“I guess you just don't know me. It doesn't matter anymore anyway.” She turned and watched her step as we slowly filed out of the theater. I was ready to catch her if she fell on the steps. She was wearing high heeled shoes. I had never seen her do that before.
She truly looked amazing. I couldn't let her slip away. “Could we go somewhere and talk, just the two of us?”
She looked at me like she was surprised and she shook her head sadly.
“Do you have someone else?”
“No, I don't.” She had put emphasis on the word 'I'.
“Neither do I,” I protested.
She didn't even look back. We were back on the red carpet and it was time to pretend to be the happiest couple in the world. I kept my eyes on her in that amazing dress I smiled, but I just wanted to go to my room and pout.
She didn't look at me in the limousine either. As soon as we arrived at the hotel she jumped and left. The bear she took with her. Me she left standing.
Chapter 18 European Premiere
I had rearranged my schedule so I could go to the premiere in Germany. I got my manager to find out what interviews she was giving so I could tag along.
One was even a cooking show. I almost got the feeling that she wanted me with. I would be leaving in two days and she was gone already, visiting old friends and the such. I couldn't wait to see her again. The way things were going I wouldn't get to see her until we started filming the next movie.
I had read the book and loved it. It was a lot better than the first one. She had been happy when she wrote it. I could tell. I was looking forward to the third one.
I stepped into my tiny cold apartment. I had googled the weather in Germany and I knew that they had snow on the ground at the moment and it wasn't going to warm up while I was there. I had seen snow before, but not often. She had built that into the next story a lot. Lots of running around in the snow trying to get away from the bad guys.
I was glad that I was going to be home in time for Christmas. I thought a lot about last Christmas. We had been so happy.
No one knew that we weren't together. She had checked out of the hotel the next day and then she was gone. I needed to see her so much that I was hurting. I wished I could just call her but her cell phone number didn't ring at all anymore. It went right to the box. She had probably thrown it away.
I needed to cheer myself up. I had to go to Germany with an 'I am worthy of her' attitude. I needed to be confident to win her back.
I would cook myself a hearty meal. After that I would pack my best clothes with my best underwear just in case and then I would get my papers all lined up and ready. Tomorrow I would work out so I looked good for her.
My refrigerator was empty. I needed to go grocery shopping. I drove to my favorite store and thought about shopping with her. She had been so prideful and cute.
I grabbed a cart and went to the fresh vegetables and decided what to cook for myself today and tomorrow. Just looking at eggplants hurt me. I saw them and looked away.
I went to the meat counter to get a chicken breast. Just one because it was just me at home. Julio was at the counter. He liked to ask about Katherine. 'Where is your pretty girlfriend' he would always ask. He had a picture of a baby framed up on the wall.
“Your kid?” I asked him. The baby wasn't anything special as far as babies went, but still Julio wasn't that great looking either. To put it nicely.
“Yes, it is.” He was acting weird. Somehow cold.
“How old is she?” I asked. I was starting to feel really stupid.
He blushed red. “She is five months old.”
“Well congratulations, your a dad now.” A nervous silence followed. “Five months already that's great.”
He looked guilty of something now. This was getting weirder by the second. “I'm really sorry. She was born the day your baby died.”
“What?” I didn't have a baby. What was he talking about?
“Katherine was in the next room. I am so sorry, man. The loss of a child is the worst thing that could happen to someone. I can't even imagine.”
“Are you sure?”
He looked confused for a second. “She didn't tell you?”
I shook my head. “Are you sure?”
“Of course I am. She cried all night and I asked the nurse why you weren't there. She had explained that you were filming on site and couldn't be disturbed.”
“Julio when was this exactly?”
He gave me the date and I wrote it down. I left the cart standing and apologized to Julio and took off.
A baby, we had a baby, and now we didn't anymore. I drove home a little fast and then I ran in and checked my computer. The baby had died but she had stopped answering the phone before that. I read my e-mails from around that time too. They all went along the lines of me begging her to let me know if she was okay. Had she needed me before that too?
I suddenly hated my job. I should have been with her and I hadn't been. That explained why she had looked so awful without make-up and why she wasn't writing. She was mourning our baby all by herself.
I wanted to get hold of her and I couldn't. I needed to talk to someone, so I called my mom and asked for advice.
She cried too. She told me to talk to Katherine and beg her for forgiveness. Katherine must have felt terrible all alone like that in the hospital. Had she laid on the floor of our apartment needing help and I hadn't come? Was that the reason why she hated me?
Then I thought about our break up a week later. What had I done? No wonder she hated me.
But the thing was I hadn't been filming that night. She could have reached me and I would have come. Why hadn't she? Did she think I wouldn't have come?
Something was terribly wrong.
