by Paige Tyler
“Nothing. Can you hear anything?”
“Not over the sound of the water.”
“Do you think they followed us up the stream?” she asked.
After the sprint over the ridge, then the slog up the rapids, she was beat, and crouching there in her wet clothes was exhausting her even more. If she took off her boots right then, her toes would probably be blue.
“I don’t think so. If they had, they would’ve gotten here already. I think we’re okay for now,” he said. “Come on. The cave opens up a little back here. We can get dry and warm.”
Kendra wasn’t sure she remembered what being dry and warm felt like. Between the almost-constant rain and the frequent treks through one body of water or another, she’d been wet and cold for almost a week.
As Declan promised, the cave opened up into an area that was fairly spacious. There wasn’t much light, but she couldn’t have cared less. It wasn’t dark enough to worry about pulling out the NVGs. Besides, she was so tired, all she felt like doing was throwing herself on the stone floor and sleeping for a week. But there was no way she could sleep in these soaking wet clothes. She’d wake up with hypothermia—if she woke up at all.
She threw Declan a quick glance over her shoulder as she started unbuttoning her uniform top. “You think you have a dry T-shirt in your pack I can wear while my stuff dries out? The extra ones I have are wet.”
He looked confused for a second, and she wondered if maybe she wasn’t the only one affected by the cold.
“Um, yeah. I think I have one left I haven’t worn.” He propped his weapon against the cave wall and dug through it. “Hold on a second.”
The idea of getting out of her wet clothes and into something dry was too enticing to resist, so she yanked off her uniform top and immediately started in on her boots. If it meant getting warm and dry, she was willing to strip naked in front of the big bear shifter. But the stupid laces were all knotted up and her soggy, cold fingers couldn’t seem to get them loose.
“I told you to hold on a second,” Declan scolded. “Here, let me get those. Your hands are shaking too much to do it. Hold this.”
He gave her a T-shirt—oh God, it was completely dry—then sat down in front of her. She felt silly sitting there with her wet boots in his lap, but Declan got the laces undone much faster than she would have been able to. He had her boots and socks off in seconds instead of minutes.
While Declan spread out a poncho for them to sit on, Kendra turned her back and shucked her wet T-shirt. She pulled Declan’s on and almost laughed when it fell all the way to her knees. She imagined she looked a little goofy, but who cared? She was warmer already.
It took a bit of work to get her pants off, but thankfully Declan didn’t ask if she needed help with those. That would have been too embarrassing.
She arranged all her wet clothes on the rocks littering the cave floor, then went back to dig a pair of her panties out of Declan’s pack. It wasn’t too hard to work those on under his big T-shirt, and a few minutes later, she was seated comfortably on Declan’s poncho.
“You think we’re safe here for a while?” she asked.
“Yeah, I don’t think there’s any way for the hybrids to track us through the stream, and I doubt they’re going to stumble on this cave.”
Declan had pulled off his T-shirt, pants, and boots, and was sitting across from her in nothing but his boxer briefs, facing the cave entrance. His crossed-legged position gave her a nice view of rippling abs, defined pecs, and bulging thighs. And speaking of bulging, those tight underwear looked like they were hiding a serious bulge of their own. She’d never seen this much of him before and he looked good—really good.
Kendra tried not to stare at all that nakedness, but he caught her. “You don’t mind, do you? My stuff is soaked, too, and the T-shirt you have on is the last dry thing I had in my bag. I can put my clothes back on if it bothers you.”
She shook her head, forcing herself to focus on anything other than all that exposed skin. “No problem. You’re fine.”
Yeah, you’re fine all right.
She pulled her knees up to her chest and tugged the bottom of the shirt down to her ankles. The thing was so big on her it was like wearing a bathrobe. “Sorry to steal your last dry shirt.”
He chuckled. “Don’t be. It looks better on you than it does on me.”
And you look better without it. But she kept that to herself.
As they settled into a comfortable silence, Kendra wanted to laugh. Here she was, sitting half-naked in a cave while a gorgeous, equally naked guy sat only a few feet away. This would have been a sexy scenario if it wasn’t for two simple facts: one, Declan wasn’t interested in her, and two, there were dozens of hybrids out there right now who would love to come charging in here and tear them apart. It was difficult to focus too much on sexy thoughts with things like that hanging over her head.
Chapter 8
She pulled out her ponytail holder and ran her fingers through her hair, shaking it out around her shoulders. “How far do you think we got today?”
Declan snorted. “With the early start, I thought we’d get at least ten miles in, but we barely made five. Worse, we’ve been driven way off course, so half of those five miles were in the wrong direction. Bottom line, it was a wasted morning.”
As long as they were safe, Kendra was willing to deal with the delays, but she knew that all this hiding was driving Declan crazy. “Do you think we should try and go a little farther today or just hole up here?”
“My gut says to get out of here as soon as we can, so we can get a few more miles between us and the hybrids roaming this general area. But…”
“But?” she prompted.
“I’m worried if we head right back out, we’ll run right into the arms of that same pack of hybrids that chased us in here. It would probably be better to stay hidden until later—nightfall maybe—then try and slip out of here when they’re not expecting it.”
