by Emma Quinn
“Angelo, where are you? Why aren’t you out with the rest of us?”
“I…” I glanced towards Faye, not wanting to tell him the truth. “I’m on my way.”
“Good, good, because I need to talk to you.” He sounded a little tipsy but not as wasted as I felt. “Your YouTube videos have been a hit. I mean, a real hit. I want you to do more.”
I sat up straighter in my seat feeling strange all over. “What are you on about, Dimitri?”
“I mean, I want to get Faye to stick to you for a couple more weeks if that’s okay with you. I know you weren’t keen in the beginning but you’ve done amazingly. What do you think to that?”
I jumped at the opportunity, imagining how awesome it would be to spend more time with Faye. I’d been non stop worrying about how it was going to be to give her up, and while I would still have to do that eventually, at least it wasn’t right now. I could adjust first.
“Yeah, I mean I love that idea. That sounds awesome, mate, thank you. And erm, I’ll see you in a bit, Dimitri, I won’t be long until I’m there and we can talk about it properly.”
I mentally fist pumped as I hung up the phone, glee circling through me.
“What was that?” Faye immediately asked me. “It sounded good.”
It wasn’t until I turned to see her that I realized just how much this might affect her. She was supposed to be working with Kevin next which was something that she wanted badly. Now I needed to break the bad news to her, I didn’t think she would take it in the same way I did.
“My erm, my YouTube content has been really positive and Dimitri wants us to continue working together for a while. A couple of weeks actually.”
I bit down on my bottom lip as I waited for her to react, but she didn’t. At least not in a bad way. Maybe it was the booze, but Faye actually looked happy about the idea.
“Okay cool, that sounds good. We’ll have to jazz it up a bit though, do some fun stuff.”
I wasn’t sure why, but that made us both burst into peels of laughter once more, the fun was immediately back between us, and it remained there the entire time until we got to the student bar. In fact the only reason it stopped was because the moment we stepped into the throes of other people, Kevin pounced on the pair of us, seemingly foaming at the mouth about the decision.
“Alright there, pretty boy,” he snarled at me. “I hear you’ve been brown nosing Dimitri until he’s given you a couple more weeks being the star of the fucking YouTube channel?”
“Oh whatever.” I pushed past him, getting closer to Faye. She was giving us a look like she didn’t totally know what was going on. “Give it a rest, Kevin, Dimitri does what he wants.”
Kevin gripped onto my shoulder tightly, fixing me in place. I had the horrible sinking feeling that this was about to turn into a fight which was the last thing I wanted on what had been such an amazing night so far. I yanked my arm away, needing to put this to bed.
“Kevin, I’m not talking to you about this tonight, okay? We’ll discuss it tomorrow.”
I clung onto Faye and headed towards the bar with a sickly feeling cascading through my body. Maybe this was the perfect time for me to warn Faye against the idiot, but I didn’t. The words got stuck in my throat because I knew that they revealed my jealousy. I didn’t want Faye to know how I felt about her, I didn’t want her to reject me. It would be far too embarrassing.
“What was that about?” she asked me quietly, leaning protectively into my shoulder. It surprised me that she might be sticking up for me not Kevin. “Is everything alright?”
I paused for a second, still keeping myself silent. It just didn’t feel right. “Nah, all is good. Just team stuff. It can get a bit like that from time to time. Nothing to worry about.”
Faye didn’t look like she totally believed him, but she let it go anyway. I guess she felt the same way that I did, that she didn’t want to ruin this night just like I didn’t, so we swept our feelings under the table and we carried on. I got us drinks and we headed towards the dance floor.
But the magic was ruined, and I knew it. Coming to the student bar, following the thoughts in my head was the wrong choice. We could have quite easily been spending some more awesome one on one time together, getting to know each other, hanging out, just being us.
Urgh, I’m an idiot. As I scanned my eyes across the room I could see Kevin looking at Faye as if he wanted to devour her. He was acting like he felt attracted to her, which drove me nuts. I couldn’t stand to see it, not at a moment where I was so churned up.
“I’m just going to the bathroom,” I whispered to Faye, who turned away from the friend that she was talking to nod at me a little distractedly. “I’ll see you in a bit.”
But I didn’t head to the bathroom at all, I snuck out towards the door to go home. I’d drunk far too much to handle all of this, I needed to get away from the situation before it turned into something that was too much for me to see. I’d gotten myself into a mess, I hadn’t listened to my very wise sister and now I was stuck. I definitely had feelings for Faye and now things had gone too far for me to turn back. I’d lost her, she had slipped through my fingers, I simply couldn’t believe it.
As I collapsed onto the bed in my room, I tugged my cell phone out of my pocket to call Maddie. Even though it was fairly late, I needed to speak to her, I needed her wise words. She was the only one who could help me right now… but I didn’t get that far. Instead I found myself staring at an email I must have gotten a few hours before but I hadn’t seen, confirming that at least one football team was interested in seeing me for a trial!
“Oh thank God!” I muttered to myself as my heart rose again. All the bad feeling zapped from my body rapidly. “At least this night hasn’t all been bad! At least something good has come from it!”
