by Ami Weaver
“Okay. Let’s get them together.” He lifted the big tree and carried it out of the barn, Cody following watchfully. He set it by the baler and turned to Maggie. “Where’s yours?”
“Right over here.” She led the way to the small tree. Would he say anything?
“So that’s how it is,” he murmured behind her.
She shook her head, but he touched her arm. “Maggie. It’s all over your face. His, too.” He hefted the tree and gave her a quick grin. “I never stood a chance.”
Dismayed, she looked up at him. “Oh, Jake—”
“No, it’s okay, Maggie. No hard feelings. You were clear on what you wanted. I pushed anyway. Now let’s get you guys squared away.”
Maggie followed him through the maze of trees. When they emerged, Josh’s eyes went straight to her, and Jake said softly, “See?”
No. She didn’t. She couldn’t. To see it would mean she was in worse trouble than she thought.
And where would she be then?
* * *
Josh didn’t ask what Jake said to Maggie in the trees, but he chewed on it most of the way home.
He couldn’t be jealous.
Now, grinding his teeth, he tried not to stare at the curve of Maggie’s ass as she went up the stairs while he hauled her tree along behind her.
It was a losing battle, like so much else when it came to her these days.
He carried Maggie’s tree into her room. She’d already spread a garbage bag on the carpet in front of the French doors and had the stand they’d found in the garage ready. He wrestled the tree into the metal stand and came over to stand beside her. The sharp scent of pine mingled with the fruity scent of her hair. Distracted, his arm brushed hers and the shot of heat sidetracked him for a moment.
“It’s got a curve,” she said and the pout in her voice made him grin.
“You didn’t see it at the farm?”
“No.” She shot him a look. “Did you?”
He chuckled. “No. I didn’t. We can probably adjust it some to make it straighter.”
She crossed her arms. “It’s silly. No one’s going to see it but me. It doesn’t matter if it’s off-kilter.”
“We can adjust it,” he repeated. “No big deal. Give me a hand here? It’s easier with two people.”
She pulled on the old leather gloves he’d given her then stuck her hand into the tree. She held the trunk while he crawled on the floor underneath. They tweaked and adjusted and after a few minutes, Maggie stepped back and said, “There!”
He peered at her from under the tree, where he had a great view of her breasts. He’d never known a turtleneck sweater could be so sexy. Focus. “It’s okay?”
“Perfect.” Then she laughed, which made those breasts bounce. His focus skewed again. “If you tilt your head just a little, that is.”
He screwed in the last of the pins and slid out to stand beside her. He gave it a semicritical eye and nodded. “I agree. Perfect.” He dropped a kiss on her head without thinking. She went still and looked up at him, her eyes wide. His gaze latched on hers and he could barely breathe. The moment hung there, suspended, a crossroads.
What the hell. Cody was downstairs with his grandmother, which was reason enough to pull away. But God help him, he didn’t want to.
Trav’s words came back to him. Why are you hiding? Heart pounding, he turned to face her. She didn’t move, but he saw the rapid rise and fall of her breasts under her snug little sweater. He slid his shaking fingers under her chin and lifted it. Her lips parted slightly and her gaze stayed locked on his. In those blue, blue eyes he saw heat and fear. He just wanted a taste of her to slake the thirst and need that burned him from the inside. Keeping his eyes open, he pulled her in closer and settled his mouth on hers lightly. Her hands landed on his chest, fisting in his shirt, but she didn’t pull away.
He fully intended to stop there. Then she made a sound, low in her throat as her eyes drifted shut and she pressed against him. His control, already thin when it came to her, evaporated. To hell with a taste. He wanted the whole damn feast. He deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue in to meet hers, even as a part of his brain screamed for him to pull away.
He couldn’t even if he’d wanted to. She was sweet and hot and every bit as hungry as he was. He shucked the leather gloves he still wore and wound one hand in her hair, the silky strands sliding over his skin. Her arms came around his neck, and the kiss got deeper, hotter, more urgent.
