Adam’s hands were so beautiful. His fingers were long and well-made, yet strong and masculine, too. The back of his hand was dusted with golden hair, and Lori found herself wondering if he had hair like that on the rest of him, too.
Startled by the direction of her thoughts, she cast about for something to say to distract herself. “Does your leg hurt?” she asked abruptly.
Instantly, he stopped rubbing his thigh and moved his hand to the arm of the chair, as if embarrassed to be caught. “No, not... not really.”
“But you were rubbing it,” she reminded him, looking at his face again and seeing the truth in his eyes.
“It... gets a little stiff sometimes. When I’ve been walking a lot.” He sounded as if the words were being pulled from him, and Lori knew he hated admitting even this little weakness. A man like him would hate being weak. She knew it instinctively.
“You were walking in the fields?” she asked in surprise.
This time the color crawling up his neck was crimson. More weakness to confess. “I can’t ride a horse. My leg isn’t...” He had to take a breath to be able to say the words. “My leg isn’t strong enough to mount one, and keeping it bent in the stirrup would be... painful for me.”
Lori nodded, sharing his pain and remembering what had caused it. “He shot you, didn’t he?”
“It was an accident,” he said quickly. Too quickly, as if he was so used to making the excuse that he didn’t even have to think about it. “He didn’t mean it. Eric was only a boy, just twelve years old. He didn’t know what he was doing.”
His tone was urgent, demanding that she believe him. But she knew Eric now, perhaps better than he did, and she didn’t believe him. And she had no trouble at all imagining his pain. “Won’t it get any better? Your leg, I mean.”
His hand was back on his thigh, as if he could conceal his injury from her. “The shot is still in there.”
Lori gasped in horror and covered her mouth.
“I was lucky I didn’t lose my leg,” he explained. “The doctor wanted to cut it off, but my father wouldn’t let him.” He smiled, but his eyes were bleak. “My father was a stubborn man. That was one of the few times in my life I was grateful that he was.”
Lori nodded. How awful for him to have lost his leg. Even a leg that hardly worked was better than none at all. And it was Eric’s fault. Everything was Eric’s fault. And now Eric’s evil had harmed Adam again, this time tying him forever to a woman he could never love.
“I’m sorry,” Lori whispered, lowering the hand that covered her mouth.
“It wasn’t your fault,” Adam reminded her brusquely, obviously still thinking about his leg.
“No, I mean... I’ll try to be a good wife to you, Adam. I don’t know anything about running a house like this, but I can learn. And I will! I’ll work real hard, I promise.”
This time his smile was sad. “Will you?” he asked, and she got the feeling he didn’t really care what her answer was.
“Sure I will!” she insisted and noticed that he was rubbing his leg again. “Is there something I can do for you? To make your leg better? Something I can get you or...” She gestured vaguely.
He didn’t reply at once. He was looking at her, studying her, as if he was trying to see inside of her. His expression was so strange that she began to feel oddly warm, as if someone had suddenly lit a fire in the fireplace beside them. Finally, he said, “Sometimes Sudie rubs it for me.”
Did he want her to go get Sudie? But that was the last thing she wanted. She didn’t want the slave woman coming in here and looking at her like she was a bug that had crawled in when nobody was looking. And she didn’t want Sudie taking over, coming between her and Adam.
She gazed into Adam’s sky blue eyes, looking for the answer, and after a moment it came to her. “Do you want me to... to rub your leg for you?”
It wasn’t much. It wasn’t running his house or making his slaves respect her or having his neighbors accept her as his equal. But it was something. Something a wife would do for her husband.
An emotion she couldn’t read flickered across his face, but it was gone before she could name it. She was very afraid it was disgust, but then he said, “Yes, I’d like that.”
His voice sounded strange, kind of tight in his chest, and she wondered if he really was disgusted at the thought of her touching him. Maybe he was just being polite.
But he’d told her to do it.
