by Holly Jaymes
“That sounds good.” The sooner, the better.
Chapter 22: Deadbeat
Wyatt
I felt like ants were crawling under my skin. I was either having a mental breakdown or my conscious was punishing me.
I’d been rude to Lily, but dammit, she couldn’t pass that baby on as mine. God, how I wished it was.
But the fact that she tried to say it was mine proved she wasn’t the woman I thought she was. Or actually, she was the woman I’d initially thought she was; shallow and manipulative.
If that was the case, why couldn’t I sleep? Why was I going mad with a niggle of doubt?
The day after she visited me, I was off again and decided I needed to get away. The family cabin wasn’t the best choice, but it was the only one that would get me away from all of this. I drove up, and instead of going into the cabin, I grabbed cross country skis and headed up the mountain. When I reached the rocks, a place where I normally found peace, I was still feeling like emotions were tearing my insides apart. It was in this spot Lily had beamed at the beauty of the view, and I’d fallen hard for her.
“Fuck!” My voice echoed out across the valley. Why did she do this to me?
“Maybe you need to revisit the doctor then because clearly, things do work down there.”
Her words came back to me. That’s where the doubt came from, I realized. Was it possible I was fertile after all? After my last surgery, when I’d gone in with my semen sample, the news wasn’t good. The doctor told me to come back in a month, and if it was still not fixed, we could look at another surgery. But by then, I was done with it. I was resigned to the fact that I wouldn’t father children.
That had been a few years ago. I’d been with other women before Lily, and they didn’t get pregnant. Then again, I’d used a condom, not to prevent pregnancy, but to avoid other health issues since most of the women I was with were short term flings. Why have a relationship if it was going to end because I couldn’t give them children?
I closed my eyes, and Lily’s face came into my head. She’d been shocked at my response. Then hurt. Then angry. Was it because I wasn’t buying her lie, or did she really think I was her baby’s father? But that was impossible …wasn’t it?
Jesus, I was going to drive myself mad.
My phone beeped with a text.
Where are you? Josh’s message said.
Cabin, I texted back.
Be there in an hour.
I didn’t want to see him. I didn’t want to see anyone, but I knew I couldn’t stop him either. I didn’t respond and instead made my way back, pushing myself on my skis until I thought my lungs might burst. I wanted to exhaust myself and then fall into oblivion.
I’d just gotten my skis off when Josh pulled into the driveway and parked.
He got out of the truck and walked to the porch. “You look like hell.”
“Thanks.” I put the skis in the shed and went into the house. I stopped short for a moment as memories of Lily filled my senses. Forcing it away, I asked. “Why are you here?”
“I’m worried about you.”
“Why?” I went to the kitchen to get some water.
“Because you’re hurting, Wy.” Josh followed me to the kitchen. “I get that you don’t want to talk about it. I know how that feels, but you can’t shut everyone out. Mom and dad sense something is up. How long do you think it will take before it’s out?”
“What’s out?” I asked, leaning against the counter with my glass of water.
“About you and Lily. About the baby.”
I clenched my jaw. “It’s not mine.” But fucking-A, every time I said that doubt clawed in my gut.
“What if it is?”
I looked at him incredulously. “You know about my injury.”
“I also know that it’s something that could be fixed. That you tried to get fixed. I don’t know why you think it didn’t work, but what if it did?”
“What if it didn’t? I can’t claim a child that isn’t mine just because she doesn’t want Trask or the gossip rags to know…” I blew out a breath. “It wouldn’t be right. He should know.”
“He’s not the father, Wy.”
I glared at him. “It can’t be me.”
Josh put his hands on his hips. “It can only be you.”
I turned away, hating the churning of emotion in my gut. Of the wish that what Josh was saying was true. Of the pain that what he was saying couldn’t be true and that Lily had lied.
“Trask did put a move on her, but she refused him,” Josh said.
“He wants her back. He texted her about being together again. He fucking showed up at the cabin, saying he wanted her.” God, I wish this could all be over already.
“So, the fuck what? It doesn’t change that she never slept with him.”
I turned to look at him. “How do you know that?”
“Because she said so.”
I laughed derisively. “And you believe her?”
“Why shouldn’t I? She told Victoria she didn’t. They’re as close as two friends can be. She’d have no reason to lie about it to her. Allie believes her too.”
I stared at Josh, completely at a loss as to what to think or believe.
“Do you love her?” Josh asked.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does, man. It really does.” He waited a moment. “Look, you can go jack off in a cup and find out for sure if your swimmers are back or take Lily’s word for it when she says you’re the only man who could be the father.”
I gaped at him. “You believe I’m the father.”
“I do. I want to be so fucking happy for you. You’re making it really hard.”
I looked down.
“Wy, I love you, man, but you can’t wallow in all this doubt. If you need confirmation, call your doctor. If you’ve fallen in love with her, there must be something good about her. Something that you have to trust and believe. Either way, you have to get your shit together.”
I put my glass in the sink.
“You might also consider that our kids will be cousins and how rockin’ that would be. And finally, think about what mom will do to you if she finds out she has a grandchild in the world that she doesn’t know.”
