Dangerous Love

by Kara Leigh Miller

  Amanda stepped closer to him. “No more secrets, Josh. No lies. I won’t get over losing you for real,” Amanda said with no trace of humor.

  “What? Lose me how?” He really did need to get prepped for surgery, but she was confusing him, making his head spin.

  “When you lost Laura, we lost you. You closed yourself into a tiny little box no one could open. The only thing you’ve let in is guilt. Until now. And I know . . . I know you have to go. But I met her, and it’s clear to me she means something to you. She matters. I don’t know what I think about that, but I do know this: this is the first day in two and half years I haven’t been sick with worry about you. Truth time. Is she the reason?”

  He ran his hand through his hair, wondered why he hadn’t cut it shorter. “I really do have to go. I had no idea you felt this way. I’m sorry. And yes, she matters. More than I meant for her to, more than she should. But it feels . . . I couldn’t just walk away. From the moment she looked at me, there was something there. For me, anyway.”

  “I invited her to church.” Amanda had the grace to look contrite.

  “Amanda . . . look. I really can’t do this right now. I have to go. I will talk to you later. I will even invite you and Ethan over if you just give me a break. Please.”

  He opened the door of the office and let her walk out. He wasn’t sure what he felt, but he needed to clear his mind and focus on his work. On his patients. He nodded to Dr. Christoff, who walked through with a group of residents. Josh lowered his voice. “I’ll call you. Thank you for the groceries.”

  Amanda threw her arms around him with such force it knocked him back a step. He wrapped his arms around her and breathed in the subtle vanilla scent of her shampoo.

  “Hey. Everything’s okay. I’m okay,” he soothed.

  She leaned back with a wide smile. “I love you.”

  “Me too.”

  He watched her walk down the corridor before he turned to the nurses’ station. Renee was scrubbing in with him and probably going to page him again if he didn’t get moving.

  “I’m heading into surgery, Jordan. Can you page the ER and Nurse Renee and let them know I’m on my way?” he asked the newest member of the hospital’s staff. Barely out of nursing school, she approached every task as though it was the absolute best opportunity of her life. Josh tried to remember when he’d last felt that kind of youth—that zest.

  “Of course, Dr. Parker,” Jordan replied, picking up the phone. He smiled, figured that would give him enough time to grab an apple. His surgery wasn’t a long one, two to three hours if everything went fine. It would tide him over until he got home. To Alessa.

  He headed toward the surgical wing, was about to make a quick detour into the doctor’s lounge where there was always a steady supply of fruit and other on-the-go snacks, when he saw David headed his way with two uniformed officers. With his hand already on the door, he stopped and waited until they approached. David’s face was creased, his eyes narrowed, and he walked in long strides toward Josh. The one officer had brown hair that looked almost black, and judging from how it was plastered to his scalp, Josh figured the rain was really picking up. The other officer was a heavier set man who looked like he didn’t know how to hurry. He was a couple paces behind David and the first officer. They stopped when David did.

  “Is everything okay, David?”

  “This is Dr. Parker,” David said to the officers, his voice hard and disapproving.

  Josh’s stomach cramped. He made himself stay in the present. The erratic pace of his heart helped him to do that—he wondered how it kept from leaping out of his chest. Alessa is fine. It was standard for police to follow up with patients who had been abused.

  “Dr. Parker. I’m Officer Steel, and this is my partner, Officer Radmore. Dr. Rhoades informed us you were the attending surgeon the night that,” he opened a black note pad and read from it, “Alessandra Matthews was brought in?”

  Josh wasn’t sure if his tone conveyed his feelings, but he was certain the icy glare he gave David made it clear a heads up would have been nice. He pushed open the door to the lounge, checked it for occupants and, when he found it empty, asked the officers to come in.

  “I was,” he said simply. He picked up an apple, avoided squeezing it hard enough to break the skin only by taking a large, noisy bite.

  “We would like to speak with her regarding that evening. You were also the doctor who discharged her? Can you tell us about her injuries?” Officer Steel asked. Officer Radmore helped himself to a slightly overripe pear, leaned against the couch that separated the eating area from the resting area. They’re doing their job. Just do yours.

