by Erin Trejo
“Yeah, baby. He is. I’m sorry, Henley.”
“Stop saying sorry! You didn’t do this! I did it! He did it. Not you,” I cry. Ransom rolls me onto my side, pulling my face into his chest. I inhale his scent, his cologne. Everything about Ransom feels like home to me, in my head, in my heart. How can I feel that with a man that kidnapped me? His hands run up and down my back as I cry harder.
“I’ll kill him, Hen. I will. Every one of those motherfuckers that hurt you, I will end them.” His growl would cause anyone to jolt but to me? I find a sense of peace in it.
“My best friend is gone,” I cry harder. Ransom tightens his hold on me. His lips press into the top of my head.
“I know, baby. I’m so goddamn sorry I didn’t get to you sooner.”
“I’m going to be sick,” I warn him as bile rises in my throat. Ransom moves but not fast enough. I vomit all over him, me and the bed. I feel like a fool but after all the drugs that they have pumped into my system I’m surprised I’m still alive.
“I’m sorry,” I say as fresh tears fall. Ransom climbs off the bed and heads straight to the bathroom. I can hear the water running before he comes back out in nothing but his jeans. I take in his form, the muscles and tattoos that cover his body. How could something so perfect want someone like me? Maybe now that I’ve been used and abused he doesn’t. The thought hadn’t occurred to me until now. A whimper escapes my lips.
“Prospect, get in here and change the sheets,” Ransom orders into his phone before dropping it onto the dresser. He moves toward me with purposeful strides before scooping me into his arms. No one has ever cared this much about me.
“Gonna get you cleaned up, darlin’,” he whispers setting me on the toilet seat. He peels me out of my clothes before removing his as well. When we’re both completely naked his eyes roam over my body. I want to shiver; I want to pull away but I can’t place that look in his eyes. Track marks litter my arm making me cringe. Ransom steps in, taking a deep breath before lifting me up once more. Holding me closely he steps into the shower. The warm water hits my skin and I whimper.
“You wanna talk about it?” he asks. I shake my head not wanting to relive any of that shit any time soon. He doesn’t force me for which I’m grateful. Setting me on my feet, he grabs the shampoo and squeezes it into my hair. His fingers work like magic as he cleans me.
“She was my best friend. My only friend,” I say quietly.
“She loved you, Hen. Never forget that part.”
“And look where it got her,” I respond.
“Don’t do that to yourself. Do you think she would have done anything differently for you had she known? No, she wouldn’t. She cared about you. Loved you.”
“No one loves me now,” I whisper my eyes falling closed. I can’t stand the empty feeling inside of me. It’s overwhelming and so hard to deal with. I’ve never had to deal with anything like this in my life. I guess that was just another perk of my dad paying my way. Worry was never anything I had to do.
“That’s not true.”
“It is true. Nat’s dead, my dad hates me.”
“I love you, Henley.” His admission shocks me and rocks me to the core. He spins me around to face him, my tired eyes slowly opening again to look at him. His hands come to cup my cheeks, he licks his lips and stares into my eyes.
“I love you, Henley. I didn’t want to. Fuck, I never thought I would love anyone but when they took you, I lost it. I wanted to rip this city apart to get you back. The only other time I felt that emptiness inside was when my mom died, Hen. I never wanna feel that shit again,” he says. More tears fill my eyes but Ransom leans in and kisses them away. I snuggle my face into the crook of his neck, savoring his scent. He holds me tighter than he ever has and together we just breathe.
Chapter 25
Ransom
Addictions a bitch. I’ve seen it happen more times than I care to admit but watching Henley have to go through withdrawals is taking a toll on me. She was really fucked up when we got her back and she is still a goddamn mess now. I had to get out of there. I couldn’t bear to look at her heaving and looking so damn pale. Saylor went in to sit with her so I could catch a break. Now I stand outside the clubhouse leaning against the brick wall smoking a cigarette and thinking.
“You love her?” Piper asks coming to stand next to me.
