by Peak, Renna
“It isn’t? You’re just going to ditch me here?” She places her hands on her hips. “You can’t just leave—”
“Can’t I? Didn’t you ‘just leave’ me on the riding trail?”
“Oh.” She grins. “You’re jealous. That’s what this is about.”
I let out a long breath. “Hardly. I—”
“You are.” She takes a step toward me. “You’re jealous. Just admit it.” Her grin widens. “Nick is jealous of his cousin—”
“I’m leaving, Clara. I’d encourage you to do the same.” I step toward my luggage. “Though you’re welcome to do as you please—”
“Where are we going?” She follows me over to my bags. “Back to the palace?”
“We are not going anywhere.” I shake my head. “What is it with you and pretending as though nothing has happened?”
She shrugs. “Denial works. Most of the time.” She takes a hesitant step toward me. “Nick, I—”
“No. You’re not doing this to me. Not again.”
She tilts her head in a most suggestive way, glancing over at the bedroom before looking up into my eyes. “We shouldn’t end it like this. We’ve had a long day. Let’s go to bed, and we can talk everything through in the morning—”
“What are you doing?” I pick up my bag, holding it in front of me, almost like a buffer. “Clara—”
“Just come to bed, Nick. I promise, I’ll make it up to you.”
“Even if…” I can’t seem to form words properly, the woman has so exasperated me. “I’m not changing my mind, Clara. Not this time. And you may do whatever it is you will—bat your eyelashes, invite me to bed—but I am not changing my mind. Not this time.”
“And this is because I left with Caspar?” She cocks her head, batting her lashes as she places her hands on her hips again. Clearly, she knows this is about more than just Caspar, but she’s trying her best to use her skills at denying the truth. “This is because you’re jealous—”
“This has nothing to do with Caspar, and we both know it. This has to do with…” I let out a long breath. As much as I’d like to confront her about her true feelings, I doubt very much that anything she says will be honest. But part of me would love to hear her deny that she used me—to tell me that she has true feelings for me and that she actually cares.
But I don’t trust that she even knows what she feels. Everything she says—everything she does—seems to have some ulterior motive. I’m not certain what her motivation is now—my cousin already invited her to stay here as long as she desires.
Clara takes a hesitant step toward me. “What? This has to do with what, Nick?”
“Nothing.” I shake my head.
“Oh, I think it’s definitely something.” There’s a knock on my door, and Clara frowns in that direction before looking back at me. “Who is that?”
“That would be the porter,” I say as I walk toward the door, my bag still in my hand.
“Nick…”
I ignore her as I open the door. The man standing behind it gives me a shallow bow. “I’m here for your luggage, Your Highness.”
I nod at the man, opening the door for him before he walks over to collect my other suitcase. He takes the bag from my hand before turning back to me. “Your car will be waiting at the front entrance when you’re ready, Your Highness.”
I give him another nod, and he leaves. I back toward the doorway, unable to take my eyes off Clara. She looks as though she’s ready to murder me, and now I’ve nothing to hold in my arms to buffer myself from her.
“I wish you nothing but good fortune, Clara.” I wish I knew what to say in this situation, but I’ve really no idea.
“You…” She blinks a few times. “You’re really doing this?”
I look out my door and then back over at her. “I must.”
“You don’t care about me at all? You’re just going to leave—”
“I’m leaving because I care about you.” Even as I say the words, I know they don’t make sense. “Clara, I—”
“I love you, Nick.” She nods a few times to herself. “I do. I love you.”
Clara
Nick looks at me like I’ve punched him in the stomach. It’s not exactly the reaction I was hoping for, but now that I’ve said the words, there’s no pushing them back into my mouth.
“I mean it, Nick,” I tell him, though I sound less confident now than I did a moment ago. “I know it hasn’t been very long, but sometimes you just know. I feel things for you that I never felt with Adam. Not even when things were good between us.”
Nick still doesn’t say a word. His eyes are completely inscrutable. So I do what I usually do when I feel uncomfortable—I keep babbling.
“I don’t know why you’re pushing me away,” I say. “I’ve only been trying to help you. I shouldn’t have ridden off with Caspar, but I needed some time to think. And I thought that maybe if you got jealous again, you’d realize what we have between us. Do you really think I could feel anything for your cousin? After what you and I have shared? I just want to be with you, Nick. And up until you tried to send me away this afternoon, I thought you felt the same way.” I cross my arms glancing around the room again. Did he really mean to sneak away without telling me? To just leave?
And he still says nothing, watching me like I’m some unpredictable animal.
“Damn it, Nick! Say something!” I demand finally.
His face softens somewhat, but there’s still a hard wariness in his eyes.
“Thank you,” he says after a moment. “For saying those things. I do believe you about Caspar. But that doesn’t change anything.”
“Then why are you running away?”
“I’m not running away. I’m simply making the best decision for everyone involved here.”
“So that’s it?” I ask him, and I feel tears beginning to burn in my eyes. “I tell you I love you, I lay my heart at your feet, and you’re still going to leave?”
