by R. J. Groves
TO FALL FOR YOU
By
R. J. Groves
Copyright © 2016 by R. J. Groves
Edited by Rachel Lampi.
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are products of the author's imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
In loving memory of Nanna Lil – my biggest fan and a great encourager.
Special thanks to my family for all of your support.
And in particular, to my incredible, amazing husband for encouraging me to follow my dreams and for supporting me every step of the way. You are my forever.
Table of Contents
TO FALL FOR YOU
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Epilogue
Prologue
I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t think. And somehow, I felt as though I couldn’t breathe. I stood there motionless, watching him walk further from me, further away from where I thought was safe. His last words, as jagged and painful as they were, were, indeed, his last words and meant more to me than anything he has ever said. More than every caring word – every “I love you”. I cannot think of anything more painful, anything at all that would leave me more shattered than this. No, his words win by far. I thought he cared. He said he wouldn’t let anything hurt me. Can he stop himself? Did he mean what he said? Yes, he meant what he said. I know that he knows it hurts. I know he doesn’t care that he left me standing here, dumbfounded and confused.
My face was wet. No, all of me was wet. I pulled myself back to reality the slightest amount I could manage, just enough to feel the rain falling heavily on my shoulders and flowing freely over my face. I dropped to my knees, my body shaking, gasping for air. The rain fell even heavier now. I know I wasn’t crying; my body would not allow it. But for some reason, I felt comfort thinking I was. Knowing that it was rain instead of tears streaming down my face, I pulled my legs up close and rested my head on my knees. I’d fallen again. Fallen too hard. Made the same mistake once again. My body heaved once more.
I made my fall.
Chapter 1
It’s a first day for everyone.
Sunlight glared through my window. My face felt dry and tight from having cried myself to sleep the night before. I sighed and rolled over, hugging my pillow. I could hear noise downstairs – Mum was awake. Against my will, my mind replayed the painful event of yesterday. As hard as I fought to push the scene out of my mind, I was unsuccessful. My head hurt and my heart felt like it had been mercilessly ripped out and replaced with a brick. A hard, cold brick. I felt another tear drying on my cheek.
Sighing again, I pulled myself out of my bed and headed towards the bathroom. After the second step, darkness took over and pain shot through my shoulder as I hit the floor. I heard footsteps running up the stairs and then a loud thumping against my bedroom door.
“Emma!”
My mother’s voice.
I tried to open my eyes. They felt like lead, and I was weak.
“Emma!” her voice again.
I tried calling out.
Mum.
It never made it past a whisper. I heard my door open roughly, just as darkness took over again, and I heard no more.
“We can’t find anything wrong with her. Maybe she got out of bed too quickly, had a dizzy spell and fainted.”
It was a man’s voice. This confused me. Since when was there a man in the house? It’s only ever been me and Mum since Dad died two years ago.
“Are you sure? She’s been out for a while,” my mother said.
She sounded worried. I was curious as to what was going on. My eyes fluttered open. Immediately, the eyes that belonged to my mother and two strange men fell onto me. Mum had called the ambulance.
“Oh, Emma!”
My mum dropped to her knees next to me. I attempted sitting up to show her I was fine, pain shooting through my left arm. I gasped, laying back down on the cold, hard wooden floor.
“It seems that she’s hurt her shoulder,” said the same voice as before – it belonged to the older of the two men. “Are you all right, Emma? You fainted getting out of bed. No school for you today I’m afraid. Just take it easy, Emma – bed rest and lots of nutrients.”
With that, the two men left the room, Mum following closely behind, asking a number of questions that clearly showed her overreaction and worry about my faint-attack. I propped myself up against the bed, holding down the need to empty my stomach.
No school was something I could cope with – not having to see him and put up with questions from numerous curious people. But it would also mean that I would have all day by myself at home to dwell on what had come to haunt my every moment. After all, I know exactly why I fainted. There was no dizzy spell. Nothing was wrong with me. The only thing that happened was a relapse of my fall. But I couldn’t tell them that. It was emotional and petty and embarrassing. They could never know about it. I didn’t even want to know about it. I had to prove there was nothing wrong with me. I couldn’t display any sign of being weak because of what he did to me. I couldn’t let him have this victory.
I rose from my propped position and dressed for school before heading to the kitchen for some breakfast. I waited until the ambulance had left before attempting to persuade Mum that I was well enough to go to school.
“Emma, what are you doing?” She sounded surprised as she saw me in the kitchen and eyed the box of cereal and the bowl that I held in my hand. “Go back to bed, Emma. I’ll get your breakfast for you.”
“Mum, I’m fine. I just lost my balance,” I lied. “I can go to school.”
“You heard the paramedic, Emma, no school today. Bed rest and nutrients.” She took the bowl from my hands and poured the cereal, followed by milk, in the bowl and pushed it towards me again.
