by Ami Weaver
Cody’s eyes rounded. “Oh. So she can come back when she says sorry?”
Josh almost laughed. “No. Some things even sorry can’t fix, Code.” She had apologized. Many times. Taken full responsibility for her actions, but he didn’t know if it was enough. He didn’t know if he could let it be enough.
“You won’t let her be my mom,” Cody said, and the accusation floored Josh. “You don’t want me to have one! I asked Santa for a mom and you won’t let me have one!”
Taken aback, Josh could only stare at his son. “Cody. No, that’s not it at all. You don’t need a mom, Code, we’ve done really well—”
“JT has a mom! All my friends do! But you won’t let me have one.” Hysterical, Cody’s voice rose sharply. “I hate you! You made her leave!”
Whoa. “Cody. That’s enough.” Trying to wrap his mind around the anger, he reached out to touch his son. “It’s not about not letting you have a mom. It’s that I can’t trust her.” Can’t or won’t? He shoved the thought away.
Cody rolled over, his back to Josh, and burrowed down with Bear Bear. “Go away,” he whimpered on a hiccup when Josh touched his shoulder.
Stung, Josh stood up and hesitated for a minute. Lost, he turned and left, Cody’s sobs resonating in his heart.
Back in his room, he stepped over the pile of gifts and sat on the bed and stared at the TV. It’s a Wonderful Life still played. Had it really taken less than an hour for his whole life to fall apart?
This is what he got for falling in love with sisters. Sisters, for God’s sake. How the hell had Lucy not known about Maggie and vice versa? Why had Maggie thought deceiving him was the way to go? Was he so inflexible, like Lucy often said? Was that why she hadn’t trusted him with the truth?
And why did it hurt so damn much?
Exhausted, thoughts circling and going nowhere, he lay back on the bed and drifted off into a fitful sleep.
* * *
When the on-call phone rang a little later, Josh realized he had a problem. Maggie was gone. He called his mother, who answered instantly.
“Josh! What’s wrong? Is everyone okay?”
“Cody and I are fine,” he assured her, then realized she’d catch his omission of Maggie.
“Maggie’s not? What happened to her?”
That his mother would consider Maggie part of the family annoyed Josh in a way it shouldn’t have. “She’s not here. I asked her to leave. But now I’m called in.” He stopped, unable to go on, exhaustion and emotion choking him.
“You asked her to leave? In the middle of the night? I thought—”
“You were wrong,” he said roughly, and heard her sharp inhale.
“I see. I’ll be over in a few.”
She disconnected, and he wondered if she’d blame him as Cody had.
When she arrived, still in her pajamas, she looked at him, hard. He tried to give nothing away as he got his shoes on and shrugged into his jacket.
“What happened?” Her voice was quiet.
“Long story. I can’t get into it right now.” He took a breath. “Thanks for coming.”
She nodded and made her way out of the kitchen as he left, trying to get switched into emergency mode.
He’d have to answer to her when he got home, and Cody, too. He paused a minute to scrub his hands over his face before he started the car and backed out. How everything had gone to hell so fast astounded him. But now, he had a patient who needed him.
* * *
Cody lay awake in his room. He heard Daddy leave and Gramma went in the bathroom after looking in his room, so he crept carefully out of bed. He needed to tell Santa to fix this. He wanted Maggie for his mom, and if Daddy wasn’t going to listen, Santa had to know Maggie left. Maybe he could bring her back. It was dark still, so he found his Buzz Lightyear flashlight.
He went downstairs, Bear Bear under his arm. Santa would help him. He knew it.
Then he could have Maggie for his mama for Christmas and Daddy would smile again.
Santa would fix it.
Chapter Fifteen
Hannah asked no questions and for that Maggie was grateful. She led Maggie into the kitchen and offered wine and ice cream but Maggie politely refused both. She was afraid she couldn’t keep anything down.
“I told him,” she blurted, then buried her face in her hands. Hannah came over to give her a hug.
“Oh, honey. I’m sorry,” she said as Maggie found she could no longer hold the tears and emotions at bay. Hannah eased her into a chair and left for a moment, returning to place a box of tissues next to her, then sat down and rubbed her back in little circles.
