by Ella Grey
“Thank you,” she nodded uncomfortably.
With a winning smile, the reporter turned to face the camera. “Right, now we’ll go over to the newsroom for an update and next up, our vet spot where we’ll explain how you can best communicate with your pet!”
60
The telephone rang, and Leah put down her coffee mug and muted the TV.
“OMG, did you see that?” Kate gasped. “Who does that one think she is?”
Leah groaned. “Oh, give it a rest, will you?” she said, sick to the teeth of Kate’s constant sniping and bad humour. “I thought she was very honest.”
“What the hell would she know about it? ‘There should be more support’ indeed. She wasn’t exactly that supportive of Olivia when Jake died, was she? No, she was too busy living it up in New York.”
Leah shook her head “Kate, I’m sorry – you’re my friend and I love you, but lately you’ve turned into an almighty pain in the arse.”
Silence at the other end.
“What’s with all the Robin-bashing? You weren’t that close to Olivia back then either. What’s it got to do with you?”
To her amazement, her friend began to cry. “I don’t know!” she wailed. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately. I’m angry at Michael, at Dylan, at Robin, at everything! I’m sorry for not going out for your birthday – I know you probably hate me now, but I’m sorry.”
“Oh, you silly goose,” Leah couldn’t help but smile. “I know you’ll make it up to me.”
Kate sniffed again. “I want you to be Dylan’s godmother. Now it’s OK if you say no, because I know it might be hard and – ”
“I’d love to.” She was touched.
“Would you?”
“Yes, it would be an honour.”
“Thanks.” Another sniff. “I didn’t know if you would want to after me being such a cow about Josh and everything. But you know it’s only because I care about you and he was in the wrong …”
“Kate, listen to yourself, seriously– you sound like a right moan.”
“I do, don’t I?”
“Yes!” Leah supposed she’d been unfair to her really, giving out about her not making an effort any more. It was pretty obvious that the root of Kate’s suffering was baby blues.
And she had just the cure for that. “I have to go into the shop this morning, but I’ll pop over later for lunch and a natter, OK?”
“OK,” Kate sniffled, and Leah had to smile.
“And then afterwards, you get Dylan organised, and we’ll go to the hospital and visit Amanda and the new arrival. Apparently, the planned slice and dice never happened,” she added wickedly.
Almost instantly, the sniffling stopped. “What? You mean she Miss Too Posh to Push went through with it all – the old fashioned way?”
“Yep. Apparently her timing was all wrong, ‘cos when she went in she was too far gone for the top down. Her waters had broken and the baby was coming. And, listen to this, Andrew said she was also too far gone to get the epidural too.”
Poor Amanda.
“Oh my gosh, I can’t miss this,” Now she was sounding much more like the old Kate. “Don’t you dare go to the hospital without me – I want to hear every gory detail.”
“Are you sure you’re feeling up to it?”
“Never better, now that I know she had to endure what I went through too.”
With a slight grin at the thought of their visit, Leah replaced the receiver and began to get ready for work.
It was weird, she thought, driving towards the shop, but today she was feeling fantastic.
It was as though finally coming to terms with the fact that she and Josh weren’t getting back together had been an epiphany for her.
Although then again, she thought with a smile, it could be that lovely feeling you get the day immediately after an almighty hangover.
Nevertheless, it was onwards and upwards from now on, she decided. No more feeling sorry for herself about Josh. No more feeling cheated just because her best friend didn’t have as much time for her any more. Today was the first day of the rest of her life and all that.
Beeeep! Beeeep!
Leah slammed on the brakes as a huge Mercedes headed towards her from the right and she realised that she didn’t actually have the right of way on the roundabout.
Yikes … the rest of her life mightn’t last all that long if she carried on driving like this, she thought, smiling her apology at the retreating motorist.
Well, to mark her newfound freedom, Leah decided there and then that she was going to learn to drive. Properly. For the first time in her life, she was going to take some lessons. Then she might at least have a hope of passing the blasted test.
And in the meantime she thought, turning onto Blackrock main street, and glancing adoringly at the her very own shop-front, she was going to enjoy being proprietor of the best chocolate emporium in Dublin.
61
“Robin? Hi, it’s Olivia.”
Sitting in her hotel room, Robin was lost for words. Oh no …what did she want? Was she mad, annoyed, upset – what?
“I’ll be in town today and was wondering, if you don’t have anything else on, do you fancy meeting for a coffee?” Olivia asked pleasantly. “We didn’t really get a chance to talk the other night.”
Inwardly Robin was petrified.“I don’t have anything else until tomorrow and I’d love to,” she said, before she could change her mind.
“Great, would two o’clock suit? I’ll meet you at your hotel if you like – it’s the Westin, I think Leah said?”
“It is and, yes, that would be great.”
“See you then.”
Olivia rang off, leaving Robin feeling shocked and bewildered, not just at the call but at the reason for the impromptu invite.
At two on the dot, Olivia was standing at reception. “How are you?” she greeted. “I saw your interview this morning. I thought it was very interesting.”
“You did?” For some reason, Robin hadn’t considered that Olivia might be watching. She was so used to all the different TV networks back in the States that she thought it would be a blink-and-miss performance.