Cody’s laughter came up the stairs, and she wrenched back. They stared at each other, breathing hard, and his heart sank as horror slid across her face. Moment shattered.
“Maggie—” Would it be better if he apologized or not? “I’m sorry.” Not for the kiss, but for how he’d crossed her line. Hell, his own line.
She shook her head and stepped back. He let her go, though all he wanted was to pull her closer and kiss away the fear. She whispered, “I think it’s best you go, Josh.”
He knew she was right. Heart pounding, hormones roaring, he grabbed his gloves from the floor and walked out. The hell of it was, a little taste would never be enough. He hadn’t banked the fire, he’d stoked it. And worse, hadn’t he just busted his promise wide-open?
Chapter Nine
Maggie held it together until he left. She pressed both hands to her face and sank to the floor. What had she been thinking? As soon as she’d seen the intent on Josh’s face, she should have stepped away. But oh, the man could kiss. She could still taste him on her lips. A traitorous little zing ran through her body.
She’d been caught by the moment, by her own wanting. Oh, she was weak and foolish. And—Lucy.
Despite the fire in her body, the fire only Josh could both build and extinguish, her guilt crested. They were on some kind of a crash course and Maggie didn’t know how to stop it.
She had to tell him. Everything was spiraling out of her control and she didn’t know how to stop it.
Cody’s laughter and Ellen’s quiet voice reached her ears and she shut her eyes. She was so far in this now, to leave would create a hole in Cody’s life. Somehow the whole thing had gotten away from her. She didn’t have control of her feelings for Josh, wasn’t sure when she’d lost it. Wasn’t sure she’d ever had it.
She needed to tell him. How?
She stared unseeing now at the tree that had brought her such joy only a few minutes ago. This was not going as she’d planned. Oh, she had her relationship with Cody, the link to the sister she desperately wished she’d known, but…Josh. That kiss. She shut her eyes and took a deep breath, willing the hormones to settle. It wasn’t that easy, though. What she felt was far more than simple hormones. No, this was far more powerful, more dangerous.
Thumping on the stairs brought her to her feet moments before Cody burst in.
“Maggie! We’re ready! Are you?”
She gave a little laugh, grateful Cody’s excitement kept him from noticing her distress. “Ready for what?”
He did a little dance in place. “The Christmas tree is goin’ up! Daddy’s gonna bring it in. Gramma told me to get you. You comin’?”
Her heart sank even as she smiled at Cody. Ellen and her far too perceptive eyes would be a problem. She’d need to compose herself. “Of course I am. Be down in a minute or so, okay?”
“Okay!” Cody headed out at a dead run, shouting the good news to the adults downstairs.
She slipped into the bathroom, examined her flushed face in the mirror. She touched her mouth lightly and a little shiver slid through her. She could still taste him and feel the delicious hot pressure of his mouth claiming hers.
She wanted more. So much more.
Guilt speared her as she turned on the cold water and splashed it on her face, hoping to tame the redness. She toweled off and met her own somber gaze in the mirror again. This was getting rapidly out of hand yet they seemed unable to put the brakes on. Maybe she needed to move out? Get some distance from him, to help things cool off?
No. Wha
t she needed to do was tell him. Soon.
Then there’d be nothing left between them.
But she’d lose Cody, as well. That fact tore her up inside.
He was cutting it close.
* * *
Josh parked in his driveway Saturday evening and climbed out, hoping Maggie and Cody were nearly ready. He’d been longer than he anticipated when he’d been called in to the hospital, but he’d made it home under the wire.
“So. Who’s up for the parade tonight?” he called when he opened the kitchen door.
“Me!” Cody cried, running around the corner. “I wanna go!”
Josh turned to Maggie. “There’s one. Maggie?”
She hesitated and he was pretty sure he knew the reason. The awkwardness of their kiss yesterday hadn’t faded. Still, every time he looked at her, he had to stop himself from reaching for her, kissing her again. Even though he knew how wrong it all was.
It was a special kind of hell.
“You should see the parade,” he told her quietly. “It’s a big deal.”
Her gaze bounced off his, settled on Cody. “Okay.”
