Through Thick & Thin

by Natasha D Frazier

  But where was the good in that? Being rid of Rico? she thought. She didn’t utter the words to Tammy because Tammy had just as many answers as she did, and that meant none. Raegan was grateful for the soft chime of the doorbell, although she had no idea who that could be this time of day. Curious, she went to the door, squinted through the peephole and let out a soft squeal when she got a glimpse of the person standing on the other side of the door.

  “Kensi!” Raegan cheered, flinging open the door. “What are you doing here?” Raegan pulled her friend into a tight squeeze.

  “I had a layover at Hobby Airport and I had to take that opportunity to check on you. There is no way you’re going through this without me by your side honey!” Kensi exclaimed, holding up a gift basket filled with Raegan’s favorite snacks and lotions that she picked up on her way to Raegan’s house. She called Tammy when her flight landed to confirm Raegan’s whereabouts. Raegan leaving work early fit perfectly into Kensi’s plan to visit.

  Raegan pulled her inside and showed her off to Tammy as if she were a prize. “Look who’s here!”

  Tammy joined in the excitement and hugged Kensi; she was grateful because she now had some reinforcement. Raegan offered Kensi water and snacks before taking a seat on the sofa. Kensi plopped down next to Raegan, linked her fingers in hers and chimed right in with the same line of questioning that Tammy started. She was concerned about her friend and was determined to make sure she did everything in her power to reassure her that things would be all right.

  “Thanks for coming Kens. It’s so good to have you here.” Raegan rested her head on Kensi’s shoulder.

  “Don’t mention it,” Kensi replied with a wave of her free hand. “This is 9-1-1. You have to know that your girls are here for you.”

  “You know we are always here for you Raegan. I’ve been praying for you. I had thirty-something years on this earth with my grandma and I can only imagine what you must feel not being able to get to know your baby at all. Just know that in time, you will be able to get past this. Time helps us heal,” Tammy continued. “I believe that you will have tons of babies running around here and you will be able to share your story of loss and healing to help someone else. Because whether you know it or not, you helped me—beginning with praying for my family in the hospital. And I think that is one of the best things that we can do for you right now.”

  Tammy got up and sat on the other side of Raegan, grabbed her slippery palm, and began to pray, “Heavenly Father, thank You for being almighty. We know that Your thoughts are much higher than our thoughts and Your ways are much better than ours. You see what’s to come before we do and we believe by faith that You have our best interests at heart.”

  Kensi picked up in prayer where Tammy left off. “Many women were presented to us in the Bible as examples of your almighty power. Barren. Old. And yet, You still showed them favor and allowed them to bear children. We know that it was so that Your power could be demonstrated. And we believe in that same power. Power to heal hearts. Power to make barren wombs fertile. Power to give Raegan and Caleb all of the children they desire if it be Your will. So now in Jesus’ name, we ask in faith that You comfort both Raegan and Caleb as they deal with this transition in their lives and help them to know that You are still God and You are the One from whom all blessings flow. In Jesus’ powerful name we pray, Amen.”

  “Thank you so much.” Raegan hugged her friends. “I hope y’all plan to babysit all these kids y’all praying for me to have,” said Raegan through a smile and tear-stained face. She was grateful to have friends of faith who could step in and pray for her even when she was so broken-hearted that she couldn’t pray for herself. She felt an overwhelming sense of peace. Everything was going to be all right. She knew it. Maybe she and Caleb could start working on their first child as soon as they were married. She was sure he would like that very much. And so would she.

  CHAPTER 22

  Joshua found it rather difficult getting through their counseling session with thoughts of the ten-thousand-dollar bill for Tammy’s dress. Sure, he told her that it was his gift to her, but he figured she’d go as far as two thousand dollars—three at the most—but ten thousand!

