by Ami Weaver
Tears slid unchecked down Maggie’s face. She couldn’t comprehend the loss of this girl, of Jeanine and Hugh’s little girl. All along, she’d been thinking of Lucy in terms of being her sister, Cody’s mom. Her father’s unknown daughter. Not as a girl and woman who was loved and cherished and missed beyond life itself. These pictures told a very brief, poignant tale of a beloved daughter.
A gift, Jeanine had called Lucy. From Maggie’s father. If only her own mother could see what Lucy had meant to this other family, maybe she’d release some of her pain and anger.
She carefully shuffled the pictures back into the envelope and lay back on her pillows with them on her heart. She couldn’t fix what had happened, but she thought she understood a little better why her father honored Jeanine’s request to be left alone. He hadn’t loved her any more than she loved him. But he’d seen how much Jeanine would love the baby and what it meant to her to have this chance to mend her marriage.
She preferred to think of it as a selfless act, even if misguided, rather than a selfish one. She sat up and slid the envelope onto her bedside table. She’d tell Josh the whole story right after Christmas. She’d find the right words and hope he forgave her and understood what she’d been trying to do.
The knot in her stomach eased a bit.
Then she rolled on her side and fell asleep, into vivid dreams of a ponytailed, laughing girl who looked an awful lot like Lucy.
* * *
The next evening was dinner at Ellen’s. Maggie went because it was important to Cody. She and Josh were, as ever, polite to each other. Clearly, though, Ellen picked up on vibes she didn’t like because she kept frowning in Josh’s direction.
He pretended not to notice.
She had to leave soon after eating to meet Hannah, so she helped clear the table. Ellen caught her in the kitchen, her gaze direct.
“Is anything going on with you and Josh?”
“Um.” Maggie set the glasses she’d been carrying down before she dropped them. “No.”
The other woman muttered something Maggie didn’t quite catch, but she’d swear it included something like “stupid boy.” The look Ellen arrowed at Josh made Maggie step back.
At some point she’d have to tell Ellen it wouldn’t work. Make sure she really heard. But not today.
She made her escape with a hug for Cody and a “see ya” for Josh.
Ellen looked to be on the warpath. She almost pitied Josh. Almost.
* * *
His mother appeared back in the dining room.
“Young man,” Ellen said, her voice stern, “we need to talk.”
Cody looked up, confused, as Josh got to his feet. He’d known this was coming. “What’d I do?” Cody asked and Ellen laughed.
“Sorry, sweetie. Not you. You can watch a movie and play with your cars and trains, okay?”
Josh settled Cody in then met his mother in the kitchen, where she handed him a cup of coffee with a frown.
“Are you trying to run that lovely young lady off?” she demanded. “My goodness, Joshua, what did you do to her?”
Josh closed his eyes and took a sip of the coffee. It’d be decaf, of course. “Nothing, Mom.” Images of them in bed flashed through his head. Well, nothing he could tell her about, anyway. “We just— We’re having some problems connecting.” Hell. How many ways were there to say lame?
Ellen’s brow shot up. “You are in love with her and all you can say is you’re having trouble connecting?”
Josh blanched. “What? How—?” That was the second person who’d made the same observation. He still didn’t want to believe it.
Ellen rolled her eyes and set her mug on the counter with a thunk. “I have eyes. And I know you. Better than you do, apparently.” She shook her finger at him. “Don’t screw this up. It’s your second chance. Why would you let it go?”
“Um, because I didn’t do so well with the first one?” he shot back, then stopped, stunned at what he’d admitted. He’d never told his mother what a failure he’d been at marriage.
“I know,” she said softly. “I know. But did it ever occur to you that marriage takes two? How hard did Lucy work at it, Josh? Why would you take all the blame for something that as far as I can tell is two-sided?”
Had it been two-sided? Josh couldn’t remember. He’d taken the blame for the whole mess for so long he honestly couldn’t tell what had really happened and what he’d just accepted as the truth.
