by R. E. Butler
“What does that mean?” Brynn demanded.
Acksel growled and held out his hand to his mate. She stared at it for a long moment and then reluctantly took it and allowed herself to be pulled against his side. Mia didn’t want her bestie to get in trouble for standing up for her and Lucian.
“What that means,” Acksel said, “is that I can’t forbid you from living in Wilde Creek, but I can forbid you from entering pack lands and taking part in any pack dealings. Mia, you’re welcome to stay in the pack or you can leave and I won’t mark you. But regardless, your punishment for disobeying a direct order from a protector is to not be allowed to shift on next the full moon, and your mate will not be allowed to join the pack. Therefore, he’s not welcome in pack territory, period.”
Mia sagged against Lucian and struggled not to cry. She didn’t want to fall into a weeping ball right then, with so many witnesses.
“Acksel, please,” Brynn said, her voice quiet but laced with strength. “Please don’t do this.”
“He’s an unknown,” Ren said. “We can’t allow him to run amok in the pack when there are young to be considered. What if he felt that Mia was being threatened, and killed a pack member?”
Sam nodded. “There are too many variables, too many innocents at stake.”
The elders nodded, but remained silent.
She looked at her brother, but he just shook his head. She didn’t know if he’d sided with the pack or with them, but either way the alpha’s word was law, and he’d spoken.
They filed out silently, even Brynn, who waved and smiled sadly as her eyes glittered with tears.
Mia turned into Lucian and cried, his strong arms holding her as her world crumbled. This was not how she’d expected her life to go forward with her mate. Either she stayed with the pack and spent full moons without him, or she left the only home she’d ever had. Neither option was good.
Lucian led her to the couch, and she sat down, dropping her head into her hands. Her mother sat next to her, an arm around her shoulders, promising in softly sweet words that everything would be okay. Mia wasn’t sure how that could be true, but she sure hoped it was.
* * *
Lucian faced Malachi.
His best friend, a male he’d thought of as a brother for years, shook his head. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was so pissed that Mia was hurt that I didn’t listen to you. And I’m mostly sorry that you’re in this position now because the elders are afraid of you.”
“It’s the elders?” he asked.
“Acksel’s not afraid of anything, frankly, but there have been rumors about the destruction of the raven’s nest. It’s not that anyone thinks it’s bad that those assholes are dead, but what happened to them coupled with the fact you passed yourself off as human for so long makes them nervous. Acksel’s got a baby on the way, and there are young pups around, too.”
“I don’t blame them,” Lucian said, looking at Mia. She was so forlorn. “Thanks for forgiving me, even though I don’t deserve it. I kept you in the dark as much as anyone else.”
“I was ready to hate you forever, but after hearing what you went through, I can’t say I would’ve done any different. If caging my wolf would keep my family safe, I would do it in a heartbeat.”
Mia sniffled. “Do you think Acksel will change his mind?”
“Don’t know. I would go into whatever plans you’re making for the future expecting he won’t. Maybe you’ll be pleasantly surprised.”
“You can’t prove a negative,” John said. “You can’t prove you’re not dangerous. It’s ridiculous.”
Lucian sighed inwardly. If his beast had only let him cage him again, this wouldn’t be an issue.
Not gonna happen.
“The full moon isn’t for another two weeks. Maybe he’ll change his mind,” Mia said. “But if he doesn’t, I don’t want to be in a place where my mate can’t be with me on a night that’s important to me. Hunting on the full moon without Lucian is unacceptable.”
He smiled at his fierce mate. “It’ll work out, love.”
“Are you psychic now?” she asked, a teasing twinkle in her eyes.
“I’m working on it.”
Chapter 14
The two weeks before the full moon passed so quickly that Mia wasn’t sure some cosmic being hadn’t pushed fast-forward on her life. She and Lucian had gathered his things from his storage unit, and a big motorcycle now sat in her garage next to her car. She loved holding onto Lucian as they rode the bike. It was as close to shifting and running as she could get in her human form.
He’d gotten the process started to legally change his name back to Rhodes. It really didn’t matter to her what his name was, because he was her mate and the name didn’t change anything.
They’d had dinner with his father twice, and he and Lucian had trained for several hours beforehand to help Lucian keep a hold on the berserker even when he was furious. He was a fearsome creature when he changed, so tall and monsterish, but even when he smiled at her with all his sharp teeth she knew it was still the same man underneath.
He’d moved into her home immediately. They both took an extra day off of their respective jobs to enjoy being mated, and then he had started working at L&M Security and she’d gone back to the credit union. Brynn had called several times, but had no new information for Mia on Acksel’s mood. The alpha seemed intent on keeping Lucian out of pack dealings, at least through this full moon.
Mia still hadn’t decided what to do with their future. Lucian had left it entirely up to her, promising to be happy anywhere as long as they were together. His father had offered to let them build a house on his land and use the woods for hunting on the full moon, and she found it very tempting.