“Yeah. I do. Fucked up, huh?” She giggles.
“Not at all. I saw it, you were just stubborn as hell.”
“She okay?”
“Yeah, Saylor’s still in there. Doc was getting her something for the nausea,” she adds taking the bottle of beer from my hand and bringing it to her lips.
“You ain’t old enough to drink,” I remind her with a chuckle.
“Yeah, there’s a lot of things I’m not old enough to do. You did good with her, Ransom.” She passes my bottle back before spinning on her heel and walking away.
“She’s right.” I turn my head to see Triton coming toward me.
“Maybe. You hear anything?” Shaking his head, he moves to stand closer to me.
“Nope. Keith wasn’t in there. Didn’t figure he would be but he isn’t far. That son of a bitch doesn’t travel too far from his money. We’ll get him, Ransom.” Nodding my head, I know we will. It’s only a matter of time before he messes up and takes a wrong step. Then I’ll be there to blow his goddamn world apart. I take a deep breath and blow it out before looking at Triton.
“I never thought my life would end up like this, brother.”
“Like what?”
“This. Her bein’ here, in my bed. I didn’t think my heart had anything left to it for her to take over. It scares the shit out of me to think that somethin’ could have happened worse than it did. What if I would have lost her?”
“She isn’t gone, Ransom. She held on for you. You gotta let her heal and then show her how much you need her. Your mom would be proud of you.” His words run deep. He’s right.
“I fucked her up before though, man. When I first took her. Fuck, maybe she does deserve to have the world handed to her.” Triton huffs.
“You can give her that, asshole. Just not the way her dad did. You give her more. You actually fuckin’ love her. Her dad never gave that much.” He might be right but in this fucked up head of mine, I’m not so sure.
“I need to figure shit out. I don’t know that I can be what she needs me to be, Triton. The things I did to her, fuck, man!”
“Then do what you need to do to get your head right but don’t shut that girl out. She’s a mess and the only one she needs is you.” With that he walks away and heads back inside. I finish my beer and do the same heading toward the office. I find Neo in there and close the door behind me.
“You okay?” He asks looking up from the paperwork on his desk. I shake my head.
“I need a run, Neo. I need outta here for a while.” His eyes are full of concern and I can’t say that I blame him there.
“Hidin’ from her?”
“No. Fuck, I don’t know. I can’t think straight, Neo. She’s fuckin’ lost and I don’t know how to help her find herself. I’m barely holdin’ on here.” He nods his head as if he understands but he doesn’t. there’s no way that he could.
“Okay. I don’t have shit for you to do but you can ride. Take some time and get your head straight but don’t just run out on her, Ransom. She needs you man.”
“I don’t know if she does anymore. I fucked her over pretty good when I took her. This whole fuckin’ situation is startin’ to wear me down, brother. I thought I could handle it but I’m losin’ it.” Neo stands from his chair and walks around the desk coming to stand in front of me. His hands rest on my shoulders, his eyes sincere.
“There’s a lot of things in life that we can and can’t handle. You came out of that war stronger, Ransom. You suffer every goddamn day with the demons inside of you but you also have good in there. The same kind of good that had you enlistin’ to begin with. Don’t turn that part
of yourself off because you’re afraid.” Nodding my head, I turn on my heel and walk out of his office. My hearts heavy as I walk down the hall toward my room. Telling Henley, I need to leave is going to be harder than I thought it would be but I know this is the best.
Chapter 26
Henley
I couldn’t believe it when Ransom said he was leaving. I couldn’t blame him though. Things have been incredibly insane between the two of us. I knew that deep down he didn’t want to be with me after what had happened. I’d accepted it but that doesn’t make the pain ease any. It still hurts. It’s been three weeks since he left but Neo said I could stay at the clubhouse. Saylor has offered me a job helping her manage a few of her surfers. I was grateful for the job but I have no clue what I’m doing. She shows me the in’s and out’s and I do the best I can. It’s a good feeling knowing that I’m working for my money. No one is getting hurt or abused. No one is losing their lives to fund my lifestyle.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Saylor asks as we walk up the stairs.
