Often men expect women and the environment overseas to be they are in their own home country. Lack of consideration for cultural differences often not only ruins a perfectly fine relationship, but also leaves women offended and disappointed.
Ego is one of the biggest hindrances to making a meeting in person successful. Some men expect a woman to fall in love with them the minute they meet because they… well, came all the way from America to meet her. Needless to say, such an attitude will never attract a woman. What is worse, men often suffer a huge blow to their self-esteem as a result of such meeting because Russian women are straightforward and will not keep quiet if they don’t like something.
Of course, the worst possible thing that can happen is becoming a victim of a scam – I’ve seen men in my overseas offices completely desperate and crushed because they were taken advantage of, emotionally and financially, by vicious scam artists.
–––– Resource! ––––
Learn from the mistakes of scam victims in the bonus chapter at the end of the book and log on to www.oksanalove.com/rbscam to download a free chapter and a chance to win a free copy of my scam busting book “Scam me NOT”.
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There is a saying in Russian: “A man warned is a man armed” – now you know what can go wrong in planning a meeting with your Russian woman, which means that you will never repeat the same mistakes.
My Russian bride dumped me – what next?
It is natural that you expect your visit to be fun and exciting and return home with a beautiful woman as your fiancé. However, sometimes things can go differently than planned, and once you’ve met your Russian woman, you might hear that she is not interested in continuing the relationship.
The most obvious reason is that there is no chemistry. Sadly, you cannot do a thing to change this. As you already know, chemistry is something beyond our control; it is a natural physiological reaction of our body telling us if we are compatible with someone. The real trick here is to have her admit what she feels as soon as possible. Despite being straightforward, most Russian women won’t know how to tell you they don’t really feel any connection for fear of hurting your feelings. A woman will most likely wait until you return home and then send you an email telling you that she is not interested. Of course, this is ten times worse than her telling you about her lack of interest right away, but there is nothing you can do except watch for signs of her affection or lack thereof. What I have noticed with my female clients, they will often ask the agency to give the man the bad news if they don’t feel any chemistry.
How you might know that she is not interested:
- She remains distant.
- You might feel like she is trying to avoid you by suddenly becoming busy and coming up with reasons why she cannot see you.
- She is not responding to physical contact – she does not return kisses, pulls her hands away when you try to hold them, and does not try to get close.
- Her body is always turned away from you during the conversation; she keeps her arms crossed on her chest, and maintains her distance.
–––– Resource! ––––
You can find additional information about your woman’s body language and signs of a woman’s interest in the free video series I have available for the members of my agency. To access “The Path to the Russian heart” video series, make sure to register your free profile at www.OksanaLove.com/gift
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While such an outcome is disappointing (I’ve seen many men very upset when women they came to meet didn’t reciprocate), this is not the end of the world. First, you must realize that you could have done the same thing – imagine that you felt no interest in the woman after meeting her, what would you do? Second, you need to regroup and refocus as soon as possible. If you are overseas, it is a great opportunity to enjoy a different culture as well as meet some other women in the vicinity – you might not leave with a fiancé, but at least you would have had a good time and you just might find someone you really like.
Remember that dating is about flexibility, fun, and meeting people until you find the right woman for you. I’ve met many men who, after realizing that nothing would transpire with the woman they wanted to meet, were able to collect themselves and change their mindset to accept the possibility of meeting other women. In many cases these men ended up with the right woman in their lives. The key to making international dating work is to keep your options open and have your pick form a pool of gorgeous women – not the other way around.
CHAPTER 9: PRACTICAL GUIDE TO VISITING YOUR RUSSIAN BRIDE
The real Russia
When you travel overseas, aside from meeting beautiful women, you will experience culture shock. I am certain of this because I’ve spoken with hundreds of my male clients who have visited Russia, Ukraine, and Kazakhstan – they didn’t see bears on the streets, there was running water, but some other things definitely came as a shock. I would like to share these things with you, so that you know what to expect.
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You will get a ten-year dose of second-hand smoke. While some restaurants and entertainment establishments are gradually introducing smoking and non-smoking sections, most places do not have such luxury. You will see bus drivers smoke as they perform their duties (with most of the smoke being blown inside the bus), people smoking on the bus stops and at the entry ways to buildings, sometimes even inside the buildings.
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Dozens of taxi drivers will be standing right at the exit of an airport offering you their services, they might even start fighting as to who will give you a ride. If you show the slightest interest in their offer, they will follow you until you either get into your car or meet people waiting for you at the airport. Keep in mind that you will probably pay double if you choose to use services of taxi drivers at the airport.
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There are three distinct groups of women in Russia – young women (or “devushkas”), middle-age women (or “zhenshiny”), and retired women (or “babushkas”).