The good news is Germans don't scream as loud as Americans do. But they scream too. I knew Katherine was somewhere in the hotel but I didn't know where. She was on the news a lot but I couldn't understand where she was. She seemed to be going to a lot of museums. There was also a shot of her eating at Dunkin' Donuts. She had smiled and laughed with friends. I was used to being her only friend. But she definitely had some here.
She went shopping and spoke in German and everyone loved her over here too. I heard my name pop up, she smiled and answered. Her manager was with her the whole time too. She didn't speak German so everyone was leaning on Katherine to translate and she was for everyone.
I didn't get to see her in person. But I knew that her room was close to mine. We had all been put on one floor.
I was waiting in the hall for her this time, about to go watch a movie that I couldn't understand just so I could be with her. I had decided to tell her I knew about the baby in the car on the way back from the movie. We seriously needed to talk. I was prepared to give up acting and just find a job so I would be home every night. Maybe I should just open up a restaurant and we could live over it. I just wanted to be with her.
Maybe a house with a large garden would be better so the kids could play there. Maybe something had gone so wrong that she couldn't have anymore children. Was that why she was pushing me away? None of this made sense. She had needed me and she didn't ask for me.
Some of the doors were opening and people were coming out. Their mood was especially good because the movie was breaking records in the US. We were all famous now. I couldn't go anywhere without being seen, and it wasn't escaping notice that Katherine was never with me. Actually no one saw her, but then all of a sudden she was here and happy. She had looked healthier too.
She came out in a blue dress that probably was made for her this time. I was glad to see that it had a long sleeve matching bolero jacket to it. It wasn't snowing at the moment but it was very cold outside. The walk down the red carpet wouldn't be pleasant for anyone.
I stepped to her side and we went down the stairs together with the rest of the group. I reached for her hand and held it. I didn't want her to fall.
She sighed and tolerated it. She used to like it when I
held her hand.
We got in cars, not limousines. We were driven the few blocks to where the movie was showing. She had pulled her hand away from mine before she got in the car.
“How have you been Katherine?”
I got a mean look for that. Just when I thought she wasn't going to answer at all she spoke. “I'm not trying to be rude. I just think it is better if we don't speak to each other.”
“I think we need to have a long sit down talk.”
A long silence then “No thank you.” We were pulling up to the curb and someone opened her door. She took their hand and got out like a supermodel and waved to the crowd. She went to talk to fans and reporters. They loved her here. She was taking her time going in. I was already freezing, but she was smiling like it was going out of style and she wanted to get its worth out of it. I had to go get her and pull her inside again. That had made the crowd laugh. She had said something about me.
“Why did they laugh like that?”
“I just explained that you weren't used to the cold.”
“That made them laugh?”
“I sound cute when I speak German.” She stepped around me and went to people and talked to them in German. I went off to answer questions too but my eyes returned to her again and again. She looked happy without me.
Katherine was the only one who seemed to be enjoying the movie in our section. But then again she was the only one who understood it. I took the time to just enjoy sitting next to her. I waited to see how she would react to the love scene this time. She hung her head and didn't look. I reached out and laid my hand on her knee.
Katherine moved away. She didn't want to make love because that was how we had made the baby. She was depressed and she needed me to be understanding. I felt I could do that better if I could just hold her and talk to her all alone.
I moved my hand back to my own knee and watched the movie.
I sounded stupid in German.
I sat next to my beautiful Katherine in her lovely blue dress in the car. She looked like she was about to burst out in tears. It was snowing outside but it looked nice out. Her pain was like a real aura that I couldn't see but it could feel it. It was hurting me too.
“I'm so sorry about the baby. I wished you would have let them call me.”
She gasped and looked at me for a second and then she turned away and shook her head. This hadn't been the right place. She was crying and trying so hard not to show it.
I leaned over to her as close as I could get. “Katherine, I'm the logical person for you to talk to about this. You have to come to me when you have problems. That is what being in a relationship means. It means that you always have someone who is there for you.”
She snorted.
“When wasn't I there for you?” I was offended. I mean, I was being sensitive about everything. I could have reacted differently too. I even had the right to be mad at her for not telling me, and then for dumping me like she did.
“I know more than you think. Let's just leave it at that.”
The car was parking and she got out pretty quick for someone in such a long dress. Snow was flying all around her. Katherine looked magical.
She hated me. She left me standing there and went in. What on earth had she meant? What did she know about me that could make her hate me so?
She was in an elevator and gone before I could catch up with her. I got in the other one and tried to figure out why she would act the way she was. Did she blame me?
I got out of the elevator and saw her walking down the hall. I ran ahead and grabbed her by her arm. She raised her other arm to cover her face. She thought that I was going to hit her. I let go of her.
“I have the right to say I don't want to be with you anymore. You have to accept that. I have rights that even you have to respect.” She backed away from me. I stood there like an idiot as she turned and unlocked her door.
