by Eve R. Hart
It was then that I realized I was still sitting there, staring blindly at the front door to the clubhouse.
“Yeah,” I said. My nose twitched giving away the amount of discomfort I was feeling at that moment. Sometimes, I wished I was normal enough to be able to hide that shit.
It was a fine line between tough, closed-off asshole and psychotic. Wasn’t sure which one I was just yet. My voice never gave anything away, and I was sure if I tried hard enough I could hide the expressions on my face. Most of the time they were so subtle that no one would pick up on them unless they’d been around me enough.
I thought back to what it all stemmed from. I used to have better control over my emotions. It was after Cal brought me to the club that I started to try in little ways. Seeing people confused by the way I talked made some of my hardness slip. Only, I couldn’t change the monotone voice that had pretty much been beaten into me. So I found other ways to set people at ease.
Yes, I was a freak. Completely made by my environment. Adapt, that was the one word I would use for how I’d learned to make it through life.
“Let’s go see how he’s doing,” Diesel said, slapping me on the back in a comforting way. He didn’t miss the nose twitch and he understood the complicated feelings I had racing through my head.
He was close with Tank, too. I knew he considered him a best friend, if you will. Even after all that shit that Tank had said to him before he took off, Diesel was still here. He didn’t hold any of it against Tank. I knew this couldn’t be easy for him, but yet, he still came.
We made our way inside, and without stopping, headed for Brass’ office.
“This is a mess,” Brass said as soon as we all gave our greetings. “I have no idea what the hell to do. I got her down in the basement and Knight watching over her. I have no clue who she is or why she was with him. She won’t talk.”
“How’d they get here? You said Tank was out cold when they showed up.” Loch said taking control of the conversation for all of us.
“Yeah. Drove up in Tank’s truck. Scary lookin’ woman, man. She has deadly written all over her. Tank was slumped in the seat, bleeding from his side. Frannie said the shot only grazed him, he’s patched up now. Only explanation he could give to why Tank’s still out is that maybe he was drugged with somethin’.”
I blew out a harsh breath. Finding out Tank was good relieved some of the tension in my neck but it still didn’t mean that this was about to get easy. In fact, knowing I was going to be the one dealing with the woman in the basement almost made me sick to my stomach.
“Let’s get this over with,” I said as I put my game face on.
With a nod, Brass led me through the clubhouse and to the basement. I tossed my cut over the banister at the bottom of the stairs. I knew the rest of the guys were going to go see how Tank was doing and I had mixed feelings about doing this on my own.
See, I always knew I walked a razor wire in life. I knew the demon was right there, hovering over my shoulder, ready to possess my soul at any moment. There were times when I was alone that I let him in. I would turn my brain over to him and let the dark thoughts take root for just a bit. I honestly had no idea why I did. Maybe I thought that if I knew what was hidden there in the dark corners of my mind then I could prepare myself for them. But sometimes they would threaten to take over at the worst moments.
And that was what I needed to avoid at all cost right now.
As I walked along the wall to where the cells were, I noticed someone sitting in the corner. He tilted his head when I approached.
Shit. I almost didn’t recognize the fucker.
Knight.
Hadn’t seen him in four years. Once he was off to college like a big boy I would have sworn I’d never see him again. But there he was, proving that this life just ran in some people’s blood.
I approached the cell bars with quiet, easy steps. Her eyes were already on mine as I stepped out of the shadows. It was like she already knew I was there. Her body was sitting relaxed on the bed, but the way she held herself told me that she was ready to strike if need be. I wouldn’t let myself be fooled by her nonchalant act.
Damn, Brass was right, there was something about her that made the air feel like a knife cutting my lungs. Deadly was almost too calm of a word for it.
“Who are you?” I asked, keeping my face as flat as my tone.
Her eyes narrowed at me.
“How is he?” she asked, her tone matching mine.
“Who are you?” I repeated.
Her eyes blinked slowly as if I was boring her to death.
“What happened to him?” I tried to change direction. I just wanted something from her.
After a long standstill of silence, I could feel my blood heating up. I wanted some Goddamn answers and she seemed to be all out of fucks to give.
“Who shot him?” I asked, somehow keeping my cool.
“Is he okay?”
Why did she want to know? Why the fuck wasn’t she telling me anything? This was beyond infuriating and I knew I was going to get nowhere with her.
Suddenly, I was glad for the bars. I was thankful that I had no way to get to her. Because as the red started to cloud my vision, images of her on the floor covered in her own blood flashed in my mind. My hand bloodied and swollen from punching her flesh until it split open. My clothes splattered in red. And I could almost feel the crunch of her bones against my fist as I beat her face in.
I could see it like it was all real. Like I wanted to make it real. I could smell the copper in the air even though it wasn’t there. My skin prickled as if there was a draft in the room, but I knew better. It was always in my head.
I looked down to my hand and flexed my fingers. The ring that was in my vision wasn’t there in reality. It wasn’t me, I wasn’t that monster, even if I reveled in the bloodlust of all that my mind conjured up.
That led to the questions that always came up.
