by Maya Banks
His face lost its pallor, going gray with answering grief and regret. So much regret and sorrow that it made her uncomfortable to look at. But when he spoke, he went back to his admission, to her earlier accusation.
“I know I don’t deserve anything from you, Angel. Not the time of day, not even a look, certainly not your love. But I’m begging you as you once begged me to listen. If after this is done you never want to see me again, then I’ll go. But you and our child will be taken care of. Always.”
She swallowed but didn’t answer, but neither did she tell him no. She didn’t say anything at all. Just continued to stare at him, hurting with every part of her soul.
“You were right in that I was waiting for you to fail,” he said, wincing at his admission. “I once told you that if my own parents didn’t love me, how could I expect anyone else to? You may have thought it was bullshit, but it’s true. No one has ever loved me and then you . . .”
He broke off and swallowed heavily, and she was flabbergasted to see a sheen of moisture collect in his eyes.
“Then I met you and you didn’t tell me as much as you showed me that you loved me. Every single day. In every action, every gesture, every look. You showed me what love is. And I showed you what love wasn’t,” he said painfully. “I couldn’t believe that you loved me. Not my money. Not my power. You loved me, the man, and you only wanted the same from me. Not the things I could buy you or the lifestyle I could provide you. If anything you tolerated those things because it meant a life with me.”
A glimmer of amusement curved his lips as he said the last.
“You scared the hell out of me, Angel. I had no answer for you. No idea what to do with you. When it was all so simple. All you wanted was my love, and that was the one thing I couldn’t give you.”
She sucked her breath in, her chest squeezing painfully.
“I thought I couldn’t give you love,” he said softly. “But I was wrong. I loved you from the start. I didn’t know it. Didn’t recognize it. How could I? I’d never seen or felt love in my life. All I knew was that when I was with you my entire world lit up. I was happy. I only felt content when I was with you. I wanted to do everything in my power to make you happy. I . . . loved you.”
She looked sadly at him, shaking her head even before he finished his statement. He squeezed her hands, a request for her to let him finish.
“I was so convinced that no one could ever love me that I didn’t recognize it until it was too late. When I thought you had betrayed me, I was devastated. I was completely undone and so grief-stricken that I lashed out and said and did despicable, horrible things. I said terrible things. I reacted like a wounded animal and I only wanted to be alone to brood and to grieve the loss of the most beautiful thing in my life.”
He broke off a minute and heaved a deep breath.
“And as the days went by, I started to think, did it really matter if you betrayed me? Was it such an unforgivable crime, given all I’d kept from you? I expected blind faith and trust from you while giving you nothing of that part of my life. What were you supposed to think? I’m sure you thought the worst. And you being you, so good and innocent, wouldn’t have been able to live with that kind of man. So why wouldn’t you do the right thing and set me up?”
“But, Drake, I didn’t!”
He squeezed her hands again. “I know, Angel, I know. What I’m saying is that I missed you so damn much, I loved you so damn much, that I was willing to forgive you even if you had. And then . . . then I started to think back over everything. And I wondered. I doubted. I found it hard to believe you could do something so contrary to your loving, loyal nature. I was so fucked up, questioning everything in my life. When the real traitor was ferreted out, I had already made the decision to go after you, beg your forgiveness and do whatever was necessary to win you back.”
He closed his eyes, tears sliding wetly down his cheeks.
“Because I realized I loved you. I love you with everything I am. Everything I have. Everything that is within me and everything that I’ll ever be. Whatever I’ll be is because of you. I told your mother on the phone, the day you disappeared, that I loved you and that no matter what I would find you and keep you safe. That I’d never let you go again.”
Evangeline just stared, too confused and off balance to make sense of all he was saying.
“You were out of it when we got you to the clinic,” Drake said painfully. “Barely aware of your surroundings. I begged you then. Told you I loved you and our child. I wanted nothing more than to bring you back to our apartment and spend the rest of my life making up for my mistakes. But the only thing you said was that you wanted to go home. To your parents. And you were so fragile, on the verge of shattering, that I would have done anything to make you happy again. So I let you go.”
He stopped, choking out the last words and turning his face away but not before she saw the raw agony and utter despair. Pain and so much desolation. Everything she’d felt for the last month was mirrored in his eyes.
“But I kept in touch with your parents daily. Seeking any crumb of information about you. The slightest detail, no matter how insignificant, I devoured like a man starving. I couldn’t stay away a day longer, Angel. I’m miserable without you and I think you’re miserable without me. We’re only whole when we’re together. I know I have a lot of making up to do. I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to catch up and atone for all I’ve done. But please, just give me the chance to make you happy. I know I can make you happy again, Evangeline. If you only give me the chance. The chance I denied you.”
Evangeline’s knees were perilously close to giving out. Her hands were still firmly in the grasp of Drake’s, so she slid unsteadily to her knees in front of him. Alarm flared in his eyes and he was up immediately, sweeping her into his arms. He strode to the couch and set her down like she was the most precious thing in the world. Then he sat next to her, angled so they could face one another.