“If you love her,” Ellen said softly, “you’d better get out there and prove it. She needs you to prove it. And maybe you need it, too.” She gave him a hug, then held him at arm’s length. “I know, I’m your mom, but I want you to be happy. Maggie does that to you. Please let her in.”
Josh shook his head. There was more to the story than she knew. Not to mention it wasn’t easy to let go of years of guilt.
Maybe that’s because you don’t really want to, whispered a little voice in his head. Josh forced that thought right back down wherever it came from. Of course he wanted to get over it. He just knew he never would.
“Talk to her,” Ellen ordered, and Josh snapped back to the present. “Work this out. For God’s sake give it a chance. For your sake. For Cody’s sake,” she added softly, and Josh closed his eyes.
“I can’t just give him a new mom,” he said, wondering why all this was so clear to him yet no one else seemed to get it. “It’s not that easy.”
Ellen sighed and picked up her mug again. “It’s not about replacing Lucy, dear. She’ll always be Cody’s mom. You’re not going to take her away from Cody by marrying another woman. You’ll be teaching Cody how to love. What’s he going to think, growing up with only you?”
What’s wrong with that? he wanted to ask. Why can’t I be both parents? But he didn’t. He didn’t really want to hear the answer.
Ellen watched him place his mug in the sink. “Promise me you’ll talk to her,” she said. “I don’t want to pry but I really like Maggie. Cody adores her. And you need her.”
Josh sighed. “I’ll give it a shot.” Someday. Maybe.
“Just try. If it’s not going to work you need to know you did all you could.”
Right. Josh headed out to his SUV with Cody. His mother’s words rang in his ears. First things first. He needed to deal with Cody wanting Maggie for his mom. Tomorrow he was supposed to take Cody to see Santa at the town’s Christmas festival. He needed to talk Cody into a new wish. One he could buy in a store. And wrap. And put under the damn tree. The rest could wait.
Chicken.
No. He was being smart and safe. Someday Cody would understand.
* * *
“You ready for this?” Maggie asked Cody as they stood in line at the band shell in the park to see Santa. She tried not to remember that Josh had kissed her right over there, under one of the trees the magical night they’d spent together. Now the park was full of people, ice skaters, children and parents, all taking part in Holden’s Crossing’s annual Christmas-at-the-lake festival.
Cody danced in place. “Yep.” He didn’t seem too disturbed his dad wasn’t there. Josh couldn’t make it at the last minute—he’d been needed at the hospital, so Maggie brought Cody down here by herself.
Just as well. No more false family outings. Plus, she treasured the opportunity to share this with Cody.
The line for Santa was deep, but thanks to the fact Cody knew the little girl in front of them from swim class, he was entertained. The girl’s parents were nice and Maggie passed the half hour in pleasant conversation with them. It was nice to talk with someone who wasn’t trying to fix her up with Josh.
When it was the little girl’s turn, Cody examined the process carefully.
“I think he’s real,” he stage-whispered, and Maggie smiled down at him.
“Do you? Why is that?”
“He looks real,” Cody said, and Maggie had to agree. The man’s hair and beard were clearly natural. “I need the real Santa for my wish.”
; Before Maggie could ask exactly what that meant, the little girl in front was finished and it was Cody’s turn. Maggie urged him forward and watched as he climbed on Santa’s knee.
“What brings you and your mom out today?” Santa asked kindly, and Maggie sucked in a breath. Cody looked at him intently.
“She’s not my mom.” He glanced at Maggie, then lowered his voice. “But that’s what I want for Christmas. Maggie for my mom.”
The world spun as Maggie met Santa’s eyes over Cody’s head. The compassion in them nearly undid her. “You do? That’s not generally the kind of thing I can bring you, son.”
Cody smiled up at him, a smile of absolute faith that had Maggie’s eyes burning. “That’s what my daddy said, too. But, see, that’s okay. She already lives with us. She’s my nanny. So you don’t have to bring her. You just have to help her love us.”
Maggie pressed her hand to her mouth. Help her love us. If he only knew. She’d give just about anything to tell him how much she loved both of them.
