Wrong Number, Right Woman

by Jae

  “Sure. I’ll be here, missing you.”

  Eliza didn’t know what to say to that, so she squeezed past him in the crowded bar and fled to the ladies’ room. The door hadn’t even closed behind her when she had her phone to her ear. “Looks like the sneakers will get a workout tonight,” she said as soon as Denny answered.

  “That bad?” Denny asked without missing a beat.

  “It didn’t get off to a good start. I didn’t recognize him when he walked in. He looked fifteen years older than his profile pic and not nearly as hot,” Eliza answered. “No biggie, I figured. I’m open to dating an older guy.”

  Denny coughed.

  Eliza paused in her monologue. “You okay? You’re not getting sick on top of the tendonitis, are you?”

  “No, no, I’m fine. Go on.”

  “Anyway, I’d like to believe I’m not so superficial that I would reject a guy just because he’s going bald and has a flat butt.”

  “You checked out his butt?”

  Eliza leaned against the sink and put on a new coat of lipstick. “Of course. You don’t? Are you more of a breast woman?”

  A stranger joined Eliza at the sink and sent her a curious look, but Eliza ignored her.

  “Um…” Denny cleared her throat, and Eliza grinned as she imagined her flushing a bright pink. “I mean, I would be lying if I said I don’t notice when a woman has a nice butt or a nice, uh, bust, but believe it or not, I’m more of a smile-and-eyes woman.”

  Eliza sighed. Why couldn’t her dates share that attitude? Ben had stared at her chest with obvious disappointment within two minutes of meeting her. But then again, she had noticed his flat butt too.

  “But we aren’t talking about me,” Denny continued. “You were about to tell me about Flat Butt Boy. Is he a contender for the coveted Worst-Eliza-Date-Ever Award?”

  “He’s getting there. We’re at Voicebox, right? So he climbed up on stage and, in front of the entire crowd, dedicated a song to me.”

  “And you think that’s bad?” Denny sounded puzzled. “Seems kind of nice to me.”

  “It might have been…if he hadn’t called me his girlfriend not even ten minutes after first meeting me!” Eliza caught the wide-eyed gaze of the girl next to her. “And I think he just tried to kiss me.”

  Denny was silent for a moment, then burst out, “What a creep! Do you need me to come get you?”

  Warmth flowed through Eliza, like the first sunshine after the long, rainy Portland winter. She knew Denny was still fighting to overcome her shyness and work up the courage to meet in person. It meant the world to her that Denny would offer to come get her despite her own insecurities. “Thanks, Denny. But that won’t be necessary. I borrowed Heather’s car. Now all I need is to make up some kind of emergency, and I’ll be out of here.”

  “I’m on it,” Denny said with determination. “One emergency coming up in, say, five minutes?”

  “Phew! Super-Denny to the rescue! Thanks.”

  Denny chuckled. “If you’re going to call me that, you’d better send me a red cape.”

  “Ooh, and one of those tight spandex costumes too?” Eliza grinned as she imagined Denny in a miniskirt or a strapless breastplate. No, that so wasn’t Denny, even though a skimpy outfit like that would reveal the strong shoulders, sturdy legs, and cuddly curves she suspected were hiding beneath Denny’s pants and shirt.

  Denny huffed. “Ew. No, thanks. Butch superheroines have a different dress code. Besides, how am I supposed to rescue damsels in distress while having to worry about my boobs popping out?”

  A giggle rose up Eliza’s chest. “True. Okay, you get to choose your own superhero outfit.”

  The door swung closed behind the girl eavesdropping on Eliza’s conversation, and she realized she had been hiding out in the restroom for too long. “I’d better get back to the table. Five minutes?”

  “Five minutes,” Denny said.

  They ended the call without either of them saying goodbye.

  Eliza glanced into the mirror once more, swiped a strand of hair behind her ear, then walked back outside.

  “There you are. For a minute, I thought you had climbed out the bathroom window,” Ben said with a laugh as she joined him at the table.

  Darn. Why hadn’t she considered that? Eliza managed a weak laugh.

