by Greg James
Hilda hadn’t noticed Mr Souperman striding into the hall as she was speaking. There was a sudden dip in the hubbub as he made his way up on to the stage that coincided with the end of her little speech. It gave the rather unfortunate impression that she’d just greeted the head with the phrase ‘You’re a total pie brain.’
‘Yes, thank you, Miss Baker,’ said Mr Souperman. Hilda went the colour of an impressive autumn sunset as the hubbub continued to die down to a strained, hotel-breakfast silence.
‘We live,’ said Mr Souperman portentously, ‘that is to say, we are living. Are alive. Are living our lives … in troubled time. Times. And here I am, live … on stage. Alive. Alive alive-o. Alive and kicking.’
‘I think the protest’s really got to him,’ Mary murmured. The head had always had a habit of getting his words muddled, especially when under pressure. But this was next-level weirdness. The fact that The School was no longer secret, and the world of Heroes was under increasing threat … it was evidently taking a toll.
Mr Souperman rocked backwards and forwards on his heels a few times, apparently collecting his thoughts. They could make out his lips moving soundlessly.
‘What’s he saying?’ wondered Murph aloud.
‘He’s saying “Pull it together, Geoffrey”,’ replied a girl on the row in front, whose Cape was super-hearing.
‘Oh my,’ gasped Hilda. ‘He’s really stressed out, isn’t he?’
‘This is when we learn what being a Hero is all about,’ said Mr Souperman, suddenly loud and confident. ‘This is a defining moment in our history. For decades we have worked tirelessly to keep our Capabilities secret – for fear of just this sort of reaction.’ He jabbed an arm sideways, pointing out of the windows. ‘There are those who would try and convince people that Heroes are something to be feared. We must show the public that we only wish to help … to save. Now, more than ever, we must be mindful of our vow.’ He raised his other hand to point at the stone tablet set above the stage, giving the momentary impression that he was in the middle of a funky dance routine from the golden age of disco.
Murph raised his eyes to read the words carved on the tablet; words they all knew by heart. A promise to fight without fear … to help without thanks … to learn what it means to be a true Hero.
‘We are all aware of the enormity of the task ahead of us,’ continued Mr Souperman, abandoning his funky pose and clasping his hands behind his back. ‘We know the battle that we must fight. It is a battle that cannot be won with strength, or speed … or even super-hearing.’ The girl in the row in front gave an embarrassed cough. ‘We must prove to the people out there that we are a force for good. That we are not freaks, or weirdos, or any of the other unkind things they might say.’
‘Oddballs?’ suggested someone near the front.
‘Yes, those too,’ agreed Mr Souperman. ‘We must carry on doing what we believe in. We must be honest, and brave, and true. And above all, we need to stay calm.’ He marched over to the windows and opened one of them. ‘You have nothing to fear from us!’ he yelled to the crowd outside.
As if in reply, something came flying through the window. It was met by a blur in the air. Mr Flash had activated his super-speed Capability and caught the object just as it was about to hit Mr Souperman full in the face.
Craning his neck, Murph could see that the Capability Training teacher was now holding a large brown egg between thumb and forefinger. Mr Flash’s top speed was approximately 300 miles an hour, so it was a pretty impressive catch.
‘Blinkin’ owls, they’re chucking eggs at us now!’ raged Mr Flash. ‘You lot want locking up!’ he yelled through the window.
‘You’re the ones that should be locked up!’ came a shout from outside.
‘He might be a vegan for all you know!’ complained Mr Flash, brandishing the egg as if it had personally offended him.
‘Lock up the abnormals!’ retorted someone else in the crowd.
‘You’re not scaring anyone!’ roared Mr Flash. ‘All you’ve done is supply me with the materials to make a small omelette, completely free of charge.’
‘Freak!’ taunted the protestor.
‘Freak with a free omelette!’ corrected Mr Flash. ‘Oo’s laughing now, egg boy?’ He slammed the window closed, still holding up the egg like a badge of honour.
‘This is horrible,’ wailed one of the first years.
‘No, no, now,’ blustered Mr Souperman, who seemed to have lost his composure once again. ‘How now … how now, brown … egg. Please stop waving that egg in my face, Mr Flash. Students, proceed to your classrooms as usual. And don’t worry about the protest. It will all come out in time … in the fullness of … the wash. No panic, please. Off you go!’