She felt light-headed and faint, her heart beating so fast that her surroundings were a blur. All she could see was Drake’s beautiful face ravaged with every single emotion she felt. Could she believe him? Could she trust him?
“Just tell me one thing, Angel,” he implored.
He waited a beat and then brushed his fingers over her cheek, and she was shocked to see it come back wet with yet more tears. She hadn’t realized tears were streaming freely down her face now.
“Do you still love me or have I killed any chance of you ever loving me again?” he asked painfully.
She bowed her head, tears splashing onto her tightly clenched hands on her lap. When the silence between them became prolonged, Drake’s tone grew more desperate and hopeless.
“Angel?”
His voice cracked and she peeked from underneath her lashes to see savage torment etched in every line and groove on his face, and he suddenly looked older than his thirty-six years.
“I’m afraid,” she admitted in a husky voice. “I’m afraid to love you, Drake. You have so much power over me. You have the power to make me the happiest I’ve ever been in my life, but you also have the power to destroy me. That scares me.”
“Oh, darling,” he said, every word spoken in an aching, grief-stricken tone. “Don’t you know? You have the same power over me. I’ve never been so miserable in my life as I have the last month and before you say it, I know it’s my fault. I know. But I’ve learned something important from you. You taught me that it’s okay to be vulnerable. That it’s okay to love and be loved. That being loved is the single most beautiful thing in the world. I can’t live without your love. I don’t want to. And I swear you will never live without mine.”
“You really love me?” she asked hesitantly, afraid to believe. Afraid to trust after so much hurt and pain.
“It breaks my heart that I’ve done this to you. That you doubt such a precious thing—that you are so very precious to me. But do I love you? I adore you. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone in
my life. You are the only person I’ve ever loved,” he amended. “I trust my brothers. I have an unbreakable bond with them. I’d give my life for them. But, Angel, you are my life. My entire world. My reason for getting up in the morning. My reason for living.”
He placed his hand on her flat belly, rubbing his thumb tenderly over her womb.
“You and our child,” he said huskily. “Please come home with me. You and our baby. Let me love you, cherish you, protect you both. Or if you can’t bear to live in the city, we’ll move here. I don’t care where we live as long as I have you.”
Her head reared back in shock, her eyes wide as she stared incredulously at him.
“You’d live here, close to my parents?”
His expression was utterly serious, his eyes grave as he nodded.
Her mouth went dry and she licked her lips. She was trembling. Reaction setting in. This wasn’t happening. It was all a dream. The result of wishful thinking and her dearest fantasy. She closed her eyes.
This isn’t real.
“Open your eyes, Angel. Look at me. See me. See my love for you. I assure you it’s very real. I’m real.”
She hadn’t realized she’d whispered her denial aloud.
“All you have to do is reach out and take what it is you want. It’s yours. I’m yours.”
Tentatively she reached out, her hand shaking so badly that it bobbed in midair. She slid her fingers over the stubble of his beard and lightly caressed his cheek in wonder. Could it be that simple? Did he truly love her and could they have the life together she’d so desperately wanted? The life she’d cried herself to sleep over for so many nights? A life she’d thought lost to her forever?
“Just say yes,” he whispered. “Kiss me and say yes.”
She stared at him for a long moment, her eyes searching his. All she saw was truth and sincerity. No secrets, lies or deception. It took every ounce of her courage. She gathered it tightly around her like a blanket and held on tight. It took several attempts but finally, she was able to say it.
“Yes,” she said so softly that at first she thought he didn’t hear.
But the savage spark that ignited in his eyes told her he had. And then she leaned up, pressing her lips to his, like the brush of a butterfly’s wings.
He groaned low in his throat and then framed her face in his hands, tenderly, so gently that it was a caress, and he kissed her back every bit as sweetly.
She tasted the salt of tears and realized they came from both of them. Drake leaned his forehead against hers and closed his eyes.
“I love you, Angel. Yesterday, today, forever.”
“I love you too,” she said around the knot in her throat.
He reached into his pocket, jostling them both momentarily, and then he pulled out the ring she’d given Silas to return to him. With shaking hands, he slid it back onto her finger, expelling a sigh of relief when it was in place.
“I carried this in my pocket ever since Silas gave it back to me,” he admitted. “I was gutted when he handed it to me, and I never once stopped hoping and praying for the day that I’d put it back on your finger. Swear to me you’ll never take it off again.”
For the first time, she smiled, and he looked awestruck. His hands went to her face, tracing the lines, thumbing her lip and stroking her jaw.
“I won’t,” she vowed.
“Ahem,” came the clearing of a throat from the doorway.
They both whirled around to see Evangeline’s mother standing behind her husband’s wheelchair, tears glittering brightly in her eyes.
“Does this mean we have a wedding to plan?” Evangeline’s father asked gruffly.
“It does, although I plan to marry her as fast as possible so she doesn’t change her mind,” Drake said in a voice that suggested he wasn’t joking.
Brenda Hawthorn smiled. “I believe that can be arranged. Congratulations, my darling,” she said to Evangeline. “I’m so very glad you’ve worked things out with Drake. It’s been killing me and your father to see you so unhappy.” Then she looked gravely at Drake. “Make her happy, young man. God has given you another chance to make things right. Make the most of it.”