“I don’t want to fall behind in my school work, Mum. Like he said, I just had a dizzy spell,” I said as I took a spoon from the dish rack and started eating my breakfast.
By this time, Mum was getting frustrated with my persistence.
“Fine. If you’re so keen on going to school, you can. But don’t hesitate to ring me if you feel unwell again.”
I smiled with my short-term victory, and finished my breakfast.
΅ ΅ ΅
I stared into the bathroom mirror, my fingers tangled in my long, curly red hair. It always seemed to be that, whenever it was my first day somewhere, my hair decided to be uncooperative and uncontrollable. I gazed into the green eyes staring back at me. I knew that this day would be like every other first day I’ve had and that – by the end of the day – the green eyes I now looked at would be red, swollen and tearstained. Like every other time. I heard the door open behind me.
“Sis, you’re going to have to part from the mirror sometime. It’s not going to crack and it won’t answer your questions.”
I looked at my older brother. He never did have a habit of knocking first before entering a room I’m in. His curly, reddish-brown hair bounced as he walked over next to me to turn on my hair
straightener.
“And you’ve tried?” I asked sarcastically, pulling my hair into a ponytail.
If my hair hadn’t already decided to cooperate in the half-hour I spent attacking it, it wasn’t going to.
“Yes, actually, I have. I’ve also decided it’s a phony,” he replied, beginning to straighten his hair.
I moaned out of jealousy at how easily his hair straightened.
“You’re an idiot. What if I was undressed?” I said while tightening the elastic around my hair, pinning the still untamed strands of hair.
“You should know better than to stay in the bathroom with no clothes on,” he replied, handing the straightener to me. “Get this for me?”
“You do know that I am jealous of your hair, right?” I asked, handing it back to him after straightening the section he couldn’t reach.
“I know. You better hurry up. You’re running late on your first day,” he said, continuing to straighten his hair.
I glanced at my watch, moaning when I saw that he was, in fact, telling the truth. I was running late. I picked up my pace, moving around the house in a faster than normal speed, speaking blunt sentences of no more than a few words.
Today was my first day at Leverand High. Today was another new beginning. Today was no doubt going to be exactly like every other new beginning I’ve had in my life.
Today was going to be like every other time.
΅ ΅ ΅
“Emma! You didn’t reply to any of my texts last night. I was worried. I heard about what happened – are you okay?”
I sighed – it was so typical of Aimee. I hadn’t heard my phone at all last night.
“I don’t want to talk about it, Aimee. It was just my mistake returning to me in another form.”
“So, same as every other time then?”
Every other time.
“Aimee, please don’t rub it in,” I said. Desperate for a change of subject, I glanced to the right of me and saw a girl with bright, curly red hair, sitting under a tree studying a map. A school map. “Who’s that girl over there? I’ve never seen her before.”
Aimee glanced in the direction of my indication and looked thoughtful for a moment. I thought about how ridiculous she looked in this stance. It has always been her thoughtful or concentrating look. She had her head tilted with one of her eyebrows raised, biting her bottom lip.
“Oh, that’s Renée. She’s new here. Year twelve–” same as us. “And I think she’s in your chemistry class.”
I glanced over at her again and found myself walking towards her.
“Em, where are you going?”
I didn’t know. And I didn’t know how to stop. I finally reached her, Aimee following hesitantly.
“Hey, can I help you?”
I couldn’t believe the words were flowing out my mouth. I’d never really welcomed a newcomer in this manner before. Often, it was just a simple smile, if that. She blushed, her cheeks almost reaching the colour of her hair, as she scrambled to her feet.
“I’m sorry, is this where you sit? I can move if you want.”
In a way, she looked frightened. But it wasn’t the nervousness of being new. This puzzled me.
“No, of course not. There are plenty of trees.”
She glanced around – in search of something – disbelief covering her face. Confused, I glanced too. Of course, not many trees around here. I laughed quietly.
“I’m Emma, and this is Aimee,” I said.
Aimee let out a little smile, still hesitant.
“Renée,” she said, still looking unsure and somewhat frightened.
Her lack of words put me on the spot. Well, this is awkward! I thought. A wave of relief swept over me as I heard the bell ring. I thought about what I had first period – chemistry. As she was picking up her bag, I approached her again.
“Hey, I heard you’re in the same chemistry class as me. Do you want me to show you where it is?” I asked.
She seemed shocked for a moment, then – ever so slightly – she nodded. Aimee, looking confused, headed in the general direction of her first class, while I started walking towards the lab, Renée by my side.
Chemistry was a drag at first. I tried so hard not to look at the person who had hurt me so much the day before, but failed, each glance bringing a fresh stab of pain. The teacher droned on and on about small, insignificant details, Renée scribbling down notes beside me like her life depended on it. Finally, it was time to start the experiment.
“I will get our contents,” I said to Renée as she finished writing the method down in her organised notes.