He shakes his head. “It’s for the best. I’m simply—”
“Again, you’re ignoring the most important part of what I said. I love you, Nick. I l—”
“I heard you,” he tells me simply. “And I love you, too. But that’s not—”
“You love me?” I’m not prepared for the way my heart jolts at those words. I knew he cared for me on some level, knew he needed me, but love…
I start toward him, ready to leap and throw my arms around him, but he holds up a hand, stopping me.
“Those feelings change nothing,” he tells me. “This isn’t the best place for you, Clara. And it’s my fault for dragging you into this mess. The best thing I can do for you right now is to end my part in it.”
I laugh. “Mess? Love is always messy, Nick. That’s part of the fun.”
But he remains completely serious. “I’m still willing to send you back to Montana for a time, to—”
“You’re not ‘sending’ me anywhere. Seriously, Nick? You think you can tell me you love me back and I’ll just walk away from you? Do you know nothing about me?” I laugh again, but the tears are still gathering in my eyes. I’ve put my heart on the line, but despite his words, he still wants me far away from him. “I’m not going anywhere, Nick. In case you haven’t noticed it yet, I’m more stubborn than you are.”
No matter what I say, though, Nick doesn’t even flinch.
“My car is waiting,” he tells me. “I need to go.” He turns and starts toward the door, and I throw myself into his path. I stand in the doorway, one arm on either side, blocking his exit.
“No,” I tell him.
His eyebrow goes up. “No?”
“No. I’m not letting you walk away. I mean it, Nick. We love each other. So why are you pushing us apart? We should be together, being deliriously happy.”
He sighs. “This is not the time for this.”
“It’s exactly the time for this. I want to know, Nick. Why won’t you let us be happy? Why won’t you let yourself be happy?” E
ven as the question comes out of my mouth, I remember something Sophia let slip once. Something I’ve wondered about ever since.
“Is this about your ex?” I ask him.
His eyebrows snap together. “Of course not.”
But his reaction raises even more questions. “Who was she? What happened between the two of you?”
“Clara, you’ll kindly get out of my way. My car is waiting.”
“If you want me to move, you’ll have to make me,” I tell him. “Otherwise, I’m not leaving this spot until you tell me about this woman. What was her name? What did she do?”
His eyes are darkening, his jaw tightening. His patience is growing thinner and thinner by the second, and that means I’m finally getting through to him. I’m not going to let up now.
“Did she break your heart?” I demand. “Or did you break hers? Did you run away from her the way you’re running from me? Did you refuse to let yourself be happy? Or did—”
I yelp as he suddenly grabs me by the waist and throws me up over his shoulder.
“I’m not letting you go!” I insist, kicking at him. “Not until you answer my questions!”
“I don’t have time for these games,” he says through gritted teeth. He carries me across the sitting room to the bedroom.
“This isn’t a game! If you don’t tell me—”
With a whoosh, I’m thrown onto the bed. Even as I hit the mattress, Nick is turning back toward the door.
Oh no, you don’t.
I climb up to my feet and leap at him, propelling myself from the bed and onto his back. My arms go around his neck, my legs around his waist. He staggers briefly when my weight comes down on him, but he recovers quickly. He’s really a very strong man.
“You’re not leaving!” I tell him. “Not until you tell me who she was!”
Nick twists, probably trying to figure out how to throw me off his back, but I tighten my grip on him.
“I mean it, Nick.” I drop my voice, letting my mouth fall down to his ear. “I’m not letting you go. I love you, and that means not letting you make the biggest mistake of your life.”
Nicholas
Why can this woman not understand reason?
“If you’re leaving, you’re taking me with you,” she says into my ear, still clinging tightly to my back.
She gives a little squeal as I start for the door—perhaps she didn’t think I would be able to ignore her. But I do nothing to support her weight—surely she can’t hang on forever—and I start down the corridor.
It’s only a few moments before my cousin Caspar appears in front of me. Clara drops, releasing me, and I rub at my neck.
“Apologies, Cousin,” Caspar says, his gaze darting between Clara and me. “Am I interrupting—”
“Your cousin is being an ass,” Clara says. “Maybe you can help him to see some reason.”
Caspar lifts a brow, looking at me expectantly.
He already knows we’ve had a quarrel, and it wouldn’t do to get this side of my family involved in any sort of romantic drama. They’ve already taken issue with the problems my brothers have caused in our country—I certainly don’t need to add to it.
I straighten, lifting my chin. “I know you’ve invited Clara to remain with you at Wintervale. I think that is the best place for her at this time.”
“We’d love to have you, Clara.” My cousin smiles at her, dipping his head in a shallow bow. “For as long as you’d like.”
“I…” Clara’s cheeks stain a deep shade of pink, and for a moment I wonder if she and Caspar really did share something more than a minor flirtation.
It doesn’t matter, I remind myself. I don’t need her. And if she finds my cousin more desirable, who am I to stop her?
My jaw clenches despite my thoughts. “I wish you both a good evening—”
“Did you know Nick’s ex?” Clara interrupts, looking at my cousin. “The woman who broke his heart?”
Caspar’s mouth drops open for a moment, but he recovers quickly. “Are you speaking of—”
“This is ridiculous.” My gaze narrows at my cousin. “Are you really one to be spreading rumors, Caspar?” I could certainly tell tales about him—he’s had more than his share of women.