How badly she wanted to stay.
Santa looked at Maggie, then nodded and looked directly into Cody’s eyes. “I can’t promise you, son. But I can tell you this is a season for miracles.”
Cody nodded sagely. “An’ that’s what I need.”
Santa redirected him to mention a toy but Cody was steadfast in his wish. When he slipped off Santa’s lap, Santa met Maggie’s gaze and gestured her over.
“Is there any hope for his wish?” he asked quietly while Cody was distracted by an elf with a candy cane.
Maggie bit her lip. If only it was this simple to fix it, to tell Santa it was her dearest wish, too. But circumstances being what they were… She forced herself to meet his gaze. The sympathy in Santa’s eyes nearly undid her. “It’s not that simple, I’m afraid. If it was—” She trailed off. If it were, they’d be a family. Ironically, she’d managed to make it impossible for that to happen.
“Like I told him, it’s a season for miracles,” he murmured and patted her hand. “Never underestimate what the heart wants, my dear. Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas,” she whispered and turned away before she burst into tears in front of practically the entire town. Forcing the sorrow down, she hurried to catch Cody, her heart aching. Josh would ask what Cody wanted. What would she tell him? How could she tell him?
Cody chattered excitedly as they made their way to the food booths. “I hope I get it, Maggie. I know Santa can do it,” he said confidently, and tears stung her eyes.
“Can you tell me what toy you asked for?” she asked, noticing for the first time the dark clouds on the horizon. Snow was on the way but it wasn’t supposed to arrive till the evening.
Cody named a Lego set then added, “But I can’t tell you my real wish. It’s a secret.”
Maggie rested her gloved hand on Cody’s head. What a mess this would be when it didn’t turn out the way he wanted. Was there any way to avoid heartbreak now? Josh needed to know about the wish and talk to Cody. The little boy clearly had his hopes pinned on them being a couple—no doubt he could pick up on the vibes between them, even if he thankfully didn’t know what they meant.
She ordered and paid for two hot chocolates and one elephant ear and they went to sit on a picnic table that had been brushed off. All around them families played and laughed and Maggie was acutely aware of what Cody didn’t have and what he wanted. A mom. It wouldn’t be her, and it wasn’t in her power to fix that hole in his life.
But it was in Josh’s.
She frowned at the thought. When would he realize that his self-imposed exile was hurting Cody? After she left, would it be easier for him to move on? The thought made her feel ill and she swallowed hard.
“Daddy!” The joy in Cody’s voice rang out. Maggie lifted her head to see Josh striding toward them through the park, still in scrubs. Her pulse tripped, and she pulled a napkin out of her parka pocket with slightly shaking hands.
“Cody, let’s wipe the sugar off your face,” she said with a laugh as Josh reached them.
“At least I’m in time for the elephant ear,” he said as he sat down opposite them. She pushed the plate across the table to him. “Did you see Santa, Code?”
Maggie held her breath as Cody nodded. Before he could say anything else, another family stopped to say hello to Josh and Cody and the subject was dropped.
As she watched them, a little shiver ran though her that had nothing to do with the cold. All she wanted, all she needed, was right here at this table in the cold, laughing over a sticky elephant ear. Josh’s laugh hit her in places completely inappropriate for a family function. When their gazes met, she saw the same desire in his eyes, too, and realized she was in way over her head.
“I think I’ll head home,” she said casually. Cody shook his head.
“Daddy just got here,” he protested.
Maggie slipped her arm around him and squeezed lightly. “No, honey. I didn’t mean you have to leave. You and your dad stay. I’ll head out.” Before I get in any deeper.
“Stay,” Josh said quietly and with that word, when she looked at him, everything crashed around her, all the emotions she’d been battling for so long, and she knew, in a crystal-clear moment of clarity, how very, very lost she was.
She was in love with him. Completely, absolutely, down-to-the-bottom-of-her-soul in love with the man.
How could she have let this happen? She knew better, but somehow her heart had gotten away from her.