But Wilde Creek was part of her, as much as the wolf, as much as the maybe-baby growing inside her. Pressing her hand to her abdomen, she wondered for the millionth time if she was actually pregnant. Nila, who was a nurse by trade, had told Mia she could check now at any time, but Mia had wanted to wait a little while longer. Although the circumstances of the conception had been unpleasant, she loved Lucian with her whole being and carrying his – whatever baby berserkers were called – was right at the top of her wish-list.
Brynn had already suggested they could name their baby Bry after her, if it was a boy. It had been a long-standing joke between them that Brynn should name her baby Mi if it was a boy, in honor of his most amazing aunt.
Last night, when the moon had risen high in the sky and her wolf ached to be let free to run and hunt, Lucian kept her busy by driving her wild in bed. And in the kitchen. And the family room. And twice in the shower. Her wolf liked Lucian’s sexy distractions just fine, but she knew that in another month, she’d be right back in this place having to choose between her pack and her heart. It was wildly unfair to be put in this position, and she hated Acksel a little bit extra.
She stood at the kitchen window and looked out at the backyard. If she looked hard enough through the trees, she could kind of make out Mal’s home in the development behind hers. But all she could see at that moment was how separated she felt from things. For the first time since she shifted as a teenager, she hadn’t been part of a pack celebration. Part of her wanted to tell Lucian it wasn’t a big deal, and that they could make their own traditions, but the wolf in her wanted a pack. Craved it like air.
Damn social creature.
Her phone buzzed. She let her gaze drift from the window, which needed to be cleaned, to where the phone sat on the counter. She pressed the green phone icon to answer and lifted the phone to her ear.
“Hey B,” she said.
“I missed you last night,” Brynn said.
“Yeah.”
“Tell me you aren’t going to leave.”
Mia turned and leaned against the counter. Lucian had run into the office for a few hours, promising to bring dinner home with him. She was glad he wasn’t there right then, because she didn’t want him to hear her being upset.
“W
hat would you have me do? What if you weren’t allowed to be part of the pack, but Acksel was? Would you want him to go on doing the same-old, same-old and leave you home alone?”
The pause was long enough that Mia knew Brynn was trying to think of something to say to the contrary, but the truth was there, heavy in its reality.
“I’ve got a new future now, B.”
“What does that mean?”
“I need to think about what’s best for my family. Not just what makes me happy.”
“We’re the two musketeers. You’re not allowed to break up the set. I’m entirely planning for our children to be best friends. My boys mating with your girls, and vice versa. They’re going to rule the pack, and maybe the world…I haven’t decided yet.”
A tear slipped down Mia’s cheek, and she brushed it away with her knuckle as she smiled. Brynn was an amazing best friend. Mia was supremely lucky to have her in her life and at her side. “Nothing’s set in stone right now, but unless Acksel does a one-eighty and lets Lucian be honored as my mate in the pack, then…” She let the rest of the sentence drift away, because saying the words seemed exactly like putting it into stone. And she didn’t want to do that right now.
“I’ll fix it,” Brynn said. “That’s what besties do.”
“I love you, B.”
“That’s because I’m full of awesomesauce and glitter, and that’s a potent combination.”
* * *
Lucian blinked a few times and his eyes burned, which made him realize he’d been staring at the computer screen long enough to dry out his retinas. Leaning back in the chair, he rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms and then linked his fingers behind his head. He was trying to work, but he couldn’t stop thinking about Mia. Not just the romantic, moony love-filled thoughts that often traipsed through his mind ever since he’d set his berserker free and claimed her. These thoughts were about what she was dealing with when it came to her wolf and her pack.
He’d never expected to be on this side of things. If he’d thought about the future at all while his beast was caged and his job had been hunting rogue shifters, he always pictured himself eventually settling down with a human female and having some kids. They’d be part-berserker, of course – he could cage the beast but he couldn’t take it from his DNA – but he’d planned to keep the magical tattooing as a family tradition and cage his kids’ beasts, too. Which, in retrospect, would have been an entirely shitty thing to do to them. The tattoos had hobbled him, made him believe he had a modicum of power over a creature who had no natural enemies. So fearsome. So feared. And rightly so. He only had to think about the ravens to know that when his berserker took over, there was no one safe who would harm his Mia.
If only he could prove to the pack that he would never just randomly harm someone. Mia hadn’t been in danger before. She’d had a good life with the pack, and Acksel, despite his reputation for being an asshole, was a good and fair leader. Lucian wouldn’t want an unknown monster hanging around his mate either, so in some respects the two males were quite similar. Not that it made things easier for Mia.
Turning his attention to the computer screen, he sighed, knowing he was entirely unsuited for actual work today. He needed to be home with Mia. She still hadn’t taken a pregnancy test, even though Nila had said she could. He didn’t know why she was waiting, and he hadn’t wanted to press her. Because he spent so many years keeping her at arms’ length, he was inclined to let her do whatever she wanted and not give her a hard time about anything.
Turning off the computer, he settled back in the chair, swiveling lazily as he looked around. The office had been his since he and Mal started the company, but Lucian had been a ghost to everyone except Mal. There’d been a desk but no chair, a credenza but no file drawers. It was a pretty apt representation of his life up until he’d mated Mia. He’d been living, but only about halfway. Now that he had Mia, now that he could actually live without fear of some bad fucker coming out of the woodwork to hurt the people he loved, he felt like he was truly living.