The thought of being that close to him was a little frightening, but she reminded herself that he didn’t want her that way. Hadn’t he said so last night? He wasn’t going to hurt her. Biting her lower lip uncertainly, she pushed herself out of her chair and took the few steps over to where he sat.
He looked up at her, and she saw his eyes were as strange as his voice had been. They seemed brighter somehow, as if an unnatural light shone from them.
She felt mesmerized. And very warm. As if the imaginary fire was burning higher. She lifted her skirt and sank to her knees in front of him. His hand still rested on his thigh, and seeing it up close was even more disturbing than seeing it from across the room. She could see every individual golden hair and the way the fingernails curved in perfect little ovals on the ends and how soft the skin looked, not rough and callused like her father’s had been.
She glanced up and met his gaze and her breath caught in her throat because being so close to his face was the most disturbing thing of all. He was, she was certain, the most beautiful man alive. The curve of his jaw and the rise of his cheeks and the way his brows, bleached almost white by the sun, arched above the bluest eyes in the world. Forcing herself to breathe, she inhaled his masculine scent, a heady mixture of male musk and sunshine, and for a second she felt lightheaded, as if she might faint again.
“You’ll have to show me what to do,” she said, oddly breathless.
He looked at her for the longest moment of her life, and then he said, “Give me your hands.”
She didn’t want him to touch her hands. Her hands that weren’t like his at all but rough and callused. But then she remembered the ring she wore on one of those hands, the ring he had put there, and she knew she could refuse him nothing.
She offered her hands, and he took them in his own. His grasp was firm, his palms warm and slightly moist, and for a moment he simply held her hands, as if that was what he’d really wanted all along.
But of course that was silly, and in another moment, he laid her hands down upon his thigh.
Lori had never touched a man’s leg before. She’d never willingly touched much of anything of a man’s before, and her first thought was how different he was. His muscles were hard where hers were soft. And his leg was so big and so strong, not weak like he’d claimed.
At her touch, he drew in a long, ragged breath through his teeth, and she looked up in alarm. “Am I hurting you?”
He shook his head sharply, but she knew he was lying. His color was high again and a sheen of perspiration had formed on his upper lip.
She would have pulled her hands away, but he was holding them too tightly. “Don’t stop,” he said hoarsely, and Lori wondered why he was insisting on this torture. “Like this,” he added, moving her hands on his leg in a massaging motion.
“Are you sure?” she asked uncertainly, and he nodded very determinedly.
She began to move her hands the way he had shown her, and after a moment, he lifted his away. For a minute or two she concentrated only on her task, working the taut muscles beneath her hands, trying to get them to loosen, but they only seemed to grow more tense. She must be doing something wrong, she was sure of it, and then he said her name.
“Lori.” It was only a breath of sound.
She looked up and what she saw in his eyes might have terrified her if she hadn’t been so shocked. Desire was a blazing light in the second before he lowered his mouth to hers.
The kiss was gentle and fierce and passionate and sweet, all the things she had ever dreamed a kiss fro
m Adam would be. For one glorious second.
And then Sudie said, “Massa Adam, your dinner ready.”
CHAPTER FIVE
Adam jumped and Lori jerked away from him, nearly falling over in her haste to scramble to her feet. She seemed frightened as she quickly backed away, and Adam cursed silently until he noticed she was looking at Sudie and not at him. Could she be frightened of Sudie?
He glanced at the older woman standing just inside the parlor doorway, and he had to admit that, yes, Lori very well could be afraid of her. Sudie could be intimidating when she wanted to be, and apparently, she wanted to be right now. Fortunately, Adam wasn’t intimidated. He was simply furious.
“Why didn’t you just ring the bell?” he demanded, figuring he already knew the answer.
“I seen you was in here,” she replied unrepentantly.
Yes, and she’d also seen he was with Lori. And probably that he was going to kiss her. Damn her. What did she think she could accomplish? They were already married, for God’s sake!
