His voice was softer and she could tell he was seeing it as he told the story. She squeezed his fingers.
“He called me, but he was a ways out and was unconscious by the time I got to him. The fucking shark was still there and when I was trying to get Tommy into the boat, it charged me. I slipped and fell and his tail lashed me across the face.”
God, she wanted to kiss him. He was clearly in a lot of pain and she had no idea how to help. But the need to do something tugged at her.
“The ambulance was already there by the time I got him back to the dock, but he died en route to the hospital. He’d just lost too much blood by then. It was too late.”
“Sawyer.” Juliet could hear the raggedness in her voice.
He looked up. “He was like my brother. We had plans to grow the business, to expand. We’d expected that our kids would grow up together, that we’d teach them to fish and boat on that same bayou. We were supposed to get old, pass the business on to our grandsons, and sit our asses on the stools at Ellie’s every day and give stupid advice and tell stories that were taller every time we told them. But now…I can’t imagine taking my kid out there and teaching him to fish and hunt without thinking about Tommy every damned time. I don’t know how I’ll ever feel like it’s safe, like I can trust someone out there. Because he should have fucking known better than to go out alone. He should have been watching better, been more aware. He should have known that shark was there. But the bayou, the place I love more than anywhere else, took him away. And now I have to deal with loving and hating it equally, depending on it and wanting to be here, but also being pissed off…at the bayou and Tommy…every fucking day.”
He sat, just taking in deep breaths, his hand still curled around hers.
Finally, after several long moments, he looked up.
She just met his eyes and nodded. “I get it.”
She did. Circumstances that were totally out of her control had changed everything about how she lived her life.
He swallowed and nodded, too. But then he surprised her. Again.
“I’m just like your mom,” he said. “I want everyone to wear hard hats and life jackets and come to me with safety class completion certificates and carry cans of mace in their backpacks,” he said. “Metaphorically.” Then he paused. “And literally.”
Juliet smiled. At least he was aware of it. “It’s because you care. That’s not bad.”
“But it’s holding them back,” he said. “They’re missing out on metaphoric spontaneous bike rides because they’re trying to make me feel better.”
Her heart almost couldn’t handle this guy. The stubble and the self-awareness? Come on.
She squeezed his hand.
Sawyer blew out a breath. “I really want to get over it. I didn’t until recently. I wanted to wallow in it all. I didn’t fucking care if people were upset about how I was acting. But now, I see that I really want to be the guy I used to be again.”
“Oh, Sawyer,” Juliet said softly. “That’s not going to happen.”
His gaze locked on hers. “No?”
“No. What happened with Tommy changed you. Just like my stroke changed me. The stroke changed my brain. Tommy’s death changed your heart. And those aren’t things that can be fixed.” Juliet paused, then said, “It’s part of you now. Stop waiting for it to be better or demanding that it get better. You have to adjust.”
He dragged in a deep breath. “Compensate somehow. Like you do with the spill-proof cups.”
“Yeah. Figure out a way to do the things you want to do inside this new reality.”
“You started coping by getting knee pads and mace,” he said. “For your mom. You compensated. She didn’t.”
Juliet knew that he was relating to her mom, so she admitted, “It took a little while for her to realize that it wasn’t going to go away. That this was how things were going to be. But there was this time—” She hadn’t talked about this with anyone before, either. But she’d never met anyone who needed her stories like Sawyer did. It was kind of amazing, actually, that she knew exactly what he and his family were going through. “I did finally fall off my bike. Of course.” She eyed him. “I mean, we can all admit that it was inevitable, right? Eventually, the girl who’d had a stroke, no matter how much protective gear she wore and how many classes she took—and how much her mom worried—was going to fall off her bike?”
He nodded slowly.
“I cut up my shin badly. Even though I had knee pads and long pants on. I hit just right and tore my pants and ended up with this deep gash. So, I sat by the side of the road, pulled out my first aid kit, and cleaned it up and bandaged it. When I got back to the house, Chase distracted our mom while I went upstairs to my room and changed my clothes, got rid of the pants and everything. By the time she found out about it, the cut was already healing.”
Sawyer was watching her, his expression unreadable.
“She told me later that all of that helped her,” Juliet went on. “It helped her to see that something had finally happened, but that I was okay and that it was healing—even without her intervention. Without her even knowing about it. The anticipation of something going wrong was awful, but once something did go wrong, she realized that she had two choices—never let me do anything again, or accept that no matter what precautions we take, bad things would still happen sometimes and that there are still things we could do afterward to make them better.”
Sawyer didn’t say anything.
“And you know what I learned?” Juliet asked. “The overprotectiveness wasn’t all bad. If I hadn’t had those knee pads and long pants on, that injury would have been even worse.” She paused, letting him think about that for a second. Both she and her mom had learned from something bad happening, and it had changed things between them for the better. “And that even though I could do it myself, it was nice to have her help me bandage my knees after that.”
“So she totally lightened up and felt fine and never worried again?” Sawyer asked after a long pause.