The only problem was that his sweetheart wasn’t living. Not really. She was a wolf, and wolves were pack creatures. It was just part of their nature. It had been hella fun to sex her up all night because her wolf was all worked up for the full moon, but it had been a Band-Aid fix. Like putting a cartoon sticker over a crack in a wall and saying it was as good as new. Mia needed a pack, and he was standing in the way.
Him and his damn beast.
He wanted Mia to go be with the pack on the full moon. He’d told her as much several times over the last two weeks, but she hadn’t wanted to hear anything of the sort.
“You look like you’re between a rock and a hard place,” Mal said as he leaned against the door jam.
“Feels like that.”
“How was the full moon for Mia?”
He half-smiled. He wouldn’t be filling his best bro in on the goings-on of their mating, but he knew what Mal meant. “She didn’t like being excluded from the pack, but honestly I think even if she hadn’t been punished she would’ve stayed with me.”
“She’s very loyal.”
“And too good for me.”
Mal grinned. “I’ve been telling her that for years.”
“I’m not planning to go anywhere. Wilde Creek is her home, and where she is, I am. Conversely, if she says go, then we’re gone.”
“I know. I’d do anything to make Nila happy. Walk through fire, sleep on nails. The works. And I’d give up the pack in a heartbeat if she couldn’t be part of things with me.”
Lucian would do anything to make Mia happy, too. He just wished the berserker didn’t scare the elders so much. He felt confident that he could be out with Mia in the woods on the full moon and be perfectly safe to be around. But he couldn’t prove it, and the alpha clearly thought that Lucian’s word wasn’t worth much.
Exhaling loudly, he said, “I’m going to head home.”
“Want to come over for dinner tomorrow night? We should really do it right this time. I promise my mate won’t sneak anyone else into the house.”
Lucian chuckled. “Let me check with the boss, but it sounds good.”
An hour later, he walked in the front door of the home that he now shared with Mia. It smelled like Italian spices and tomatoes, and his mouth instantly watered. Mia set a large pan in the center of the kitchen table and smiled at him. Candles burned on either side of the bubbling pan of lasagna.
“Smells wonderful, sweetheart,” he said, joining her and giving her a kiss.
“I’m craving Italian.”
“Oh?” he asked, smiling down at her sweet face.
She blinked rapidly several times and said, “I want to take the test tomorrow morning. I think I’m pregnant.”
He cupped her face. “It’s good to find out either way.”
“Yeah.”
“Are you sad?”
She shook her head slightly, her eyes brightening as she seemed to try to hold back tears. He enveloped her in a hug, holding her close and wanting to take away every bad thing.
“I wouldn’t trade you for the pack,” she whispered, her voice rough with emotion. “I just want to be with you.”
“I want that, too.”
Her hands curled into his shirt, and she rubbed her cheek against his chest, right over his heart. They stood like that, both of them holding tight to each other, for what seemed like hours. In reality it wasn’t more than a few minutes, but the emotional hold continued on long after they separated enough to sit down and eat.
“I don’t know what it’s like to feel torn the way you are, sweetheart,” he said as he sank his fork into the layered mass of noodles, cheese, and sauce. “But I wish you wouldn’t put so much pressure on yourself about me.”
She made a face. “What are you talking about?”
“I think you’re worried that I’m going to feel left out, or jealous, or something. I get how important the pack is to you.”
She didn’t say
anything for a long moment, instead focusing her attention on the square of lasagna on her plate. When she’d cut it into pieces and speared a chunk, she said, “It’s not just about you.”
He raised his brow questioningly, silently encouraging her to finish her thought.
“If I’m not pregnant right now, it’s probably a good bet that I will be after this coming fall heat. When I am pregnant, half of the baby is going to be berserker. If you’re not accepted by the pack as being a safe beast to be around at all times, then they’re not going to let our kids hang out, either. It’s bad enough to suffer with the thought of being away from you during the full moon, but do you honestly think I could stand to be separated from my kids? To let them think for even a half a second that they’re not valued and important?”
Lucian loved his fierce truemate a little harder right then. Ready to go all momma-bear on anyone who would treat her kids differently.
“You’d rather not be here at all, then.”
“I don’t know. That’s the problem,” she said. “If we stay, hoping that maybe Acksel and the elders will change their minds about you, I might be condemning our kids to always being outsiders. If we go, I lose my pack. It’s hell one way or the other.”
“I’ll be your pack. I know it’s not the same, but we can go to my dad’s on the full moon.”
She smiled at him, but he could see she was still at war. Things were new with them, and he wasn’t about to put a rush on her decision. Walking away from the hunters to keep her safe had been a no-brainer, but although he had considered his team like family, they weren’t actually family. The pack was a big family, and she’d grown up in Wilde Creek, expecting her entire life to play out from start to finish in the woods at the alphas’ home. Her best friend, their kids, everyone growing old together in a picturesque way, as if Norman Rockwell had painted wolf packs instead of humans.
