This is where online dating has a significant advantage over traditional dating – it makes contact and communication so much easier, because you don’t have to face rejection face-to-face. You can send emails to several women, and even if half of them doesn’t reply – who cares? You still have so many more to talk to. Of course, emails don’t solve the issue of being shy and feeling awkward when meeting in person or speaking on the phone with your Russian woman. But what they do is establish a foundation for your relationship and future communication – you will most certainly be more comfortable speaking to a woman with whom you’ve exchanged letters for several months as opposed to making a date with a complete stranger.
Writing to several women is also a great confidence booster – you will not only feel more comfortable writing to gorgeous Russian women, but you will also discover that they are much more receptive to your messages than you expected and want to get to know you. Have you experienced speed dating? In the beginning it seems like communication is a struggle, but once you’ve spoken to a few people, you feel so much more confident and it becomes a lot easier to talk to other women, regardless of their looks. The same happens with online dating – once you’ve emailed several women, you gain confidence and start having fun. It also helps to understand that there are many women looking for the same thing you are, so if something doesn’t work out with one person, there will be many others interested in talking to you.
I prefer to build a relationship with someone via emails before meeting in person. I’d like to share with you a tip that helped me many times when I wasn’t feeling too confident about getting to know someone: make a list of questions you would like to ask the person you are trying to get to know, keep that list nearby and feel free to expand it at any moment. It seems that finding things to stimulate discussion (questions, in particular) is the biggest challenge in email correspondence – having this list handy will save you from such troubles. Use the two lists you have created since you began reading this book (qualities you’d like to see in your perfect woman and qualities you possess which might make you attractive to women) as a starting point – discuss items in those lists to find out whether a particular woman is right for you and to promote yourself.
You must remember that Russian women are straight forward; many of them don’t like to play games. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. By asking questions you will learn more about the woman to whom you are writing as well as show your interest in her – every woman, a gorgeous or an average-looking one, likes attention. By asking a few questions, you’ll create an opportunity for a dialogue, allowing your woman to share her world with you.
Most women will be happy to answer your questions even on touchy subjects, provided your questions are respectful and tactful. As you know, Russian women don’t like men using drugs. If I were addressing the issue, this is what I would say: “There is something I would like to ask you. I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but I am looking for a serious relationship and think it is important to be honest from the start. Can you, please, tell me what you think about people who use drugs? I appreciate your answer and understanding, thank you for your honesty.” This is just an example, of course, but it does the job – you tactfully address an important issue without beating around the bush. Of course, you can also add an explanation as to why you asked the question – you can be sure, it will be accepted with understanding.
A gift from a perfect gentleman
Several years ago I made a date with someone I met on a dating website. I have been working crazy hours for several months and was pretty much sleeping in my office. I was tired and exhausted and felt that I really just needed to get out. This gentleman and I exchanged a few emails and set a date that same day. I was looking for someone to chat to and have a few drinks with, just to have a break from work. This man was nothing like my dream man: bald, not attractive at all, simple, an ordinary guy with an ordinary boring job as a bookkeeper – I thought he would do as someone to have a conversation with. When I saw him, I knew there wouldn’t be a second date…
Three weeks later I believed that I was deeply in love, and 8 months later I was engaged to the guy. He was masterful at always surprising me with gifts. He couldn’t afford anything expensive on a bookkeeper’s salary, but he created an important and meaningful moment every time he did something for me. Yet, everything he did was very simple and easy, so there is no reason you can’t follow suit.
The most important thing about him was that he could listen and was observant. He listened to every word I shared with him, right from the first date. I mentioned that I was tired and burned out on work and needed to get my mind off it because I had difficulty sleeping as my mind continued to focus on work on auto pilot and I often felt like I simply got stuck in a rut, unable to find solutions. On our second date (the very next day!) he gave me a book “If Buddha Got Stuck: A Handbook for Change on a Spiritual Path”. This showed me that he really listened to what I said. It was a small present, but since I am a ferocious reader (something I shared with him the night before), he thought it would be perfect for me. The book is still on my night stand, and I read it every time when I need to switch my mind off work – it works like a charm.
At the time I was working on a serious project, but it seemed that everything I did was wrong. I started to lose confidence in myself and, although I never mentioned it to him, he seemed to understand what was going on – the next book that ended up in my hands was called “Profiles of Female Geniuses” and spoke about 13 creative women who changed the world. But the real surprise was on the inside cover of the book – a note that said “To my genius who changed my world. I believe in you!” That note was a breath of fresh air I needed so badly! Needless to say, the book served its purpose – after I finished it, I knew that I was ready to do some amazing things as well. Oksanalove vacations for singles in the Caribbean appeared a few months later, leading to 43 engagements within a year. Sadly, this project was the reason for our breakup because I made a horrible mistake when I chose my clients over this man and decided to spend over a year overseas, but that is a story for my memoirs.