“Yep. Don’t you think it’s time I move on?” I ask her over my shoulder. Saylor sighs but nods her head. I shove the key into the lock and open the door. When we step inside, we both gasp. It isn’t what I’m used to but this apartment is mine. That’s right. I got myself an apartment.
“It’s not that bad. I think it’s bigger than my place on the beach,” Saylor says as she wonders the small apartment. It’s not that big but it’s something I paid for with money I earned.
“It’s home,” I tell her. Saylor spins to face me, a grin on her face.
“House warming drinks?” she asks wiggling her eyebrows.
“Of course!” Saylor giggles and runs out of the door to grab the drinks we bought earlier. I have to admit that this is all a little strange. I’m used to a big lavish house and comfortable clothes. Now I’m buying second hand clothes and living in an apartment the size of my old bathroom but Ransom’s words ring true. None of that was mine. I didn’t deserve any of that.
“Here we are!” Saylor comes back passing me a bottle. Yeah, we are not using cups tonight. We both pop the bottles open and take a long pull. It doesn’t take long until we’re both drunk off our asses.
“Men suck,” I grumble under my breath.
“They do! Speaking of men, Triton is on his way over,” Saylor groans flopping down on the couch.
“What for?”
“I don’t know. He thinks it’s a bad idea that the two of us are drunk,” she slurs making me laugh.
“When did you know you loved him?” Saylor swallows the mouthful of liquor before she looks at me.
“The minute he took care of me. I thought he was an annoying prick at first. He was arrogant and full of himself but he never backed down. I think I’ve always loved him,” she hiccups.
“I love, Ransom. Even if he left me. I know why he did.”
“Why is that?” Right then someone knocks on the door. Saylor stumbles toward it and throws it open. Triton smirks at her before lifting her in his arms and kissing her. He walks in with her dangling off his neck when he looks over at me.
“You thought drinkin’ was the best house warmin’ party?” I giggle and point at Saylor.
“Her idea!”
“Yeah, throw me to the wolf.”
“What are you two gossipin’ about?” Triton asks setting Saylor back on her feet. Before we can rethink it, we both speak at the same time.
“Ransom!”
“Love!”
“You love Ransom?” Triton asks raising an eyebrow. I nod my head slowly.
“She said she knows why he left.” Saylor fills him in.
“Oh yeah? Why is that?” Triton asks crossing his arms over his chest.
“I’m used up, Triton. What they did to me…he couldn’t get past it. I don’t blame him.”
“Enough!” Triton roars startling us both. Saylor and I share a glance before looking back to him. what the hell is his problem?
“He’s a goddamn mess, Henley. He left to figure shit out in his head. He feels like shit and like all of this stuff is his fault. He was in bad shape when he came back from the war, this just added to it.”
“Yeah, because of me! It’s my fault he’s a mess!”
“No it isn’t. He’s been a mess. He loves you too, Hen. He just needs to clear his head and get back into a good space. Right now, he’s fucked up. He’s out lookin’ for your dad and tryin’ to make things right,” Triton informs me. I didn’t know he was out looking for my dad.
“He’s looking for him?”
“He told you once he was gonna kill him. Ransom doesn’t say shit he doesn’t mean, Henley.”
“What if he gets killed?” I ask nearly sobbing through my drunken tears.
“Then he died for somethin’ that he loved. You don’t get it, Henley. Not everyone can love the right way. The stigmatism of what people put in your head is wrong. Everything is flowers and hearts, not with men like us. When we love, we love hard. We don’t look back and we never regret what we do for the ones we love.” His words wrap around me and hold tightly. Before anyone can say anything further, Saylor moves to pull me into a hug.
“He’s right,” she whispers.
“I know but I just need him to come back, Henley. I will do anything he wants if he would just come back!”
