“Maybe,” I said, turning away from him. His fingers grazed against my arm, sending an electrical current straight into my blood stream. My heart clenched painfully in my chest as I wondered how he couldn’t possibly feel what I was feeling.
“I’m sorry for…this summer,” he said, struggling with the words. I refused to look at him; I knew that I would likely start crying. The way he was looking at me made my heart ache with longing.
“It’s fine. I’m over it,” I lied, cutting off his would-be sentence by walking away. I couldn’t endure another moment.
I didn’t need Grayson’s pity, and frankly, I was mad. What right did he have to come waltzing back, firmly requesting placement into my everyday life again? How on Earth was I supposed to get over him now, when my body craved him and was completely tuned to him? I could feel his presence when he was near, as if our bodies were magnetically charged to one another.
I descended the stairs with Lindsay and Kyle. I gave Lindsay a small wave as she broke away from us to head toward the student parking lot, where Alicia was waiting for her. Alicia was the first of us to have a G2 and a car. Since they were neighbors, Lindsay always had a ride to and from school. Aubrey had already gotten on her own bus.
“Well, bye,” I said, about to turn down the hallway that led to the bus doors.
“I can drive you,” Kyle offered, smiling.
“Thanks, but that’s out of your way,” I answered. I lived in Newcastle, in a subdivision several blocks away from downtown. Orono was in the complete opposite direction.
“I really don’t mind,” Kyle said. “Besides, I’m heading that way already. Marcus lives in Newcastle. It’s band practice night.”
“Oh.” I hesitated for a moment, weighing my options. Take the sweaty, over-crowded bus, or accept a ride home with them? It wasn’t hard to tell what the more appealing option was. “Okay…”
I changed directions, following Kyle down the hallway that lead to the student parking lot. Marcus and Cam were already waiting by Kyle’s black two-door Cavalier.
“Let the lady have shotgun,” Kyle instructed, winking flirtatiously. Marcus and Cam both exchanged a bemused look, shrugging as they climbed into the back seat. Across the parking lot, I saw Grayson standing by an old forest green Ford Ranger. He watched me get into the front seat of Kyle’s car, his expression unreadable.
I swallowed hard, forcing myself to smile while I gave Kyle directions to my house. The drive wasn’t long, and Marcus, Cam and Kyle filled it with conversation about the band and the songs they were working on.
“Are you sure you don’t want to come to band practice?” Kyle asked, looking at me as he pulled into the driveway of my house on Rutherford Drive. “I still really want to work on a duet…I think it’d be cool, don’t you guys?”
“Yeah, if she can really sing.” Marcus shrugged, his fingers tapping to some beat in his head. “Guess we’ll find out on Friday!” I tried to ignore the alarm I felt at Marcus’s casual remark. I hadn’t counted on anyone but my friends and family to show up.
“We would have to write a song, which means you’d have to come to band practice…” Kyle frowned thoughtfully, his imagination running away with him. I hadn’t even agreed to do a duet. My fingers tightened on my lyric notebook. I already had several songs written, and several potential duets, but I knew that my style was vastly different from the band’s style. I honestly couldn’t see how my voice would fit with theirs.
I smiled nervously. “Another time…I have a lot to do tonight. Thanks for the ride though,” I said, climbing out of Kyle’s car. The seat moved forward, and Marcus climbed out to get in the passenger side as I walked up my driveway.
I was the first one to arrive home; my parents were still at work and likely would be until later on. Mom was a nurse, and she worked the day shift at the hospital. Dad was a mechanic, and he owned his own garage in town called Daniels’ Garage.
When I unlocked the front door, Stella greeted me with a wagging tail, excited barks and happy whimpers. She licked my hand as if it’d been months since she saw me last.
Stella was a family dog, but I was her person. I walked her, fed her, brushed her and bathed her. When she came to us, she was house-trained but not leash-trained. She didn’t know many commands and suffered from separation anxiety.