He waved a hand in dismissal, and there was a sudden barrage of chat as everyone leaped to their feet and began to file out of the hall.
‘Fancy throwing an egg!’ said Mary as the Zeroes straggled towards their first lesson.
‘Not particularly,’ Billy replied. ‘I’d rather eat it.’
‘It’s just a figure of speech, Billy,’ she explained.
‘Nah, it’s definitely an egg,’ Billy replied. ‘Flash is gonna make an omelette, didn’t you hear him?’
‘Anyway,’ said Mary briskly, ‘moving on from that. This is really starting to worry me. What other lies might Knox tell people about The School? What if he tries to get us closed down or something?’
Murph felt a lurch of anxiety. The idea of this school not being here any more was unthinkable. Sure, he’d been sent here by accident – and, yes, his first few months had been amongst the most miserable of his life. But since then, this collection of rather shabby buildings had become the centre of his entire world. His mind reeled at the mere suggestion that it could be taken away from him.
But what could they do? This wasn’t a single enemy who could be faced, like Nektar or Magpie. Suddenly it seemed like the whole world was ranged against them. And who could fight against that? Surely not even superheroes.
2
The Night Watchman
You’ll remember that Murph had been speculating during his morning sock hunt about the location of the escaped Rogues who had made up Magpie’s Alliance of Evil. Well, it’s now time to discover exactly what had happened to one of them. In fact, it’s kind of a two-villains-for-the-price-of-one deal, because this particular Rogue had teamed up with Nicholas Knox himself. Her name was Katerina Kopylova, but she was more usually known as Kopy Kat. Let’s take a good look at her, shall we? Because she’s going to be important in this story. Keep an eye on her, OK?
To help you keep tabs on this rather evil Rogue, here’s a quick glance at her official Heroes’ Alliance file:
CONFIDENTIAL
HEROES' ALLIANCE ROGUE MONITORING UNIT CASE FILE
Rogue name: Kopy Kat
Colour of hair:
brown/blonde/red/grey/purple Colour of eyes: blue/brown/hazel/green
Physical appearance:
fat/thin/medium build
Distinguishing characteristics:
large ears/small ears/birthmark on upper lip/no birthmarks/she likes turning into chairs
Kind of hard to keep track of, right?
Kopy Kat had a rare, dangerous and possibly even unique Capability. She was a shapeshifter. She was able to turn herself into anybody or anything, which was what had first brought her to the attention of Nicholas Knox. Always on the lookout for anything that could be useful to him, he had noticed Kopy Kat’s peculiar talents in the Alliance of Evil and had taken considerable time and care oozing his way into her affections. He had flattered her outrageously, pouring compliments and affection over her like an over-rich chocolate sauce.
Kopy Kat came from a small village in a faraway part of the world. Once she had discovered her Capability, she had used it for stealing and finding out secrets, which had been lots of fun. But the young Katerina had soon realised that there was only so much of value to be stolen in such a small place �
�� and only so many scandals to be found out. So before many years had passed she was out in the wild world on the hunt for greater prizes and bigger secrets. It was this quest that had brought her to the side of this smooth-talking and expensive-shoed man. Knox promised to deliver all that she craved, and by now he had her quite literally eating out of his hand.
‘Another slice of Hawaiian pizza?’ asked Nicholas Knox, holding out a steaming doughy segment glistening with chunks of moist pineapple.
‘Oooh, yum,’ replied Kopy Kat. That morning she was in her true form, that of a short, slight woman with a pointed nose and an oddly forgettable face. And, just to complete the image for you, she was dressed in a panda onesie. She held back her, long, straight black hair and leaned forward to take a nibble. ‘Thank you, my Knoxy. This decadent fruity pizza is so toothsome.’
We realise this is a shocking scene, and we apologise for springing it on you without any warning. But we think it’s important you know what we’re dealing with here. Two grown adults, feeding each other pizza with pineapple chunks on, and to make it worse part of the description used the word ‘moist’. This is true evil.
