…you intrigue me…
Is Sarah right? Could this goddess really be hitting on me? That makes no sense. I’m so unattractive right now with my permanent stress-face, acne, and tired look. She must see the big rock on my finger.
What’s at 27 La Brea? Oh my God! What if it’s a romantic room at Malibu Beach Inn? I Google it. It’s a grocery store. Maybe she inverted the numbers. She could be dyslexic, you never know. A pawn shop shows up on the searches. That would make her creepy, not mysterious. This woman has shaken up my entire world. What am I doing? I’m really considering meeting her? I don’t even know her. I’m married. Is this cheating? I need to grab something to make for dinner, and cook, and bath-time and story-time and paperwork…
I text Dylan.
Me: Babe, I’m sorry, but I have a patient crisis and need to go to Cedars Sinai. I don’t know when I’ll be home. Can you get Lily from daycare? There are leftovers you can warm up. Lily needs to be in bed by 8, ok? Love you
Dylan: That’s fine. Love you
I’m officially a horrible person. My husband is home with our kid while I’m over here lying to him doing God knows what.
I inhale deeply. My body is warm again and my heart’s beating faster. I turn on the light in my office, and start typing in the numbers from the card and save her name in my phone. Why am I even doing this? Ugh. She said to text her when I get there, but why would she want to meet at the grocery store at eight o’clock at night in the middle of Hollywood? Does she really think I’m going to drive by myself to meet some random stranger in Hollywood? This is straight out of an ’80s horror film. Meanwhile, my fingers have taken the lead, and I have an open text message with the flashing cursor waiting for my next move. My body is damp with nervousness. Just thank her and cancel graciously.
Me: Hi Natalia, I got your message. Thank you for the offer, but I can’t —
Delete, delete, delete. I can’t what? Have dinner at the grocery store, be a willing victim to you kidnapping and murdering me, go with you to a remote island and let you make love to me for hours? I try again.
Me: Hi Natalia, it’s Jelina. Wa
Damn it! I hit send by accident. Wa is nothing, a total typo. Want to cancel…Was fantasizing about you…Want to disappear from sheer humiliation
I see the three dots. She’s rescuing me from this mental spiral.
Natalia: Jelina, what a pleasant surprise to see you in my restaurant today. Did you like the new cheese platter we added to the menu?
Wow, she’s good. The muscles in my legs and arms release the tension they’ve been holding this entire time.
Me: It was delicious!
I’m lying, as I only nibbled on a few grapes.
She wastes no time and gets straight to her agenda.
Natalia: So, for tonight, keep an open mind and don’t be late. The doors to the place I’m taking you to close exactly at 8 o’clock and won’t reopen
Wait, she’s just assuming that I’m agreeing to this?
Me: Are we going to a show?
Natalia: I can’t tell you. It would ruin the thrill of it all. Just don’t Google it and don’t be late
Because you don’t want me to see that we’re meeting at the grocery store?
Me: I’m still in my work clothes and I already ate
Another lie; I’m starving!
Me: By the way, I just have to ask. Is this a date? Because I’m sorry, but I really can’t. I’m married
I continue to ramble.
Me: I have a husband and kid at home. I’m not that kind of person. I don’t meet up with people who look like you in the middle of the night. I don’t do anything in the middle of the night for that matter
I—
She interrupts my wave of texts with an actual phone call.
Fuck. Why are you calling me? Oh my God, I can’t talk to you. Fuck. I press Answer. Ugg.
“Hi there.” Oh, God. That voice. It sends a tingling rush into my ear. I can almost feel her lips against my neck. I melt. Her voice has now replaced the blood in my veins and is warm and all-consuming.
“Hi,” I manage to reply. Beyond that, I’m speechless. She’s silenced me with her magic.
Natalia pulls me back in with a calm, “Jelina.”
I hold my breath. “Yes?”
“Don’t neglect your happiness for anyone. You could live happier beyond your wildest dreams.”
I exhale, and her words marinate in my head.
That’s my life. My days, my nights. I’ve lost myself. I’m literally disappearing. I’m ten pounds underweight, burnt out from life, alone in my marriage, feeling like a single mom, angrier, sadder and more exhausted than I’ve ever been in my life.