Kendra sure as hell wasn’t going to complain about resting for a while—she could use it—and this cave was the most secure place they’d stumbled on since this nightmare had started.
“How did you know this cave was here?” she asked.
Declan frowned and shifted on the poncho. “It’s kind of hard to put into words¸ but I always know whenever I’m near a place where I can hide or lay low for a while if I have to. It’s just this feeling I get. Like a sense of security. I know it sounds crazy.”
Actually, being a bear shifter who instinctively knew when a good hibernating place was nearby made perfect sense. The thing she didn’t understand was why having a talent like that seemed to disturb Declan.
She’d been evaluating Declan and his team for many years, and while they were certainly amazing in the field, she’d noticed that Declan depended on his natural shifter abilities the least of all the shifters at the DCO. She’d always thought it was because he didn’t have as much shifter DNA as they did, but maybe that wasn’t it at all. Maybe Declan didn’t use his shifter skills because he didn’t want to.
“It doesn’t sound crazy,” she told him. “Bears have to hibernate, so it makes sense that they have a natural talent for finding safe places to do it. You’re a bear shifter, so it makes sense that you have the same talent.”
“If you say so. It never seemed like a worthwhile talent to me.”
She gave him a smile. “It sure came in handy today.”
Declan grunted and reached for his pack. He pulled out another energy bar and split it, then handed her half. “I know you won’t eat unless I do, so I’m not going to waste my breath.”
“Good. If I have to eat these, so do you.”
She took a bite and slowly chewed, pretending it was a candy bar instead. If they ever got out of here, she was never going to eat another one of these dry, tasteless things again. To distract herself while she ate, she spent the time checking out Declan’s body. But she could only gaze at his fine-looking body for so long. It was l
ike dreaming about dessert when you were on a diet; it only frustrated you in the long run.
She turned her thoughts back to why Declan didn’t embrace his shifter side instead. No doubt it had something to do with what had happened with Marissa.
Kendra put her chin on her T-shirt-covered knees and dragged her eyes away from those killer abs to focus on his beautiful blue eyes. “You mind if I ask you a personal question?”
He leaned back on his hands, showing off more of those perfect abs. “I suppose that depends on how personal the question is.”
“Fair enough,” she said. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but I sometimes get the feeling that you’re keeping your shifter nature under wraps.”
His eyes narrowed. “What do you mean?”
“I didn’t mean to offend you,” she said quickly. “It’s just that in all the time I’ve known you, I’ve never seen you cut loose and shift all the way. In fact, up until two nights ago, when I was telling you about Ivy being tortured by Stutmeir’s doctors, I’d never even seen your eyes glow red like they did. And just now, when I asked you how you found this cave, you seemed as if you were uncomfortable admitting it was one of your shifter talents. If I’m out of bounds here, just say the word, and I’ll drop it. But I really am curious.”
Declan closed his eyes. When he opened them again, they were filled with a pain that tore at her heart.
“My eyes were red?”
Kendra nodded.
He swallowed hard. “You mean like a hybrid’s?”
“No. They’re nothing like a hybrid’s.” She scooted closer. “Hybrid eyes are a red full of anger and violence. Yours are a beautiful rose red, like the glow of a setting sun. Yours hold nothing but warmth.” She let out a sigh. “But the fact that you just asked the question only reinforces my point. You didn’t even know your eyes glowed, and when you found out, you jumped to the worst possible conclusion—that you’re like a hybrid. Why would you even assume that?”
If anyone else took as long to reply as Declan, it’d probably mean they weren’t going to answer at all. But after all the time they’d spent together over the past few days, she realized he simply liked to think before he spoke. While there was nothing wrong with that, it irritated her that he felt he had to filter every word that came out of his mouth.
“I hate being a shifter,” he said softly.
Kendra stared at him, too stunned to do anything else. She knew a lot of shifters and had never heard any of them utter the words Declan had just whispered.
“Declan, being a shifter is a big part of what makes you the person you are.”
“Yeah, unfortunately that’s true.” He shrugged his broad shoulders. “I can’t help but wonder how my life would have turned out differently if I’d never changed in the first place.”
So that was it. “Meaning, you wonder how things would have worked out with you and Marissa?”
“Can you blame me? We probably would have had a couple kids by now. What would they be like? Where would we be living? Where would I be working? Would I still be close to my family? There are so many possibilities to think about. My life could have been completely different.”
It hurt to hear Declan talking about the kids he’d never had the chance to have, but she couldn’t sit there and commiserate with him—not when the whole fantasy was built on a lie.
“Yes, your life would have been different,” she agreed. “For one thing, you and Marissa would be dead now. Or maybe you’d be dead, and Marissa would have just been raped and beaten. Unless your do-over fantasy includes those two men in Cambridge never attacking you?”
Okay, that was harsh. But it was true.
His jaw tightened. “I could still have fought them off if I wasn’t a shifter.”
She sighed. “You know how unlikely that is, right? One had a knife, the other had a gun. You’ve been in the DCO long enough to know how odds like that usually turn out.”
“I know, but that doesn’t keep me from dreaming about the possibilities anyway.”