I spent a lot of time training her and working with her. She still suffered from a little bit of separation anxiety, but cuddly stuffed animals and curling up in my bed when I was gone seemed to help. I spent the most time with her, and as a result, Stella and I had a special bond. She could sense when I was upset and would be right at my heels, ready to offer comfort in the form of a softly wagging tail.
I crouched down, stroking the smooth fur on Stella’s ears while I thought about the events of the day. It had certainly been more eventful than I could have predicted.
Grayson is back. My heartbeat increased at the mere thought of him, the tempo only jumping when I thought about the look he’d given me from across the parking lot.
Sighing, I shook my head, forcing my thoughts away from Grayson and my hopeless attraction to him. A walk will cure this, I thought, glancing down at Stella. As if she could read my mind, she started to thump her tail louder against the floor.
I made a stop in the kitchen to grab a bottle of water from the refrigerator. The aroma from the crock pot roast assaulted my senses and made my mouth water. I snagged a granola bar from the pantry and a few treats for Stella, shoving them in my back pocket. I ate the granola bar while I quickly swept my hair up into a high ponytail to keep it off of my face.
A few moments later, I was grabbing the leash from a hook in the front hall and slipping into my shoes.
“Want to go for a walk?” I asked her. The moment she heard the ‘W’ word, she started jumping around in circles and barking. “Quiet,” I instructed, and she fell silent and still. With great restraint, she sat.
Once I had her leash on, I opened the front door to head out and nearly screamed when I bumped into someone. Stella started barking, just as surprised and alarmed as I was. She was very protective of me.
It was Grayson. Seeing him standing on my doorstep completely threw me off. “Quiet,” I instructed again. Stella fell silent, the occasional growling noise emitting from the back of her throat, alerting me that she wasn’t sure about this stranger. Grayson had never come to my house before.
“Sorry! I was just about to knock,” he said sheepishly, smiling. His intriguing eyes seemed to drink me in. Wrong, I corrected myself. You’re just delusional.
“Oh?” I looked at him curiously, wondering what he was doing at my house. “How did you know I lived here?”
“Small town…” Grayson trailed off, looking awkward. It was almost amusing; I had never seen Grayson look anything but collected and indifferent. “I wanted to talk to you.”
“You talked to me after school,” I reminded him, referring to our conversation by the lockers.
“You kind of left in a hurry. I was going to offer you a ride home.” I glanced behind him to where his truck sat parked in my driveway. How had I not heard him pull up?
“Well, I’m home now,” I pointed out, looking back to him. As soon as the words left my mouth, I felt stupid. It was pretty obvious that I was home. “I mean, I’m about to take my dog for a walk…”
“Oh, okay,” Grayson said, retreating to his stoic shell. He put his hands in his pockets and looked like he was regretting stopping by.
My emotions were a swirling mess of confusion and guilt. I felt guilty for making him feel bad, if that’s what I had inadvertently done, but I was also confused. I didn’t understand what he wanted from me, or why he was on my porch. Or what any of the reasons behind his expressions were.
“You could join me, if you wanted to…” I suggested, feeling completely at a loss.
I had never had a guy randomly show up at my house, and this wasn’t just any guy…it was Grayson, the guy I had not-so-secretly been in
love with since the seventh grade.
Plus, his strange behavior was making me feel strange. It was completely out of character for Grayson to just show up. In the past, I had to invite him places and he had never given me a solid yes. He would always show up randomly—super late and just when I thought he wasn’t going to come at all.
I couldn’t help but wonder if his change of behavior had anything to do with Kyle driving me home. I almost got the impression that he was jealous, but why would he be when he told me he didn’t feel the same way?
Unless he was lying.
The thought made my breath catch somewhere in my throat. No, that’s not it. It can’t be it.
None of it made sense, and I was beginning to develop a headache from thinking about it.
He spun the lip ring frantically while he thought, his eyes traveling the length of my body quickly before he averted his gaze. “Alright,” he said, shrugging.