Relief and frustration flowed through him. He didn’t know how to fix this, how to make things comfortable again. He knew he’d messed up on several levels by kissing her, but God help him he’d do it again if he had the chance.
What was wrong with him?
He tried to put it out of his mind as they all got into coats and boots and started out to walk the two blocks to the main street and parade route.
It couldn’t be a more perfect evening. A light snow had been sifting down most of the day, laying down a couple inches and still falling gently. Cody spun with delight through the gathering darkness and tried to catch flakes on his tongue. Maggie laughed at him and the low sound was both balm and aphrodisiac.
Maggie. He tried not to be so aware of her. Her dark hair was loose under her bright pink hat and spilled on her shoulders. Their arms brushed on occasion, thanks to their coats and the narrow sidewalks, and once their hands touched. Hers were encased in thick mittens, and his in gloves, so he couldn’t catch her fingers in his own as he feared he might have otherwise.
Just as well. But still, his hand itched to take hers. It seemed so right.
In a way he’d never felt with Lucy. Always, the chaos of their relationship had wiped out any chance for peace between them. A sliver of guilt slipped in, and with effort he pushed it aside. He didn’t want to feel guilt. But it’d been with him so long he didn’t know what else to feel.
They joined the crowd at the end of the street. He lifted Cody on his shoulders so the little boy could see better, and Maggie stood in front of them, her back to his chest.
The press of people around them had them standing tightly and Josh’s attention wasn’t on the parade, but on her. The silky strands of her hair brushed his jacket every time she moved her head. It was a damn good thing Cody was on his shoulders so his hands were occupied.
The floats drifted past, cheery with bright lights, bows and Christmas music. Santa hats and jingling bells were the order of the evening. Maggie replaced hers with a Santa hat handed to her by a merry old elf and turned to show Cody, laughter on her face and in her eyes. She was so beautiful Josh’s breath caught. Something in him loosened a touch, warmed, and he felt the promise he’d made Lucy weaken even more.
God help him, right now he just wanted to kiss her.
The sounds, the lights faded away as they stood there, caught in their own world. It couldn’t have been more than a heartbeat or two before she blinked, blushed and turned back to the parade.
Cody wiggled, and he put his son down.
“Can I sit there?” he asked, pointing at an opening on the curb in front of them.
“Sure,” Josh said. “Stay seated, though.”
“Okay.” Cody settled between two other kids.
His hands were no longer occupied.
The hell with it.
He took advantage of the fact that it was dark and slid one hand on Maggie’s hip to pull her against him. When she stiffened, he murmured in her ear, “Relax. No one can see.”
She leaned on him slightly, close enough he could almost rest his chin on the top of her head.
He could have been in high school again, on a first date. The same giddy expectations coursed through him, this time, though, chased by a very adult lust. By a wanting so strong he knew it’d undo him.
She shifted again, just a hair, but enough that their bodies didn’t touch anymore. He let her go, sensing that if he pushed it—especially in public like this—she’d withdraw even more. Still, he missed the contact, no matter how slight it had been.
Cody darted back from the curb. His eyes were huge and despite the dim light, Josh could see the sparkle in them. Maggie bent down to talk to Cody just as someone jostled Josh from behind. To keep from bumping her, he placed a hand lightly on her back.
These casual touches were going to drive him crazy. Especially since a lot of what he felt now he’d never felt in his marriage to Lucy. It was so…disloyal, to look at Maggie and feel what he did.
“Daddy! It’s done! Can we go watch them light the tree?” Cody tugged on his hand, jumping up and down, excitement shining on his face. He pulled himself out of the past with effort and smiled at his son.
“Yep, we’d better hurry,” he said. “As soon as it lights, we’ve got to head home and get ready for our part, okay?”
“Okay!” Cody boomed and grabbed his hand and Maggie’s, too.
Linked by Cody, they walked toward the town square. They hefted Cody between them, letting him swing from their hands while the little boy laughed. Something swelled in Josh as they walked along. They were, for now, a family. To anyone who didn’t know, they were a mom and dad and son on a special night.