Nicholas Knox’s house was a large, squat building of deep-red bricks, set in a wide tree-lined garden. Tall conker trees and bushy shrubs made it difficult to see from the road, which was exactly the way he liked it, and solid wooden gates kept casual callers at bay. That was even more important since he’d gone public with the news about the Heroes’ Alliance a few days previously. Reporters had started turning up with no warning, and the phone rang non-stop with requests for interviews. Knox was only too pleased to spread more rumours about Heroes, but there were other, more secret plans going on inside the house that he didn’t want anyone to know about. Not yet, at least.
With his free hand he leafed through one of the newspapers spread out across the kitchen table. There was a large article headlined ‘Knox is right! These so-called “Heroes” are nothing but freaks’. He smiled to himself, leaning back in his chair. It was starting to look like simple public opinion would do his work for him. But he had some extra plans up his sleeve … just in case. Nicholas Knox was a man who liked to leave nothing to chance.
Kopy Kat finished the slice of pizza, slurping up a final pineapple chunk with relish in an act of pure, abominable malice. ‘KK is bored,’ she complained, pouting. ‘When do we mount takeover and become rulers of world?’
‘Soon, my sweet,’ soothed Knox, ‘very soon. My plans are advancing perfectly. The newspapers are full of anti-Hero propaganda. I leaked the location of that ridiculous school, so it’s only a matter of time until they close it down. We just need to wait a little. When the moment is right, everything must be ready. In fact, I’m expecting some ... friends to join us today. They will be invaluable when the time comes to make my move.’
‘You didn’t tell me we expecting company!’ said Kopy Kat, standing up and looking down at her onesie. ‘I can’t greet guests dressed like monochrome China bear! I must change straight away!’ She screwed up her face in an expression of concentration. At once, her entire form shimmered like a heat haze. The features of her face swam and ran like lava, rearranging themselves within a split second. Suddenly, standing in front of Knox was a tall, striking woman with long blonde hair clad in a shimmering gold dress.
‘Much more appropriate, my dear,’ said Knox absently, his eyes still on the newspaper. Kopy Kat tutted with frustration, but before she could say anything there was a loud knocking at the front door. ‘Ah, excellent,’ said Knox, jumping to his feet. ‘Our friends have arrived.’
Kopy Kat stalked sulkily over to the table while he left the room to answer the door. After a moment Knox re-entered, and she squealed in delight as she caught sight of the people accompanying him.
The Alliance of Evil formed by Magpie had many members. Some of them we’ve told you about already, others you’re about to meet properly for the first time. Three people had come to visit Magpie that day, and you’ll recognise precisely 66.6 recurring per cent of them.
‘Piggy man!’ shrieked Kopy Kat, rushing over to hug the person-sized pig in a suit who was now entering the room.
‘Kopy Kat? Is that you?’ said the pig.
‘Yes, is me, pig-faced man.’ She laughed coquettishly, swishing her golden frock. ‘And who else have you brought to see us? Ah, Yellow Dog!’ Yellow Dog was a tall, scraggly man with an emaciated face behind long, greasy hair. He gave Kopy Kat a brief smile. ‘And I don’t think I know your friend.’ She surveyed the third and final member of the delegation.
He was a thickly muscled man, dressed in nothing but a pair of small swimming trunks and a bowler hat. ‘This,’ explained the pig, ‘is the notorious Rogue, Johannes Oddhat.’
‘Oddhat,’ confirmed Oddhat in a grunting voice.
‘He has the ability to produce any hat at will,’ explained the pig, ‘and then he throws them at people.’
‘Oddhat,’ added Oddhat.
‘Enough,’ cut in Nicholas Knox curtly. ‘This isn’t a social call. I have asked the pig, Yellow Dog and Oddhat here today for a very specific reason. Please sit down, gentlemen, lady and, ahm, pig.’ They all took seats around the room. Except for Oddhat, who folded his thick arms and stood by the fireplace.
‘My friends,’ began Knox, ‘the Alliance of Evil is no more. Magpie has been defeated. But I have asked you here to make a proposition. I intend to seize power. And for anyone who helps me, the rewards will be great.’
‘How will you seize power?’ spat Yellow Dog contemptuously.
Knox was unruffled. ‘The process has already begun,’ he explained calmly. ‘I already have large sections of the population on my side. I am telling them that Heroes are to be feared … to be attacked.’
‘Attacking Heroes …’ mused Yellow Dog. ‘That sounds like the sort of plan I can get on board with.’