Adam wanted to jump to his feet and confront her, but even if his leg had allowed him, he couldn’t get up just yet, not until the bulge in his pants receded. He’d have to settle for getting rid of her and worry about the rest later. “Thank you, Sudie,” he said through gritted teeth. “You may go now.”
“Your dinner get cold, you don’t come right away,” Sudie warned.
“I’ll take my chances,” he replied and glared at her until she finally, after another long moment of defiance, turned and left.
The instant she was gone, he heard Lori release her breath on a long sigh. Fortunately, his fury at Sudie had cured his other problem, so he pushed himself up out of the chair. “Now where were we?” he asked with what he hoped was a reassuring smile.
She looked up at him, her marvelous eyes wide with confusion. They looked almost black in her pale face, and he was struck once more with her beauty. Even that awful dress, the one she’d worn to church every Sunday for as long as he could remember, couldn’t mar her perfection. Or conceal it, either.
He’d noticed immediately that she wasn’t wearing a corset. In fact, he’d been so distracted by that knowledge, he’d hardly been able to follow the conversation at first. He’d hardly been able to think about anything else at all except her lush, ripe body, the way he’d seen it last night in that flimsy nightdress. The way he’d dreamed about it all night long in his lonely bed.
And then she’d started asking him about his leg. He’d wanted her close. He’d wanted to touch her and smell her. And, by God, he’d wanted to taste her, too. He still did.
He reached for her, but she wrapped her arms protectively around herself and stepped back.
“Your dinner’s getting cold,” she reminded him.
“The hell with my dinner, Lori. I’m a lot more interested in you at the moment.” He instantly regretted his impatience when he saw the fear flicker in her eyes. Damn, this wasn’t the way to win her heart. Or any other part of her. He schooled his expression to pleasantness. “I’m not angry at you,” he assured her. “I’m angry at Sudie for interrupting us. We’ve been married almost twenty-four hours now, and I still haven’t gotten a real kiss from you.”
And he’d been so close this time. So sure she wasn’t going to faint or get sick. Damn you, Sudie.
“I didn’t think you’d want to,” she said. “After last night, I mean.”
This time his smile was genuine. And self-mocking. “I’ll admit, I was a little discouraged, but that didn’t make me stop wanting you, Lori.”
Her astonishment was almost comic. “You do?”
“Of course I do. You’re a beautiful and desirable woman. Any man would want you.”
Alarm flickered in her eyes again, and Adam wanted to bite his tongue. Why in God’s name had he reminded her of Eric?
“I want to be a good wife to you, Adam,” she said, but the apology in her voice sent despair washing over him.
“But you can’t,” he guessed. “Because of Eric.”
“Because of what he did to me,” she confirmed. “I’m afraid...”
Of course she was. She’d probably been in love with Eric, damn him to hell. And he’d abandoned her and broken her heart. Leaving her to shame and misery. No wonder she didn’t want to trust his brother either.
But she’d said she wanted to be a good wife to him. “Do you think, in time, that you could...?” He wasn’t sure exactly how to phrase what he wanted, but he didn’t need to say it out loud.
“I’ll try. I want to, Adam. I... I want to make you happy,” she admitted shyly.
God, he could hardly restrain himself from hauling her into his arms. But that wouldn’t do. No, that would never do. He’d have to be careful. And patient. But by God, if Eric had seduced her, then surely he could, too.
“Well, then, it would make me very happy if you would join me for dinner,” he said with a smile.
“But I just ate breakfast,” she admitted in dismay.
“You can still sit with me,” he pointed out. “You don’t have to eat if you’re not hungry.”
“All right,” she agreed with a small smile of her own. She seemed surprised when he offered her his arm, but after only a slight hesitation, she slipped her hand through it. She looked up in renewed surprise when he laid his other hand over hers, where it rested on his arm, but when he smiled, she smiled back.
How could just having her hand touching him through his clothes feel so sensual? And how could simply resting his hand on hers carry all the excitement of a jolt of lightning?