Will today be the day that I go too far?
Will it be the day that I start to hate myself?
“What happened to him?” I asked, pinning her with my dark stare.
Her eyes flashed with a strange glint and I almost sucked in a sharp breath at the sight. The corner of her lips twitched so quickly that I wondered if I’d really seen it.
I felt naked. Exposed. Stripped of all my armor. The feeling of being raw to someone quaked me to my core. With a silent exchange, she let me know that she had my fucking number. That she could fucking see the struggle I was going through.
No.
Nope.
Fuck this.
I turned and stormed off, so pissed I was sure I was shaking. Who the fuck was this chick? I hadn’t been that unnerved being around someone in a long fucking time.
CHAPTER TWO
Allison
“Are you sure about this?” he asked, his tone held only a tinge of concern. “I can put you up in a safe house.”
“I know,” I sighed out. And I did know, because we’d been at this for months waiting for this exact moment to present itself. Every single time, he told me he could arrange for me to stay at a safe house, and every time I turned him down. “I’ve been a prisoner for the last seven years, I’m not trading my cage for another one.”
Burke nodded like he understood completely.
Don’t get me wrong, it was possibly the stupidest move ever. And once I was gone I was basically on my own. Also, I was under no sugar-coated illusion that I would be safe in any kind of way. The plan we’d come up with was decent as far as plans went. It was smart but far from safe. If he ever caught me…well that was something I couldn’t think about.
“Go,” he said, tossing a tote at me full of what I would need. “There are a few things in the trunk, but not much. Follow everything to the T. Don’t deviate for anything.”
I gave a firm nod then bent down and scooped up my son.
“Thank you,” I said, rising up on my toes to place a kiss on his cheek.
He gave no r
eaction as I pulled away. But then again, this was what he did. This was his job, to help pathetic, desperate people like me. Okay, that might have been a bit harsh, but I certainly felt pathetic right then. That was the way I had felt for the last seven years. I’d stayed because I was too scared to try to find a way to escape and I’d put up with everything he dished out because fear was a real thing. I took every single painful and humiliating punishment he thought I deserved as it cut a tiny piece of my soul away each time.
What was different right then, one would wonder? Well, it wasn’t only about me. I had a little one to think of now. And I knew that if I stayed, the monster would either kill me or my son. Or worse, turn my little boy into a devil like his father. I wouldn’t let that happen.
But I also had to be honest, if it wasn’t for the man standing in front of me, none of this would have been possible.
I dashed out the back door, hidden in the darkness of the night, my feet carrying me as fast as they were able to the fence line. Without so much as a glance back, I slipped through the hole in the fence that he’d made for me.
Just a few feet ahead there sat a car as promised, with a car seat and a fully stocked diaper bag. I made quick work settling Neiryn in his seat and making sure he was strapped in tight. I wrapped his favorite blanket around him and placed his stuffed elephant right beside him.
Then I hopped in the driver’s seat, praying that I still remembered how to drive. It couldn’t have been all that hard, right? I had spent nearly two years doing it before I’d been taken. It wasn’t like it was something one would easily forget.
I turned over the ignition and with much hesitation, set on my way to freedom. Well, sort of. I’d never truly be free until that man was no longer breathing. But seeing as I didn’t have it in me to even try and kill him, this would have to do.
I imagined traveling with an eighteen-month-old wouldn’t have been easy. After all, he was still in diapers and that required several changes a day. Plus, when he got bored or needed attention he wailed like I’d never heard before.
I did my best to follow the laid out path and plan. I pushed stopping as long as I could each time. It wasn’t ideal but I knew we’d be settled somewhere soon. I was only spending about two and a half days on the road.
I had a burner phone that Burke had given me for emergencies. It was currently turned off and tucked in the bottom of the go-bag that he’d made me. A bag that included everything for me to leave a false trail. To send my captor sniffing in the other direction. But to do that, I was going to have to actually go in that direction for a bit.
I would eventually turn around and head for the town Burke told me to settle in. As he explained the reasons for it, I totally understood his thinking. That didn’t mean that it would be completely safe for me there, though. I just had to keep my head down and try to blend in as much as possible. However, something told me it wasn’t going to be that easy.
The night turned into day, and the day wore on in a blur of driving back country roads and quick stops at small gas stations. I was doing my best to stay on the outskirts of the radar, using a card that had his name on it, leaving little breadcrumbs every place I went.
Night came and I found the motel that Burke instructed me to stop at. I rented a room, not even getting out to go in, and then drove off.
Circling the block once, I stopped directly across the street from the motel I was supposedly staying at. Burke knew what he was doing when he set this all up, it was obvious he’d done this before. I checked in at the new motel, paying with cash this time. My room had a view of the two-lane highway that split the distance between the two motels.
I should have slept, but even if I was one hundred percent positive he wasn’t going to find me, I still wouldn’t have been able to. I paced, while my little boy slept peacefully in the middle of the bed. I kept a discrete eye peeking out the window, watching for the thing that I feared the most.