That was where I needed to focus anyway, all this messing about in a love triangle that I wasn’t even involved in really was pointless. It wouldn’t be long until all of this was a distant memory. I would hopefully be playing for this team, Kevin would be gone somewhere else, and Faye would still be here for another year finishing up her education.
I turned onto my back and stared up at the ceiling, smiling all over again. I wasn’t going to reply to the email, not while I’d been drinking, but I now had something to look forward to in the morning. Maybe I would even make my next video all about that, to remind the world that I wasn’t just a big fish in a small pond anymore, I was about to jump into the ocean with my eyes wide open.
As I closed my eyes to get some sleep, Faye kept cropping up into my thoughts, but I continually pushed her away. She was an obsession because I hadn’t slept with her, that was probably it. I just wanted what I couldn’t have, that was all. Well her and Kevin would get together tonight with me out of the picture and there wasn’t anything that I could do about it at all. At least that would put me off, that was the one good thing that could come from it.
12
Faye
“U
rgh, how are you today?” I asked Angelo while clutching onto my aching forehead. “I don’t think that champagne agreed with me at all. I feel like death today. I’m so not used to drinking.”
“Yeah, I’m good…” There was something strange about his reply that made me pay more attention to him. “I got an interesting email yesterday about trying out for a team, so I’m trying to craft my reply. I want my response to be perfect, you know? This is a big deal.”
Maybe it was the hangover, I wasn’t totally sure, but a sudden burst of emotion hit me as he said those words. It was a stark reminder of something that I already knew. Not only would me and Angelo be separated more once I was done filming him, he would also be leaving college a whole year before me. He would be somewhere else, moving on with his life, and I would be left here with the memory of our friendship. That cut me deep and made me feel really emotional.
“Oh right, well that’s great news actually. I’m really proud of you.” I stared at my hands as if I
would find the answers there somehow. “That’s something we can film, isn’t it? Shake it up a bit.”
“That’s what I was thinking…” He cocked his head and stared right into my face. “Are you okay, Faye? You look a bit… I don’t know. Did something happen last night?”
I snapped my gaze up to meet his, wondering what he was referring to. Last night had been wild, it left me even more sure that somehow I’d managed to develop feelings for him. Could he see that I felt sad about the idea of him leaving? Was it all very obvious?
“What do you mean?” I asked him cautiously. “I don’t think anything happened…”
“Oh, just Kevin that’s all. I thought I sensed sparks flying between you.”
Was that why he left abruptly? He seemed to think that I didn’t watch him sneak out of the bar last night. The only reason I didn’t chase after him was because I had been talking to Tia at the time and I stupidly wanted to prove that I didn’t care about him in that way. That was something I could now see was super dumb, but I had the cold, sober light of day on my side.
“No, nothing happened.” I furrowed my eyebrows thinking desperately. “I don’t even remember talking to him to be honest, I spent most of the night with Tia, Rhiannon, and Dan when he turned up later. After you left I stuck with my friends, who brought me shots. Hence the hangover probably. I think they might actually be more to blame than you.”
His entire body language relaxed as I announced to him that nothing had happened, and I could’ve sworn that I spotted a smile creeping up on his face. I didn’t know what it meant but it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I crossed my arms over my chest, trying to keep it inside.
“Well I’m glad I’m not totally to blame when it comes to making you feel like crap. I would hate to be the one who put you in this position. I’d expect some sort of punishment.”
An unexpected shiver raced up and down my spine as I felt Angelo flirting with me. I could even sense myself about to flirt back, which wasn’t like me at all. “Oh I’m sure that can be arranged.”
We shared an intense look which had my insides flip flopping like crazy. All I wanted to do was reach across the table to hold onto his hand, but I wasn’t sure that I could. It was all very confusing between me and Angelo, I never quite knew where I stood. I wad pretty confident that there was something there between us, but if I acted on it and I was wrong, it was too much to lose.
“So…” I started, trying to change the subject back so something I could stand. “I’ll go and get my camera in a moment and we can do our piece about this. I think it’s something that the viewers will go nuts for. They’re all enjoying watching you on this journey, it’ll be nice to end it on a high.”
And then, I would be with Kevin. I still felt a whole lot of excitement about that, especially now that I had a lot more confidence to roll with, but I still wasn’t ready for this to be over.
“Yeah, okay we can do this in my room if you like.” As he pushed himself upright, he leaned down and whispered just for me. “Although people might start talking if they see you coming out of my room again. They’ll start to assume that we’re having some sort of steamy exciting affair.”
Damn it, it wasn’t going to be easy to keep things neutral if Angelo was determined to make me blush. I found myself giggling at his joke like a school girl with a crush.
“I’m sure if they have nothing better to talk about than me and you then it really doesn’t matter,” I replied with a mock prissy tone. “It’s just idly gossip, nothing more.”
In truth, I liked the idea of people assuming that me and Angelo were together, it made me feel like someone important. While I hadn’t ever sought out popularity in my life, I had to admit that it felt pretty cool for everyone to be looking at me as if I was someone to envy.
