by Frankie Love
I stayed until Saturday morning, had breakfast with her—I cooked the bacon while she made pancakes—and when I finally tore myself away from her to come home and pack, my sister was waiting for me.
“You were out late.”
“Yeah,” I say, a little sheepishly.
“You really like the children’s librarian, huh?” Quinn says, going into the kitchen to refill her coffee cup.
I follow her and get a cup of my own, saying, “I do. I never expected this when I took Chelsea to storytime, but it’s gonna be so hard to go back to Italy tonight.”
“Is there any way you can extend your leave?” Quinn asks just as Chelsea, apparently having heard her name, comes skipping into the room.
“Yeah, stay, Uncle Nash,” she agrees. “You can play hopscotch with me.”
I laugh and tug on one braided pigtail. “I really can’t stay—the military doesn’t work like that, and neither does life. You can’t always do what you want.” Not to mention the fact that I promised Nora we’d do things on her terms, and she’s expecting me to leave, to let her raise this baby on her own. I look at Chelsea, pouting. “But you’re still young enough that you don’t have to worry about any of that. I’d love to play hopscotch with you before I go. Get your chalk, kiddo.”
“Yay!” Chelsea coos, before dashing off again.
When we’re alone again, I consider telling my sister what Nora and I were really up to last night. She knows I like Nora, probably even suspects that I’m in love with her because I’ve never acted this way about a woman before. But it seems crazy to tell my kid sister that I tried my damnedest last night to impregnate a woman I just met.
Better to wait and find out if it actually worked to break that news.
Or, hell, maybe I’ll never tell my family. Not if Nora doesn’t want me in the baby’s life.
I let out a sigh and take a long sip of my coffee. Nora and I really did get carried away this week—we didn’t think about any of that. But it felt right, and I stand by my decision, impulsive as it was.
Chelsea runs back into the room with a bucket of sidewalk chalk under her arm, grabbing my hand and trying to drag me out to the driveway. All three of us go outside and Quinn and I finish our coffees while Chelsea draws the world’s longest hopscotch board down the full length of the driveway.
She numbers the squares all the way up to ten before she has to phone a friend, or her Uncle Nash in this case, to help her with the rest, then she gets a smooth stone from a nearby flower bed and hands it to me.
“Okay, Uncle Nash, do you know how to play or do you need me to explain the rules?”
I chuckle. “You better explain it to me.”
I know damn well how to play hopscotch, but she’s adorable when she’s teaching me things with her little four-year-old’s lisp. I can just see her becoming a teacher when she’s older, or a college professor. Maybe she’ll go into biology, or be a vet since she loves animals so much. The world is her oyster and I can’t wait to see who she grows up to be.
While she reminds me of the rules of hopscotch, then takes a couple turns herself to illustrate them, I think about Nora, and the baby that we may well have created last night.
Who will they grow up to be? A librarian like their mother? A military grunt like their dad?
No matter what, I know they’re gonna be a bookworm.
I catch my flight back to Italy that night just like I’m supposed to, and report to base sixteen hours later, weary from the long plane ride. Part of me is thrilled to be back, like always. As much as I miss my family while I’m deployed, I miss my brothers in arms every time I go on leave.
For once, I actually have a story they’d want to hear—about the curvy librarian I met—but I want to keep Nora all to myself. I don’t want to sully what we had together by turning it into bragging fodder, and I definitely don’t want all these hardened soldiers teasing me mercilessly if I confess how much my mind is still on her.
The truth is that not a day goes by—hell, sometimes not even an hour—that I don’t think about Nora, and the new life we may have created together.
Especially late at night, when I’m lying in my bunk and trying to fall asleep, I think about how it’s only early afternoon where Nora is and she’ll be getting off work soon. I wonder if she knows whether she’s pregnant yet, and if she’d want to tell me if she was.
And then I think about how I promised I wouldn’t interfere, and how hard that’s gonna be in practice.
I miss her… more than I ever thought I could miss someone.
And the not knowing is quietly killing me.
11
Nora
4 weeks later…
I’m just getting home from a library shift when my phone chimes. I leave it for a couple of minutes while I get changed into comfy leggings and settle onto the couch with the smoothie I picked up on my way home.
Lately I’ve been all about the creamy peanut butter and banana ones that Golden Creek Creamery makes, and I’m trying not to read too much into that. I’ve done all my research—I’m a librarian, after all—and I know that cravings are one of the first signs of pregnancy. But it’s barely been long enough for a missed cycle, and I’m trying not to get ahead of myself.
Sometimes a girl just gets on a smoothie kick, and it doesn’t have to mean anything.
I’m drinking this one down so fast I’m on the verge of a brain freeze when I remember the message waiting for me. I retrieve my phone and find a text from Nash.
Don’t want to be a pest… just wondering if you’ve taken a pregnancy test yet.
My pulse quickens—both at the sight of Nash’s name on phone, and at the idea of removing all doubt about whether or not I’m pregnant.
He’s texted a few times, always apologetic and sweet, wanting to know how I’m doing and if I’ve seen Chelsea (she never misses a storytime), but mostly curious about whether our little experiment worked out.