“Devushkas” Young Russian women are considered among the most beautiful in the world. You will find many tall, long-legged beauties walking the streets. The first thing you will notice is that their clothing is rather revealing and their hair and make-up is immaculate.
Many of them might seem overly confident, even arrogant, too blunt, and even pushy at times, but they will generally be quite different in relationships. Outward bravado is necessary to survive in everyday life in Russia, but it is considered almost unacceptable for a woman to make the first step in a relationship with a man. At the same time, they can easily push through a queue to get through it faster, argue with a police officer to get you out of a ticket, and drink vodka at par with men.
“Zhenshina” A typical portrait of a middle-aged Russian woman is that of an intelligent, well-educated woman, strongly devoted to her family. Such women will generally be less provoking in their appearance than younger women; however, it is not uncommon to see them wear short dresses, transparent tops, etc. Most such women either live in apartments with their parents or parents-in-law or at least manage two households to take care of the latter. While educated, many do not work in their field, nor earn much. After the collapse of the Soviet Union, many women of this age found it very difficult to make transition to a new way of life. Because of economic turmoil, many took jobs unrelated to their education or field of expertise, as long as it brought money to their household. Unless they are business women, they probably do not travel much, but in summer they are very likely to visit their family “dacha” (summer home). The main activities at such summer homes are growing vegetables, tending to the plot, with very little fun and relaxation.
Middle-aged women are usually the ones whom you will find most rude and gloomy. Most still apply Soviet mentality to communication and their work, without caring for customer service or being polite, because their wages do not change whether she smiles
at you or yells at you. But whatever the task at hand, they will do their best to complete it, as they were taught to do things well, keep their reputation, and put commitment before family or personal interests.
“Babushka” Old women cannot go unnoticed if you ever visit Russia. They normally spend most of their time outdoors (on the benches in front of their apartment buildings), discussing latest news – from politics to their next door neighbor. Even at an old age, these women will surprise you with their stamina – they will easily do necessary shopping without any assistance, bargain, tell someone off, fight for a place on a bus, or boldly jump right to the front of the line. Most of these women have undergone hardships of war and they make a point of reminding others about it.
While physically capable, they will often take odd jobs to make some extra money, as state pays very low pensions (about $50-100/month). Typically, they live with their children since buying separate living quarters is very expensive. Often they practically replace kindergartens or nannies by helping to take care of grandchildren, while children’s parents go to work. You will find many older women selling self-grown vegetables, jams and preserved vegetables (very common food in winter) or self-collected herbs in the markets as well as on the streets.
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Bluntness and harshness seem to be distinctive Russian qualities, but the truth is, most of the time, they don’t say things to offend anyone. Such bluntness can often be perceived as rude by people who come from nations that are used to more diplomatic communication and using hints to make a point, instead of saying things as they are. The only way to handle this is to learn not to take this personally and to do your best to understand the culture. If something seems out of hand to you, it is best to ask the person you are talking to what he/she means – it will help you both avoid misunderstandings.
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When you will meet your woman for the first time, she might insist on having her own interpreter. In many cases, an interpreter will also be her friend. There is no need to feel intimidated by such a request – it is simply a way for her to feel comfortable in a setting with someone she has never met before.
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Once you come in touch with Russians on a personal basis, you will see completely different people – welcoming, hospitable, and friendly. When you hear stories about Russian hospitality, you can be sure that they are true, as Russian hosts would give up their last piece of food to their guests. The best strategy to making the most of Russian people’s hospitality is to have a little of each dish – many people who are not familiar with Russian traditions eat a lot of the salad or an appetizer and later find themselves incapable of eating the main course. If there are certain things you do not eat (i.e. if you are a vegetarian, allergic to certain foods, etc.), it is best to let your host know about it in advance; if you arrive and your host has cooked things that you will not eat, it will create an awfully awkward situation.
Gathering everyone at the table is a big affair. The meals normally include several courses and several types of drinks (alcoholic and regular – wine, vodka, cognac, juices, mineral water). Meals are usually followed by dessert: chocolates, cake, and fruit, served with tea or coffee.
While Russian cuisine is delicious, it can hold unexpected surprises. One story I heard firsthand is a good example. A group of Americans who traveled to Russia was invited to people’s home. They were offered quite a few dishes, among them meat with a very unusual look and smell, which – one could tell – was presented by the hostess with pride. When the guests inquired what it was, they could barely hold in the food they had already eaten – it was cow tongue. In Russia it is considered a very special delicacy and is not cooked very often, generally for a fancy feast, so cooking it was a hosts way of showing her utmost respect and regard for the guests, while guests lost their appetite for the rest of the evening.
