by Heath Pfaff
"His name was Yulinel. He never really loved me, at least not the way I loved him, but my heart was his from the moment we first met. I did not know the truth of it until the day they took his beautiful eyes and put them into me. They were green... his eyes, but they are black now..." She sniffed and pulled away from me. I had managed to stop my own tears, but I knew my eyes were red rimmed, and I felt like I might break down at any moment.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come between you and Kyeia. I like you, though, and had hoped to save you this pain." She clenched a hand over her heart. "You're a good man..." She managed a faint smile. "Despite your many failings as a fighter." She paused for a moment, and then added once more. "I thought there might still be a chance to save you."
I shook my head. "I can't let it happen, Malice. I can't let Kye die just so I can become more powerful. What kind of creature would I be then?" I noticed a look of hurt on Malice's face, and I quickly corrected myself. "No, it's not the same between us. You didn't know what was happening until it was too late. Thanks to you, I can stop it." The look of hurt was replaced by one of sympathy. "You can't stop it now, Lowin. Kyeia is bound to you. The transfer between the two of you has already begun. Whether you receive her eyes or not, now, she is dead. She has been dead ever since she first held your crystal and accepted the bond."
I rocked back hard into my chair, the weight of her words hitting me as if a physical blow to my chest. "That can't be... she should have told me."
"They can't tell us. The pact is not merely an agreement between our people and theirs, Lowin, it's a magical binding that takes effect on those chosen to become Bound Ones. Kyeia is completely unable to speak to you about the nature of the pact. No matter how badly she wants to tell you, she never can." Malice's voice was rough now, obviously heavy with remembered pain.
I hung my head, defeated. "What can I do?"
"You can make the time you have left the best that it can be." Malice offered, though her tone suggested that she didn't see my chances for success in doing so as very high.
"How much time do I have left?" I asked.
Malice could only shrug. "A month, no more, probably less. Her people came two weeks ago to begin her preparations. That only happens near the end of the process. I'm sorry, Lowin, her time is almost over."
The breath left me in a rush. "So little time left..." I found myself back in Malice's arms, held fast as my resolve fell to pieces. I would like to say that I left her room then and returned to my own, to prepare to meet the new challenges in my life, but I did not. In the grief we shared, each of us took comfort from the other that night, bodies entwined in what was, for both of us, the first taste of the pleasures of the flesh. I could romanticize the experience and say that Malice and I found love that sad evening in our shared curse, but we did not love each other then. We merely needed comfort and took it as two who shared a bond of respect and suffering. I fought back the demons of my future and she fought back those of her past. Together we swept away the darkness until the coming of the dawn.
I awoke the next morning in Malice's bed, her naked body pressed pleasingly against mine. I turned to look at her and found that she was already awake. She was watching me and she smiled as I faced her, though it was a smile edged with sadness. Seeing a smile on her face was a strange and mysterious thing. Again I found myself hard pressed to believe that the beautiful woman curled close to me in bed was the same woman that had driven me to collapse over and over again on the training field. Other than her eyes, her arms, and her legs, she was every bit a human woman. She had been, over the course of the night, both emotionally and physically gentle and innocent in a way that I hadn't believed possible. Her powerful clawed hands that could have easily torn me asunder had caressed and held me with divine gentleness. She seemed to be almost two entirely different women in one body.
"We'll not be training today, I think." She said quietly, and for the first time I realized that the sun was already up and streaming in through the window. I couldn't tell exactly what time it was, but I guessed it was mid- to late- morning. "I have reports to write anyway, and I think we could both use a day to gather ourselves." She sat up and the blankets fell away from her, exposing her most fetching human characteristics. "I'd recommend that you spend some time on the training field anyway. It'll help clear your mind, and you could use it. Lowin..." She started, and I could sense she had something to say that she didn't necessarily want to. "Despite what happened between us, I can't go easy on you during your training. I have a reputation to uphold, and..."
I stopped her with a smile. "It's alright. I understand and I wouldn't change your techniques anyway. They have been harsh and there have been times when I was terrified of you, but I have always put forth my best effort."
She looked away, a light blush on her cheeks. "Two weeks ago, when I brought you here, I had intended to offer myself to you as I did last night, but I lost my nerve and I took my anger at myself out on you. Since Yulinel died, I have been so angry inside. I know it's wrong. It has been nearly two hundred years, and I still have not forgotten him."
I was momentarily shocked when I heard just how old Malice was, but I knew that the Knights of Ethan didn't age much after they ascended to full knighthood. I had heard as much from others. Still, it was hard to think of Malice as being much older than myself. "I don't know that I would have done any better. I'm just glad you were able to come forward this time."