His face turns a few shades of red, and he dips his head, taking a step backward. “Of course not. Apologies, Cousin.” He straightens after a moment. “Do let us know if you’ll be extending your stay, Clara.” He turns on his heel and walks back down the hallway.
I start again for the exit, quickening my pace so that Clara isn’t able to jump on top of me again.
But she races back up to my side. “You know I’m not going to stay here without you, right?”
“You’re free to go where you wish. As you’ve stated multiple times, I certainly can’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do.”
“What is your problem, Nick?” She shakes her head, still walking quickly to keep up with me. “I’m not leaving your side until you tell me about her.”
“There is nothing to tell,” I say through gritted teeth. What am I supposed to tell her? That I was an idiot who fell in love with a woman who did not love me? That I seem to find myself repeating my greatest mistakes?
I’m afraid not.
“Nick…” She sighs, still keeping pace with me as we reach the exit. “You can’t live your life like that. You have to—”
“Clara.” I stop, turning to her. “Why is it that I am not allowed to tell you what to do, but you somehow feel quite comfortable telling me what to do?”
“I wasn’t…” She frowns. “Fine, I was. But you’re being ridiculous—”
“I am not being ridiculous, I assure you.” I glance at her then out at the waiting car. “I should go. As Caspar said, you’re welcome to stay here. Or you’re welcome to return to Montana. If you’d prefer transport back to New York, that can also be arranged—”
“I’d prefer to go with you. Wherever it is you’re planning to go.”
I close my eyes for a moment, shaking my head slowly. I thought I was as stubborn as a person could be—I had no idea I would ever find a match in that trait.
“I’m not leaving you. You love me. And I love you. And that means we should be together—”
“And perhaps we should!” My eyes fly open, my voice rising despite my best intentions. “Perhaps we’re meant for each other. But that really doesn’t matter, does it? You belong to another man, not to me…” My voice trails off as I realize I’ve revealed too much.
But perhaps she didn’t understand my comment after all. Clara blinks at me a few times, obviously confused. “Adam and I broke up, Nick. You were there…” She frowns, and I can see tears forming in her eyes. “I didn’t leave him for you, Nick. I left him because we didn’t belong together. Because I knew in my heart it wasn’t right.”
“There is no way for you to know what is truly right.” I feel my brows draw together.
“Of course there isn’t. Because no one can tell the future, even with a crystal ball.” She looks up at me, her eyes still watery. “Nick, you don’t have to tell me what happened. Not if you don’t want to. But you know what happened to me. And you know how I feel about you.”
Do I? Do I truly know anything about her? The words are the same—exactly the same. She loves me. She chooses me. And then…she doesn’t.
My heart twists in my chest at the thought. I can’t risk it again. I just…can’t.
“Nick…” Clara reaches up and touches the side of my face. “I love you—”
I interrupt her, grasping her wrist and pulling it from my cheek. Even as I look down into her eyes, I know how this ends. I’ve been here before—perhaps not here, but definitely in this exact situation, where she begs me to take her away from it all, to not let herself be tempted again by the one she truly loves.
But I can’t seem to stop looking at Clara, wondering if things might be different this time. It hasn’t been exactly the same. There wasn’t an ocean betw
een the last woman I loved and the man she ultimately chose. And this time, I feel things for Clara I’ve never felt before.
“Nick,” Clara says again. “Let’s just go away. Away from everything that’s bothering us. Far away from Montovia. Far away from Adam…”
My jaw tightens and my hand balls into a fist at her words. There’s nothing different about this. I’m somehow reliving it—I know how this story ends. And I’m not about to let it happen again.
I drop her hand and take a step backward, shaking my head at her as I back toward the waiting car. “Goodbye, Clara,” I say, and I slam the door closed.
Clara
Watching that car drive away is like watching someone pull my heart out of my chest, stomp on it, and then throw it away. I knew Nick was stubborn, but I never thought he’d actually throw away his own happiness. I never thought he’d be the kind of man who claimed to love me and still walked away.
As the car disappears down the road, I find myself feeling dizzy. I reach out and grab the wrought iron railing next to the stairs, supporting myself. This was not how I expected my adventure to end. Not at all.
No matter what I tell myself about being strong, I can’t seem to tear my eyes away from those retreating taillights. When I left Adam, I felt more relief than anything else. That’s how I knew I was doing the right thing. Right now, though, I feel only agony. Like a part of me is in that car, driving away.
I’m so absorbed in my pain that I don’t hear the footsteps behind me. It’s not until someone holds out a cloth handkerchief to me that I realize I’m no longer alone. And that there are tears streaming down my face.
There’s no point in pretending I’m not crying. I grab the handkerchief and sneak a glance at the man beside me. Unsurprisingly, it’s Caspar.
“Are all men such idiots?” I ask him.
“Nicholas has always been a bit of a fool when it comes to affairs of the heart,” he says. “Sooner or later, he’ll realize what that’s costing him.” He gives me a long look. “I’d wager sooner, rather than later.”