  “So, do you want me to do another song, or are you ready to get out of here?” he asked. “I thought we could go to my place.”

  She couldn’t help staring at him. They hadn’t exchanged more than a few polite sentences all night. He couldn’t seriously think she would sleep with him!

  He laughed. “Not for what you’re thinking. Although I could probably be talked into that if you try hard enough.” He winked at her. “I just thought you’d like to meet my folks.”

  Words failed her. He wanted her to meet his parents…on their first date? And apparently, he still lived at home.

  Thankfully, her phone rang before she was forced to tell him what she thought of that idea. “I’m so sorry. I have to take that. It’s my roommate.” She tapped the green button before he said, “Go ahead.”

  The first thing she heard was a low, drawn-out moan that vibrated through her entire body. “Denny? Is that you? Are you all right?” For a second, she really was worried. Was this the emergency Denny had planned to fake, or was it real?

  “Y-yes.” Denny panted like a dog in a hot car. “I think my water just broke.”

  “Your water just broke?” Eliza didn’t have to fake her amazement. She hadn’t expected that excuse.

  More panting drifted through the phone, paired with little gasps. “The babies are coming!”

  “Babies?” Eliza repeated. Plural? She bit back a laugh. Apparently, Denny thought one baby wasn’t enough of a reason to run out on a date.

  “Triplets,” Denny answered. “At least. Get your ass to the hospital now!”

  “Which hospital?”

  “St. Immaculate Conception.”

  A burst of laughter threatened to break free. Quickly, Eliza pressed her fist to her mouth and pretended to stifle an alarmed gasp. She peeked at Ben to see if he bought it.

  He stared back at her with wide eyes and mouthed, “Babies?”

  She nodded and held up three fingers. “Okay, just keep breathing.”

  “Not planning to stop anytime soon,” Denny quipped.

  Eliza bit her lip to stop a grin from forming. “I’ll be there as fast as I can.” She hung up before Denny could say anything else to make her laugh.

  “Your roommate is pregnant with triplets? Wow, cool.” Ben lifted his beer in a toast.

  For a moment, Eliza felt bad. Maybe she should have just told him there was no spark for her there instead of faking a triplet emergency.

  “Did I mention that multiples run in my family too? And we don’t do small babies either. Nine pounds, five ounces.” He proudly tapped his chest. “Just to give you fair warning.” He didn’t laugh or even grin, as if them having kids together was a foregone conclusion.

  Eliza’s flash of guilt vanished as fast as it had arrived. “Sorry. I have to get to the hospital. I’m her birth partner.”

  “Yeah, of course.”

  Before he could try to kiss her, she grabbed her purse and made her escape.

  On her way to the car, she called Denny. “Oh my God.” She clutched her ribs with her free hand and allowed her laughter to bubble up. “When you fake an emergency, you really go all out!”

  “Just quoting my sister when she was in labor with Bella,” Denny said. “She was convinced it was either triplets or an alien.”

  “Oh, did she give birth at St. Immaculate Conception too?” Eliza paused in front of Heather’s car and pressed the key fob to unlock the door. “I nearly bit through my lip trying not to laugh when you said that!”

  Denny grinned. “Well, at least you had fun on a date for a change.”

  Eliza’s laughter gentled to a soft smile as a wave of affection swept through her. She
hadn’t laughed so much on a date in a long time. Why couldn’t the guys she dated be more like Denny—fun, sweet, and easy to talk to? “Yeah, I did.”

  “Are you in the car?”

  Eliza slid behind the wheel. “Mm-hmm.”

  “Okay, we’d better hang up. No talking or texting while you drive,” Denny said. “But let me know when you’re home safe and sound.”

  “Will do.” Eliza put the seat belt on but didn’t start the car yet. “Denny?”

  “Yes?”

  “Thanks for being my spandex-free superheroine.”

  “Anytime.”

  Eliza dangled the car key in front of Heather. “Here’s your baby back, safe and sound.” The word baby reminded her of Denny’s fake triplet emergency, eliciting a smile.