  “The patient was brought in at the end of my shift with severe physical trauma to her face and upper torso. She was badly beaten.”

  “Has she had any visitors?”

  “No.”

  “When did you discharge her?”

  “Yesterday. Are you looking for the person who did this to her?”

  “It’s a little difficult to do that without speaking to the patient and running on a good Samaritan’s call. He found her in an alley behind his restaurant, down on Fifth. He was taking out his garbage and saw her.”

  The thought of Alessa in a back alley, left for dead, made him toss the rest of the apple in the garbage and hope he could keep what he’d already eaten down.

  “She has no memory.”

  The officer nodded and jotted down another note. “Any lasting trauma?”

  “Other than fear, headaches, broken ribs, stitches, and a case of retrograde amnesia, no,” Josh snapped. His pager went off, and he saw they were waiting on him for surgery.

  “I can start your surgery, Dr. Parker,” David stated.

  “I can start my own surgery.”

  “Retrograde?” Officer Radmore questioned, tossing his finished pear in the trash.

  “She can remember certain things. Her name, that she likes coffee. But she can’t remember specific events before being brought in. She doesn’t know who did this to her.”

  “Did she leave a number where she could be reached?” The heavy set man chose another pear, this one greener than the last, tossed it in the air a couple times then took a bite.

  Josh looked at David, not wanting to confirm his friend’s suspicions. “She can be reached at my house. She is staying with me.” Josh’s gaze locked on David’s. He caught the way David’s jaw clenched as his eyes narrowed. The officers, however, seemed unconcerned with this detail.

  “Well, we need to speak with her. Is it possible to do that? You’re tied up in surgery. We could swing by your place. Ask a few questions. We want to catch the man responsible for this.”

  In surgery, decisions had to be made in a split second. The surgeon often had to make a call based on gut instinct as much as medical knowledge. It was the times in his life he hadn’t gone with his gut instinct that his world had fallen apart around him. He eyed the officers, looked at David.

  “Actually, she won’t be there. She’s probably gone already. I called a women’s shelter and asked them to pick her up. She had no place to stay last night, and it was too late to make the arrangements. I was able to do it this morning though.”

  The look that passed over David’s face could be only described as relief. A small smile hovered on his lips, and he nodded at Josh.

  “All right. Well, we’ll need the name of the women’s shelter please.” Officer Steel shifted his weight and glanced at his partner, who tossed his second finished pear in the trash.

  “Of course.” Josh pulled a hospital business card from his pocket. He quickly scribbled the name of a shelter on the outskirts of town. One that was in the process of closing last time he had checked.

  “Thanks for your help, Doc.” Officer Steel smiled, reached out a hand and shook it. Officer Radmore reached out to do the same. Saying they would see themselves out, they left the doctor’s lounge. Josh pulled out his phone, looked at David, who was smiling.

 
“Thank God. I thought you’d lost your mind. She could have stayed here another night while you waited for the shelter to pick her up.” He laughed. He went to the small fridge and pulled out a water, twisted the cap off, and took several gulps.

  Josh texted in the message to Nurse Renee before he looked up at David. “You need to cover my surgery. I have to go.”

  David sputtered, wiped his mouth and glared at Josh. “What?”

  “Something isn’t right. I have to go home. I have to make sure Alessa is okay.”

  David slammed the water bottle onto the counter and stalked over to Josh. “You said she’s at a shelter.”

  “I lied. She’s at my house. Did you ask those two for ID?”

  “What? Were you confused by the uniforms? What is wrong with you? Are you trying to wreck your career?”

  Josh started for the door, grabbed the handle, and then forced himself to take a deep breath. He turned and looked at David. “I don’t want to, no. I’m trying to put my life back together. This is the first time I’ve felt like that might be a possibility. I don’t know how to explain it, but it feels right, even if it does wreck my career. I’m sorry, David.”