It is expected to have quite a few drinks on any Russian table, including vodka. You most likely will be forced to drink or at least try it, especially if you are in a house of your woman and she has older generation present there such as her parents or grandparents. You will hear word “davai” very often at the Russian table, which in this particular case means “Let’s drink”.
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Friends are just as important to Russian people as their family and are, in fact, considered a part of the family by most people. It is not necessary to plan visits well in advance – friends and family can drop in any time or simply call before coming, and they will still be welcomed just the same.
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If you get to observe your lady getting ready for work, this is what you will see: she will devote most of her time in the morning to making herself presentable with little time left for breakfast and last minute household tasks. Some women can take up to an hour and a half to get ready – this means doing their hair, makeup, selecting the proper outfit. Breakfast is a much less elaborate process – most people are satisfied with a sandwich and a cup of tea/coffee. As you will notice, most women in Russia always wear makeup and are dressed as if they are going out even if they are merely stepping out to grab something from a store.
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Most people use public transportation (bus, trolleybus, tram, underground – where available) and have to travel from the outskirts of the city to the central areas. Generally, there are no vacant seats, and people are crammed in the vehicles like sardines. If you get to ride a bus, you are likely to be pushed, stepped on, and even yelled at, unless you are pregnant or with a small child – then someone might be kind enough to offer you a seat. During winter time, public transport is only a couple degrees warmer than the outdoors, so one not only faces inconvenience, but also gets cold while waiting and traveling.
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Most women stop by a store after work on their way home. Most Russians shop as needed, instead of getting stocked up once a week, and most people select stores close to their home (usually within a couple miles walking distance). A woman who is not carrying many grocery bags is not a typical picture, it is more common to see women loaded with heavy bags after a work day than to see them reach home empty handed.
Most Russians still shop at the markets for food, clothes, and other items. To do so, one has to walk through rows of items, pushing others and getting pushed. Such a procedure usually takes several hours and most people I know reach home exhausted.
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If you look around, you will see hundreds of girls wearing short skirts and heels. It is typical for the country, and therefore is not an indication of a girl being easy or anything of the sort. I remember when I first came to the US, I was excited when I found a pair of blood-red stilettos on sale (something I could not afford while living in Russia). I put them on once and never wore them again after my friends said only prostitutes wore such shoes – I had never heard of such nonsense and was really upset that my dream was ruined.
As you remember, there are more men than women, which is why women do their best to maintain as attractive appearance as possible. I am sure, sometimes it happens on a subconscious level, nevertheless, it’s a fact. Just like desert plants have exceptionally bright and fragrant flowers to attract insects to pollinate them, so women always put their best foot forward through dressing attractively, looking appealing and well-groomed. As sad as it is, showing beauty before brains is sometimes the only way to be heard by a society based on chauvinistic principles and rules.
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You will find many visitors from abroad; you will meet them in the night clubs, international upscale super markets, and restaurants.
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In larger cities (above 300,000 population), you will see plenty of ATM machines. Remember that you will receive local currency; if you exchange money at the bank, you will have to pay a conversion fee + a transaction fee. Cash is the preferred method of payment. Credit card use is becoming more common. Most places will accept Visa and MasterCard, not too many places accept American express, and none will accept Discover. In sm
aller cities, you will have to look for ATM machines or exchange kiosks a bit harder. Make sure you keep enough cash for the weekend as banks and other financial establishments will be closed.
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Taxi: most will charge based on mileage, hiring a driver for a day can cost from $15-20 per hour.
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Apartments (which are called flats in Russia) are located in larger houses with multi levels, usually 4 per each floor. There is no ground floor, the numbering of building levels begins with “1”.
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If you plan to travel around the country, you will have several options: plane, train, bus or car. You will find regular flights to almost all major cities. You can buy tickets at travel agencies or at the train/bus station; some services will allow you to purchase tickets online, but it is rather uncommon.
Trains and buses are available for travel to all cities and even other countries, however, trains might not be the best option due to poor hygienic conditions. They will not be as nice as trains in Europe, for example, and you should be prepared to watch your luggage closely as stealing is still very common.
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Language is an issue you should definitely consider. You will rarely be able to find an English-speaking person on the street outside of large cities, so if you do not feel confident of your Russian, it is best to have with you someone who speaks the language. If you do not know anyone who can accompany you, interpreters can be hired to assist you during your travel. You are also more likely to find English-speaking people in urban areas.
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Drivers act rather unfriendly to each other; they cut each other off, get mad and curse quite often. In Russia, a driver is more important than a pedestrian, meaning that pedestrians need to watch out and be very attentive. Traffic Police members accept bribes, very often they will set situations up so they have a chance to make an extra buck. They will expect more money from foreigners.
Russian Allure Page 12