I jumped forward and got my foot in the door. “Did you ever think that I have the right to know what happened with my child?”
“No.” She looked me dead in the eyes. I could tell that she honestly believed what she was saying. She didn't think I had any rights.
“Well, you are wrong.” I pushed my way into the room and leaned against the door. I folded my arms over my chest.
She backed away from me still afraid. When I didn't move she went to the window and looked out. She stood still, as if she was standing for a portrait. Her hand on the windowsill and her focus on something outside. What was going through her head? It was obvious that talking about the baby was too much for her. Julio had said she cried the whole night.
“The baby is unfortunately gone, but I am still here. Don't push me away.”
“I didn't. You were already gone, beforehand.”
“That doesn't make any sense. Are you pretending to be crazy now?”
“I don't have to pretend. Will you please leave?”
What did she mean by that? That she was going to let everyone know that we weren't together anymore? Or that she had gone crazy? It would be an explanation for her odd behavior.
“I'm waiting.”
“Whatever for?” She turned to look at me, looking confused. Had losing the baby made her a bit crazy?
“I want you to tell me what happened.”
“You already know everything. You just don't know what I all know. That's what is making you nervous. I'm sure I don't even know everything.” She shook her head a little. “Unlike you, I don't even want to.” She went back to looking out of the window.
I felt stupid just watching her but I didn't feel that I could leave her alone either. I sat down on the bed and waited for something. I didn't know what, but for her to react a little to my presents.
The silence was killing me. “I'm sorry I spanked you when you broke up with me. I should have realized that there was something else going on. If I would have reacted differently then – ” I looked at her and sighed. That had been the biggest mistake in all of my life. I had let my feelings get away with me.
“We were over with before I lost the baby.” She spoke, but otherwise she didn't move.
“What does that mean?”
“It means that I want you to leave. I am speaking very plainly. I will call the police if you don't.” She stood next to the phone. Her fingers were on the receiver.
I nodded and got up. At the door I stopped and turned back to her. “Katherine, I really don't want to be over with. I would do anything to fix this.”
“You had that chance and you blew it. Please leave. I have to be on TV very early tomorrow morning. I would like to get some rest before that.”
“Of course, but we will talk tomorrow on the plane.”
“I have a lot of work to do. I have already planned that time.”
“Of course,” I said as snidely as I could. I left closing the door behind me. I went to my own room and changed out of my things. I packed up my stuff so it would go faster tomorrow. We had to do a talk show like thing tomorrow evening. And then the plane ride to Munich. There we were going to do several interviews and the cooking show. She had signed up for that. I was the tag along. I wondered what that was all about. Had she agreed to that before the break up?
The next morning I got up late. I had slept longer than I had wanted to. I flipped the TV on to see if I could see her on one of the stations. Sure enough there she was, speaking gibberish that I couldn't understand. Everyone was smiling at her and laughing at what she had said. She was smiling and looking happier than what she ever had with me.
Damn her, I went and took a shower.
I got ready for an interview that I would be giving here at the hotel today.
I ordered up breakfast and worried about lunch. I had wanted to go to a specific restaurant for lunch, but going without Katherine wouldn't be any fun. I probably should go anyway. I may never be in this neck of the woods again. I was even surprised that a kid like me had made it this far. No one else from my home town had ever left the co
untry unless we were at war.
I talked myself into it. I told my manager to make reservations. He asked for how many. I told him that he should come along with me. He said he couldn't, but he would call Katherine's agent and see if she had time to join me. I smirked, that wasn't very likely but he was already on the phone.
I sat down for my make up and went about my interview. They mostly asked me about Katherine. The whole world was interested in her. They talked about how smart she was and I told them that I had always known that she was brilliant. They asked me to tell them something about her that no one knew.
I smiled, remembering sitting next to her at my home church. “She can sing like an angel. If she wanted she could do it professionally.”
That surprised the guy interviewing me. He hammered me with questions about her favorite songs and this and that. It was easy for me to answer because I had known her so well.
While I was answering all I could think about she the look in her eye when she told me that I was paying attention after church that day.
What was I missing now?
The make up came off and I went to the car that was going to take me to the restaurant. I went in and someone had spilled the news to the press. They were taking my picture as I went in. The owner greeted me at the door. He told me how honored he was that I had chosen to eat at his restaurant. They had blocked off a section for me. I sat down and talked to the chef. Then I heard the screams from outside.
“Katherine?” I asked.
“She is very popular here.” The chef looked excited to see her too. He was rubbing his hands together. The people in the restaurant were standing and stretching, trying to get a glimpse of her. The owner went to her and shook her hand and welcomed her in German. The cook was standing right behind him and waiting for his turn.
Katherine smiled at them so beautifully and then she turned to me. She came right over to me. She leaned into my ear and whispered that she didn't appreciate this trick. To everyone else it looked like she had kissed me.
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