  When Tammy accepted his proposal to reconcile, they decided it would be a good idea to go through marriage counseling sessions in order to prevent them from splitting again, if at all possible. Seeing as though he couldn’t quite get Tammy on board with managing her spending, or at least understanding how important it was to him, marriage counseling was definitely in order. Someone had to help him get through to her.

  Joshua was snapped back into the present when their marriage counselor, Reverend Thomas Wright, called out to him.

  “Are you all right there, son?” Rev. Wright asked, peering over his bifocals. His salt-and-pepper goatee reminded Joshua of a younger and slimmer T. D. Jakes.

  “Yes, sir. I’m sorry, I didn’t get the question,” Joshua stammered a little.

  Tammy touched his knee. She could tell that something was bothering him. He had been quiet since she announced that she had the perfect dress and the planning was complete. She thought he would be thrilled with her proclamation but instead she got the feeling that he wasn’t pleased.

  Rev. Wright eyed Joshua carefully as he spoke on the issue of differences. He knew that something was eating at him and decided that he would address it before their session ended.

  “As I was saying, no two people are the same and often opposites do attract. You need to know that it is okay to be different, not only physically but also in thought. Our backgrounds, the way we were raised and our outlook on life affect our behavior and the way we see things. It is important that you two take time to discuss children and how you will handle finances . . . ” Rev. Wright continued on but noticed something change in Joshua’s demeanor when he mentioned finances.

  As someone who had financial issues in his marriage early on, Rev. Wright thought he should address the issue with the couple now. Even though that issue was scheduled to be discussed a few sessions down the line, he couldn’t help but notice that it was currently an area of contention between the couple.

  “What is the money issue?” Rev. Wright asked bluntly.

  Tammy looked from Joshua to the Reverend. How did he know there was an issue? she wondered.

  Joshua took the initiative to answer Rev. Wright’s question. Since the moment he checked his bank account and noticed the extraordinary amount of money Tammy spent on her dress, he had been disappointed. He was actually glad that they were about to discuss this now, because he wasn’t sure if he could hold on to it any longer. They needed the presence of an unbiased third party who could help Tammy see things his way.

  “Reverend, it’s like this.” Joshua scooted to the edge of his seat, leaned forward and explained his side of things. “I’m thinking about our future and the future of our soon-to-be children. I don’t think we should spend money on expensive things just because we can afford to do so. I wouldn’t feel any differently if I had one thousand dollars in the bank as opposed to several million,” he answered, shifting his eyes toward Tammy.

  Without giving the reverend any time to comment, Tammy defended her spending. “It’s not as if I’m not concerned about our future, but what is a few thousand dollars spent here and there when we have millions? That’s not going to hurt anything. He’s acting as if he thinks I’m going to blow his money and send him into bankruptcy.” Squinting at Joshua she said, “I know you’ve worked hard to get where you are. I’m not trying to take that from you. Have you forgotten that I work and I’m very well able to take care of myself? Haven’t I turned down your offers to help me over the years?” Her chest was heaving and slightly irritated from the finger she’d been pressing against her chest while trying to make her point.

  Joshua remained silent because he felt as if Tammy still didn’t quite understand his point. It wasn’t that he didn’t think they should purchase nice things; he was just of the mindset tha
t they needed to be reasonable. Having a budget, and sticking to it, was important to him. He’d seen far too many athletes go bankrupt and he wasn’t about to lose his mind and become one of them.

  Taking the silence as his cue to intervene, the Reverend asked, “So how do you think your finances should be handled in marriage?” His eyes darted between the two of them. They glared at each other as if to say they weren’t budging on their perspectives.

  Seeing that they weren’t making any progress on the topic, Reverend Wright said, “I can’t give you the answer, but what I can tell you is that the wrong way to enter into this reconciliation is with the I and my mentality. You both have to understand that when you come together, it becomes our and we. So I’m going to give you an assignment. When you return for your next session, I want to know your stance on finances in regards to tithing, budgeting, emergency savings, joint accounts, and spending. I also want to discuss what your thoughts are regarding who should manage the finances.”