“It’s not me!”
Josh was quiet for a moment. “You better be sure, brother. Otherwise, you’re a fucking idiot and a deadbeat dad.”
It was a good thing I’d put the glass down as if I was holding it, I’d have likely hurled it across the room.
“Is that it? Are you done?” I seethed.
Josh’s expression filled with pity, which only served to piss me off more.
“Yeah, I’m done.” He started for the door. “I’ve always looked up to you, Wy. You’ve always been so smart, so steady. If you can’t believe her, at the least, see your doctor. Find out for sure.”
“I already know, Josh,” I said the words because I’d already invested in them, but the truth was, I was beginning to not believe them.
“If that’s true, then you’re not the man I thought you were.”
“Fuck you, Josh.” I hated that he used the same words that Lily had.
He shrugged. “I just don’t want you to make a mistake you’ll regret for the rest of your life. Not when it can be easy to verify one way or the other. The doubt will eat you alive.”
“I thought you didn’t doubt it.”
“I don’t, and that breaks my heart.” He walked out the door. I closed my eyes as the charged emotional atmosphere dropped, making me feel weak.
I gripped the counter, wondering if he was right. I had to either believe her or get checked out to determine if it was even possible.
I pulled out my phone and had enough reception for a call. I called the urologist’s office and left a message for him to call me. After Josh’s visit, the cabin wasn’t feeling very peaceful, so I packed up and headed back home.
I pulled out a beer and planted myself in front of the TV, hoping the booze or
a game would numb my pain. Nearly a six-pack later, I got a call from the doctor.
“On my last visit, there was no sign of sperm,” I explained. “Would it be possible for that to be changed?”
“Let me pull up your record,” he said.
I waited, finishing the beer I’d drank and headed to the kitchen to get another. I felt loose, but the pain still lived in my chest.
“Yes, I see the last time we took a sample, there was no sperm. It says here you were scheduled for another sample submission a month later but didn’t come in.”
“Why would I? I didn’t work.”
“Well, sometimes these things take time. Same with vasectomy. It can take two months for all the sperm to be ejaculated. Lots of babies are conceived right after vasectomies. If you want to come in, we can check again. Are you planning a family now?”
“Not exactly.”
He paused for a moment. “Has there been a pregnancy?”
“Yes.”
“And you’re wondering if it’s possible that you’re the father?”
I ran my hand over my face as dread filled me. Not dread that I’d be a father. Dread that Josh was right, and I was a fucking idiot and deadbeat dad. “Yes.”
“I’d say it could be possible.”
I sank into a chair.
“Of course, I can’t know for sure, but since we didn’t have the next follow-up, and there haven’t been any other follow-ups, I wouldn’t rule out the possibility.”
“Thank you.”
“Do you want to make an appointment?”
“No.” I knew the answer now. The only question was, what was I going to do about it?
Chapter 23: Moving On
Lily
It was crazy how much could happen in a month. I was vilified by gossip columnists as a home-wrecker. I fell in love with my bodyguard, and now I was pregnant, packing to leave for London. The most significant change was in my perspective. I thought my life was over when the photos of Trask and me got out. Now I knew that was nothing. Petty gossip consumed by people who were bored in their own lives.
Now I had a baby I had to think about. While my mom and dad and I worked out my travel plans, I researched more on my business idea of on-demand custom exercise wear. The good news was that I could outsource nearly every aspect, which meant I could live anywhere.
Planning a new business and preparing to leave were Godsends to distract me from the pain of Wyatt’s reaction to my pregnancy. While I could understand why he might think he wasn’t the father, the fact that he wouldn’t even consider that I hadn’t been with Trask and that only he could be the father hurt. I grieved that my child wouldn’t have a father in his or her life. My father was a great dad, but I hadn’t had him around much, and at times that was hard. My child wouldn’t even have what I had. What would I tell it? Your father didn’t believe you were his? I couldn’t say that.
I shook my head to rid it of the thoughts. I was tired of it going around and around in my brain. I was putting away my sketchbook when there was a knock on the door. My heart jumped with the hope that it was Wyatt. That he’d changed his mind.
I opened the door. “Allie.”
She smiled. “Hi, Lily. I hope you don’t mind my dropping in. I heard you were preparing to leave, and I wanted to see you before you left.”
“Yes, come in. I could use the company.” As long as she didn’t talk about Wyatt. “I have juice and water. Or tea.”
“Tea would be nice, thank you.”
I went to the kitchen area while Allie took a seat on a stool at the island. “How are you feeling?”
I turned to her. “No offense Allie, but I’d hoped Victoria would have kept things private.”
She nodded. “I know. I thought about pretending that I didn’t know, but that would be just as wrong. I hope you won’t be too angry at Vic. She’s worried about you. She nearly showed up to kick Wyatt’s ass, so her telling me was the lesser of two evils. I think.”
It wouldn’t have made a difference. I put the kettle on to heat the water and pulled out two mugs and two tea bags.
“I understand that as your husband, Josh would be told, but I should have been the one to tell Wyatt,” I said, not looking at her.