“What did you just say?” I just want to hear these words again.
“You deserve to be happy,” she says.
Natalia has awoken me from the terrible nightmare I’ve been living.
Imagine yourself laying down on a bed of flowers in a garden on a warm summer day, bathing in the warm sunlight, and a magical goddess is seductively leaning over you. Do you feel that rush in your chest? Now picture her holding a soaking wet sponge and ever so slowly letting cool water drip and cover you, one inch at a time. Do you feel the tingle in your palms? That’s the power of Natalia.
“I’ll see you at eight.” The words are delivered effortlessly from my desires to hers.
Chapter Nine:
Sound Bath
I press End on the phone and it almost slips out of my sweaty hands.
Is this really happening? What’s “this” anyway? We’re just two people hanging out and getting to know each other. But if it’s that innocent, then why does my heart jump every time I think of her, and why does she make me feel like I’m ten years younger and that I can run a 5k right now? I’ve never felt this pull towards someone, this euphoric rush and tingle throughout my body, this alive—since pre-married Dylan. I unzip my wallet, pull out my eye liner and lip gloss. I freshen up in the mirror behind my office door. As I’m applying lip gloss, I’m trying to figure out for whom I am freshening up. Is it for her? Am I trying to impress her? Or is it for me, because it feels incredible to be desired again? My eyes freeze on my glossy pink lips, and I can feel my panties getting wet without touching them at just the remote possibility that her lips would press against mine. I sigh as I remember the first moment I was pulled into her like this, sitting in my car, mesmerized by her mouth, her voice, her glow, her scent.
I shake out of the spell, close up the office and get to my car. I’m pretty early, but we all know that in L.A. that doesn’t mean you’ll make it to your destination on time. It’s standard to add 20 minutes extra for traffic, finding parking, studying the signs so you don’t get a ticket, and finally walking to wherever you’re going from wherever you parked, or I can just valet I guess. She said I couldn’t be late. I’m so flattered that she’s even put this much effort into planning tonight’s date—or whatever this is. The last time I felt this way was when Dylan and I were dating. Everything we do now, I’m always the one to plan it all, every step of the way—the time, what we’re doing, offering options because nobody wants to initiate, but somehow they’re also very picky.
Tonight is already light-years different than anyone I’ve “met up” with. She’s already done all the thinking and planning for us. God knows what she has in store for tonight, and hopefully I come out of it in one piece. I honestly don’t know what’s come over me to even be in this car right here, right now, on a Thursday night, driving to meet a stunning woman I met in a car accident. This couldn’t get any further from my predictable life.
I follow my navigation app’s voice. I make a left turn and she informs me, “In point five miles, your destination will be on your right.” I arrive at the corner of La Brea and Third. “You have reached your destination.” Yup, I look around. Google was right. There’s the grocery store. Shockingly, I find a parking spot within a couple of minutes
. She has magic powers indeed
I check my face in the rear view mirror one more time. I actually don’t look tired. I smile as I realize I’m moments away from being alone with her for the first time, and I step out of the car. She’s nearby, I can just feel it. I text her.
Me: I’m here
Natalia: I see you :) I have a little surprise. Close your eyes
I smile as I take the risk of closing my eyes in the middle of a parking lot in Hollywood at night. Is this even real right now? What am I doing? The swirl of excitement and fear is exhilarating. I wait about ten seconds, and I can hear her steps approaching from behind. Am I the biggest idiot on the planet? Why didn’t I text Helen or Sarah where I was going in case I end up dead in a ditch somewhere? This murder news story will go viral tomorrow. Or worse, I wonder how long it would take for anyone to even notice I was dead.
I feel Natalia’s arms wrap around me from behind. Her breasts press against my back. Her lips are beside my ear and she whispers, “You made it.”
I breathe in the smell of her skin as her arm lays across my collarbone, and my skin tingles at the sound of her whispers in my ear. Without my permission, my hand reaches up and touches her arm. Her skin is as smooth as silk.I say nothing, of course, because how could anyone even know how to respond to all that?