But of course, here there were only a few homegrown stations, and apparently only one did breakfast TV, so there was every chance Olivia would be watching. Crikey, did she say too much?
Robin knew she shouldn’t have babbled on like that on live TV, but once she’d started she just couldn’t stop and –
“So where would you like to go?” Olivia asked.
“We could head out if you like,” Robin answered hesitantly. “But there is a beautiful tea-room here.”
“Why not? I’m sure it’ll be better than fighting for a table in one of those postage-stamp cafes,” she said, and Robin realised that this time the warmth wasn’t forced. Something had changed about Olivia since Saturday, she was sure of it.
But when they were seated in the hotel’s Atrium Lounge, and she found out what, Robin nearly spat out her tea.
“He did what?” she all but shrieked, forgetting that in the wide open space and the glass-domed roof, every word echoed right back through the room.
Olivia had just told her about Peter’s visit. After she had spoken to Matt, she’d met with Peter locally about formally arranging their divorce.
“And are you OK about it?” Robin asked, feeling a little surreal talking to her so easily like this, almost as though all those years had never happened.
“Not great, but there’s something else,” she said, leaning forward. “You know I always blamed myself for …” she paused slightly, “well for not taking better care with Jake, and not being there before he died.”
“I’ve never understood that,” Robin said. “And when Leah told me that you felt that way, so many times I wanted to pick up the phone … But I didn’t feel it was my place to say anything.” Not to mention that it had taken her a very long time to come to terms with the terrible tragedy herself.
Olivia sighed. “I alway
s wondered if maybe you blamed me a little bit too, if you thought that I didn’t make enough of an effort. Peter used to accuse me of being resentful, but truly that was never the case - where Jake was concerned at least. I did my best. I know it wasn’t enough but – ”
“I never once thought that,” Robin reassured her, although inwardly her heart ached. “I knew you’d take good care of him. There was nobody better.”
“Peter didn’t think so though. He was so angry and so accusatory.” Her hands shook as she spooned sugar into the tea. “But I always believed that eventually he’d forgive me, and come to terms with it all. And that, when he did, he’d come back to me and Ellie and we’d be a family again.” She shook her head. “I know it was stupid, but I’d forgiven him so much already, we’d been through so much and – sorry,” she broke off then, remembering.
But Robin understood perfectly. Olivia had forgiven Peter a lot already - too much maybe.
“I thought it was only a matter of time, a couple of weeks perhaps. And when the weeks turned into months and the months turned into years … well, you know how it is. Eventually I began to let go, tried to move on with my life. We moved to Lakeview to be closer to my parents and Ellie seemed happy enough getting birthday cards and the odd phone call every now and again. I also suspected he might have had somebody else at that stage, so I had no choice but to try and let go.”
“And then of course, you met Matt.”
“Yes,” Olivia smiled. “Then I met Matt and I realised just what I’d been missing. Strangely, I began to notice all the things that were lacking in Peter. Matt’s a great father and he’s really good with Ellie. He’s gentle, considerate and when I’m with him it’s only me, you know? He isn’t checking out the blonde at the bar, or the brunette with the nice legs like Peter used to. It’s just me.”
“I know exactly what you mean. In a way, that’s what attracted me to Ben too. Peter was always so unpredictable whereas Ben is simple, uncomplicated, straightforward. From day one, I knew where I stood.”
“But – does he know? About Jake?”
Robin flushed. “No. I haven’t told him. It hasn’t been necessary … up to now. But he’s so lovely and supportive I hope he’ll understand … when I do say something. He’s not selfish like Peter was. Sorry, I know you probably don’t need to hear that.”
“Hey, I know better than anyone that Peter has hidden depths, and not just emotionally,” Olivia said scathingly. “He’s divorcing me because he and his Australian ‘friend’ plan on getting married. He told me the other night that he and this other woman were five years together.”
Robin looked at her, suspecting that Olivia was waiting for a reaction. “I don’t get it,” she said.
“He’s been seeing her for five years? Ellie’s four. They worked at the hospital here before Oz – I think she was a nurse or something, and were obviously seeing one another when he and I were still together. Yesterday he finally admitted that, yes, he had been cheating on me.” She paused for breath, before continuing. “And on the day Jake died, Peter wasn’t working late, Robin. He wasn’t working at all … he was away somewhere screwing this other woman.”
Robin almost dropped her cup into her lap. “What?”
“That’s why he was so angry, so upset back then. In a way, I thought I could understand his rage. But the problem was, it wasn’t me he was angry with – it was himself. Of course, he couldn’t admit to it back then either. So after a while the easiest thing to do was to take off with her, and pretend that he’d left because he couldn’t face me, because he blamed me. But thinking back on it now, all the signs were there. He was always late, always tired and a little distant but stupidly, I just assumed he was working too hard.” She smiled tightly. “I remember being worried about him actually, worried that all the late nights and stress at work were affecting his health. That day, the day I was … late home, I’d been on at Peter to get himself seen to. Little did I know that he’d take me at my word,” she finished sardonically.