‘I want all Rogues to get on board,’ explained Knox. ‘I need my friends in the Rogue community to work side by side with me. But there’s a catch. I am bringing the Heroes into the light … I want the public to see them for the freaks that they are. But at the same time … if the Rogues are to remain active without arousing public suspicion, they must hide in plain sight. I need you all to become invisible … to adopt disguises if necessary.’
‘You want me to disguise myself as a non-pig?’ asked the pig.
‘For those such as yourself, disguise may be difficult,’ admitted Knox. ‘But I will need plenty of assistance … out of the public eye, shall we say. Underground stuff. There will be secret facilities … prisons and so on … where the more, ah, eye-catching Rogues such as yourself will be very useful. The others – the ones who can wear a disguise – will assist me out in the open.’
‘And what’s in it for us?’ said the pig stubbornly.
‘Oddhat,’ agreed Oddhat, stamping a large bare foot on the hearthrug.
‘Quite simple, my porcine friend,’ said Knox smoothly. ‘I will be all-powerful – and well placed to reward my faithful assistants with anything they desire. Coupled with that, you will have the opportunity to facilitate the final downfall of the Heroes who have oppressed you for decades. Magpie failed you. I will give you what you truly desire. The end of Heroes … forever!’
The eyes of the three Rogues were shining excitedly. ‘What do we have to do?’ said Yellow Dog, licking his lips.
‘For now – spread the word,’ said Knox. ‘Tell everyone that I need their help. I assume you are in contact with other Rogues?’
‘I can get in touch with a few,’ said Yellow Dog, thinking. ‘Let me see … there’s The Great Worm-o, Meatball Kid, Cow Eyes, Slimeycorn, Tectonic Burp, Fire Beard, Captain Pasta, Sherlock Flames, Mature Student, Kid Calf, The Great Stretcho, Dame Dastardly Bustle …’
‘Yes, excellent,’ said Knox, a little impatiently. ‘Contact as many as you can.’
‘Volcanose,’ Yellow Dog continued, ‘Marshmalleyes, Bazooko-Pangolin, Mythos, Grandad Gammon, Explodo-knees, Pork Wing
, Glueface, Lucky Llama, Brine Elbows, The Shrub, Local TV News Report-o, Lady Lint, Canal Gremlin, The Doctor’s Receptionist, The Cranberry Sauce Sisters. Ah, and The Bad Hairdresser, of course.’
‘Don’t forget Sock Monkey,’ broke in the pig. ‘Oh! Plus we haven’t mentioned Pen Pal, Terms and Conditions, Tiger Fingers, Professor Plank, Emo-Teenager, Macho Pea-chew, The Yodeller, The Tummy Tapper, Kid Krill, Mademoiselle Marzipan, Sandwich Head, Swan Legs …’
‘Yes, yes, yes!’ interrupted Knox, waving his arms to stop the never-ending list of baddies. ‘I don’t need you to recite the entire Rogue phone book! Just … contact them all. Tell them to disguise themselves if they can, to blend in, to stay quiet … and to wait for my call. And together … we will finish the Heroes so completely that even their memory will vanish from the world. Once that is done … the country will be ours to do with as we like.’
‘Come on, Murph! All the good stuff will be gone!’ The words were shouted through Murph’s letter box and accompanied by a frenzied knocking on the front door.
‘On my way!’ Murph adjusted his top hat and picked up his plastic orange bucket.
‘Wait, wait!’ His mum was running down the stairs, fumbling in her jeans pocket for her phone. ‘I’ve got to get a photo of all of you before you head out!’ She flung the front door open to reveal four rather strange figures, their breath misting in the frosty evening air. ‘Hello, everyone!’ Murph’s mum exclaimed. ‘What are you all dressed as, then?’
Mary was wearing a tall, pointed black hat and a black cloak to which she had attached some glittery fish, and was clutching a brightly coloured plastic bucket and spade. ‘See if you can guess, Mrs Cooper,’ she grinned.
Katie stepped back and surveyed her. ‘You’re a witch …’
‘Correct.’
‘And you’re going to the beach …’
‘Which means … ?’
‘Got it!’ Murph’s mum snapped her fingers. ‘You’re a sand-witch! Brilliant! What about you, Billy?’