Juliet could tell he knew what her answer was going to be. She smiled. “No. But it was easier for her to let me go. Instead of keeping me away from the things that might make me need the first aid kit, she took it upon herself to make sure the kit had everything I needed. She bought me a bigger one and just made sure it was always fully stocked.”
He nodded slowly, clearly thinking that over.
Juliet smiled. “And because of that, I told her when I did get hurt, which meant that I got stitches the time I needed them and got a tetanus shot the time I needed that. I might not have if I’d still been afraid of her reaction and things would have been worse then.”
He didn’t say anything for a long moment. Juliet just let him sit until he was ready.
Finally he said, “A few days before you met Maddie and Josh and Owen and Bennett, Maddie took over one of my tours to try to give me a break because she was worried about me. She hadn’t driven an airboat in years and she hadn’t been on one of the tours in forever. They got down to an area where Owen knows there are gators. In fact, they’re kind of trained to expect him. But Owen hadn’t told Maddie. One of them got really close to him and Maddie panicked. Pulled out the rifle and took a shot to scare the thing off.”
Juliet stared at him. “Wow.”
“Yeah. Scared the shit out of me. She could have shot Owen. Or one of the tourists.” Sawyer shoved his free hand through his hair. “She was out there trying to help me and it was almost a disaster.” He took a deep breath. “But after I calmed down, I realized that she handled it. It wasn’t great and I hope it doesn’t happen again, but she and Owen were there together and they figured it out. Maddie ended up down at the police station and we lost a lot of money on that tour, but, they—we—handled it.”
Juliet loved these people and if they were navigating a life change that left everyone questioning their roles, she could definitely help. Things had been complicated with her and her family for a long time, but the
y’d figured a few things out over the sixteen years they’d been doing this.
“You’re not wrong, you know,” she told Sawyer.
His gaze intensified. “What do you mean?”
“To worry. The bayou is a dangerous place. You want them to be safe. You’re not wrong to think things could take a bad turn, especially after what happened with Tommy.”
He swallowed hard.
“And they get it,” she said, her voice softening. “Your family gets why you feel this way and why you react the way you do to things. They don’t blame you, I promise.”
His gaze dropped to her mouth. “Damn,” he said quietly.
“What?”
“I really want to kiss you right now.”
Surprise rippled through her. That hadn’t even been in the top ten of things she would have guessed he’d say.
“Really?”
He met her eyes with a crooked smile. “I am not the first man to tell you that he finds you attractive.”
She laughed as he used her own words on her. “You haven’t actually told me that.”
“You don’t know anyway?” he asked, his voice a little gruffer.
She wet her lips. “I’ve felt the chemistry,” she admitted.
“Yeah. There’s a lot of that.”
“But why now? In this moment in particular?”
“Because…” He cleared his throat. “You’re the first person to make me actually believe that things will be okay.”
Juliet shook her head. “I didn’t say that.” She’d never say that. Okay really depended on the person and their definition. “Things will always be different now.”
“You didn’t have to say it,” he told her. “You showed me.” His voice softened. “Because you’re okay. Different than you were before the stroke, yes. But definitely okay. Amazing even.”
Amazing. Huh. She wasn’t sure she’d ever been called that. She smiled. “Well, when you put it that way…”
He chuckled lightly but quickly sobered. “Really, though, you might be the first person to truly get it. To get that if the bad stuff still has to happen, I really want to be part of the bandaging. They’re…taking turns distracting me while the others cover up the torn pantlegs and bloody knees.”
“Because you haven’t had that moment—the one where things went terribly wrong but it all turned out okay, even without you.”
“But… I have.” He said it slowly as if it was just fully occurring to him, too. “I have. Maddie and that alligator. That was the moment. Everything was out of control, but they handled it. Without me. And then…” His eyes narrowed slightly. “Your brother. Taking that boat, crashing it into the dock—that was another moment. Owen and Maddie jumped on an airboat, chased your brother down, and got everyone off the boat before it smashed up the dock so no one was hurt. All without me.”
Juliet stared at him. Well, wow. Her brother had been a reason for one of Sawyer’s moments. The moments that were going to help him heal.
“That’s great, Sawyer,” she said sincerely.
“And you helped me realize it.”
She nodded. Bandaging other people’s knees was really nice sometimes. “You should definitely kiss me for that.”
He looked surprised but only for a second. “Come here, Juliet.”
6
Standing, stepping toward Sawyer, and sliding into his lap, straddling his thighs, took absolutely not one single extra thought. Juliet rested her hands on his shoulders as his big hands settled on her hips. The heat of his palms quickly spread warmth everywhere—up to her belly, down her legs, between her legs. She shifted on his lap. The worn denim of his jeans was soft against her bare skin but made her even more aware that her skin was bare.
“I’m a little dirty,” he said huskily, running his hand up and down the outside of one of her thighs. “I washed up but should have showered. Didn’t expect this.”
“You probably should have expected this.” Her voice sounded a little breathless.
“Yeah,” he agreed, his eyes darkening. “I probably should have.”