“Want to tell me what happened?” Hannah asked kindly.
“No. Yes.” Maggie sighed. Then she filled in Hannah on the whole thing. How could everything fall apart in the space of an hour or so? It felt like a lifetime. Longer.
“Oh, Maggie.” Hannah patted her hand. “Does he know you love him?”
Maggie shook her head. There was no point in denying her feelings, even though they no longer mattered. Until those last few moments before he’d found the pictures she hadn’t thought he might feel the same or be willing to take a chance on them. She winced, the shock on his face playing in her memory again. She’d never forget his look for as long as she lived. Anger. Betrayal. Hurt.
He wouldn’t want her to love him after this debacle.
“What are you going to do?”
Maggie sighed. “I don’t know. I’m assuming he’ll fire me. I guess I’ll stay on until he can find a new nanny. Then I’ll go…back downstate.” She’d been about to say home. But that was no longer true. Holden’s Crossing was home now.
How could she stay? How would that work, with Josh and Cody in the same town? The answer to that was simple. It wouldn’t work.
Hannah frowned. “That sounds an awful lot like you are giving up, Mag.”
She looked up, incredulous. “What else is there? I kept a pretty serious secret from him. It was a lie of omission. There’s no way around that. If he trusted me, he doesn’t now. What else is there to do?”
“You can fight,” Hannah said softly. “Stay and prove you love him, that it was a mistake on your part but he can trust you. You meant well, Maggie. Help him see it.”
Hope, that treacherous little flower, bloomed in her chest. Could she put herself back out there for Josh to reject again? What would it do to Cody? Was there a way to make it up to Josh?
Hannah touched her knee. “What are they worth to you? Sure, you didn’t handle this the best way. But your intentions were good. Can you really walk away?”
Hannah was right. She needed to try, to at least make it right with Josh, even if in the end she did have to leave. She lifted her chin to meet Hannah’s compassionate gaze. “No. I can’t.”
Now she needed to figure out how to make him see.
* * *
Josh’s phone rang. With a frown, he noted his mother’s number. He’d only been gone an hour. She wouldn’t call unless there was a problem. “Mom? Is everything okay?”
“Cody’s gone!”
Josh’s heart stopped at his mother’s hysterical words. He stood at the nurses’ station, but the world had just gone wavy. The stark terror in her voice paralyzed him for a heartbeat.
“What do you mean, he’s gone?” he asked, sure he must have heard wrong. Where would Cody go? It was dark and cold and snowing… Oh, God.
“I mean he’s not in the house! His coat and boots are gone.” Her voice pitched even further upward. “Josh—”
“I’m on my way. Did you call the police yet?” Panic bunched in his chest, an ice-cold chunk that made it hard to breathe. Cody couldn’t be gone.
She hung up to call them and Josh simply looked at his colleague, unable to speak around the lump of fear in his throat. The other doc had heard enough of the conversation to wave him off, concern etched on his features. “Go, man. Call if we can do anything.”
No one mentioned the bad weather or the sl
im chance of survival in it. He pushed the thought aside. He could not go there.
Agony swamped him. He couldn’t lose his son. Cody had to be okay. Had to be.
He didn’t really remember getting in his SUV. He also didn’t notice much about the drive home, other than the falling snow. His phone was very quiet, no call to tell him Cody was fine, he’d just fallen asleep in his closet.
His coat and boots are missing.
Where would he go?
He whipped in the driveway, both horrified and gratified to see the police there already. Neighbors stood in the drive already, too, clearly preparing to search.
A sense of the surreal fell over Josh, as if he was living someone else’s life, as if he was going through the motions in a dream.
Only the cold was real.
One face stood out to him in the crowd.
Maggie.
He lurched toward her. God, how he needed her—then he stopped. She’d betrayed him. His mother, pale and clearly terrified, grabbed his arm as the officer, his childhood friend Brad Martin, came up to him.
“We’re preparing to search,” Brad said. He laid a hand on Josh’s arm. “Can you think of where he’d go?”