To get back on track, books weren’t the only thing he gave me. He also gave me a CD labeled “Just for you - just listen” – he made a compilation of romantic songs that made me feel warm and cozy inside every time I listed to the music (maybe, at that point I started feeling close to this man).
He loved to take photos of me, of us together. I didn’t mind and didn’t suspect what was coming – a week or so later I received several cute packages of M&M’s with our photos and amazing phrases of admiration and love on the cover.
Every time we met, there were flowers, soft music, and candle-light dinner. This man knew that I needed to recoup, to recharge my batteries, and he made everything in his power to create that atmosphere for me. How did he know? He listened. He paid attention to my every word, to every memory I shared, to every thought I voiced.
He never allowed me to pay on our dates and made sure to take me to places I mentioned I hadn’t visited before, but wanted to visit. I once mentioned that I like exotic foods and have never tried crocodile or snake meat – at the very first opportunity my date took me to a Creole festival where I could satisfy my curiosity. I have told him that as a former pro dancer I loved to dance but didn’t enjoy clubs that much – he took me to dance classes, to a salsa festival, and to live concerts hosted in the parks of the city.
He once took me out without saying where we are going, although asked me to wear something comfortable. When we reached our destination, he surprised me with a picnic (a basket full of salads, wine, cheeses, plates, and silverware – of course, there was also a rose in a glass – on a cozy blanket in a serene setting). He was the only man who has ever done something like this for me, and it was the most fantastic romantic moment. With every move he tried to make my life easy and relaxing, which I appreciated greatly since I was so busy at work.
Why am I telling you this?
First, to show you that special gifts or moments don’t require a huge budget. Second, to say to you, as a woman, that such small gestures are often more meaningful than one grand event a year. Finally, such approach is something you definitely want to implement when dating Russian women – it will make you stand out from the crowd and make a lasting impression, guaranteed.
Some of you might say: “Yes, I know, but I am not creative or imaginative and could never come up with something like that.” Well, that’s just an excuse. You don’t have to invent the wheel, your lady will give you all the answers – you just have to listen! Remember different categories of women we spoke about? Use that information to relate to her challenges, her needs, and her emotions, and every gift you give will be perfect.
This will get you a young Russian bride
Have you ever wondered why many Russian women would consider an older gentleman for a husband? I give you seven main reasons (some are obvious, while others are simply shocking) as to why this happens.
Reason #7 – Maturity is not an option, but a rule.
Russian women have to mature fast. I’ve already explained to you why: they take care of the house, work full time, provide assistance to their parents (especially if they are older), put a lot of effort into looking beautiful, and have little help from men who expect that all their needs will be taken care of regardless of how tired a woman is at the end of the day.
Naturally, a little girl watching her mother working full-time, completing all house work without fancy equipment (dishes are still hand-washed, even some linen washing is done the old-fashioned way), and finding time to give attention to all members of the family, matures a lot faster from the involvement in all these activities. Young girls learn even more responsibility if they have siblings as they often help their mother take care of their younger brothers or sisters.
As a result, when young women begin to look for a partner, they are not very interested in men their age who are still basically big children. Instead, they want a man who has learned responsibility and can appreciate his woman’s care instead of taking it for granted.
Reason # 6 – Gaining self-confidence.
A large part of this has to do with sexual interest which men and women perceive differently, especially with age. For women sex is not as big of an issue since they have to deal with times when it is out of the question during pregnancy and childbirth. For men sex drive is an integral part of life. Older men often become concerned about the decrease of their sexual drive. Having a young girlfriend or wife often helps them boost their self-esteem, feel young again and become more energetic because women of their own age cannot do the same. .
Young women often choose relationships with older men because they lack confidence – they often feel they are not good enough for younger men as such men often put women down and are unfaithful. But once in a relationship with an older man, a young woman also gets a boost of confidence. Instead of being with someone who uses and takes advantage of her, she finds a mature man who can appreciate her, who cares for her and protects her.
If you find yourself in a relationship with a much younger woman, remember that you will benefit from such relationship only if you give your partner maximum support and encouragement. Your confidence has direct influence over her self-confidence and vice versa.
Reason # 5 – Romance.
Young men with raging hormones mainly focus on sex forgetting about romance which women of all ages welcome and adore. Older men, having vast experience, appreciate emotional connection more than plain sex. Grooming, gifts, flowers – with age romance becomes necessary, giving a man an opportunity to woo and feel like a courteous caballero. .
