“I think we should go check on Sierra and the baby today. She’s growing quite attached to him.” I smiled thinking about how amazing it would have been to see Jack there, holding a baby with Sierra. It was something they had both wanted, and sacrificed in order to be with one another. For her, because the accident left her with little choice; and for him because he couldn’t live without her. I had envied that kind of love.
“I will take you over there, if you want to go.” Mikael had walked up, and wrapped his arms around me until his hands came to rest on the middle of my belly. I wonder if people envied mine and Mikael’s love the way I used to wish for Jack and Sierra’s. I leaned back into his chest, and looked up at the blissful smile on Mikael’s face. It didn’t matter then, if anyone wanted a love like ours. The truth was, I couldn’t live without it now. I couldn’t live without him, and soon we were going to have a little extra person to added to the mix. That was the truly incredible part.
“Can I admit something to you, and not have you laugh at me?”
“No promises, but I’ll try.”
“After seeing what Tatianna went through, I’m scared to death to have this baby.” I shivered a little under the weight of the admission.
“You’re not alone there. I can’t wait to hold him one day, but I worry about losing you in the process.”
“Her.” I said with absolute confidence.
“What? You’re so confident?”
“Yes, because that’s the way with the white wolves.” I turned in his arms to face him then. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to give you a boy.”
“That’s okay, Jess.” He smiled down at me, and nipped at my nose the way he always did. “I have you, and a daughter of yours will be an absolute treasure.”
My heart melted. “Ours,” I corrected him. “Daughter of ours.”
“You are so very right.” He leaned in again, and this time instead of playful nip to the nose, Mikael kissed me. At first, it was a gentle brushing of his lips to mine, a caressing of his hand down my back, and then before I knew it he was lifting me up and carrying me up the stairs to our room.
~*~
It was a few hours later when I was getting dressed that Sierra called me. She was a little panicked about the baby, and a conversation she had with Tatianna. At first, I thought maybe Tatianna had come to her senses and wanted the baby back, but it didn’t sound like that was the case. I convinced Mikael we needed to go over to the pack lands and check on everyone, after all. It was what I had planned to do earlier in the day, before he distracted me with his gorgeous, hard body.
“You’re staring.” Mikael grinned as he said it.
“You’re still naked.” I countered.
“I’m looking for my pants.”
“They’re over by the windowsill, where I threw them.” His face lit up, smile causing tiny lines to crinkle around the corner of his eyes, and his dimple became more prominent. He turned his back to me then, to go fetch his pants, and in a moment of weakness, I almost said to hell with everyone else and gave into my insatiable pregnancy hormones. But, before I could move, he was sliding those pants up his muscular thighs in one fluidly graceful move. “Damn,” I whispered. “I hate being responsible some days.”
“Don’t worry, you can be as irresponsible with me as you want to later.” He crawled across the bed, stalking me like he was a cat instead of a wolf. Then he pounced, and buried his face in the crook of my neck, nibbling there and pushing the neck of my shirt down with his face so he could continue nibbling across my shoulder too. “You better go, get downstairs while I finish up in here. If you keep following my movements with those hungry emerald eyes of yours I will not be able to keep my promises about you being responsible.”
I shivered. Just him talking in that low tone, and watching me with those eyes, so close I could smell him. Mikael hopped off the bed, probably to save me from myself. Once I had some breathing room, actual thoughts started circulating again, and I decided to do exactly what he said and head downstairs.
~*~
When we finally showed up at Sierra’s new little cottage, she was holding feeding the baby, and a teary-eyed Natalia was with her. “What’s the matter?” I asked as Mikael and I made our way into the house.
“Tatianna is gone. She came to see me, and brought Natalia so that she could translate.” Sierra took the now empty bottle away from the baby’s mouth, and gently held him up on her shoulder, patting his back gently, trying to help him expel any extra gas.
“Tatianna said to tell her that he’ll always be a symbol of what was done to her, and if he looks like his father it will be a constant pain in her heart.” Natalia explained. “I tried to stop her from leaving, but she said she wouldn’t be forced to do this too.”
“I would never have forced the baby on her.” The words made their way from my mouth in barely a whisper. “If I had gotten here earlier, maybe I could have convinced her to stay.”
“No.” Natalia said without hesitation. “She would go anyway. Tatianna’s heart hurt. She wanted to not see the baby anymore. It was best, for her.” She swiped at a tear that started a trail down her cheek. “I am missing her.”
I hugged the woman, who I was only just now starting to get to know. Evan had brought her to the house a couple times while Mikael and I were taking a little time off. We had dinner together, and watched a movie once. I didn’t know if Natalia and I would ever be close, but I offered the hug anyway, because she needed it.
“Jess?” Sierra got my attention as she laid the now sleeping baby boy down in the cradle by the sofa. “I want to keep him. I think maybe this is why I survived when Jack… well, I think this is my purpose, because that sweet baby doesn’t have a mommy, and I can’t have a baby.”