She releases me, and I turn around to face her, tilting my head up as her eyes meet mine. She hands me a hot tea and small sandwich. How does she know what I like?
“I know you had a long day and I thought you might be hungry,” she says.
“Hi.” I feel my cheeks flush. “Thank you for these, and for tonight,” I say. For tonight, really J? I can’t believe how weird I get around her. I give lectures to rooms of 200 people like I’m talking to my best friend, but put me in front of this woman, and I turn into an awkward teenager. I take the tea in one hand and the sandwich in the other, lean in to give her a hug, and spill a little tea on her top. “Wow, I am so sorry!” I’m stuck with my hands full and I’m looking around for something to wipe it with. I’m sure I look like I’m fumbling a football right now.
Natalia doesn’t even flinch, casually takes the tea back from me, and sets it down on the trunk of the car next to us. She’s holding me right now, both of her arms gently wrapped around my body, and she’s calming me with her gaze. Her light brown eyes soothe me instantly, and my own thoughts get muted along with my swirling feelings and all the city’s sounds. My attention gets sucked into her, and we drop down into our quiet cozy cave, alone together. She says, “Tonight’s all about you, Jelina. Just relax and enjoy the ride.”
My head’s tilted back as I look up at her. I’m fighting back tears. This is the first time in a really long time that I can remember feeling taken care of, that I can sit back and be held and pampered. That’s always my job with everyone in my life. Her lips are just a few inches from mine. My eyes beg her: please kiss me, please kiss me, please?
She replies with a smile. “Let’s start walking. We can’t be late.” She grabs the tea and takes my hand.
We walk hand in hand, taking turns sharing the sandwich, entering random shops as she teases me about where we’re going. I think it’s adorable that she’s stalling by having us enter and exit clothing stores, boutiques, and speciality shops, playing with me like this was her night’s plan. After hundreds of steps, we enter the Zen Meditation Center.
There’s a long line of people, and we inch our way forward, sharing our tea, which is cold by now, but neither of us seems to mind. The yogi checking us all in behind the counter is stoic. She seems to be about 20, with tattoos on her arms and bracelets that clank like chimes when she moves. The line’s moving pretty fast.
“Name, please?” 20 asks, her eyes glued to the computer screen. Is she annoyed that we’re here? I thought meditation centers were of the Make Love Not War vibe.
“Natalia and Jelina,” Natalia answers. With just those three words, she manages to melt 20’s cold wall. I’m watching it happen right in front of me. Her face softens as she takes in all that is Natalia. Her eyes twinkle, and she's chewing on her pen, flashing her bright smile, and I swear she just giggled.
“Sign in right here, please.” 20 is now blushing and stuttering; she’s entranced by Natalia. “Have either of you, um, ever been to a sound bath before?” She can’t stop herself from lusting after Natalia, and this is ridiculous, but I feel a sting of jealousy in my chest.
Natalia stands close to me, knowing exactly how I’m feeling and what to do about it. My heart is pounding as I realize her forearm is pressing against mine and she’s leaning into me, her mouth near my neck. I’m frozen while I’m looking straight ahead, as Natalia whispers into my ear, “Have you?”
I shake my head, and the word No somehow escapes my mouth as I exhale deeply. 20 drops her pen to the floor, and doesn’t bother picking it back up.
“You’re incredible,” I say to Natalia, as we’re walking away from a spellbound 20. “I’ve never met anyone like you in my life.” What I really want to say is, “I’ve never wanted anyone so badly in my life.”
There are about 15 of us in the lounge area waiting for the sound bath doors to open. Natalia and I relax in plush chairs near the fireplace for a few minutes, drinking mint-flavored water. Conversation is easy with her, and I catch sprinkles of how intelligent and funny she is.
20 steps away from her counter, announcing to the now standing-room-only lounge, “We will begin in about ten minutes. If you need to use the restroom, please do so now. The doors will remain closed and will only re-open when the sound bath is completed in two hours.”
I look at Natalia curiously. I’m mesmerized.