Josh shook his head, frustration and fear welling. “No. I can’t. I’ve been trying but—” But he could barely think beyond the loop in his head that kept saying Cody’s gone.
“Did something happen to make him leave?”
“No—” Then it hit him. The thing with Maggie. Bile rose in his throat. “Yes. His nanny and I had a fight. I asked her to leave. He’s very attached to her.” Cody had been so upset. So much for protecting him.
Brad nodded. He’d no doubt heard the rumors about him and Maggie. “He may have gone looking for her.”
* * *
Ellen came over to Maggie as Josh and the policeman talked. He looked awful, the harsh light turning his face haggard with worry and fear. Maggie’s heart ached for him and for Cody, and she couldn’t stop shaking. Where was he?
Ellen tugged her toward Josh. “He needs you now,” she said, her voice brittle. “Be there.”
For Cody, she’d do anything, so she followed the older woman over to Josh.
“Did Cody come looking for you?” The question was harsh. The accusation in his voice nearly leveled her. The policeman had already turned away to start the search parties.
“I don’t know,” she said honestly, worry for Cody nearly choking her. Could he have? He knew where Hannah lived. He hadn’t come there.
Josh and Ellen stayed behind in case Cody came home but Maggie started out with the other searchers. As they fanned out, she prayed fervently that he was okay, that he was close, that he’d hear them. She clung to the heavy flashlight, looking under bushes and calling for him, her voice raw in her throat. The snow pelted her and froze the tears on her face.
The little boy’s laughter rang in her head and the earnest look on his face when he’d talked to Santa— God, had it been yesterday? It seemed a lifetime ago.
Then she stopped. She’d never gotten a chance to tell Josh Cody’s wish, for them to be a family. Shock rolled through her and she started to run. Had he gone back to the park, maybe hoping to catch Santa? He’d said he thought this Santa was real.
If she was right, there wasn’t time to go back. She ran through the snow, chanting “please let him be okay” in time with her footfalls.
The band shell in the park loomed ahead. Behind her, headlights swept over the snow. She heard Josh’s hoarse shout but didn’t stop. Every single second counted. Her light bobbed in her hands as she flashed it over the open interior. It landed on— Was that a small form huddled on the floor of the band shell?
“Cody,” she screamed as she got closer, barely noticing the sting of hot tears that streamed down her cold face. “Cody,” she sobbed, sinking to her knees, not feeling the cold of the cement floor. “Please be okay. Please be okay,” she whispered as the boy stirred and blinked at her.
“Maggie,” he said, seeming surprised to see her.
Relief flooded her, flowed over her in a wave she couldn’t break. She pulled him in close, even though she knew Josh was only steps behind her. “Hey, buddy. Lots of people are looking for you.”
Cody burrowed in. “Sleepy,” he murmured.
“Not a good time to sleep,” she said, keeping her voice steady as Josh burst in and skidded to a stop in front of them.
“Cody,” he whispered, relief and fear and joy all mixed in his voice. She saw the tears on his face, too. In that moment, she’d never loved him more and knew she’d never love another man again.
“Daddy,” Cody whimpered. He lifted his arms. “I wanna go home.”
Josh bent down and gathered Cody off Maggie’s lap. He ran his hands and gaze over the little boy before tucking him against his chest. “We’re going to go to the hospital first,” he said. His gaze locked on Maggie’s over Cody’s head. “You knew.”
She gave him a sad little smile as she got to her feet. “So did you.”
Cody had gone looking for Santa. She had been sure of it. He’d thought this Santa was the real thing and had been confident he would come through.
Her stomach rolled. Cody wanted them to be a family badly enough he’d risked his life to try and find Santa. The thought made her stumble in the snow.
They trudged through the snow back to the SUV as quickly as possible. In his hurry, Josh had left it running, door open. Maggie hesitated.
“Get in,” he said gruffly. “I’ll give you a ride.”
Not wanting to waste time arguing, for Cody’s sake, she slid in and clasped her shaking hands tightly. They rode the few blocks back in silence. Ellen ran up to the SUV before Josh even had it in Park. He rolled the window down. “He’s all right?” At Josh’s nod, she pressed her hands to her mouth. “Oh, thank God.”