  Heather took the key and playfully clutched her chest. “Oh my! Is that Eliza Harrison, smiling after a date? Come in and tell me all about it!” Without waiting for a reply, she took hold of Eliza’s hand and pulled her across the doorstep, into her apartment, and to the couch. “How was it? Did you have fun?”

  “Well, if you consider being invited home to meet the parents and being warned that big babies run in the family fun…”

  Heather’s lips twitched as if she didn’t know whether to laugh or to frown. “On the first date? You’re kidding me!”

  “Nope. I swear!”

  “Where do you keep finding these guys?” Heather asked with a shake of her head.

  Eliza poked her. “On the dating app you talked me into using.”

  Heather walked to her kitchenette and poured them both a glass of red wine. “So, if the guy was a weirdo, why are you in such a smiley mood?”

  “Oh, just something Denny did to allow me to escape.”

  Heather sat next to her, handed over one of the wineglasses, and studied her over the rim of her own. “Um, speaking of Denny… I did it!”

  “Did what?”

  “I sent her a message through No More Frogs.”

  Eliza clutched her glass. A week had passed since they had last talked about it, so she had assumed Heather had given up on that idea. “Oh.”

  “She hasn’t mentioned it?” Heather asked.

  “No. I think she hasn’t checked her No More Frogs messages for most of the week.”

  “I hoped that’s what’s going on, and not that she ran screaming when she found out we know each other.” Heather tilted her head and studied Eliza. “It’s not going to be weird for you, is it?”

  “No, why would it be weird?”

  “Because you look”—Heather squinted—“worried.”

  Eliza stared into the depths of her red wine, then glanced back up. “I just don’t want either of you to get hurt.”

  Heather paused mid-sip. “You think Denny would hurt me?”

  “No! God, no. Denny is the kindest, sweetest person you can imagine. I’m sure she’ll treat you like a queen.”

  “Then what’s the problem? Surely you don’t think I’d hurt her, do you?”

  “Of course I don’t.” What was the problem? Eliza couldn’t tell where that feeling of unease came from, but it had lingered since Heather had first mentioned wanting to ask Denny out. Was she worried that they wouldn’t get along—or maybe that they would get along, become a couple, and then no longer have time for her? “Sorry. It’s nothing. I think I’ve developed some kind of dating paranoia.”

  Heather chuckled. “Dating paranoia?”

  “Yeah. Like suddenly, I can’t imagine a date going well. Your little app messed me up for life.”

  “I hope not!” Heather pretended to bite her manicured nails. “I’m counting on being the bridesmaid who seduces all the other bridesmaids at your wedding.”

  “Good to know my potential wedding features so prominently in your love life. You do know that my sisters would be your fellow bridesmaids, don’t you?”

  Heather shuddered. “Ugh. No offense. Your sisters are cute, but I consider you the sister I never had, so that would be almost incestuous. I think I’ll stick to No More Frogs dates.”

  Which led them back to Heather asking Denny out. “So, what did you write in your message to her?”

  “Ha! Like she won’t read you the whole thing word for word as soon as she—”

  Eliza’s phone chirped, announcing a text from Denny.

  “See?” Heather smirked. “That probably means she finally saw my message and wants your take on it.”

  Eliza fought the urge to check her phone right away. Instead, she wagged a finger at Heather. “I’m warning you. If you two get together, then have a messy breakup three months later and never want to talk to each other again, tough luck! You’ll have to find a way to get along because I’m not giving up my friendship with either of you.”

  Heather waved her hand. “Don’t worry. We’re lesbians. We always stay friends with our exes. It’s in the handbook.”

  “Good. Because she’s going to be one of my bridesmaids too.”

  “Ooh!” Heather bounced up and down, somehow managing not to spill her red wine. “So I do have chances to sleep with a bridesmaid after all!”

  Eliza reached over to poke her again—and promptly managed to slosh wine all over her favorite pair of jeans. “Damn. I’d better soak this.” With several big gulps, she finished the remainder. “Thanks again for lending me your car.”

  “Mi coche es tu coche.”

  Heather walked her to the door, where they exchanged a quick hug.

  Then Eliza jogged over to her own apartment, in a hurry to soak her jeans—and, if she was being honest with herself, to read Denny’s text.