“Now come on.” I held out my hand and Angelo took it without thinking. “Let’s go, despite the fact that I feel like I might die, we have a lot to do today. Since I’m not going to get some of my actual college work done today, we might as well focus on you. Especially since you have so much awesome stuff happening to you. Now, tell me about this team you’re going to play for.”
“Try out for,” Angelo reminded me. “I haven’t been accepted yet, and what would be the point of telling you anyway, it isn’t like you know anything about football.”
I chuckled agreeably. “You don’t know, I might have picked up everything while working with you…” He gave me a knowing look. “No, okay I haven’t. You’re right about that, but I’m great feigning interest so I can do that for you. I’d like to know where you’ll be anyway.”
“Yeah, fair enough…” As Angelo talked, I didn’t really need to act like I was interested, because I was. Then again, he could’ve been telling me anything and I would have wanted to hear. There was something about Angelo that captivated me in an inexplicable way…
“I’m so glad you’re here with me,” I said with a shaky voice as I clutched onto Angelo’s hand. “I don’t know if I’d be able to face this without you. You’re honestly such a star.”
“What do you mean?” Angelo asked as if I’d offended him. “I’m here to find out if I got cast in the performance as well, this isn’t all about you.” I gave him a knowing look. “Alright, fine I’m here for you. But you never know, they might be so desperate as to choose me.”
People surrounded me as we all waited anxiously for the Romeo and Juliet notice to go up on the board. Everyone else had been in performances before and they all had confidence rolling off them in waves. With them all around me, I felt like there was no chance in hell of me landing anything. They were all more confident, more experienced, more likely to get cast. But then even if I didn’t, I’d given it a go. I’d taken the first step towards landing a role, which was important. It was something that I didn’t think I could ever do, so that was huge. I would just go for the next one, that was all.
“Will you stop shaking?” Angelo laughed while pulling me in close to him. I felt good in his arms, like he could shield me from the horrors of the outside world. “You’ll be fine.”
Just then the girl with the list finally came out with a self satisfied smile on her face. She clutched the paper tight to her chest until she reached the board where she could post it. Immediately there was a stampede, but I didn’t get involved in it. I couldn’t, I was frozen to the spot. It was as if all my limbs had become encased in ice and I couldn’t thaw them out however hard I tried.
“Shall we go and look then?” Angelo asked while trying to encourage me forwards. “Aren’t you desperate to know? We’ve been here for half an hour and now you aren’t running?”
“I’m scared,” I whispered to him. “I don’t know what I’m going to see and I’m afraid.”
Angelo slid away from me without any question and he took himself over to the board to look for me. He towered above everyone else so he got an instant view of the notice, but I couldn’t get anything from his facial expression. He remained extremely stoic as he ran his eyes up and down the paper. Either it wasn’t good news or he had the best damn poker face that I’d ever seen.
It’ll be okay, I told myself despite the crushing disappointment that raced through my body. There’ll be another one soon enough and I’ll be in a much better positon to audition then, I’ll know what I’m doing more which means I’ll be an expert myself…
“You got Nurse!” Angelo suddenly boomed above the crowd, silencing everyone as he did. “That’s the comedy role, isn’t it? You will kick ass at that.”
I really didn’t want that much fuss, I wasn’t one to put myself in the middle of a situation where everyone was looking at me, but it seemed that I didn’t have a choice here. Angelo waded back through the throngs of people and he lifted me up to spin me around in celebration.
“What are you doing?” I couldn’t help but giggle as he flung me around. “Are you mad?”
“I’m mad happy, that’s all. You’re a freaking legend. You went for it and
you did it!”
He eventually loosened his grip on me and I fell slowly back to the floor. As I went there was a brief glorious moment where my mouth was far too close to his and we were almost kissing. We didn’t actually lean in to close the gap, making that connection, but I had a feeling that was because we stood in a room full of people. We wanted to, I almost needed to, but somehow we prevented it.
The magnetic pull between us was becoming impossible to ignore, if we had to continue in one another’s lives this intimately for too much longer then we’d cave. The craving was becoming overpowering, like a drug addiction that I had lost all control over.
“Shall… shall we go?” I stuttered as the confusing feelings all got a bit much. “We don’t have to be here now, do we? I don’t have to start rehearsals just yet?”
“No, not until Monday you’ll be fine.” Angelo slung his arm casually over my shoulder as we walked away. To someone who didn’t know us, it probably looked like I was his girlfriend. “How is it going to feel being on the other side of the camera for a change? You’ll be the one being filmed.”
I shuddered, hating the idea. “I don’t know, I’m not sure I’m really destined to be on that side of the camera, you know, but I think I owe it to the childhood version of myself to give it a try. She always wanted to be a star, so this is my chance to shine, I suppose.”
13
Angelo
I
broke off panting and stood in front of the guy who had been watching me for the past hour, judging me and making decisions about my future in a way that was totally out of my control. All that I could do to impress him was play my very best, which I thought I had done, but like everything in life I couldn’t ever be one hundred percent sure. I stared up at him hopefully, waiting.