  Reverend Wright shared the issues he and his wife faced when they first married. Hiding credit cards. Hiding purchases. Dealing with debt created before and after their vows. They had very little guidance before they married and it almost ruined their marriage. He always made sure to address the issue with young couples during his counseling sessions. He knew how disastrous it could be and always worked to help couples avoid money issues by discussing them up front.

  “Should we work on this together, or do you want us to work on it separately and discuss it with you when we come back?” Tammy asked.

  Rev. Wright thought for a moment then said, “Let’s do this. Work on it separately and then come together and discuss what you have with one another before coming back next week. How does that sound?” He felt like a school teacher issuing homework.

  “Use this booklet as a guide.” Reverend Wright handed them a thick booklet he used in financial seminars hosted on weekends at his church.

  “We can handle that,” Joshua spoke for both of them as he took the document Reverend Wright insisted they use. He knew they had a long way to go, but he was glad to finally get a chance to discuss the issue weighing so heavily on him on neutral grounds.

  Tammy nodded in agreement. She knew the purchase of the wedding dress must have sent his blood pressure through the roof. She knew it was a bit over the top, but he said it would be his gift to her. She didn’t think he would be crying about it during counseling. Now that it was out in the open, hopefully they could work this out so that she wouldn’t have to hear about it every time she swiped her debit card.

  CHAPTER 23

  The moment Caleb laid eyes on Raegan again, his world shifted. He fell deeper in love with her than he ever thought possible. The mere thought of having her again excited him, and that became a reality when she agreed to marry him. A long-awaited dream come true, but with a baby who wasn’t his. He loved her, so he could love the baby. He was sure that he would love the baby as his own. But he knew Raegan well enough to know that if things didn’t fit in her perfect little world, she would have nothing to do with it. And Nicholas was not part of that perfect world. But Raegan loved him, and with time he was sure she could accept the little boy. How much time? He wasn’t certain; so he would wait to tell her until he thought she was ready. He didn’t want to begin their new life together keeping secrets, but he felt like these were special circumstances.

  As promised, Caleb contacted Natalie to spend time with Nicholas before he left town. But before they went on their outing, Caleb met Natalie and Nicholas at the hospital, where they had the DNA test performed. He could have been convinced that Nicholas was his biological son by looking at him; Nicholas was a spitting image of Caleb. However, he would need more proof than just looks before he took on the role of father and before he told Raegan. The results wouldn’t be available for a few days, but unfortunately, he was getting ready to leave town. He didn’t want them mailed for fear that Raegan would somehow find the letter. He decided that he would get the results when he returned.

  After taking care of their business at the hospital, Caleb took Nicholas to the children’s museum. They played at the different stations, starting from the science lab and going to the restaurant kitchen, from the space center to the sporting area, then to the supermarket, and finally to the playground. Both Caleb and Nicholas enjoyed every minute of it. An hour and a half later, Nicholas was wiped out, snoring in the backseat. Caleb had planned to grab something to eat with him, but that was out since Nicholas was tired and already asleep. Spending time with Nicholas felt natural, almost as if he’d been doing it all of Nicholas’ life.

  Nicholas was still a little boy and probably had no idea what they were getting into, but he enjoyed every moment. Caleb relished the giggles, squeals and little arms wrapped around his neck throughout the day. He wished he could experience that joy with Raegan. In fact, he knew she could use it right about now.

  ∞

  Caleb sat on the plane, eyes closed, headphones on, signaling that he didn’t want to be neighborly. His thoughts danced around his head during his return flight to Houston. He had a lot on his mind and he needed to figure out how he would bring this up to Raegan, and when. He knew it would have to wait, but he needed a plan. After all that he and Raegan had just gone through, how was he going to tell her that he possibly had a child?