Kendra hugged her knees tighter. “That’s why you resist using or even developing your shifter abilities, isn’t it? Because you blame yourself for what happened that night?”
“I suppose,” he admitted. “I’ve never felt right depending—or even accepting—the talents that have brought me so much pain. I never asked to have them, and if I choose to make my way in the world without them, that’s my call.”
“You’re right,” she agreed. “If you don’t want to use the abilities that come with your DNA, you have every right. People do it every day. But there’s one big difference between those people and you. You’re in the DCO. Refusing to embrace your shifter side and use your God-given talents might get someone you care about killed some day.”
“Let’s not bring God into this,” he said wryly. “I’m sure He’s taking a nonparticipatory role in the lives of shifters in general, and my life in particular.”
She held up her hand. “Okay, fine. I’ll agree to drop the unintended philosophical part of the question if you agree to answer the real part. Aren’t you worried someone on your team could get hurt because you won’t let go and allow your true self out?”
Declan swore under his breath. “You don’t think I haven’t thought about that? I think about it all the time.” His eyes flashed light red for just the briefest moment before going back to their usual, beautiful blue. “Hell, I probably could have gotten you out of this mess already if I were more of a shifter.”
She frowned. “What are you talking about? You’ve done an amazing job keeping me safe out here.”
He let out a half snort, half laugh. “Maybe. But I know what holding back has cost me. My sense of smell is complete crap. I probably hear half of what I should. My strength is reduced. My claws and fangs are barely useable as weapons.”
She swung her legs around to the side. “If you know all that, why do you continue to turn your back on your own abilities? Why haven’t you tried to accept that these talents are just part of who you are and connect with them?”
Declan blew out a loud breath and flopped down until he was lying flat on his back. “I’ve been neglecting the shifter part of me for so long, I don’t even know how to connect with it anymore.”
She hadn’t thought about that. “Have you ever tried? I mean really tried?”
He stared up at the ceiling of the cave. “Yeah, once or twice. But it was no good. It’s like trying to speak a language you’ve never even heard.”
Kendra almost laughed, and would have if the whole thing didn’t make her want to cry. “Maybe you just need to be in the right situation. Or maybe you need a session with the DCO’s psychologist. Better yet, Clayne. If anyone could give you lessons on how to get in touch with your inner shifter, it’s him.”
Declan shot up. “What did you say?”
“That Clayne could give you lessons on how to be more like him.”
She didn’t realize she’d stuck her foot in her mouth again until Declan’s eyes suddenly glowed red. What the hell have I said this time?
“I bet you’d like it if I were more like him, wouldn’t you?” Declan growled.
She’d never heard Declan growl like that—ever. It shocked her. Then made her angry. She didn’t know what she’d said to piss him off, but it obviously had something to do with Clayne. Well, she was too cold, too worn out, and too damn tired of Declan snapping at her every time she stepped over a line she couldn’t see.
“What the hell is it with you?” she demanded. “Every time I mention Clayne’s name, you act like I slapped you with a cold fish.”
Red swirled in Declan’s eyes. “I don’t like him.”
“Why not? He’s a shifter like you.”
“He’s nothing like me,” Declan shouted. “And I don’t like him because you do.”
That knocked her off balance for a second. “Of course I like him,” she said, trying to sound casual. “We’re friends.”
His
lips twisted in a sarcastic smile. “Friends? Right.”
“Why is that so hard for you to believe?”
Declan took a deep breath, and then let it out slowly, the reddish glow fading from his eyes. She knew it sounded crazy, but it seemed that some of his life had drained out as well.
“It’s hard to believe you’re friends because I know you’ve always wanted it to be more than that,” Declan said softly. “Am I stupid to think that it never went any further than that?”
Damn. There it was. The thing she’d been concerned about all along. Declan had figured out she’d been obsessed with Clayne for years and realized the wolf shifter was the reason she’d never given him the time of day. She didn’t know exactly how to handle this, but Kendra was damn sure never going to admit she slept with Clayne. That was one mistake she was never going to even think about again. If Declan called her on it, she wouldn’t deny it, but she wouldn’t volunteer it either. He deserved an honest answer though, at least as honest as she could give him.
She tucked her hair behind her ear and met his gaze. “You’re right. I spent a lot of time trying to get beyond the friend stage with Clayne, and it worked. Thing is, when we finally went out a few months back, we bombed out.”
Declan frowned. “What do you mean bombed out?”
“As in we had zero chemistry,” she clarified. “It wasn’t the worst date I’d ever been on, but it wasn’t a date that either one of us had any interest in repeating.”
“Wait a minute.” Declan’s frown deepened. “You only went out with him for the first time a few months ago?”
She nodded. “Pretty sad, huh? I moon over a guy for nearly six years before he finally asks me out and the date turns out to be a complete disaster.”
Declan’s whole posture changed as he gave her a wry smile. “I know a guy who mooned over a girl for nearly seven years before he gave up. And he never even got to go out with her. So, in the contest of who’s more pathetic, he wins.”
Kendra blinked. “Wait. What?”
He laughed harshly. “I must be worse at asking you out than I thought if you didn’t even notice.”