Every time so far, I’ve told him it’s too soon to know.
Biologically, that’s not quite true. I could make another appointment at the fertility center, or spring for one of the more expensive, more sensitive drug store tests that can give results sooner. The truth is that I’m not ready to know. I’m not ready to find out if I’m having Nash’s baby because the longer he’s away from me, the more I miss him.
I’m afraid I’ve gone and fallen in love with the guy, which is problem enough given his career. If I’m pregnant with his child, that’s a whole other level of complications.
But it’s been four weeks and one way or another, I’m going to find out the truth soon.
I’ll take the test tomorrow, I promise Nash in a return text, then set down my phone and return to my smoothie. He’ll probably be relieved if it’s negative. I can’t imagine what’s going through his head lately, worrying about whether he chained his life to mine forever on some silly whim.
But me… I’m pretty sure I’ll be heartbroken if the test comes out negative.
The next day, I’m on pins and needles all morning.
I work the circulation desk for a while, but it’s Wednesday and we’re slow as usual. All the grown-ups are at work and all the school-aged kids are in class, and there’s no storytime scheduled for today to keep me occupied.
I flip through a few new picture books, trying to pick one out for next week, and a little before lunch time, Cassidy and Brooklyn find me sitting on a beanbag chair in the children’s section, a board book in my lap. I’m just kind of spacing out, worrying about what I promised Nash I’d do today instead of actually reading.
“Hey, you look worried,” Cass says, plopping down in the beanbag next to mine. “What’s going on?”
I clutch the board book to myself, knowing darn well that even if I am pregnant I won’t have a baby bump just yet and nonetheless feeling like my body will give away my secret. Maybe it’s already written across my face.
Brooklyn sits on the carpet in front of us both, her hand
comfortingly on my knee. I let out a breath and say, “Do you remember when I was looking for sperm donors, thinking about having a baby on my own?”
“Umm, how could we forget?” my sister asks with a smile. “Are you gonna go for it?”
“Well…”
Brooklyn’s mouth drops open. “Did you already do it and not tell us?!”
“Not exactly,” I say, and then in one long exhalation, the whole truth comes out at last.
How I’d confessed my plan to Nash after our date, and the offer that he made. How incredible and passionate and tender our second night together had been. How he’s in Italy now and I’m a fool who went and fell in love with him, and now I’m afraid to take a pregnancy test.
When I finish explaining it all, I look sheepishly between my sister and my best friend. “Am I insane?”
Cassidy chuckles. “Yes, but I fully support this.”
Now it’s my turn to look shocked. “You do?”
“Hell yes,” she says, then holds a hand over her mouth and looks around to make sure there are no kids nearby. There aren’t, but she whispers as she repeats herself. “Hell yes, Nor. You’ve always wanted a family—the whole shebang, kids and a loving partner to raise them with. It sounds like you got what you wanted, just not how you were expecting.”
“Umm…” I look at her like she’s got worms crawling out of her ears. “Did you miss the part about how he’s halfway around the world and we agreed on a no-strings attached arrangement?”
“Nope,” Cass says. “And I didn’t miss the part where you said you love him, either. It’s gonna work out, Nora—you just have to trust in that.”
“Yeah, okay,” I say, rolling my eyes.
Brooklyn pops up to her feet and holds her hands out to me. “In the meantime, we really gotta find out if you’re knocked up or not. Come on.”
I laugh and let her haul me out of the beanbag. We all clock out on our lunch breaks, and Brooklyn drags me down the street to a nearby drugstore. We buy a pregnancy test and she won’t even let me leave the store without taking it. We got straight to the store restroom and Cass and Brooks stand outside while I do my thing inside.
A couple minutes later, my heart is racing and I feel a little bit like I might pass out when I open the door.
“Well?” Brooklyn demands.
I hold out the pregnancy test for them both to see—two lines, clear as day.
I’m pregnant.
“Oh my God!” Cassidy shouts, so loud we get alarmed looks from a couple other shoppers. “Congratulations, sis!” She pulls me into a hug, then asks, “How are you feeling?”
“Nauseous,” I say, but I’m grinning. “Terrified. Excited… Hungry.”
Brooklyn laughs and puts her arm around me. “Come on, let’s get lunch and celebrate.”
I walk out of that drugstore clutching my positive pregnancy test like a trophy, equal parts ecstatic and anxious. I’m going to have to tell Nash tonight after work, and I just don’t know how he’ll take the news.
12
Nash
I’m exhausted after an all-night flight, surviving purely on airline coffee and adrenaline, but I’m waiting on Nora’s doorstep when she gets home from work.
And when she catches sight of me, for a second I think I might have to catch her if she faints.
“Nash,” she says, putting a hand out to steady herself on the porch rail. “What are you… are you really here?”
“Yes,” I say, standing and going to her. I put my hands on her hips, subconsciously trying to recall exactly how they felt last time, whether they’re any plumper now, whether her belly has grown… even though I know from Quinn’s pregnancy that even if Nora is carrying my child, it’s far too soon for visible changes.
“How?” she asks.
