by Rachel Renee
“German?”
“She is a German Sheppard, if you hadn’t noticed.”
I look closer at the long-haired creature yapping at my feet. “Now that you mention it.” I reach down and pick her up, allowing her to lick my face. “Ouch!” I pull the puppy away because it nibbled on my facial hair and pulled a couple pieces out.
“Gretel,” Sophia scolds. She reaches for the dog, but I pull the creature back into my lap.
“It was my fault. Shouldn’t have let her kiss my face.”
The incident is dropped and Sophia asks, “Do you have any pets?”
“Two cats. Black ones.” Like that matters.
“I didn’t peg you as a cat person.”
“Me either but I can’t imagine life without them now. I don’t have any kids yet, so they are that for me. They greet me when I get home, snuggle with me in bed—”
She doesn’t let me finish before she asks, “You aren’t married?”
My mouth turns upward. “Not yet. I’m engaged. If that counts.”
“Oh, that counts.” She is smiling but her eyes are telling a sadder story.
“Why did you never marry?” I want to kick myself the moment the words are out of my mouth but it’s too late at this point.
“After—” She pauses, her eyes darting back and forth.
“I know what after means, you can skip that part.”
She nods, keeping her eyes more on the floor than at me. “I have my boys and they are my world. I don’t need another man to complete my life. They are it for me.” She’s looking in my direction once more, trying to get me to understand something.
“They will grow up someday.”
“They are already growing. I’m happy, Nic. Extremely happy. Please do not worry over me.”
Sadly, I shouldn’t and I can’t. I’m here to complete a mission. But that doesn’t mean I won’t. She says she’s happy. For the most part, she seems it. I know that look in her eyes when I told her I was engaged told me a contradictory tale. She’s happy, but there is longing, something that is missing. I was a part of taking that away from her. Although, she was just as much at fault as I was.
Choices. We all make them. It’s the outcomes that shape us into who we are and what we become.
Sophia and I talk about the boys a little bit. I tell her all about Eliza and how after all the years we were apart, when we came back into each other’s lives, it was just as it was meant to be. Sophia’s eyes grew filled with tears and the moment one fell over, I wanted to stop talking about my life. She wouldn’t allow it.
“I am so happy for you. You two were meant to be together and it seems as though you will get your happily-ever-after.”
I only wish I could say the same for her. It’s not too late, though, if she were open to the idea. Maybe once the boys are a little more independent she will allow herself to get out there again.
“What do you do for work?” I ask, wanting to change the subject.
“I wanted something easy after leaving the agency. I run a bookstore.” Her eyes brighten at the mention of it and grow even more excited as she continues to tell me about it. “The boys come with me when they are not in school. It is nice. It is easy. Best of all, I get to live thousands of lives within the pages of those books.”
“Maybe not much has changed after all?”
“Not as much as you would think.”
The room grows silent, the conversation dying down. Before, it was comfortable, now, it’s awkward. There’s something that we need to discuss and I think neither of us want to initiate the conversation. I need the information, so I’ll be the one to break our peace.
“What is going on with Santi?”
Sophia’s thumbs slide across the tips of her other fingers. She doesn’t want to look at me or talk about him, but I know she will. “Are you here because of him?”
I don’t answer with my mouth, but the nod of my head gives her the answer.
“This cannot be like last time.”
“It won’t be,” I answer. “I mean, there’s no way it could be.”
“My boys love Santi. He’s the only male role model they’ve had. He is good to them and he doesn’t show them an ounce of the darkness. When he is with them, he is the old Santi. Young and carefree.”
“When he’s not with them?”
Her eyes shoot up, the blues glaring into my own. “It’s like he’s not even the same person. He’s depressed, angry, and thinks that everyone owes him something.”
“That’s not that different.” I try to lighten the mood, but it doesn’t help.
“It is. Before he was a spoiled brat, now, well, I guess he’s still a spoiled brat with a lot more power and a negative attitude to boot.”