  She kicked the door closed behind her and unbuttoned her jeans with one hand while opening her messages app with the other.

  There was indeed a text from Denny waiting for her. OMG! Someone on No More Frogs sent me a message! What do I do?

  The panicked text made her smile but also drove home the point of how vulnerable Denny was. God, she hoped this wouldn’t backfire.

  Denny paced her room with the phone tightly clutched in one hand. Eliza had sent her a message saying she’d made it home fifteen minutes ago. Why wasn’t she answering?

  Instead of emitting the usual cha-chung announcing a text from Eliza, her phone rang. Eliza’s name flashed across the screen.

  Apparently, that was their normal modus operandi regarding communication now.

  Denny was fine with that. She quickly tapped the accept button. “Did you see my text?” This time, it was she who started the conversation in the middle, without saying hello. “I got a message from a woman on No More Frogs! What do I do?”

  “First, you take a deep breath,” Eliza answered. “It’s a harmless message, not a crocodile leaping at you.”

  Denny forced herself to stop her pacing and take a series of calming breaths. “Right. No reptiles with sharp teeth around.” She chuckled, but it still sounded nervous to her own ears. “Sorry for freaking out. I just…”

  “No need to apologize or explain. I get it.”

  And Denny sensed she really did. Eliza got her. That feeling settled over her like the superheroine cape she had requested earlier, making her feel just as invincible. She flopped onto her bed. “Thank you.”

  “No thanks needed either,” Eliza said. Water splashed in the background.

  “Where are you?” Denny asked. “Is it raining? I thought you were home.”

  “I am. I’m soaking my jeans.”

  Eliza continued talking, saying something about red wine, but the words didn’t register. Denny’s brain was busy picturing Eliza standing at the sink in just the sheer blouse she sometimes wore on dates and a pair of panties.

  Stop it, she told herself, but her imagination had other ideas and showed her a close-up of Eliza’s smooth legs. She pressed her pillow to her face, hoping the cotton would cool her cheeks. Finally, she shook off the mental image just in time to hear Eliza’s question.

  “Have you read it?”

  Denny pulled the pillow fr
om her face. “Read what?”

  “The message, of course.”

  “No. I was waiting for you.” Did that make her sound like a coward? Well, if it did, she didn’t care. She trusted that Eliza wouldn’t judge her.

  “Okay, let’s do it together,” Eliza said. “I think I, um, might have to explain a thing or two.”

  About how to send a message back? That should be pretty self-explanatory, right? Denny pulled out her laptop so she could keep talking to Eliza while she logged in to her profile. The message from BodaciousJedi still sat in her No More Frogs in-box.

  She opened it with a click. “I’m going to read it to you. Let me know what you think. So, BodaciousJedi says: Hi, Denny. Before we get to the usual icebreaker chitchat, I— Wait!” Denny’s gaze flew back up to the top of the message, and a tremor of alarm went through her. “She called me Denny, not Shy_in_Portland! I thought you said the platform only shows other users my handle, not my real name! How does she—?”

  “Denny, wait. Let me explain. Or maybe just read the rest of the message.”

  What the hell was going on? Denny forced herself to calm down and keep reading. “Before we get to the usual icebreaker chitchat, I have to tell you that we already know each other. Well, kind of.” She stopped reading and sucked in a breath. “You… This isn’t…?”

  “This isn’t what?” Eliza asked.

  Denny shook her head. For a second, she had thought the message was from Eliza. But that was impossible. Eliza was straight and not interested in someone like her. Why would she send her a message through a dating app? “Nothing.” She continued to read, hoping it would distract Eliza from asking again. “While I’d like to think I’m pretty bodacious in real life too, I’m not a Jedi. I’m a school bus driver. In fact, I’m your niece’s school bus driver.”

  The phone nearly slid from Denny’s grasp. “What the…?” She clicked on BodaciousJedi’s icon, which took her to her profile page. The photo at the top showed a blonde woman in a yellow summer dress, sticking out her tongue at whoever had taken the photo. With the lightsaber in her hands, she looked like a geeky version of Marilyn Monroe.