Except they weren’t.
Marta materialized in his line of vision. She smiled when she saw him, then looked surprised and delighted as she took in Maggie and Cody. He could see the wheels turning in her head. Hadn’t he just been thinking they looked like a family? What would everyone else think?
As if sensing his thoughts, Maggie withdrew her hand from Cody’s and slipped hers in her pockets.
“Hi, guys,” Marta said, her knowing gaze sliding from Josh to Maggie. “Good to see you here.” She linked her arm through Maggie’s. “What did you think so far?”
Josh didn’t hear Maggie’s reply as the announcements began that it was time to light the tree. On the count of three, as the high school band broke in to “Joy to the World,” the tall spruce lit up with gold and red lights. The onlookers cheered and clapped, Maggie among them.
“All right,” he said over the noise to Maggie and Cody. “Let’s go. We’ve got twenty minutes to get back and get everything ready to light up.”
“Can’t wait! We’ll see you guys there,” Marta said.
“Yeah!” Cody said, jumping up and down. “Do I get to plug in stuff, too?”
“Ahh,” Maggie said, with a glance at Josh as they hurried back toward home. He shook his head. “I’m thinking no. But there are other things you can do.”
“Like what?” Cody asked, clearly interested in spite of his disappointment. She smiled at him, wishing, like she had all evening, that things were simpler and they could just be a family enjoying the evening.
“Make sure things light up,” Maggie said. “Or hand your dad the cords, maybe. It’ll be quick and fun. But I’d think you’d want to be where you can see what’s happening. Almost all the houses will light up at once, right? I think the place to be is on the sidewalk.”
Cody considered that, then nodded. “Okay. Gramma is coming, too?”
“Yeah,” Josh said. “She should be there when we get back. She wouldn’t miss this for anything.”
Ten minutes later, they were on the steps of the house, Ellen opening the door. “Right on time,” she called. “Come on in. I’ve got hot chocolate ready. I know how cold it is out there. You’ve g
ot a minute to take a few sips before heading back out.” She closed the door behind them and hustled everyone in the kitchen.
Josh dropped a kiss on his mother’s head. “I’ll get some after we’re all lit up, Mom. Thanks. I’ve got to go check all my cords. Cody, you want to come?” He went out in the garage with his son, whistling a Christmas tune as he went. Ellen rolled her eyes at Maggie.
“Boys. And electricity. What is it?” she asked with a laugh as she poured some hot chocolate in a travel mug for Maggie. “Here. This will warm you up.”
Maggie could think of a dozen other things that would warm her up, starting with Josh’s touch on her hip again. She hoped her cheeks were already pink as she accepted the mug and took a sip.
“Mmm.” She sighed as the warm liquid slid down her throat. “This isn’t from a packet.”
Ellen laughed. “Of course not. Now let’s go watch this place light up. It’s quite a sight.”
Maggie set her mug down long enough to zip her coat back up. “I can’t wait. It was a lot of fun to set up,” she said.
Ellen nodded and hesitated. She gave Maggie a long look that had her stomach tightening. “My son lights up,” she said finally, “when he’s around you. I don’t know if he knows it. But I do know it’s something I haven’t seen in him in years. Maybe ever.”
Maggie nearly dropped her cup. “But—his wife—” My sister, she couldn’t say. How could this be fair?
“I can’t comment on their marriage,” Ellen said softly. “That’s for Josh to tell you. I didn’t see much of it, really. But I do know what I see on his face when he looks at you when he thinks no one’s looking.” She reached over and patted Maggie’s hand. “He’s a good man, a very good one. I’d say that even if he weren’t my own son.”
A very good man. Maggie thought of his mouth on hers the other day, of how wonderfully he treated his son and mother. Sexy. Honorable. Strong. An incredible combination. She found her voice over the pain that bloomed in her heart. “He is a good man. Well, I’m, um, not looking for a…man right now. I recently came out of a bad marriage and nasty divorce and I’m not up for another try.” Not that Ellen had mentioned marriage, of course. And why was she thinking about that anyway?