Robin couldn’t comprehend how she felt upon hearing this. How selfish could he be? How could Peter let everyone think that Olivia had been at fault? Hadn’t he put her through enough?
Olivia smiled sadly. “In a strange way, it was a relief, a weight off my mind if you like. Now I know that it wasn’t just my fault.”
“But yet he let you think that.”
“It was Peter’s way of getting out of a difficult situation. Our marriage was under pressure as it was, there’s no point in our pretending otherwise. Raising Jake was challenging, and I’m not saying that to get at you, I’m simply stating a fact.”
Now, Robin ached with regret to think that her stupid attempt to make amends had evidently been a terrible, fateful decision.
“I knew Peter was unhappy, but I loved him desperately, so I thought that if we had a child of our own it would be different,” Olivia went on. “Yet, I think I knew in the back of my mind that we weren’t going to make it.” She gave a watery smile. “Then, when Jake died, I knew it was all over. I had no choice but to accept the blame for his death and for the fact that Peter was leaving me. What else could I have done?”
“But you were pregnant and grieving, and I just can’t believe he let you think that for so long. How dare he?”
“Robin, you and I both know that Peter was never the upstanding guy he pretends to be. So then, immediately after the funeral, he told me he needed some time alone to get over it. And I never saw him again – until yesterday. ”
Robin gulped slightly at the mention of the funeral. “I couldn’t go,” she whispered softly, her voice frail. “I toyed with it for a long time, but in the end, I thought it better that I didn’t go. It wasn’t my place.”
Olivia laid a gentle hand on hers. “You would have been welcome, but I understood. I suspected it would’ve been impossible for you to endure.”
Robin still couldn’t grasp her friend’s courage, her wonderful strength. Even then, at the height of her own grief, Olivia was still able to make allowances for her.
“I’d always thought you’d hate me for that.”
“Of course it would’ve been difficult, having to pretend concern for me yet trying to hide your own grief. And again, I worried that you too might blame me. After all, you trusted me to look after him, and look what happened.”
Robin looked at her friend then, and hoped Olivia truly understood what she was trying to say. “All I’ve ever done is admire you, and I’ll be forever grateful for what you did for me back then. I’m just so sorry that I didn’t return the favour, that I wasn’t there for you when you were struggling.”
Olivia smiled, and her eyes twinkled. “I know, I found that out this morning – on TV of all places.”
Robin grimaced, remembering. “The poor woman must have felt like a priest in the confession box. She didn’t know where to look.” And in a way, it was a confession, a release of all the confusion, guilt and regret that Robin had been feeling all these years.
The longer she stayed away she’d thought, the easier it would be. But she’d been wrong. There was so much she hadn’t understood, so much she hadn’t wanted to understand about Olivia’s situation. She’d been too consumed with her own grief.
But here now sitting with her friend, Robin felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders.
“Well, I’m glad you said something.” Olivia paused, as if she was unsure whether or not she should continue. “I can appreciate how tough it must have been giving him up, but at the same time I couldn’t figure out why you didn’t want to know about him?”
She wanted to know why Robin didn’t seem interested in Jake, and what he was like, what her own son, her baby was like. They’d never insisted that Robin stay out of his life; in fact Olivia had been concerned that moving to America so soon after the birth was the wrong thing to do. She had been willing to share with Robin not only Jake, but also the burden of coming to terms with giving him up. She was and had always
been a true friend, yet Robin – to her own detriment she knew now – had knowingly abandoned that friendship.
“I did … want to,” she whispered softly. “In fact, all throughout this visit, I was desperate to ask … about it. But yet, I couldn’t deny that broaching it would be difficult for you. Plus you and I had grown so far apart that there never seemed to be a right time or place.” She looked at her. “The other night, after dropping Leah home, I was sorely tempted to invite you to stay on too.”
“Well, with the way Leah was that night, we might not have got a word in edgeways,” she chuckled, lightening the mood.
“How is she about the Josh thing – really?” Robin asked. “I tried to talk to her about it the next morning, but she was very hungover.”
“I think she’ll be OK. You know Leah – she’s tough and she’ll push through it. And it might be good for her in the end. It wasn’t fair of him to deny her the right to a family either.”
Although it wasn’t directed at her, the remark stung. Robin had been guilty of doing just that where Ben was concerned. She knew he was desperate to settle down and start a family and yet, she was denying him that because of her own reticence, her guilt at abandoning one.
He would be a wonderful father. Still, the root of Robin’s problems was that she didn’t know what kind of a mother she’d be. She’d already given up a child – who was to say she even deserved the chance to have another?
“And what about you?” Olivia asked then. “You’ve been with Ben a while now, haven’t you?”
“Yes.” Robin smiled once more at the thought of it. “He’s great. I’m very lucky to have him – more than I realised.”
“I’m pleased for you, Robin,” Olivia said. “You didn’t deserve to get mixed up with someone like Peter – neither of us did.”
Robin looked at her, again in awe. Peter had done a terrible thing letting her take the blame all this time when he had been off with some other woman. Olivia had suffered a lot more than any of them, even more than Robin herself. She had been betrayed many times over and in the end had wrongly been left carrying the guilt.