And how could a woman’s smile fill him with such pleasure?
He didn’t know and didn’t feel compelled to solve the mystery, at least not now, while he was in the midst of enjoying it. She matched her step to his, and if she minded walking slowly—he wasn’t about to emphasize his limp—she didn’t let it show.
Oh, yes, he would win her. She was vulnerable, her pride lacerated by Eric’s cruelty, her heart in tatters. But in a day or two, maybe three at the most, he would have salved her pride and mended her heart. And taken her to his bed. And he would have almost everything that fate had tried to deny him.
Lori couldn’t believe it. Adam Ross was looking at her as if he really cared about her. And he wanted her. He’d said so, right out! Of course, the knowledge was as terrifying as it was exciting. But he’d understood how she felt, that she couldn’t bring herself to lie with him, not yet, not until... Well, until something happened and she was able to forget what Eric had done to her.
How long would that take? It had already been almost three months, and she was still so afraid. But maybe with Adam to help her, maybe she could finally begin to feel normal again, like she was before. Back before anything bad had ever happened to her. Yes, she was sure that with Adam’s help she would get through this. And maybe in a month or two, maybe by then she’d be able to let him into her bed.
They reached the dining room, and Adam allowed her to precede him into the room. She hated letting go of his arm. She’d felt so safe and secure with his hand over hers. But she didn’t have to worry, because even without his hand touching hers, she knew she was going to be all right.
Only one place had been laid, at the head of the table.
“Esther!” Adam called when he noticed. He drew Lori to the seat to his right and pulled out the chair for her.
The serving girl pushed open the door and scampered into the room. “Yes, sir, Massa Adam?”
“Lay a place for Miss Lori, will you?” he asked. Lori thought it was odd how he made the question sound like a request when it was really an order.
“Yes, sir, I will. Would’ve laid one before, but Sudie said—”
“That’s all right. Do it now,” he interrupted her firmly.
“Yes, sir!” Esther scampered away.
Lori could see that Adam was displeased. She didn’t want him mad with poor Esther. “I just ate,” she reminded him as he took his own seat. “They probably figure
d I wouldn’t be hungry.”
He smiled that smile she loved so much. “You’ll have to be patient with Sudie,” he said, making her realize he blamed Sudie for the oversight. “She’s... well, she’s been with us a long time. She came here with my parents from Georgia, and before that she grew up with my mother. She was my mother’s maid, and she practically raised me, and then she was Eric’s wet nurse...”
His voice trailed off when he realized he’d mentioned Eric to her, the very last person whose name she ever wanted to hear. But she would have to get used to it. She made herself smile. “That’s all right,” she assured him.
“Well, after my mother died, she was the only mother we ever knew,” he continued when he was certain she had meant her reassurance. “She took my mother’s place in... in almost every way,” he said, and Lori didn’t understand why his eyes clouded and he looked away for a moment. But only a moment. When he turned back to her, his smile was in place again. “That’s why she takes liberties. Sometimes I think she still thinks of me as a little boy. And she’s very protective. She doesn’t like to see her boys hurt.”
“Does she think I’m going to hurt you?” Lori asked in amazement.
But Adam didn’t have a chance to answer, because Esther came rushing back in to set Lori’s place.
“This is silly,” she said for the girl’s benefit. “I couldn’t eat a bite!”
“Oh, I imagine she’ll find room for Eliza’s blueberry pie, won’t she, Esther?”
Esther flashed him a grin. “Yes, sir, I reckon she will!” She bustled out and bustled in again almost immediately with two bowls of soup.
Lori realized that it smelled delicious, but she wasn’t even tempted to lift the spoon. She enjoyed watching Adam eat, though. In fact, she realized, this was the perfect opportunity to study what he did so she would know herself for the future.
She propped her elbows on the table and rested her chin in her hands.
He glanced at her and grinned. He looked almost boyishly handsome. “Tell me about your mother,” he said. “Or don’t you remember her?”
From This Day Forward Page 11