I had to peel my eyes away from his lips, blushing at the strong desire I had to feel them against mine. My thoughts about Grayson perpetually made me feel uncomfortable.
“This is Stella,” I introduced awkwardly, my face still heated with embarrassment. Grayson knew I had a dog from our MSN conversations, but he had never actually met her.
He bent down to offer Stella his hand to sniff. She sniffed it, licked him and started wagging her tail. “We were just going to go to the trails…” I added.
“Cool.” Grayson nodded, standing up. He fell into step beside me, keeping pace. We walked in compatible silence, toward the trails near my house. I tried to ignore how good it felt to just be in Grayson’s presence. I stole glances at him, wondering what the reason was behind his unexpected visit.
Once we reached the trails I let Stella off her leash, knowing she would stick to my side. We walked in silence for a bit, with Stella sniffing along the path just in front of me. I thought about my notebook back at home, thick with all the lyrical inspiration Grayson had given me over the past few months. I wondered what Grayson would say if he ever read them, then immediately started to blush at the thought. He would probably think that I was a crazy stalker or something.
“So…why did you want to offer me a ride?” I asked, curiosity getting the better of me.
“I had something I wanted to talk to you about,” Grayson answered, his brow creasing as he frowned. He started to spin the hoop through his bottom lip with his tongue absently. A flash of metal caught my attention, and I stared openly at the bar through his tongue. I couldn’t help but fall into a deep fantasy of wondering what a tongue ring felt like.
Grayson saw what I was looking at and he gave me a sly smile.
“What?” I pressed, clinging onto the subject change. I averted my eyes again, bending over to pick up a stick. I threw it for Stella, watching as she ran after it.
“You aren’t planning on going to that party at Kyle’s, are you?” Grayson started, frowning deeper as he carefully avoided looking at me. He watched Stella as she chased happily after the stick.
“So what if I am?” I demanded, irritated.
“Just be careful.” Grayson sighed, looking as though he had more to say.
“I’m kind of over your cryptic non-answers,” I grumbled. Grayson looked at me, shock crossing his features and melting away into mild confusion. Good, I thought. You be confused for a while.
“I don’t give non-answers,” he argued, his eyes zeroing in on me and flashing.
“Yes, you really do,” I retorted, exasperated. This conversation was hurting my head, and the way Grayson was looking at me was doing absolutely nothing to help the confusion.
I whistled for Stella to return, and she did. I bent down, fastening her leash to her collar again before standing up. I wordlessly started walking back down the trail towards my house.
“Give an example of these supposed non-answers,” Grayson demanded, surprising me. I had expected him to drop the subject immediately. Usually, Grayson didn’t discuss heavy things…at least not in person. Those conversations were saved for MSN. I blushed, thinking of a thousand non-answers he had given me over the years.
“I really don’t want to get into it right now,” I told him, thinking of our last conversation on MSN and feeling that familiar pang of heartbreak and disappointment. I was angry. How could I get over Grayson if he was constantly around? Even after school, when I thought I could collect my thoughts, he had appeared. I wanted to ask him what his deal was, but I knew I wouldn’t get an answer.
Grayson remained silent the rest of the walk back to my house. As we were passing his truck, he paused to look at me, his hand on the door handle. The expression in his eyes made my body temperature rise, and I couldn’t understand why I could be so deeply affected by a mere glance.
Then again, it was beyond my ability to comprehend anything that Grayson did.
He took another step towards me, leaving a small amount of space between us. My heart jumped in my chest at his closeness, goose bumps raising across every surface of my skin.
“I’m sorry,” he said, looking right into my eyes again. His gaze lowered to my lips, and he licked his lips absently, unaware of the action. I bit my bottom lip, breaking the spell of Grayson’s gaze. His brow creased and he clenched his jaw as he looked away from me. “I’ll see you later.”
“Okay…” I whispered, watching as he got into his truck and drove away.