She nodded once, and then seemed to be summoning her courage. "I apologize for that night, Lowin. It was wrong of me and I don't expect your forgiveness." She got up from the bed and grabbed her shirt, pulling it on and doing up the laces quickly. Obviously she had said all she was willing to on the subject and I decided that would be enough. I got up as well, dressing myself, and trying to decide what I needed to do with my life. My heart was full of grief that I might lose Kye in so short a time and it was tempered only by the fact that I knew I still had some time with her remaining. I was also filled with guilt, feeling that I had betrayed her by spending the night with Malice, but I refused to let that consume me. I hadn't done it to hurt Kye and I wouldn't regret what I had done either. I took no joy in my betrayal, but I also would not lessen the importance of the night with Malice by regretting it. What had happened between us had benefited us both.
Once we were both fully dressed, we said our goodbyes and I turned to leave. As I did so, I felt Malice's hand on my shoulder. I turned to see her as she usually was, dressed in her shifting cloak, hair tied back severely. I was again faced with the duplicity of her personality, though her face and the set of her eyes were still softened from their normal angry depth.
"If you ever need a friend again, my door is ever open, my bed always empty." She smiled, the barest lift of the corners of her mouth, and I leaned forward and put my arms around her.
"Thank you, Malice, for giving me the truth, and helping me through the night." With those words I released her, turned, and walked from her rooms out into the hallway. Once I was outside, the full strength of the sun beating down upon me, I realized that there was much I needed to think about. I felt as though all hope had been taken from me in the night, and while spending the night with Malice had helped me to an extent there was still a crushing weight upon my chest and each breath that I drew came with great difficulty. I made my way back to my room, noticing as I entered that Silent was off duty and had been replaced by Wisp. Wisp was a short Knight with chiseled features and close-cropped black hair. She had dragon-like forearms, and similar legs but her most notable feature, I thought, were the horns that protruded six inches from each of her temples. She was the relief shift for Silent. I didn't mind her company but she wasn't as well humored as Silent. I nodded to her, absently, as I went by.
"Kyeia awaits you inside." She said as I passed, and I nearly stumbled.
"Thank you." I told her, and proceeded inside. When I reached my room, Kyeia was laying on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. Seeing her cause
d the pressure in my chest to increase and I felt for a moment that I might not be able to make myself smile. I did though. I didn't want to bring up what had happened the night before for multiple reasons. I wasn't ready to let her know that I knew the dark secret she'd been keeping and I wasn't sure what to say to her about what had happened between Malice and me. I owed her the truth, and I intended to provide it, but I wasn't emotionally prepared for such a confrontation yet.
"Good morning, Kye. It is good to see you." She sat up, and I saw that her face was tear-streaked. I went to her immediately and put my arms about her, not sure why she was so upset, but unwilling to stand by while she cried.
She laid her head on my shoulder, and I remembered, with a pang of guilt, that Malice had done the same thing the night before.
"I wanted to tell you..." She said, and there was such pain in her voice. "I always wanted to tell you, every single day. Sometimes, I would try while we were together, but the words just wouldn't come free. You deserved to know!"
"I..." I didn't know what to say, but I suddenly understood that she knew that I had learned her secret. I realized, belatedly, that she could feel my emotional extremes and understood, to an extent, my emotional state. That was how she knew that I had learned her secret. She had sensed the emotional chaos I'd experienced the night before. I was ill prepared for such a confrontation, as I wasn't even sure how I should be handling the news of Kye's impending mortality. One thing I was certain of was that Kyeia had no need to feel as though she had done any wrong by not telling me the truth. "It's alright Kye. I understand now. Malice explained the nature of the Pact between your people and mine." I held her, wondering if she knew what else had happened with Malice and wondering if I should tell her now, or wait until she was feeling better.
"You don't have to feel guilty, Lowin." She whispered to me, tears still streaming down her face. "I felt what came after your learned the truth, as well, but I am not angry with you or her. Malice has been something of a friend to me these last four months, keeping me informed of your progress and letting me know when you'd had a particularly bad day. She is not all rage and claw and it is good that you learned that about her. The Knights are people too."
I wasn't sure what to say or do. I hadn't anticipated having such a conversation with Kyeia so soon. I certainly hadn't anticipated that she would be alright with what had happened between Malice and me. My guilt, I decided, would have to be pushed aside for a moment. I looked down at Kyeia, lifting her chin with one hand so that I might look into her purple eyes. I had grown to know those eyes so well and I could read them as well as any humans. "I can't let you die, Kye. How could I kill you and continue to live?" Those were my thoughts as I watched the purple lightning in her gaze and I spoke them aloud.
Kye shook her head. "It's not like that, Lowin. I am going to give you the power to protect our peoples. The humans and my people both need warriors like you to stand for us against forces that would otherwise destroy us."
"No." I said fiercely. "I simply cannot accept that. I cannot take your life from you. How can we stop this? What can I do so that you will not die? I love you, Kyeia." I had never said those last words aloud before, though I had known them to be true for some time.
Kye smiled sadly. "I love you too, Lowin. ...but you cannot stop the inevitable. The process has already begun. I will be gone within the next two months no matter what you do. Please do not let me die without taking from me what I would freely give to you. I love you so much, Lo..." Her words trailed off, though she continued after taking a steadying breath. "No one could have been more deserving of what I'm giving. You will be the greatest man of your kind and you will shape the course of our world. I know you will." There was so much determination and strength in her voice.