“Of course, Sierra.” I smiled, having anticipated this conversation already. I had already talked to both Evan and Mikael about the baby. Technically, he was their blood family. So, if they claimed him, either of them could take him from Sierra. They both understood the value of having a loving mother to raise a boy, and had agreed that Sierra would be the perfect choice, since she would cherish every minute she was given with him. “We’ll work everything out with my dad, and get everything taken care of for you. Have you decided on a name?”
Sierra’s face lit up then. “I’d like to call him Jack.”
“Of course, and I’m sure he’ll make the name proud one day.”
~*~
That night, I was pulled into the familiar cave of the white wolves. There’ before me was a beautiful willow sapling, where the last time only a little sprig of green had been. “Beautiful,” I said out loud.
“The willow is the symbol of our being. She symbolizes femininity, strength, and perseverance. As you know, these are all attributes of a white wolf.”
“I don’t feel like I’ve been very strong lately.”
“No?” The voices questioned.
“I was taken. I couldn’t escape on my own. I had to have too many other people to lean on in order to get through.”
The constant shifting of previous white wolves stopped, and Aislyn was standing before now, no longer on the dais, but toe to toe with me like an equal. “Your strength is not something you have to muscle about in front of others to show off its prowess. You were taken, yes. But you came through it, still able to smile. You needed help to escape, true. But you were able to use what happened to you in order to show compassion for the other women who were held captive. It is true that you needed to rely on others to help heal your soul. Strength isn’t always an individual thing though, dear one.
Think of it as a tall building. That building may stand tall and proud, but in the beginning it was built on a much wider base. It relies on that base to keep its height aloft. One works, because the other exists. Knowing when to seek what you need from others is strength. It takes courage to admit you hurt. It takes strength to heal in spite of that hurt. You have proven yourself time and again to your people. When is it
going to be enough for you?”
She turned, admiring the little sapling as a tiny branch reached out to touch the earth beneath it. “Each branch of the willow is a part of the whole, adding to its strength. The same can be said for each person in your life, Jessica. They are all branches of the willow, piece of your strength, there to help you when you need it. Each part must rely on the other to survive. It’s the lesson each of us must learn in turn. We are not the leaders of our people, we are the unifiers. The white wolf is here to bring together all that has been lost, to cultivate the branches until they can protect the roots.
I leaned down, reaching out to touch the fragile branch on the tiny sapling. “I understand.” I managed to choke out through the emotion that now settled heavy on my chest. “I understand.”
When I awoke, it was to Mikael’s face smiling down from beside me. “Good morning, beautiful.” I moved to trace my hand across his jawline. I’m not sure what he saw when he looked at me, but when I looked in his eyes, what I saw took my breath away. “You were smiling, in your sleep. It was the sweetest smile I’ve ever seen on your face.” He whispered to me. “I wondered what you were thinking about.”
“I was thinking about our daughter’s name.”
“Oh?”
“Willow.”
Mikael was thoughtful for a moment. Before he could say anything I started to explain to him what Aislyn said to me in my dream, and he leaned in to place a gentle kiss on my lips. “Then it’s perfect.”
IN THE DARK
For the first time in my adult life, everything seemed to be falling into place. Ashley and Asi’s house was built on pack lands, and ours was started. It was actually nearing completion, and we were getting excited about moving to the pack and being closer when we were needed. I was excited, because it meant I would be closer to the women who knew what they were doing when it came to this child birthing stuff I was going to have to go through real soon.
“I can’t believe we’ve had such an uneventful six months.”
“Bite your tongue, woman.” Mikael scolded me.
“I know, I just woke up today feeling like we finally got that happily ever after. We’re close to having a baby.” Mikael stopped what he was doing and came over to put his hand on my belly. The baby was kicking up a storm right now, and he always enjoyed feeling her attempts to show how strong she was.
“Who needs a boy with a girl that can kick like this?” Mikael joked. What do you think? Maybe we should get her involved in human football?”
“That’s a man’s sport. Do you really want a line-backer for a daughter?”
Mikael rolled his eyes at me. “You are too American for your own good. I was talking about actual football, you know soccer.”
“Oh, yeah, well that’s different.” I laughed.
“So, what’s on the agenda for the day?”
“We’re going to see the house today. My dad said the guys finished up painting last week, and everything else is done. That means, we should be able to move in soon.”
“Hmmm,” Mikael stood there looking at me for a moment. “I see it now.” He waved his hand around in front of my round belly then. “This has all been a ruse to get out of doing any actual moving. Your timing was impeccable, my sweet.” I laughed.
“Yes, because it seems like such a trade-off. A few days of moving boxes and furniture, as opposed to a lifetime of worry. I must not be as smart as I think I am.”
“No doubt. You picked me, remember? I was definitely not the wisest choice of all the men out there.”
“You were the only choice.”
“Ah, good! You passed!” He nipped my nose.
“Oh, so you’re testing my loyalty now?”