* * *
With Julia no longer able to give me rides, I had to start my mornings a little earlier to make it to the bus stop. I showered, blow-dried my hair and applied some cover up, mascara and a little eyeliner. After my restless night of sleep, I was too tired to do more. I dressed in a pair of form-fitting jeans and another cute-yet-unremarkable shirt from Garage Clothing.
I purposely avoided looking at my bed—at the purple bear that I had pulled out of the waste basket when I got home from my walk with Stella…and Grayson.
I came down the stairs to find my parents sitting at the table, drinking coffee.
“Morning, honey!” Mom greeted, smiling at me. I hadn’t gotten to see her before I went to bed the night before. She ended up working a double at the hospital because one of the other girls had called in sick. She looked tired, and was still in her pajamas. “How was your first day of school? Sorry we couldn’t see you off!”
“It was okay,” I answered, giving her a quick kiss before I went to grab a muffin. I took a bite, my eyes closing as the delicious banana nut flavors danced across my tongue.
It amazed me that my mom was still able to bake and cook, despite how many hours she put in at the hospital. She had only started working there last January, after spending the last several years in nursing school. She graduated top of her class, teaching Julia and me that it was never too late to pursue your dreams. Before that, she had been a stay-at-home mom.
Dad pushed back his chair and came over to the kitchen sink to put his dirty coffee mug in it. He gave me a one-armed hug and grinned. Lately, his wavy dark hair had been lined with more gray, but his eyes glowed with pride, as they always did when he looked at Julia and me.
“How was your first day of school, songbird?” he asked.
“Um…good…” I trailed off.
“Are you excited for Friday?” Mom asked, smiling at me. She and dad wouldn’t be able to make it to the talent show with their work schedules, but they were both excited and supportive about the whole thing. They were probably more excited than I was. My parents had paid for years for me to see a voice teacher to develop my singing abilities, and nothing ever really came of it. I think they had worried it was in vain.
“Oh, yeah! That reminds me…Lindsay wants to have a sleepover on Friday, after the fair. Could I go? It’ll be Aubrey, Alicia and I.” I looked at my parents expectantly, waiting for a response.
Dad answered my question with one of his own.”Don’t you work Saturday morning?”
“Yeah, but Alicia works too and said she would drive me. I could bring my uniform,�
�� I replied, my mouth full of the last bite of muffin. I tossed the wrapper in the garbage and dusted the crumbs off my shirt while I waited for an answer.
My parents exchanged a look. They seemed to be able to communicate that way, reaching a decision without speaking any words.
“Okay, honey.” Mom yawned. I grinned. My responsible nature paid off, and my parents didn’t worry about me bailing out on work or getting into trouble. In their eyes, I was too good; too mature for that.
“Thanks!”
“Well, I’m off to work. Have a good day at school,” Dad said, giving me another hug. “And you have a good day off—you deserve it. Rest,” he added, kissing my mom quickly on the lips. Mom nodded, yawning again.
“And I need to catch my bus,” I said, giving her a big hug. I gave Stella a goodbye pet and grabbed my bag from the front hall. “See you later!” I called.
Once I arrived at school, I quickly joined Aubrey, Lindsay and Alicia in our usual spot by the cafeteria door.
“I hear someone got a ride home with Kyle last night,” Lindsay said, smirking at me.
“Yeah…” I didn’t know whether or not Lindsay was angry about it. It was impossible to tell with her.
“How was that?” Alicia asked, her eyes shifting back and forth from Lindsay to me. “Was Cam there?”
“Yeah he was. It was okay. Kyle wanted me to join them for band practice.”
Lindsay’s eyes widened. “What, why?” She wasn’t used to any of us getting invitations to places without her there. Alicia watched her, biting her lip and frowning slightly.
“He wants to do a duet or something.” I answered. We stood beside the cafeteria doors, out of the way of anyone trying to get through.
“So, what did you say?” Lindsay demanded, her eyes narrowing as she studied me.
Damaged Goods Page 5