“I told my commander I had a family emergency,” I say. “I said I needed to come home and I wouldn’t negotiate. I wanted to be here with you today, no matter what the test says. I know you’ve got your family here in town, and I know they’re supportive, but I had a feeling you might try to deal with all of this on your own, and I just couldn’t let you do that. I had to be here for you, if only for you to tell me you don’t need me either and send me away.”
Nora furrows her brows, taking in my words. I know it’s only been a month that we’ve been apart, but looking into those gorgeous eyes, putting my arms around her, it feels like a homecoming that’s been a long time in the making.
“Family emergency, huh?” she says. “You lied to the military for me?”
I shake my head. “I don’t see it that way. I know I said we’d do this entirely on your terms, and if you really do want to raise the baby on your own I’ll respect your wishes and I’ll leave you alone. But Nora…”
God, why am I doing this on her front stoop, in front of the whole damn neighborhood? This isn’t how I saw this going in my head, but the minute I saw her again, everything I’ve been thinking for the past month just started pouring out of me.
To hell with it. Life isn’t perfect, it doesn’t always go to plan, and I have to say this right now or I’ll regret it forever.
“Nora, I want to be there for you, no matter what the test says,” I say. “I want us to be a family. I want to marry you and see the world with you and make babies with you because I love you.”
A couple of tears spill down her cheeks and I curse myself. Damn it, I’ve done it again—made this beautiful, perfect, sexy woman cry. She bats her lashes, and they get wet with her tears as she looks up at me. “You do?”
I shrug and give her a smile. “What can I say? I just can’t help my shelf.”
It’s exactly what this moment needs. Nora gives me a strange look, then bursts into laughter. Way better than tears, at least in my book.
“Did you really just say that?” she asks, shaking her head.
Instead of answering, I pull her to me, kiss her deeply. Then ask, “Well, what do you say? Will you marry me, or am I the biggest idiot who ever crossed an ocean for a gorgeous librarian who definitely increases my circulation?”
She’s smiling, no more tears, and that’s definitely progress… but I can see in her eyes that she’s overwhelmed.
“Why do you want to marry me?” she asks, her hand going to her stomach as she adds, “I told you that you didn’t have to be in this baby’s life.”
My eyes light up, my heart skipping a beat. “Does that mean… Did you already take the test?”
She nods. “At lunch today, with Brooklyn and Cassidy.”
“And?” I swear to God I’m not trying to be pushy about this, but I’m practically floating with happiness because I can see the answer written across her face.
“I’m pregnant,” she says, and I immediately scoop her into my arms, spin her around right there on the stoop, kiss her like I never want to let her go again.
“That’s amazing,” I say. “You’re going to make an amazing mother.”
When I finally set her back down on her feet, she asks, “And that doesn’t change anything about how you feel? Your proposal?”
Now is the moment. I can tell because my heart is hammering in my chest. I pull a small jewelry box from my pants pocket and drop to one knee. I open the box and Nora’s eyes go wide when she sees the ring. It’s a princess cut diamond with a ring of sapphires all the way around it, the same color as her eyes.
“Where did that come from?” she asks.
“Well, I had a couple of hours to kill after I got here, before you came home from work,” I say, taking her hand. “Nora, I’ve loved you since the moment I met you, and I know we’ve only spent a couple of days together, but that’s all I need to know you’re the one for me. The one I’ve been waiting for. And I think you’ve been waiting for me too.”
She’s nodding her head, her hand shaking in mine, and she looks like she might cry again—but I’m pretty sure they’ll be happy tears this time.
“Oh Nash…” Nora’s brow wrinkles and my heart stops becaus
e now it feels like a no is coming. “I love you too. I really do—you’ve got no idea how many times I’ve wanted to reach out to you and tell you that over the last few weeks, but I didn’t want you to feel like you were trapped in a situation you didn’t mean to sign up for.”
“I would never feel trapped by you,” I say, getting off my knee so I can pull her to me. “All I want is you, and this baby—our family.”
“What about your job?” she asks. “You’re not going to quit the Army for us, are you?”
“I was kind of hoping you’d want to come with me,” I say. “Travel the world, see everything you’ve always wanted to see.”
“Raise a baby in Italy?”
“Why not? As F. Scott Fitzgerald says, you can’t live forever.” I present the ring to her again, then add, “If you hate it, we can always put in for a transfer, or I can ask to be stationed stateside. What do you say, Nora? Will you be my family?”
A smile spreads across her face, starting slowly then lighting her up from within. “Yes, Nash, let’s be a family!”
I lift her up, twirl her around again, then set her down and slip the ring onto her finger. I’m the luckiest man alive.
Epilogue 1
Nash
8 months later…
Not quite a year later, Nora and I are truly living the dream.
We got married right there in Golden Creek a few days after I proposed. It was a small courthouse ceremony, but we followed it up with a big party for all our friends and family that weekend.
Quinn and her husband Owen were there, and Chelsea was our flower girl, carrying around a huge basket full of petals and sprinkling them in front of us wherever we walked all night long. I got to meet Nora’s family—her mom and dad and all of her sisters, plus her best friend who Nora explained is like a sister.