  With that, he left the room and headed for his car as quickly as he could without actually running down the halls of the hospital.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Alessa folded the clothes she took out of the dryer. After Amanda left, she thought to tidy up a bit as it was clear Josh did not spend much time at home. His laundry had piled up, the bathroom needed a scrub, and obviously he had very little to eat before his sister brought groceries. They look so much alike. She smiled as she took the towels to the bathroom. She had been giving the four piece bathroom a wipe down when she had heard Amanda. She seemed so much like Josh and it made her wish she had a sister or brother to have a close connection with. Because I don’t. I’m sure of it. It was more frustrating to remember certain things when she couldn’t even recall how she ended up in the hospital.

  Moving into the living room, she decided to try out Josh’s small desktop computer and see if she could find out anything about herself. She turned it on, double clicked the internet, and began typing in her name. She typed Alessandra Matthews into the search bar and watched as dozens of links popped onto the page. Scrolling through, she clicked on a couple that led to Facebook pages, MySpace pages, and websites. Nothing triggered a memory or had pictures of her. I don’t have a Facebook page? Doesn’t everyone have a Facebook page?

  She typed in “Josh Parker.” Nope. Apparently everyone didn’t have a page. It made her smile to see they had that in common. She typed in “Amanda Parker.” When she clicked the top link, she was brought to Amanda’s page and was once again struck by the similarities in bone structure, the eyes, and the smile. Josh’s was rare, but it had a way of etching itself into her mind.

  She scrolled through some of Amanda’s photos and posts, most of which seemed church related. Her husband, Ethan, was very handsome. The one that stopped her in her tracks was the picture of Josh and a striking redhead. She was tall and lean, her face almost aristocratic in its fine lines and contours. Her red hair was styled meticulously and her outfit made it clear she kept herself in shape. Josh stood beside the woman, his gentle smile focused solely on this woman’s face.

  Alessa didn’t like the stab of envy that punched her in the stomach and knew she had no right. Still, she flipped through a few more photos, looking for any trace of Josh and the mystery woman. There were several pictures of Amanda and Ethan on a mission in Mexico, building houses, and helping children.

  Do I do anything that matters? Blinking, she realized the monitor was bothering her eyes and decided to shut down both the thought and the computer. She clicked the home button and was brought to the day’s news feed. It looked like snow was on its way. Stock prices were down. Troops were still being sent to the Middle East. As she scrolled down, a picture of a man on the steps of a courthouse caught her eye.

  In an instant, her head felt like she’d scraped glass across her temple, dug it in deep and twisted it. She put her hand to her head, but couldn’t bite back the groan. Squeezing her eyes shut, tears coming to them, she put the other hand to her head as well. What is this? Opening her eyes slightly, she made herself look at the screen. It hurts anyway. Might as well see what’s causing the pain. The man wore a black suit with a bright red tie. His dark hair receded slightly from his long forehead. He wasn’t unattractive, but something about him made Alessa think of him as ugly. Raymond Scotts the caption read.

  Her breath hitched with the next stab of pain. Shutting the computer down, she went to the couch and lay on one end, curled tightly into herself. She kept her eyes closed and focused on the sound of her own breathing. Slowly, the pain lessened, her breathing evened out. There was a slow and steady drumbeat behind her eyes, but that felt better than the stabbing pain. Pushing herself into a sitting position, she was surprised to hear the door open. She wanted to stand, but her head still hurt so she was sitting when Josh walked into the room. His hair was dancing around his head, like he’d combed his fingers through it too many times. Her heart clutched a little when she thought of smoothing her hand over the wayward strands.

  “Hi.”

  He wore blue hospital scrubs and looked like he had forgotten to shave. She liked the tiny hint of scruff on his face. His eyes warmed as he walked closer to her, knelt in front of her, took her hand. She couldn’t feel the pounding in her head with her heart racing.

  “Hi. You okay? You look pale.” He put a cool hand to her forehead. Frowning slightly, he ran his hand down her cheek, continued down until he was pressing two fingers to the spot on her neck where her pulse beat steady. “Your pulse is racing.”