“Maggie? Is everything all right? You look a little pale all of a sudden.” Josh stood next to her, the concern on his face nearly undoing her.
“Oh, I’m fine. Just a little too much elephant ear, I guess,” she said, summoning a smile. It must have worked, because he stepped back.
“Are you gonna stay?” Looking at Cody’s anxious face, turned up to her, crusted in sugar, made her heart melt. She was in this so far there was no good way out.
“I’ll stay for a bit,” she agreed.
Josh didn’t know he was holding his breath until Maggie assented. He let it out slowly and Cody gave a little cheer.
“Can we go skating?” he asked. “I really wanna. Please?”
Josh hesitated. Skating—and hockey—was something he’d given up after Lucy’s death. It didn’t seem right to deny Cody, though, just because his dad had issues. “Sure. We can give it a try.”
They threw away their garbage and headed for the rink. The lake wasn’t quite smooth enough for skating yet, but the rink the park made every year was ready to go and full of skaters. It took a few minutes to get set and he was pleased and surprised to see Maggie glide effortlessly on the ice.
“You skate,” he said, and she smiled and did a little spin.
“I do. It’s been a few years, though.” She reached for Cody’s hand. “Want to go around with me?”
The little boy clutched her hand and they made their way around the rink, Cody slowly getting the proper gliding motion. Josh made a few laps himself, exchanging greetings with other skaters, some of whom were his old hockey buddies.
It felt good to be back on skates. He’d missed it.
Across the rink, some teenagers were showing off, skating backward far too fast. Before Josh could holler a warning, they’d crashed right into Maggie and Cody, who dropped like rocks.
Horror pounded through Josh as he skated toward the heap of people, looking frantically for Cody and Maggie. She’d taken the brunt of the fall, he saw when he got close enough. The older kids were removing themselves from the heap and he could hear their apologies as he approached. Maggie was sitting up and Cody looked stunned when Josh got to them.
“Are you all right?” He pulled Cody into his chest and tugged off his glove to palm Maggie’s face, right there in front of God and the whole damn town.
He didn’t care.
Her cheeks were pink and cold under his touch and his gaze dropped to her mouth. Cody wiggled in his arms.
“I’m okay,” he sai
d. “Maggie caught me.”
She caught me, too. The thought stunned him for a heartbeat as he stared into the blue eyes of the woman who’d captured his heart.
Marta had been right. He’d never hear the end of it now. He didn’t care.
She frowned, a worried look on her face. “Josh?”
He shook off the thought as he got to his feet, offering his hand to Maggie, too. She moved gingerly toward the benches, and he sat down with her, not caring if his thigh touched hers. “You okay?”
“I… Yeah. Just sore. I’d forgotten how much it hurts to hit the ice,” she said, rubbing her knee with a wince.
He touched her knee gently, sure he could feel the heat of her skin through her jeans. Cody sat next to him, kicking his feet. “Do you need me to look at it?”
Her gaze skittered to his, then away. “Oh, no. It’s just a bruise.” She leaned around him to smile at Cody, and the movement brought her breasts in contact with his arm. He was aware of it even through their coats. “Guess we took quite a spill, huh?”
“Yeah,” he agreed. “I don’t think I like it much.”
Maggie laughed. “Falling is scary. But the rest of the time, skating is fun.”
Falling is scary. Ain’t that the truth. Uncharted territory for him. “We should go,” he said, bending over to unlace Cody’s skates.
“But we just got here,” Cody protested. “I don’t want to go.”
“You’ve been here a while, Code. We can come back and skate another time,” he said. “When it’s not so busy.” It’d been a mistake to try this. Cody had gotten hurt, and so had Maggie. Granted, both were minor injuries only, but it scared him how much worse it could have been. Not only had he failed to protect Lucy’s son, but he’d also fallen in love with the nanny.
With Maggie.
Part of him wanted to shout it from the rooftops but he knew she wouldn’t want to hear it. They walked to his car at a slower pace than usual. Since Cody and Maggie had walked, it was a good thing he’d driven. He hadn’t counted on injuries.