She looked at me with a smile and nodded. She seemed a little more trusting now, but still didn’t talk much. After getting everything we needed, I turned to return to our station. A stab of pain – stronger than them all – shot through my chest as I saw him sitting next to Renée. Was he flirting? Doesn’t he care at all? Am I invisible to him now?
I stood on the other side of our desk, looking at them both. He glanced up at me, then whispered something in her ear. She blushed. If I didn’t know any better, I could have mistaken her for a tomato. He stood, not even sparing me a second glance, and, with eyes that had the words evil and flirt written all over them, he said “I’ll talk to you later, Renée,” and walked back to his desk. She blushed further – I didn’t think that possible – now looking like an over-ripe tomato.
“What did you two talk about?” I said.
I could feel the fury building inside of me, hesitant to sit where he sat. She looked away from me, her eyes looking glassy from tears building up. Oh, gosh. She noticed.
“He was just making me feel welcome,” she said hesitantly, quietly, as if defending herself.
I felt my voice rise slightly.
“Don’t listen to him. Don’t believe him. Don’t trust him. Don’t even give him the time of day. You’ll regret it if you do.”
The words were harsh coming from my mouth, burning my heart and everywhere they touched. She looked taken aback. She observed me for a moment, sighed, and began our prac.
΅ ΅ ΅
I thought about how my first day was already beginning to look similar to every other time. I wondered how this small incident could really get under Emma’s skin. Though his actions were nice – making me feel welcome – I couldn’t help but think that maybe he was using me to get back at Emma for something. It always happened – every time. It didn’t matter who they were. I, being the new kid, would get pulled into pranks played on others without me knowing it. I would immediately be told who I can and cannot hang out with or talk to. I would be told how I’m supposed to act, dress and talk. In summary, my fellow students would try to control my life from that moment forward.
This would normally continue for a few weeks. After some time had passed, those who “accepted” me for who I really wasn’t would decide that I wasn’t good enough to be friends with them. I would then be left alone – me and my books. This never did bother me. Reading is something I have always enjoyed and, when compared to my life being controlled, is something I would prefer to do. I would be called a nerd and known as the Lonely Bookworm, teased and rejected. Pretty much all of my school life has revolved around this pattern.
Although I didn’t expect this time to be different, I hoped it would be. I thought it could be. I had grown so tired of having the same thing happen to me over and over again that I had even considered letting my life be controlled this time around. The confrontation between Emma and another of my fellow classmates was only evidence that I would get the chance to let my life be controlled yet again. It would be torture for me, but, for once, I just wanted to fit in. And as for hoping, I would stay quiet until I knew my surroundings. If I got my hopes up, I would only be hurt later.
Some wishes may come true, but it was pointless to think mine ever would.
I opened the front door quietly and snuck into my house, closing the door gently behind me. As quietly as I could manage, I took off my shoes a
nd began making my way towards the stairs to go to my room. If there was one person I wanted to talk to right now, it was my brother. Other than him, I wanted to be alone. I knew my mother was home; her car was outside. I also knew that if she saw me now, I would have to answer questions about how my day was. I mean, sure, my day wasn’t spent under a tree reading. I did talk to some people I met at school. But the questions I would have to answer are ones that I wanted to avoid as much as possible. I know that if I managed to avoid them now, I would have to answer them at dinner. But I would prefer then to now. Maybe.
I managed to get to the bottom of the stairs when my mum walked out of the kitchen.
“Renée, you’re home.”
I stopped in my tracks, sighed, and turned around to face the beaming redhead who was loaded with questions for me.
“I didn’t hear you get back,” she said. “How was your first day?”
“It was fine,” I said, twisting my hands together.
The only thoughts that were running through my head at that moment were different ideas of how to escape answering these dreaded questions. But if I managed to answer the more important ones now in private, I wouldn’t have to deal with having them asked at dinner with the rest of my family around. If only it could be that simple.
“Did you make any new friends?” she asked, arranging some books on the shelf nearby.
Did I? Could you really call them friends after one day that was similar to so many that I’d already been through? I didn’t know what answer was true and what answer was a lie. I looked at the outcomes of all answers.
No – she would ask more questions and I would never get upstairs. Not an option I wanted to take. Yes – she would smile, but I wouldn’t be able to escape the questions in my head asking me if it’s true. Maybe – probably the safest answer and, when followed by an excuse, the perfect getaway. This was the answer I chose to use.
“Maybe,” I said. “But I have to go upstairs. Homework.”
I didn’t wait for a reply before turning around and bouncing up the stairs, not caring about being heard anymore. I was so relieved when I finally got to my room. Closing the door behind me, I threw my bag on the floor near my desk and fell backwards onto my bed. After sighing and spending a few moments staring at the ceiling, I sat up and leant against the bedhead. I looked at my bedroom door in time to see it being closed by my brother.