“Oh, God, Lily. I didn’t think… I’m so sorry.”
I shrugged, acting like it didn’t matter because I don’t think it did. Whether he heard from me first or not wouldn’t have changed his belief that the child wasn’t his.
I leaned against the counter as I waited for the water to boil.
“Wyatt is being stubborn. He’ll come around,” she said.
“I know you’re trying to help, but even if he did come around, he thinks I’m the type of woman who’d sleep with a married man and then pass that man’s child off as someone else’s.”
Her eyes shone with sympathy. “I know he seems like an asshole now, but he’s spent the last ten years or so believing he couldn’t have children because of his injury when he was younger. God, Josh was so happy about us being pregnant and, at the same time, heartbroken that he’d hurt his brother.”
“Well, at least I understand a little more why he feels that way but obviously he can have children. So, you think it’s possible that he’s not the father too? Because he won’t believe me, my child will grow up under the suspicion that it is Trask’s. What am I going to tell it when it asks about that? No baby, that douchebag cheatin’ Trask Holloway isn’t your father, but your real father didn’t want you. Is that what I tell it?”
The whistle on the teakettle blew, and I was glad for the opportunity to turn away from Allie again. I poured the hot water and then handed her a mug. I stayed in the kitchen with my cup.
“I’m doing this all wrong.” She dipped her bag up and down in the water. “I believe you. I just…Wyatt is really a good guy, and I know that sounds mean to say to you. I guess I’m hoping you’ll stick around long enough for him to realize his mistake. He loves you, you know.”
I scoffed. “No, he doesn’t. He can’t.”
“I believe he does. I’ve never seen him as happy around a woman as he was with you. Josh sees it too.”
I had nothing to say to that.
She looked down into her mug. “Okay, so Wyatt is being an asshole. The truth is, you and I are both expecting Dalton babies. They’re cousins. And while Wyatt might be a jerk about it, I know that Josh and I want to do it with you. His parents will be over the moon.”
I gaped at her. “If he doesn’t accept the baby, why would they? Oh God, do they know too?”
“No. Not unless Wyatt said something, which I doubt he would. But you said it yourself. Wyatt is the father. That makes Josh and me the aunt and uncle, and they are the grandparents. Surely your dad wants you to stick around too?”
“I can’t, Allie. Not now. Of course, I’ll come and visit sometimes, but I can’t stay here. And if I did, it would only make things worse for Wyatt. He doesn’t need that, and neither do I.”
She sipped her tea. “I understand. I don’t like it, but I understand.”
The next day, I was ready to leave. When the knock came on my door, I had a moment to hope it was Wyatt and that he’d come around. Before I ever reached the door, though, I’d talked myself out of that. It was my father coming to say goodbye.
“Hi Dad,” I said, letting him in.
“You packed, sweetheart?”
“Yes. I’m leaving the sewing machine. If you know someone who’d like it, give it to them.”
“What about your new business?”
“I’m still working on it, but I won’t be doing the sewing. Not even the prototypes.”
“Okay.” He picked up my bags and walked with me to the car.
“Thank you for everything, Dad. Really.”
He put my bags in the trunk. “I don’t know what I did except get you in a tough situation. I’m sorry about that—”
“No, don’t. Don’t say you wish it didn’t happen. I love this baby already. We c
an’t wish it never came to be.”
He smiled and pulled me in for a hug. “You’re going to be a wonderful mother.”
“Thank you. And don’t fire or do something to Wyatt, okay?”
“That’s a promise I’m reluctant to make.”
I pulled back and looked at my father. “Please. For me.”
“I’ll try.”
We gave each other one last hug, and then I got into the car and drove out of Pine Rest and then out of Eden Lake. I knew I’d be back at some point to visit my father, but it wouldn’t be the same.
An hour later, I pulled into the FBO at the San Bernardino Airport, where my mother told me to meet her. She was charting a private plane to take us to New York. I was glad as I didn’t want the hassle of dealing with a commercial flight. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with security or gawkers.
“There you are,” my mother said as I entered the upscale facility. She frowned. “You look tired. Are you alright?”
“I’m fine.” I figured I had the whole flight to tell her what was going on.
“The plane is being fueled. Why don’t we have a drink.” She led me over to the outdoor lounge. As usual, she looked like the supermodel that she was. Trim. Well-groomed. Moving with a regalness I’d always envied.
“It’s not even noon yet,” I said.
She waved off my comment. “It’s five o’clock somewhere.” She ordered a white wine.
“Seltzer with lemon,” I said to the waiter.
She made a tsking sound. “Did your father turn you into a teetotaler?”
“No.”
“Then have a drink, honey. It’s not like we’re driving anywhere.”
“I can’t.”
She took off her dark glasses, her eyes looking at me with speculation. “Why?”
I huffed out a breath. “I met a man—”
“Oh God, you’re pregnant?” she burst out.
I looked around. Even in a fancy private terminal, paparazzi could be anywhere. I didn’t need them hearing this, especially since they’d all think it was Trask’s.
“Shh..mom! Yes. But it’s going to be fine.”