Drake’s eyes were wet as he looked between Evangeline and her mother and he squeezed Evangeline to him, holding her as if he’d never let her go.
“I’m well aware that I am the luckiest of men and that I don’t deserve Evangeline, but you can be sure that now that I have her back I’m never letting her go again and I’ll spend every day of the rest of my life doing whatever it takes to always keep her happy. You—and she—have my word on it.”
Then he grinned down at Evangeline, and she was shocked at the joy and relief brimming in his eyes. So much of the grimness and reserve that seemed ever present in his gaze had vanished. The shadows were gone. He looked . . . happy. Every bit as happy as she felt as she witnessed the truth and sincerity in his words and actions.
“Annndd,” he said, drawing out the word as he glanced meaningfully back at her parents, “giving you as many grandchildren as possible.”
EPILOGUE
The old whitewashed church in Evangeline’s small hometown had been transformed into something straight out of a fairy tale. No expense had been spared in Drake’s determination to give her the wedding of her dreams. The insides were draped from one end to the other in a cascade of elegantly arranged flowers, some of which had been flown in from all over the country. There were thousands of twinkling white lights, an homage to her love of Christmas, even if the holiday had already passed, and they were twined around a mountain of greenery and strategically placed to show the flowers to their best advantage.
Ironically, it hadn’t been Evangeline who oversaw or even planned any of the decorating, arrangements or anything at all to do with her ceremony. Drake had firmly told her that he and her mother would take care of everything and all he wanted her to do was rest and take care of herself and their child.
To her further amusement, Drake’s men—all of them—had each taken an active part in the plans. Silas had personally overseen the floral arrangements. Drake’s enforcer was a man of hidden depths. He obviously had an eye for art and decorating. After all, it had been he who had taken Evangeline to have her hair and makeup done, and it had been he who’d given the makeup artist instructions on the look Silas wanted for her.
For the wedding, it was no different. Silas had flown the same artist from New York City to the rural area of Mississippi to personally arrange Evangeline’s hair and makeup for the big day.
Evangeline sat in the bridal room of the church, which was no more than a tiny cubicle off the foyer on the opposite side of the church’s nursery, eyeing her appearance critically in the mirror. Oh, she hadn’t gotten dressed here, nor had her hair and makeup been arranged at the church. The artist had spent the better part of two hours at Evangeline’s parents’ home getting her made up, and after he was satisfied that she was, in his words, absolute perfection, she’d been driven to the church accompanied by Silas and Maddox. She was hurriedly escorted into the bridal room to rest—Silas’s firm dictate—and to do any touch-ups she may require before she was summoned for the ceremony.
When it was time, a soft knock sounded at her door, and butterflies immediately took wing, scuttling around her belly in a nervous cacophony. Her mother reached over and squeezed Evangeline’s hand, tears shining in her loving eyes.
“That will be Silas, darling. Your father is waiting in the foyer. Are you ready?”
Evangeline swallowed nervously but excitement and so much joy invaded her chest that the smile curving her lips felt bright enough to overshadow the sun. She nodded as her mouth went suddenly dry and her entire body jittered with excitement as she gracefully—or as gracefully as she could manage—rose to her feet with her mother’s assistance.
“Evangeline,” Silas said, warm approval in his eyes when she opened the door. “You look beautiful, sweetheart.”
She blinked back the sudden sti
ng of tears, and his voice turned chiding as he carefully wiped at the corner of her eye with his thumb.
“None of that on your wedding day. Your stylist took two hours. I assure you that Drake will have all our heads if I have to tell him that there has been a delay in the ceremony because you have to start all over again on your makeup.”
Evangeline laughed and then impulsively she threw her arms around Silas and hugged him fiercely.
“You truly are my dearest friend,” she whispered against his chest.
Silas squeezed gently and pressed a kiss to her forehead. Then he turned her and helped her into the foyer where her dad sat waiting in his wheelchair.
• • •
Drake checked his watch, frowning his impatience. His right foot was tapping, the sound muted by the carpeted aisles of the church.
Church.
He inwardly winced at what had to be sheer blasphemy. Him—and his men—in a church? They were lucky the entire building hadn’t gone up the moment they stepped through the doors or that none of them had been struck by lightning.
What a sight it was to see his brothers in a church. All wearing expensive suits. Even the more rebellious I-don’t-give-a-fuck-what-you-think Zander and Jax had dressed formally for the occasion. None of them dared risk hurting Evangeline’s feelings, not because of any threat by Drake or Silas, but because they all adored her and it would kill them to ever be the source of her distress or unhappiness.
The attendance was small. In fact, the only people there other than Drake’s men were Evangeline’s parents, one or two distant relatives who still lived in the same town and two older ladies who were close friends of Brenda’s, each of whom Evangeline called “aunt.” Although, one thing that Drake had quickly learned about life in a small Southern town was that close friends were addressed and treated as family. But then Evangeline had adopted that same policy when it came to Drake and all his men. She counted them as family. Her family. And pity the fool who ever fucked with her family.