Chapter 27
Ransom
I thought I’d feel better after I killed the sick fucker but as I stand here in his big ass house hovering over his lifeless body, I don’t. I wonder. I wonder if I tortured him enough. I wonder if I made him feel as much pain as my mom and Henley did. I don’t know anything anymore. I walk through the house a cigarette hanging from my lips. Door after door, I open them and look inside when I find hers. Henley’s old room. It has to be. It’s the only one that’s full of pink ruffled shit. I huff out a laugh as I walk in and sit on the edge of her bed.
“What the hell am I doin’ with you, Henley?” I ask myself. I know I love her. I can feel that much but she deserves more doesn’t she? I snuff my cigarette out on the floor of her room before laying back on the bed and closing my eyes. Slowly I drift away to dreams of my mom.
“You have to return to her, Ransom,” my mom tells me.
“I don’t know that I can.”
“Of course, you know. She has your heart, son. You will never be whole again if you don’t go to her.”
“She’s been hurt so badly. I don’t think I can fix her, mom,” I tell her. Her beautiful long hair sways in the breeze around her, making her look even more angelic.
“You are the only one that can fix her. She has been through hell but you have been there too and still have been there for her. She recognizes that and needs it. Don’t let her go, Ransom.”
“I failed her like I failed you,” I whisper. My mom steps toward me, her hand cupping my cheek.
“You never failed me. You were strong for me. You took what they handed out to you and you moved on. He’s in hell now, Ransom. He can never hurt anyone again, don’t let him hold your memories hostage. Remember how much I loved you and how much you love her.” Her words mean the world to me. Even in a dream my mom knows all the right things to say. I can feel her arms wrap around, holding me to her.
“Go to her. You killed her past, son now show her a future.” I jolt awake and thrash my head around trying to regain my bearings. Once I remember I’m in Henley’s old room, I sigh and run my hand over my face. I’m a complete fucking mess. Shoving off the bed, I head back out of her room and down the massive staircase. I need to get out of here before anymore of Heiser’s assholes decide to show up. I killed a few that were here in the house. I stroll out the front door and climb on my bike, securing my helmet. I want to go to her. I want to see her and hold her but the lingering doubts in the back of my mind are holding me back. Revving the engine, I pull out onto the main road and head toward the clubhouse. I want to be home. I miss the guys and my place in the club. Even if I’m unce
rtain of what is happening between Henley and me, I know my place in the club.
It doesn’t take me long to get back to the clubhouse and when I pull into the back lot, I spot Rebel. He’s outside talking with Trinity. She laughs and throws her head back, her long hair dancing in the breeze. She’s gorgeous. I climb off my bike as they both look at me.
“You came back!” Rebel roars heading toward me. He grabs me and pulls me into a hug, patting his hand on my back.
“You miss me?” I tease.
“You know it. Glad you’re back, brother.”
“Me too, Rebel. How’s things goin’ with her?” I nod toward Trin. Rebel grins that shit eating grin and chuckles.
“Real good, brother. She’s off limits,” he warns pointing at me.
“Don’t gotta worry there, man. I’m good.”
“You know she ain’t here right?” My heart drops in my chest. It’s not like she had a reason to stay. I left her. I should have known.
“Didn’t figure she would be. Maybe it’s for the best, yeah?”
“You’re dumb as fuck if you believe that.” I turn my head and look over my shoulder at Triton as he stalks toward us.
“Where you been?” I ask with a grin.
“At your girl’s apartment. Apparently her and Say thought it was smart to get wasted. You handle business?” Nodding my head, he smiles a wide toothy smile. “Good man. Go get your girl now.”
“She left for a reason, Triton.” Turning back toward the clubhouse, I ignore him.
“She thinks it’s because she was raped!” I cringe at the words. What they did to her? Fuck! No one deserves that. I spin back around and look at Triton.
“We all know that’s not why,” I growl at him.
“Oh yeah? She doesn’t.” I can see the challenge in his eyes and God help me I don’t need to be doing this right now but I do.
“Show me where she lives.”
Chapter 28
Henley