I had a feeling the rest of my life was going to be like this, a lot of sleepless nights and the constant need to look over my shoulder. But if it kept my son safe, then it was all worth it.
CHAPTER THREE
Allison
I pulled into the crowded parking lot of the huge everything store. This was the last of the so-called breadcrumbs before I was headed towards the real destination. My hands shook as I unbuckled Neiryn and set him on his feet beside the car.
I rushed through the store, grabbing things as quickly as possible. Stopping here may have been part of the plan but that didn’t mean I couldn’t make the most of it. And besides, I had to make it look real, right? So grabbing food and diapers was as real as it could get. I also picked up a few things that I knew I would need, just enough to hold me over for a while.
I paid, swiping the card that had been given to me that didn’t have my name on it. The cashier didn’t even bat an eye as I signed my name on the electronic keypad.
After the car was loaded up, I drove to the closest gas station, filled up the car, and left the card on the ground right beside the pump. All part of the plan.
Then I was off again, only this time heading in the opposite direction from the one I’d been traveling the last twenty-four hours.
Three hours later, I switched cars, as instructed by Burke. The one that had been left for me just off the highway in an abandoned fast food lot was full of gas and ready to go. As I transferred everything to the new car, I noticed there was a bag full of new clothes for me and Neiryn in the trunk. One less thing for me to worry about.
I breathed out a heavy breath as I started the car and continued on my way. Glancing in the rearview mirror, I saw Neiryn’s little face watching the scenery go by out the window. I was doing all of this for him.
For a moment, I wondered if I’d done the right thing. Was I putting us in more danger by escaping? I had no doubt that I was, but I just knew that if we stayed we would end up dead. I couldn’t let anything happen to my little boy. I was his mother and I had to protect him. So, even if I was scared out of my mind and almost paralyzed with fear, I had to keep going.
I drove straight through the night. I would have stopped but I didn’t even feel tired. I was just ready to get to the destination and hopefully have a moment to sit and breathe.
“When you get there, stop at the gas station right off of the exit. Sit in your car, call this number from the burner in the bag and ask to see the property. Wait there until she says she can meet you. When you pull up to the house, drive the car into the driveway and park in the detached garage in the back. This way you can keep Neiryn hidden while you talk to her. If she asks, tell her you stopped to fill up and you saw the ad on the board beside the door.”
I remembered his instructions word for word and I followed them exactly. Down to telling the spry old lady that I didn’t need to see the place and that I was paying in cash. I had worried that she was going to ask me to fill out paperwork and want some form of ID, but she took the cash and gave me a small smile as she handed over the keys to the place.
I pulled everything into the house before taking a moment to look around. I didn’t care as long as it had running water. But to my surprise, the house came fully furnished and wasn’t too shabby, either. There were even sheets in the closet upstairs for the bed.
I was glad I remembered to grab a pack-and-play when I was at the store. It sucked that Neiryn wouldn’t have a bed but it would have to do for now.
I set him down on the floor in the living room, giving him a few toys that I’d bought. He seemed happy rolling around with his new stuffed lion. I collapsed on the couch as if my legs suddenly gave out and let out a sigh of relief. I knew I wasn’t safe but I was safer than I had been in a long time.
I’d never been on my own. And now I was, with a child no less, and not to mention, danger on my trail. But I was going to make it work and I had to trust that Burke was who he said he was and that he was there to help me. I had to believe that he knew what he was doing and he wouldn’
t put us in danger if he could help it.
All of this led me to wonder just how he’d come to me. How did he know who I was? Or that I even needed help? He seemed to know more about me than I felt like I knew about myself.
Shaking my head, I decided to thank the universe for sending him to me. It didn’t matter how, it only mattered that I was free. Well, as free as I could have been.
After a while, Neiryn’s eyes grew heavy. I let him sleep on the couch, his little fingers clutching the fuzzy hair of the lion so tightly that I wondered if he was as worried as me.
He was the best kid ever. Sure, I was his mom and I had no doubt that was what every mom thought about their kid. But he really was. He was pretty even-tempered, and when he did have one of his not-so-happy moments, they wouldn’t last long. He was everything to me. His smiles and laughter kept me going in my darkest moments. His hugs brought me the warmth I needed when I felt cold on the inside.
While he slept, I moved around, putting things in their places. I made sure there was a big enough space in the corner of the master bedroom to set up his playpen when the time came. There was a spare room at the other end of the long hall, but I wanted him as close as could be. I figured this whole situation was traumatic enough, I didn’t want to leave him feeling like he was alone in any way.
I surveyed the food I’d picked up. All of it non-perishable since I had to drive with it in the car for a while before I got here. I knew I’d have to venture out and find a store soon, but I just didn’t want to worry with it tonight. I stood there, trying to come up with something I could make with the cans and dry goods in front of me. I was tired and honestly didn’t even want to attempt to cook anything.
Then I realized that I didn’t even have anything to cook with. Well, crap! I looked around and found no luck anywhere. The cabinets were all bare. Not that I really expected anything else. It looked like I might have to go out later. But then my eyes skated over the kitchen and caught on a magnet that was plastered on the refrigerator.