Women – especially after 35-40 years of age, once their children are grown up, – see their partner as someone to whom they can pass on their care, even maternal feelings. A woman’s care of her spouse now moves to a new level, she is able to give him more love and affection. If her older husband now surrounds her with romance instead of focusing only on sex, she will again feel like a real woman, who is loved and surrounded by affection.
Reason #4 – Men remain younger than women of their age.
It is well-known that girls grow up faster than boys. Think back to school years: when boys were still going through adolescent struggles, girls already became young women who wore make up, showed interest in older boys, and had more mature bodies. Girls also develop social skills faster; they are more likely to compromise.
The same progression remains as women get older – they generally age and become older faster than men. If you look at the couples where partners are of the same age, men generally have more energy and look at least 10 years younger than their wives.
Jeff Wilser in his book “The Maxims of Manhood” suggests using the following formula to calculate a perfect age difference: take a man’s age, divide it by two, and add 7. That is supposed to be the best age of a woman for a man when they start a relationship. So, let’s say you are 50 years old: 50 : 2 + 7 = 32. So, a 32 year old woman should be an ideal match for you. The older you are, the more the age gap between you and your perfect partner, provided you have qualities of a “real man” to handle such an age difference (I will discuss this a bit later). A word of caution: this formula should be used only if you plan to have children as it was developed based on women’s genetics – a woman has to be young enough to get pregnant and bring a child to this world. So, realistically speaking, women at 40+ have fewer chances to get pregnant to fulfill their genetic purpose in life, while men remain boys and can get a woman pregnant at any age.
Reason # 3 – Sexual aspect.
It is very simple – young men, with a few exceptions, simply don’t have as much experience as older men. Older men know not only how to romance a woman, but also how to please her sexually. It is no secret that it takes women longer to become aroused and that they require different stimulation than men. Since older men are not in as much of a hurry as younger men who are guided by raging hormones, they can allow more time for a woman to become aroused before sharing in intimacy. And since a younger woman is a natural stimulant for an older man, he remains just as active as his young competitor.
Reason # 2 – Respect.
Let’s look at a couple where a man of 65-70 years married a lady of 35-40. As he becomes older, he becomes less critical, of others and himself, he is wise, and has learned not to sweat the small stuff in life. She dreams of having balance and serenity in life, without petty quibbles, and wants to have confidence in future. The two are a good fit for each other’s expectations, and the woman gets something she probably wouldn’t from a younger man – respect for her individuality, dreams, and ambitions.
Reason # 1 – I need a father!
This is perhaps the most important psychological factor as to why Russian women feel comfortable in a relationship with an older man. It is said that if a woman marries a much older man, she is subconsciously looking for a father figure.
Based on the statistics of my agency, approximately 70 – 80% of Russian women were raised without a father for one reason or another. In some cases their father left home for another woman, in others he simply was never around or didn’t put any effort into raising a daughter because it is a woman’s responsibility to raise children. Psychologists often say that our childhood shapes our adulthood, so it is natural that many girls raised without a father look for a father figure in their future partner on a subconscious level. An older man can give her the kind of attention she never had as a child, he can give her protection as a father would, he is also someone to guide and teach a young woman. Such a man can provide comfort; he will cherish her as his little girl and give her love she did not receive when she was younger.
However, it is not enough to just be older to make a great husband for a Russian woman. If you wish to build such a relationship with a younger woman, you must be ready to show maturity, to become her mentor and teacher, to bear responsibility, and, of course, to become a c
aring father to your children. If you show these qualities, she WILL respect and love you, and she will always be loyal and faithful to you.
A relationship with a young Russian woman is not for everyone. You need to know what to expect. Many men who marry younger women suddenly face unexpected challenges and fears such as:
She will leave me for a younger man.
She loves me because of my social status and wealth.
I feel guilty with regard to my ex-wife and the family I left behind (if you left them for a younger woman).
I feel guilty about not being with my children.
I become angry and jealous every time a younger man compliments my young wife.
People around you probably won’t make it easy for you either. You can expect the following if you choose to marry a younger woman:
Everyone around you will be judging. Especially if most of your friends are married to women of their own age.
All married women – coworkers, friends, family – will be questioning your wife’s intentions, fueling her fears, and trying to make her feel inferior.
Your married friends, if they are true friends, will be happy for you, yet jealous at the same time, as they do not have the luxury of returning to a sexy, beautiful, young woman every day after work.
Your single friends will be happy for you, but they also might hit on her – many friendships were ruined that way.
Russian Allure Page 9