“Can you pinpoint an exact time that he began to change?”
“When you left.” She pauses but doesn’t move her gaze from mine. “When you left and his father was killed. It changed him and each year he grows more and more like his father. Hungry for power, hungry for money, and seemingly carefree about who he has to hurt along the way.”
“I wanted so much more for him.”
“I did too. We don’t always get what we want, Nic. We are as much to blame for his outcome as he is.”
“You can’t peg this on us. We were not there when his father was killed. That is not on us. Santi is a big boy, and he’s chosen this lifestyle for one reason or another. I did want more for him because I cared, but I can’t blame myself for the way he turned out. He made the choice.”
“Sometimes our choices are made for us.”
“Fine. But then we can choose how we react to them. He chose wrong and we shouldn’t hold ourselves responsible for the direction he has turned.”
Sophia bites her lip, and now I’m wondering what she doesn’t want to say to me. So much is the same, but many more things have changed, I now see. “Listen. I don’t want to involve you in this and I’d appreciate if you don’t let on that we are looking into Santi. If you want to provide me or Charlie with any intel, it would be appreciated, but neither of us expect anything from you.”
“I know.”
“You know?”
“Yes. I’m not CIA. Meaning, not obligated to share information with you.”
“Okay.”
“Okay,” she answers, but adds, “You’re going to have to get close to Santi again to get what you came here for. He keeps his friends very close and there isn’t much room for anyone else. He doesn’t know you betrayed him before, so once he gets past the fact that you left when he needed you most, he will forgive you.”
My head is bobbing when she adds, “He will also forgive you for the boys because I told him that I never told you about them. He can’t be mad at you for something you had no idea about.”
“Why couldn’t you have just told him they were his father’s? Would make things so much easier.”
“No, Nic. Maybe for you, but not for me. If these boys had the Rubio name, they would be ridiculed and slung through the dirt. Rubio does not mean good things around here.”
“Oh. Never thought of that.”
“Why would you? You left before any backlash could take place.”
The comment stings but, what can I do about it? My job was over. I was forced to leave and move on. Even when I thought about what might have taken place after everything was said and done, it never occurred to me this is what the reality would be.
If I’m forced to get close to Santi again, I’ll have to keep my emotions in check. I have to remember that this is a job, a mission that I was sent to complete. I have not failed one yet, and this will not be the first. A relationship with my objective will not keep me from completing what I was sent here to do. Find out who Santi is working with and get the weapons back in our hands.
35
I’ve been in Rome for a few days, spent some time with Sophia and the boys, and Charlie and I have gone to dinner every night. Now, I’m just biding my time until I alert Santi to t
he fact that Charlie and I are here.
It was nice to get to talk to Eliza last night. Things are different than they used to be. With the advancements in technology and within the CIA, there are ways for us to contact someone without it being traced. Eliza reminded me what I’m here for, and the sooner I complete my mission, the sooner I get home to her. That’s where I want to be.
So, this morning I got up and marched my ass down to the caffé. I think I was hoping that Santi would show up like old times. He hasn’t. I’ve been here for a couple of hours, drank more cups of coffee than any one person should have in a day, and pretended to read a book. Why would he come here? He lives in his father’s estate, which is not inside of Rome. He would have no reason to be at the caffé unless he was stopping to see Sophia and the boys. Even as I think these thoughts, I wait.
By lunchtime, Charlie strolls through the front door. When I peer up, I see him waving frantically at me from the entrance. He looks perplexed so I grab up my things and move quickly in his direction. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Just thought you should come home.”
“I thought something was the matter. Why didn’t you just come to the table instead of standing in the doorway flailing your arms like a maniac?”
“I’ve got somewhere I need to be and so do you. Sophia popped by and said that Uncle Santi is stopping in for a visit today. You might want to intercept him.”