  That would be because you’re touching me. Because you’re here. Because you smell like soap and rain and your fingers are gentle.

  “I’m fine.” She pulled away a little. She didn’t want to be treated like a patient. That’s all you are. She didn’t want to believe that, especially when he stayed eye level with her and just kept looking.

  “I missed you,” he whispered.

  Her heart leapt. She didn’t know that could really happen, but it lurched right in her chest, pushed against her ribs. “Why are you home? I thought you would be later.” She tried to keep her voice from sounding breathy.

  His gaze cleared, and he stood. “I just wanted to be here. So I am.”

  He smiled when he said it, but Alessa caught a glimpse of something in his eyes that didn’t sit right with her. She stood and winced slightly, which had him closing the space between them, putting his hands on her arms, and bending his knees to look at her.

  “Really, are you okay?

  “Just a headache. It came on suddenly but it’s fading now.”

  “Did it last long?”

  “No. It . . . I was looking at the computer. I’m sure it was just from staring at the screen.”

  “You’re sure are you? Because you learned that in medical school?”

  She laughed with him, and her shoulders relaxed. He moved his hands up and down her arms. “No. I don’t think so. Perhaps I’m just hungry. Or maybe I just missed you, too.”

  She couldn’t help but avert her eyes as she said it, her tummy flipping on itself. She cast her eyes back to the computer, which now had bubbles bouncing on the screen. Josh’s fingers touched her chin, guided her face so she was looking at him again.

  “I guess I should feed you.” He smiled.

  She pulled herself from his gentle grasp and tried not to feel hurt. I can feed myself. I’m hardly an invalid. She walked toward the kitchen, reminding herself how good he was being to her.

  “Alessa?”

  “Actually, I thought I’d feed you,” she said, a slight pain returning behind her eye. She washed her hands while he followed her to the counter.

  “You don’t have to do that.”

  He touched her arm and though tingles shot up from her belly, she merely arched her brow. �
��I’m not completely useless, Josh.”

  His face showed genuine surprise, and she immediately regretted being oversensitive and snippy. “I don’t think you are, at all. I just mean you should rest.”

  She grabbed a towel from the front of the stove and dried her hands, pulled in a deep breath, and let it out. Turning to him, she offered a conciliatory smile. “I’ve been resting most of the day. I didn’t mean to snap. I’m sorry. I just . . . I’d like to cook for you. You’ve done so much for me.”

  “I haven’t done anything I didn’t want to do, Alessa.”

  “I know. But I can still be grateful. Besides, I’m a very good cook.”

  He smiled, playful and boyish as he stepped toward her. “You know this how?” he asked, making her laugh.

  “Well, I think I am. We’re about to find out, aren’t we?” She grinned.

  He took another step toward her, tentatively, but didn’t touch her. “I look forward to it. Can I help?”

  “No. Maybe you shouldn’t watch.”

  “Okay.” He laughed again, the sound delightful to her ears. “Do I have time to shower?”

  “Yes. It’ll be a bit yet.”

  He nodded, looked like he might say something else, and then stepped aside and walked out of the kitchen. Her breath rushed out of her lungs, and she stepped forward, put both hands on the counter and hung her head for a moment. He doesn’t mean to be so charming and sweet. It doesn’t mean anything. Okay. Think. What can I make? She grinned when the thought of what most men liked popped into her head naturally.

  She found all of the ingredients she needed to make pizza. She poured the warm water and yeast mixture over the flour and salt, added a touch of oil, and worked the dough with her hands. She’d obviously made it before as the recipe and the movements came without effort. Grabbing a bit of flour from the pile she’d placed on the counter, she added more, turned the dough, worked it some more. Her arms ached a bit with the movement, but it felt good to be doing something.

  She let the dough rise, cut pepperoni and peppers, grated cheese, and found a can of tomato sauce in the cupboard. Adding some spices to the sauce, she set it aside to make the shells. Josh walked in, smelling deliciously clean, as she stretched the dough on a pizza pan she found.