“It’s okay,” she told him. “I’m washable.” Images of showers and soap bubbles tripped through her mind and she hoped through his as well.
He gave her a little grin. “Good to know. Means I can get you really dirty.”
Juliet felt her breathing quicken. She put her hand against his face, over his scar. “I really want that.”
Sawyer slid a hand up her back and into her hair. He urged her closer until her lips were nearly against his. “Me, too.”
Then he kissed her. It was slow, lips only. He just tasted her. Lingering with a long press, then a brief retreat, then another long press.
Juliet wiggled on his lap, arching closer, thrilled to feel the hard length of his erection against the middle seam of her shorts and his fingers digging into her hip in reaction.
She tipped her head to the side slightly, hoping he’d deepen the kiss. She heard his quiet groan, but he kept kissing her softly. She ran her hands up under his shirt, her fingertips bumping over the hard contours of his abs. His groan was a little louder and deeper now. That was better.
She sat back and pushed his shirt up to his chest, exposing a lot of hot, tanned skin and hard muscles. She ran her flat palms over his pecs, feeling his nipples harden under her touch.
“Juliet,” he said gruffly.
She met his gaze and pushed the shirt up farther, clearly indicating she wanted it off. He lifted his arms and let her strip his shirt over his head and toss it to the side. He was a gorgeous sight, and she ran her hands over his shoulders and down his arms, relishing the feel of his biceps and triceps bunching. She didn’t have time to fully explore before he brought her in for another kiss, this time opening slightly and deepening it a bit. But still no tongue.
She sighed when he retreated a little longer the next time. It was nice. Sweet. Not what she’d been anticipating.
“I expected you to be…” She stopped talking. This was not a time for talking.
“You expected what?”
Yeah. She hadn’t really thought he’d let that go. “Just…” She swallowed and pulled back a little to look at him. “I expected you to just take over and go for it and be…dominating.”
He gave what sounded like a gruff half laugh-half groan. “Yeah. That’s what I do.”
“So, why not now?”
“Because you need to time to go through the What-Ifs.” He was still holding her hip and had his fingers sunk into the back of her hair. He was also looking at her with a combination of heat and amusement.
He knew her and he was accommodating her quirks. Wow.
“And you’re going to reassure me about each one?”
“I’m going to make sure you get them all and add the ones you miss.”
She grinned.
“You do the What-If thing with sex, right?” he asked.
Juliet nodded.
“Do the guys play along?”
She shook her head. “When I think a relationship is maybe to that point, whenever we go out, I just make sure I’ve shaved my legs, I have on nice panties, I have the birth control thing handled—IUD and condoms—and I have a toothbrush in my purse. I also make sure I don’t drink so I’m fine to drive home if I don’t want to stay after.”
He blew out a breath. “Wow.”
“I happened to shave this morning, I’ve got the IUD and condoms, my toothbrush is, obviously, upstairs, and since this is where I’m staying, I guess I’m not the one leaving after.”
“You’ve got condoms?”
“In my purse. I’m pretty sure.”
“And the panties?” His voice was rough.
“Definitely no worries there. I’m not wearing any.” She gave him a mischievous grin.
His fingers gripped her hip again. “Then I guess that’s all set. Anything else?”
Her heart was hammering and she really just wanted to take her clothes off. But she also wanted to play with
him. This whole thing felt intimate. He understood—and tolerated—her in a way no one else had before. “What if someone walks in?”
“That’s a very real possibility,” he admitted. “Though I doubt they’d be surprised.” He glanced around. “I’d grab that dish towel to cover you up.”
She glanced over at it. “That’s not very big.”
He looked down at her breasts. Her nipples rejoiced at his attention.
“Yeah, we’re going to need a couple at least.”
She grinned. “What if this table isn’t sturdy enough?”
Heat and humor flickered in his gaze. He glanced at the table then back to her. He nodded. “It’s old,” he agreed. “Might need to just stay here on this chair. Or I could put you up against the wall.”
Want washed through her and Juliet had to take a quick breath. Her inner muscles clenched and the urge to press hard against his cock was nearly overwhelming.
“Or we could go upstairs. Closer to your toothbrush and”—his gaze flickered over her—“the condoms, unless you have a hidden pocket in there somewhere.”
Juliet wet her lips. “What if you try to sneak out the window afterward and fall off the roof?”
He laughed. “I’m not sneaking out the window.” He pulled her in for another long, slow kiss, this time dragging his tongue over her lower lip. “I’ll be staying and going out the front door after Cora heads back to Ellie’s for the breakfast crowd,” he said, when he let her go. “But only because I’ll be wanting to stay in that bed next to you for as long as possible. I don’t care who knows where I spent the night.”
Juliet took a gulp of air. “What if the headboard bangs against the wall and wakes everyone up?”
Sawyer’s eyes were nearly black with desire now. “Yeah, that is going to happen for sure. Along with a lot of creaking springs. Not to mention the gasping and groaning and ‘Oh Sawyers.’”
Beauty and the Bayou Page 14