“How much time do we have?” I look at my watch as my feet start walking hurriedly toward the apartment.
“We have a little time. Just wanted to make sure you were prepared.”
“I’ve been readying myself all day.”
“Thought it would be that easy, eh? He’d just stroll on into the caffé like old times?”
“I was hoping.”
“Haven’t you learned anything in the agency?”
“I’ve learned plenty. This case is different. There is history and as such, I have to play my cards in a delicate way.”
Charlie nudges my shoulder with his. The rest of our trip is silent and once we reach the apartment, I stop in at Sophia’s and ask her to give me an estimate of time that Santi will be here. The two of us scheme for a minute before I continue on to the apartment, preparing myself for a different scenario. One where Sophia coaxes Santi to walk the dog and I meet him out on the street.
Now that I know the re-acquaintance is about to happen, my hands are sweating and so is my brow. Charlie laughs at me as I pace the apartment floor, waiting for the signal that my target is here and ready for our confrontation. What will he do when he sees me? Punch me? Yell at me? Ignore me? I’m set for anything to come my way.
The moment my cell pings, the nerves halt. It is my job and I’m always on. You can’t be nervous heading into the lion’s den. Cool, calm, and collected are the only emotions I’m allowed to display. Charlie stares me down as I stride quickly to the front door. “Wish me luck!” I laugh.
He does too. “You’re going to need it for this one. I’m up here if you need me, just signal if you can.”
“Will do,” are the last words I say before the door is closed behind me. With each step, I’m more confident.
The moment the evening sun hits my face, I am Liam Cauley, CIA agent and all-around badass. No one, not even Santi Rubio is going to break my façade. My eyes dart left and right in search of my target. When I don’t spot him right away, I sit on the stoop and wait. I watch the people walking by, smiling friendly to them if they happen to glance my way. I think I recognize a couple of faces, those that were around ten years ago.
Five minutes after my arrival, I spot Santi coming in on my left side. The puppy is dragging him along, but he seems happy, his mouth turned completely upward. I’m impressed by his physique, strong arms bulging beneath his t-shirt sleeves. He’s wearing a pair of black golf shorts, his calf muscles flexing with each step. As he gets closer, I notice both of his arms are covered in tattoo sleeves. Apparently, his fascination with the ink continued as well. After all, he was the one who started me down the path of tattooing my body, so it is no surprise that he would have gotten more than what he did during our time together.
He’s almost to me, and I can tell he doesn’t even recognize me. I’m quite different from the Niccolo he once knew. I stand when he is at the step and the puppy has thoroughly licked my face.
I take my sunglasses off with my left hand and stick out my right. “Santi Rubio, it’s great to see you again.”
His gaze is distant for a moment and I see the instant recognition registers. “Nic?” He is looking me up and down. “Oh shit, Nic, it’s you!”
I force a smile, not because I’m not happy to see the man before me, but because I am happy to see him and the emotions I was trying to keep at bay are boiling up inside of me. I want him to punch me, to start yelling, but he does no such thing. The hand that is holding the puppy drops but the other is quickly around my shoulder. I hug him like I would my brother. The moment we part, I realize this is going to be the toughest case I’ve ever had to crack. Damn you, Santi. Why are you following in your father’s footsteps? And more importantly, why are you forgiving me so easily?
I don’t ask him those questions. It would defeat the purpose. Instead, I ask him how he’s been. That’s when the enthusiasm in his eyes leave. “I am fine,” comes out gruff. “I don’t want to talk about me. I want to know where in the hell you’ve been all these years.” The puppy yaps at our feet, and Santi’s gaze goes from her, back into mine. “Have you seen Sophia?”
“How do you think I knew you were here?”
“Do you know…”
“I know everything. Man, I don’t even know where to begin. I’m so sorry to hear about your padre.”
“Ancient history.” He slaps me on the shoulder and says, “Let me take Gretel inside and then you and me need to catch up.” His head is moving back and forth, and he huffs. “I cannot believe how much you’ve changed.”