20 continues, “Please set your phones to silent mode and remove your shoes before entering, placing them in the wooden cubes against the wall. Namaste.” It looks like she’s speaking only to Natalia, despite this room packed with meditators. 20 flirts with her eyes and swings her hips as she pulls open the tall wooden doors that encase the sound bath room. Can you be any more obvious?
“What did you bring me to? Are we taking off our clothes and listening to music underwater?” I ask as we slip off our shoes. So awkward.
“Something like that,” she says and takes my shoes, placing them with hers in the empty wooden cubes near us.
I break away from this fantasy for a few seconds and set my phone to silent, as instructed. I text Dylan.
Me: Taking longer than I thought. Don’t wait up. Give kisses to Lily from me
In the crowd, Natalia takes my hand but I pull away. Why does it feel strange to me now? I feel a pit of guilt in my stomach. We just held hands for I don’t know how many minutes as we walked over here. Maybe it’s because we’re standing still, shoulder to shoulder with people all around us. I’ve never once stepped outside of my marriage. I have never so much as kissed anyone else, or felt anything close to romantic feelings for anyone else, since I met Dylan. I’m devoted to him. I love him. Maybe Natalia is in my life for some purpose, to help wake me up, to help repair my marriage. So much so that he takes me for granted. Is being here even considered cheating? What is cheating, anyway? Texting, holding hands, sharing a sandwich, kissing?
Is it cheating that Dylan barely budges to help me after a long day of work? Is it cheating that he doesn't contribute to household income? Is it cheating that for exactly three times the during our first weeks together he brought me to my knees with blazing orgasms from his passionate mouth, and then just stopped and withdrew that part of himself for the remainder of our seven years together? I don’t know the answer, but I do know I can’t keep living how I’ve been living—or rather, dying how I’ve been dying. And I know this feels good right now, being here in this moment. It feels incredible to be taken care of, to feel passion, desire, respect, and so alive! I want that with Dylan. With that, I give myself permission to let go and feel alive for the first time in years.
I take Natalia’s hand, and she strokes her thumb a
gainst mine. A surge of electricity runs from my hands straight into my chest and signals my brain to deliver pools of sweat to my palms. My body stiffens with insecurity, and I’m about to apologize when she takes my hand in both of hers, massaging it with her thumbs, and carrying it closer to her face as she sweetly blows her cool breath onto my palms. How does she do this? She takes me from feeling insecure to nurtured instantly. She gets me.
The tall wooden doors creak open. We follow the herd of meditators into the massive room. The lighting is a blend of gold and pink. A sea of black mats are lined up neatly, with brightly colored pillows and blankets sprawled throughout the room. At the front, a woman sits cross-legged and barefoot, wearing a dark blue top, a long white skirt, and several necklaces dangling to her belly. She’s holding a large wooden mallet and has a bronze Tibetan singing bowl resting in her lap.
“Welcome everyone. I’m Rosie, and I’ll be guiding you today. This is your own unique journey. So find a mat, sit down or lay down, keep your eyes opened or closed, just get cozy. We have a full house tonight.”
I look around for the gigantic community bathtub I had envisioned when I was imagining what this whole sound bath thing was about. The only water in the room is a gently trickling backlit waterfall in the far corner. I see various instruments set up around the room: singing bowls, tuning forks, drums, a beautiful harp, wind chimes, and several other things that I’ve never seen before.
Natalia sweeps her hand through the air, inviting me to choose where I’d like us to be. I find two adjacent mats near the exposed brick wall. We crawl onto our mats, spread a large blanket across both of our legs, and adjust our pillows. Rosie glides her mallet around the outside rim of the singing bowl, and soft tones float throughout the vast space. Her presence commands the room to quiet down. One by one, chatter turns into whispers. I look at Natalia. She’s gazing up at the brushed nickel tiles on the ceiling. She feels my eyes on her and glances in my direction. She mouths “Hi” as the room has now fallen silent. I smile and sneak a peek down by our hands. There are precisely 10 inches between our fingertips, and only about four inches between our mats. My heart flutters. I breathe in this moment. I can live in this dream for a while.
San Andreas Island Page 6