I held her as close to me as I could and let the tears of my pain fall freely. I knew then that I would never stop loving Kyeia, no matter what happened in the future, no matter how long we had left, I would love the purple eyed girl in the white dress. Just as Malice still loved Yulinel, so would I be bound forever to Kyeia. I knew, also, that I would take her eyes, because doing any less would be to let her die for nothing. Taking them, though, would kill some part of my humanity. Of that, I was terribly certain. I would be accepting a great power, and giving up something that was perhaps far more important. I felt a gentle push from Kye and I eased back onto the bed, she lay down next to me, at eye level, watching me for a moment before she leaned in and pressed her soft lips against my own. Her kiss was chaste at first, but soon her mouth opened, and our tongues met in a kiss far warmer than any we'd shared to that point.
"Lowin, I hold no anger towards you or Malice. I told you that and I mean it. Amidst my people, it is not uncommon to share a partner physically with others... but I find myself a little jealous of Malice now. Between you there is no love, yet I, who love you so much, have never lain with you." There was a blush in her cheeks as she spoke, and I knew what she had in mind before she spoke again. "Would you make love to me? I don't know how many more times we will be together, or for how long I will be able to see you, but for now we are together and I want to know you as only a lover can, at least once." That was the final taboo, one which we'd persistently attempted not to break, though it had been difficult. Now with the cruel reality of our dwindling time so painfully evident, I couldn't think of a reason not to have the woman I cherished most at least once.
Words would have been foolish, so I answered Kye by slipping a hand beneath the hem of her dress and pushing the thin fabric up. With Malice, the sex had been a thing of hesitance and tenderness, with Kyeia there was desperation and roughness I would never have expected. We tore free from our clothes and made love repeatedly until neither of us could go any further and then we lay for a time, and, after a brief rest, repeated the ritual. There was a terrible hunger in our love making. It was both beautiful as a summer rainbow and fierce as a spring storm. As we at last neared the end of our time together, as the final climax approached, I thrust as deeply into her as I could, gazing deep into her beautiful eyes and told her that I loved her and always would. As we lay gasping, light of head and flushed from our exertion and physical pleasure, I heard her softly say, "Love, Lowin, like ours, never really dies."
We lay for a short time, but it wasn't long before Kye had to go. She had risked a lot in spending so long with me but we also both knew, though neither of us would admit to it, that it would be the last time we would have so much time together. It was to be our first joint taste of love's lust, and our last. The end, for us, was fast approaching.
A week went by with no sign or word from Kye. I spent my time on the training field, as Malice had suggested, burying myself in as much grueling physical punishment as possible. Malice, I discovered, had not been entirely truthful when she'd said that she would treat me as she had before our night together. She still pushed me hard, but the vicious edge to her personality seemed to be muted. Even in our sparring matches she took care not to give me any serious abrasions or bruises.
"Your left foot is coming too far forward when you leap and it's causing your torso to follow it forward to recover. Control your center; do not be controlled by it." She didn't even bother to call me "oaf," as she always had before. I might have felt flattered under better circumstances. "Focus your mind here, Lowin. If you fall off those balance poles, I'll beat you into the ground." I bit my lower lip in exasperation. She was right, threats aside. I wasn't focusing. Every day away from Kye made it more and more difficult for me to keep my mind on my work. I made another attempt to force my distress deep inside of me. The balance poles were still one of the most difficult training exercises I faced on a daily basis. Moving from pole to pole was becoming easier with time, but the longer jumps always put me at the edge of my ability to cope with my momentum. Malice stood at the far end of the poles, easily balanced on a single, round topped, step. To my right, a few feet away, Wisp was also on the poles, seemingly quite amused at my lack of coordination
. I noticed that she took a certain unpleasant satisfaction at my frequent failures.
I wondered where Silent was. Since I'd been at Fell Rock, he'd only ever been away for a day or two, but now it had been a week since I'd seen him. I wasn't exactly worried about him, just surprised at his prolonged absence. He was generally kind, whereas I'd learned that Wisp, on the other hand, had a mean streak. She didn't know what had transpired between Kye and me on the first day she was on watch, and I don't think she really suspected anything, but never the less she had made some rather foul comments when next I met with her. "Got yourself a nice wet hole there, don't you boy?" I had been furious at her, but didn't think that showing it would be a good idea. She was just poking fun at my expense, but if I took an inordinate amount of offense she might suspect that she had hit close to the mark. I had feigned ignorance and walked away. I eased my ire by telling myself that there was nothing I could have done anyway. She was stronger, faster, and far more dangerous than I was. That seemed to be the way of my world anymore. With the exception of Kye, and truthfully I really didn't understand the true power of my love, everyone at Fell Rock was more than a match for me. In such a situation, it was easy to learn to hold your tongue. I had mistakenly snapped at Malice a few times during my first month of training. Those slips had been tremendous learning experiences.