“And you.” My brows raise.
Santi disappears inside the large door, but before I have time to process, he’s back. “Don’t think I’m going to let you off so easy. I was just shocked to see you. Now it’s time for the interrogation.”
He’s chuckling, but I’m not sure I think it’s that funny. Those were the words I wanted to use but in a totally different way. My time will come, sooner rather than later, with any luck. I know the longer I’m here, the harder it will be, therefore this has to be a get-in-and-get-out mission. I can’t let Santi into my heart any more than he currently is.
The two of us travel to our old spot, sit at our favorite table, the place I was at just a while ago. “I came here this morning hoping you’d show. Sophia told me you live in Padre’s estate so I realized it was a long shot.”
“I still come quite often. Oddly enough, I think I was waiting for you to be sitting at our table one morning.”
“Here I am.”
A small grin plays on his lips but then it turns sour. “Here you are. What’s it been? Ten? Eleven years?”
My head bobs.
“Why didn’t you come back sooner? What happened with Charlie? Sophia told me you left because he had cancer and the only place he could get treatment was back in the United States.”
I was prepared for all of these questions and am thankful for the opportunity to get them out of the way. “Charlie was sick for a while, and a couple years passed before we knew he was okay. By that time, I was working in the States. I loved my job and actually got married.”
He’s glowering at me as I knew he would. “I know I left Sophia high and dry. I really had no idea about the boys or I would have been back sooner.”
“Didn’t you love her? You were engaged to her when you left.”
“I felt so much pressure. We called off the engagement that night. Which was a part of the reason I got out of there in a hurry.”
“Why couldn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t want the backlash I was certainly
going to receive.” I look down at my hands, waiting for his reaction.
“I would have been upset, sure. I was more upset that you left without saying goodbye. Then my dad was killed. My best friend was missing. My world came tumbling down.”
My hand reaches out and taps his. “You will never know how sorry I am.”
“If you had just called…”
“I can’t change that. I don’t expect you to understand or to forgive me for it.” He looks down now, his coffee cup more interesting than me at the moment. “Things were good for a while. Then I got divorced. Shortly after that, Charlie’s cancer came back. That’s why we’re here. He had such fond memories of Rome. He has no chance of survival this time so he wanted to come back to say goodbye.”
“I am sorry, my friend. How long?” Sincerity drips from his words as his hand squeezes my own.
“No clue. We will visit for a while, until he becomes really sick. He wants to be home when his time comes.”
“Just promise me one thing. Say goodbye this time. Or maybe, don’t say goodbye at all. You should stick around and watch those boys grow up.”
If they were mine, I would. I’d get Eliza out here on the next flight and we’d help raise those boys.
“What do you say to that?”
I feel my heart beating faster as I look him in the eyes. “It’s all so sudden. I have a life in the U.S. I’m engaged to a wonderful woman and I really want to get back to her. I’ll find a way to take care of those boys. Whatever it takes.”
His shoulders rise and fall. “I guess I cannot ask for much more. I do not have the right to ask. It is between you and Sophia to decide what to do.”
“Thank you. And, we will.”
“She still loves you, you know?”
“Who? Sophia?”
“No, the barista. You idiot, yes, Sophia. She never married, never dates, and she always has this longing in her eyes. In fact, she has left her upstairs apartment empty all these years, waiting for you to come back.”
“I made a mistake years ago, not by leaving, but the way I left. It was for the best. Charlie had just come into my life and then I was threatened with losing him. I wanted to be there for him. I lost my mother, and I didn’t want to lose him too.” I lean back, staring at the ceiling momentarily before speaking once more. “Things with Sophia happened so quickly, but she wasn’t right for me. I hate to say that, but it’s the truth. I was young and stupid; careless with my emotions. I’m sorry that Sophia was hurt in the process of me finding who I truly was.”