“No, I know you’re absolutely loyal, but I sometimes have to trick you into saying how completely awesome I am. I mean, look at this package. It’s like you won the lottery, babe!” I threw a pillow at him, catching him in his stubbly face.
“My dad wanted to meet with us, so we better get going. It wasn’t just about the house.”
“I know.” Mikael told me as we walked down the stairs of our house. “Avery’s going to be there. He has some news to share with us too.”
“Do you think they found anything out about Mishca?”
“The harem girl that ran off?” Mikael asked.
“I don’t think she ran off. She seemed pretty content here.”
“We can ask your dad when we get there. Maybe someone’s heard something by now.”
“I don’t think they were too concerned about it. Especially since she’s not the only one. Apparently, others from that group have left the packs they were sent to as well. Do you think it was too much on them? Trying to adjust to pack life after being locked in a glorified dungeon must be hard.”
“Yeah, maybe that’s it. We’ll probably find them all lounging about on some beach having cocktails together one day.”
I laughed at the ridiculous image Mikael conjured in my mind of the Harem girls sipping Margaritas at the beach. I let my imagination run wild for the rest of the trip to the pack lands. When we got there, Mikael parked right outside my parent’s house instead of going to the house we’d had built here. When he saw my puzzled look he smiled. “I didn’t want you to have to walk all the way back here. We can drive to the new house when we’re done talking to your dad.”
“This is why I chose you as my mate. You think ahead!” I winked at him and got out of the car to head in my parent’s house.
Natalia was there with Evan when we walked in, and she appeared to be wiping tears away from her eyes. “What’s going on?” I asked.
My mom came over to me. She was already emanating waves of calm. “The boys were out on patrol, close to where our lands border those of the town, and they found something.”
“They found what?”
“Mishca, baby. They found her body early this morning.”
“I knew it didn’t feel right that she’d just leave. What happened to her?”
“I’m not sure. Your dad’s in the office with Avery now, discussing things. I think it’s probably best if you go ahead and join them.” My mother leaned in to give me a hug, and patted my belly too, before I waddled off toward my dad’s office. Mikael followed behind, closing the office door once we were both inside.
“Ah, Jess, look at you!” Avery beamed over at me as if he were my own dad. “It won’t be long now, hmmm?”
“No, not too much longer.” I touched my own belly then, it was a habit, I realized I picked up about the same time my daughter decided she was able to kick the hell out of my insides every chance she got. “Mom told me about Mishca. What happened to her?”
“She was brutalized. We’re not entirely sure what was done to her. The poor girl was in pieces.” My father’s head hung low as he spoke.
“It’s just like the girls we’ve found from my pack. Two of them so far have gone missing, and then a couple days to a week later we find them in pieces. But we’re also finding those pieces damn close to civilization. It’s like someone is trying to taunt us, and have us found out all at the same time.” Avery’s speech ended with him deep in thought.
“Okay, so who wants to tell the world about our kind?”
“Who doesn’t is probably the easier question to answer.” Avery explained. “Each non-human group has factions within it that think it’s time we stop allowing humans to live with the delusion that they are the best thing that ever happened to this planet. We could be dealing with any one of them. We have rogue wolves running around from where Freedman’s pack dismantled and no one wanted to pick up the strays. There are the Hunters and the problems we’re having with them. The dark ones and their insatiable need for blood could have made a vicious enough attack that it would tear the body apart.”
“Why would dark ones want to be out in the limelight though? They prefer to lurk in the shadows.” I snarked. No one got it. You win some, you lose some. “So, you’re saying there’s a really long l
ist.”
“Basically.”
“Fantastic.”
The door to the office opened and closed again. I didn’t see who came in, because my attention was still on my father and Avery. “We’re hoping that I will be able to help get to the bottom of things, or at least make the list of possible candidates shorter.” I turned to see Serena standing there, in all her magnificence. She smiled at me, and the gesture reached her glacial eyes. On anyone else, that color-or the leeching of color-would have seemed cold. Serena made them seem like pure magic though. “Hello, dear.” She called to me, and then she went to stand near Avery. “As requested, your guest is in the hall.” As requested? A million thoughts and questions flitted through my mind. Serena was standing so near to Avery that the fine hairs on each of their arms were touching.
Tension hung tight in Avery’s shoulders before, and now it seemed to melt away. I gave Serena a quizzical look, and she simply smiled at me again. “Jessica, Mikael, you two should come over here for now.” We moved, without hesitation. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but I knew I trusted Serena and Avery both with my life, so I obeyed and Mikael followed suit. “Bring him in.” Avery bellowed.
In the next moment, the office door opened, Andy Wallace came through, tugging at the largest bicep I had ever seen in my life. I lived with inhumanly strong werewolves, so that was saying something. The man had to be about six and a half feet easy, and his thighs rivaled his arms in ways I didn’t even want to think about. This man was a powerhouse. Behind him, keeping a hold on the other gigantic arm was none other than the smart ass Nicholi. He winked at me when he saw me take note of him.
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