“We’re going to the E.R. to make sure,” Josh said. “If we’d been much later—” The words trailed off, the ones left unsaid too hard to contemplate. Maggie saw the panic and fear mixed with relief on his face and her heart squeezed.
“I’ll brief everyone,” she said, opening the door. “Ellen, why don’t you go with them? I’ll finish this.”
In the backseat, Cody gave a little cry. “No! I want Maggie.”
Maggie froze, her hand on the door. Her gaze shot to Josh, whose jaw was set so tight she was afraid it would snap. “Cody. I, um—”
Ellen slapped her hand on the window frame. “You three go. I’ll fill in Brad and meet you there. I’ll only be a few minutes behind.” She gave Cody a gentle smile. “Will that work, honey?”
He nodded, and Maggie closed her door. Josh rolled up the window and backed out of the driveway.
The ride to the hospital was tense. The roads weren’t good and the combination of that, the stress from earlier in the evening and the fear and relief of Cody’s rescue had Maggie very much on edge. Not to mention being in close proximity to Josh and unable to touch or comfort him caused an actual physical ache.
So she was relieved when they finally got to the hospital and she could move. Cody was whisked off, Josh at his side. He didn’t even look back. Lost, she sank in a chair, grateful the waiting room was empty enough no one saw her blinking back tears.
She didn’t know how long she’d sat there when Ellen hurried in. She stopped at the nurses’ desk, then came over to Maggie. “Why are you out here?”
Maggie closed the magazine she hadn’t been reading. “I was just waiting.”
Ellen frowned. “He left you out here?”
Maggie chewed her lip. What to say? It didn’t appear Josh had said anything about what happened earlier. “It’s all right. He was focused on Cody.” As he should have been. Any problems they had paled in comparison to the fear of losing Cody.
Ellen looked at her for a long moment. “I see. I’m going to go check on my grandson. But then I’ll be back.”
Maggie stared at her retreating figure as she spoke to the nurse, then disapp
eared through the double door that led to the treatment area.
Ellen was back ten minutes later, looking grim. Maggie was on her feet, heart pounding, but Ellen shook her head. “Cody is fine,” she said. “He’s under lots of warm blankets, has the TV on. He’ll no doubt be asleep soon.” She blew out a breath as she sat down next to Maggie. “Josh, however, looks awful. Can you tell me what happened?”
“With Cody?” Though that wouldn’t be much easier to explain about Cody’s wish.
“No. With Josh.” The older woman’s gaze was steady. “Please.”
Maggie agonized for a minute. It was her story to tell, since it was her fault. She took a deep breath and went for it. “I’m Cody’s aunt. Lucy was my half sister.”
Ellen didn’t react, just stared at her. “I see.”
Maggie wound her hands tightly in her lap. “I didn’t tell Josh because— Well, for a lot of reasons that made sense at the time but things went much differently than I anticipated. If I could go back…” She trailed off because, well, she couldn’t go back and fix it. No matter how much she wished it. It was silly to even think it.
“I’m not sure what to say,” Ellen said finally. “You’re right, you should have been up front at the beginning. I understand why he’d be angry. But the way he looks at you makes my heart happy. Is there anything else he doesn’t know?”
Maggie met Ellen’s serious gaze. “No. Nothing.”
She gave a sharp nod. “I hope the two of you can work it out. You’re wonderful with Cody and with my son, who’s been so caught up in his misplaced guilt he’s essentially cut himself off from the possibility of ever loving anyone. Now.” She stood up. “Let’s go see Cody. I know he wants to see you.”
* * *
When Maggie and his mother came into Cody’s room, Josh wanted to be annoyed. Or angry. Or anything but empty and lonely. The adrenaline from Cody’s adventure had worn off and Josh was simply wiped, physically and emotionally.
Maggie went straight to Cody, who had dozed off about three minutes before they’d walked in. She laid a hand on his head, and Josh saw the tears in her eyes. God help him, he wanted to pull her on his lap and lose the awfulness of the night in her kiss.