  Part of him still needed answers from Natalie. Why would she keep something like this from me? Who is raising my son? His mind raced. But weren’t you going to do the same thing to Rico? Raise his child as your own? His thoughts betrayed him. This is different. Rico gave up his rights; I never got the chance to make any choice. My choice was taken away.

  He pulled out his cellphone to look at the pictures he took of Nicholas. That one-year-old, six-tooth smile warmed his heart. He smiled at the memories that he’d already begun to create with Nicholas. He had only known about him for a couple of days and Nicholas had instantly stolen his heart. He hated that he wasn’t there during his first months of life.

  Caleb heard the flight attendant over the intercom telling the passengers to lift their tray tables and return their seats to an upright position. He let out a long, hard sigh. What was possibly one of the best moments in his life had to be kept a secret. Well, it didn’t have to be—he could give Raegan a chance, but he knew her. He couldn’t risk her running away again. He had to find a way to ease her into this.

  As the plane made its final descent into Houston, Caleb’s mind plowed through a plethora of excuses and reasoning on why he couldn’t tell Raegan the truth.

  Seated in first class, Caleb was one of the first passengers to get off the plane. Grateful he had packed only a carry-on bag, he quickly maneuvered through the airport terminal to the passenger pick-up area. Perfect timing. Raegan pulled up to the waiting area and jumped out of the car to greet him.

  The moment they were close enough, he lifted her by the waist, pulling her into his arms, and kissed her as if it would be the last time. She missed him, too, so she thought nothing of the grand kiss.

  “I missed you, beautiful,” Caleb said as he lowered her. Seeing her made his day just as much as it had made hers.

  “I missed you,” she murmured against his lips, sliding against his frame until her feet touched the ground.

  Caleb eyed the guard nearing Raegan’s car to ask them to move the vehicle. Before the guard could say a word, they hopped into the car, with Caleb in the driver’s seat, and drove away.

  Raegan shifted her slender frame in the passenger seat so that she was facing Caleb. On the ride to Caleb’s house, they chatted about wedding planning. They were in agreement that they should begin looking forward to their future. Raegan’s face lit up as they discussed their wedding and possibly starting a family soon after. She was so caught up in their chatter that she hardly noticed the wrinkles in Caleb’s forehead.

  He knew he had to do something about this paternity situation soon because his choice to delay sharing the details with Rae
gan was already eating at him and it had only been a few days. A few days too long. He loved her and he knew he couldn’t keep it from her for long. If she found out on her own, she would likely never forgive him. There was no way she would see it from his point of view.

  She would only see betrayal.

  CHAPTER 24

  Raegan and Caleb arrived at the house that would soon be their home. Raegan walked through the living room and into the kitchen. The perfect idea hit her as she peered through the French glass doors leading to the backyard. She spun around to meet Caleb’s gaze as he smiled down at her. By the look on her face, he could tell that her wheels had begun turning.

  “I know that face. What are you thinking?” he asked.

  “What do you think about an outdoor wedding?” She smiled as she bit her bottom lip in anticipation of his response.

  “And by outdoor, you mean…here?” he asked as he pointed toward the backyard. It was more of a statement than a question. He thought for a moment as he walked closer to her, spinning her around to face the outdoors. “Let’s think about that for a minute,” he said, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her gently on the ear.

  “Backyard wedding! That sounds funny I know, but work with me here. Think about it. We have plenty of yard space. The scenery is already set. We just need decorations, tents and someone to put down hardwood flooring for the dance floor.”

  “I like the idea of an outside wedding, but I don’t know about having the wedding at our house. We need to think about that for a while,” he cautioned, reminding her about the downside of hosting events at home. Clean-up. Kicking people out. Boundaries.

  “I suppose that does require more thought,” she spoke softly. She then remembered how difficult it was to bring home parties to an end. No one ever wanted to leave. She thought it would be a great way to celebrate their new lives together with the new house and wedding celebration all in one. But maybe that isn’t the best idea, she thought.