“What did you mean, Mal?”
“Urgh.” He set his empty glass down and licked his lips. “I was hoping you’d forget.”
“So, the offer of a shag was just a distraction.”
He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I never kid when it comes to sex. I don’t have that option.”
My pulse sped up. There was more to this. He had no choice but to have sex. He’d said that. “What is it? A curse? Do you feed off sexual energy or something?”
He looked up at me, surprised. “You’re good. Yes, to both.”
“A curse that requires you to feed off sex.”
He sighed and threw himself onto his bed. He tucked his hands behind his head and stared up at the canopy of the four-poster bed. “Don’t fucking look at me like that. I don’t need your pity. Now, if you want to get naked and into my bed, then that’s an offer I’ll take. Otherwise, I’m no longer on Fee duty.”
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