by R. J. Groves
I hid my sorrow, my desire for him to talk to me, and the hope I had that he wouldn’t talk to me ever again. I hid it deep inside, allowing only laughter, happiness and enjoyment to escape me. I wouldn’t let him ruin it for me – not this time. It would have been so, so much easier, though, if he didn’t follow James over to our group.
“You girls enjoying the party?” James asked Aimee and me, jumping to the music.
We both nodded, jumping with him.
“Hey, where is your redheaded friend?” Kane asked.
I turned to look at Aimee. Surely he couldn’t be directing the question to me. But Aimee was chatting to the rest of the group, not paying attention to the three of us.
“She’s at her home,” I replied cautiously, preparing myself for more hurt. “She just got out of hospital. She wasn’t up for partying so soon out of the dreadful place.”
He nodded, returning to his dancing. Not even a look of sympathy, a glimpse of compassion. I looked to James – he was standing so close to me.
“Why was she in hospital?” he asked, pulling me aside to a quieter area where we wouldn’t have to yell to hear each other.
We sat down on some rocks that were ornamentally placed in the beautiful garden.
“Appendicitis,” I replied. “She had to get it removed.”
“Oh, so that’s why you have been sitting alone in class,” he said.
I nodded. He had noticed she wasn’t there.
“Was it also why you were out of it today?” he added, reminding me of our soccer game.
I shook my head at this.
“James, I already told you that I just wasn’t in the mood for sport today,” I said.
He hummed a short note while he was thinking. I shivered. It had certainly come in cool again. It wasn’t noticeable in the party area, though, since we were dancing a lot. But now that we were away from the rest of the party, I could feel the cool breeze blowing against my bare arms and legs and flowing through my hair.
I didn’t need to tell him that I was feeling cold. He already noticed me shivering. He moved closer, putting his arm around me. I could feel the heat radiating from his body.
“Emma,” he started.
I caught a hint of nervousness in his voice. James was always an outgoing, brave boy. But inside, I’m sure he felt like anyone else would. He was sensitive and sometimes got nervous. This didn’t surprise me, since I’d known him for so long. But why would he be nervous now? I looked up at him.
“There’s something I want to tell you, and have for a while.” He hesitated.
We heard footsteps coming in the direction of where we were sitting. He moved his arm away from me, placing it by his side. The familiar figure came running around the bush and halted in front of us.
“Em, there you are,” Aimee said. “Come on, you’re missing out.”
She grasped my hand, pulling me in the direction of the party.
I turned my head, looking back at where I was sitting. James was still sitting on the rock, looking blankly at us. He looked disappointed. Defeated. I turned my head again to face where we were going, and joined back in with the party. Just in time to watch Kane being thrown into the pool.
Chapter 10
Some things are best kept quiet.
“So, he put his arm around you and said that he wanted to tell you something?”
I caught the frisbee that was flying at me, avoiding a collision with Baby. I looked over at Aimee. She was thinking. After the party, Aimee stayed the night at my place, and we went back to her place in the morning to pick Baby up to go to the park.
“Don’t forget the part where he sounded nervous,” I added to Aimee’s statement.
Her eyes widened.
“He sounded nervous? James sounded nervous?” she asked, catching the frisbee that I threw at her.
“Yes,” I replied. “Didn’t I tell you that already?”
She shook her head.
“Emma, can’t you see?” she said. “It’s so obvious.”
“But Aims, he said that he has wanted to tell me for a while,” I said, jumping to catch the frisbee that flew too high.
Aimee had a huge grin on her face.
“Well, duh,” she said. “He has liked you for a while, but couldn’t tell you because you were with Kane. Emma, it is so obvious. But that’s my theory.”
Gosh, how I loved Aimee’s theories.
“You do realise that it is never obvious to the person, right? So, I am going to complete my part by saying that he wouldn’t even think about liking someone like me, Aimee,” I replied. “He has better taste than that. I have known him for years, and he wouldn’t even do that to Kane – his best friend.”
Aimee shook her head and smiled.
“Emma, you are ridiculous,” she said. “Believe what you want, but remember that it is always obvious to the best friend.”
Baby let out a whimper, catching Aimee’s and my attention. We watched the impatient dog as she attempted to tear the frisbee away from Aimee.
“See, Em? Even Baby thinks so,” Aimee added, smiling and throwing the flat, round object at me, Baby chasing after it.
“Don’t you think so, Renée?” Aimee had just finished explaining to Renée what happened at the party with James.
After going to the park with Aimee, I then stayed at her place for the night, putting up with her teasing me the whole time. It was now Sunday afternoon, and the three of us were sitting in a tight circle on Renée’s big double bed.
I observed how Renée looked today. A majority of the colour had returned to her cheeks and she was walking around a bit now. She said she wasn’t supposed to attend school until at least Tuesday, but she was saying how she felt so much better and planned to go early anyway.
Her face lit up.
“Wow, Emma. That is so true. I think Aimee is right. Come on, I’ve seen the way he looks at you,” she said, tapping my knee with her hand.
“Guys, can we please stop talking about my non-existent love life?” I whined.
“Em, you have to admit it,” she continued. “James is hot.” She shrugged, blushing at her statement. Aimee laughed and nodded her head.
I climbed off the bed.
“I’m going to get a drink,” I said. “Anyone want anything?”
“I’m good,” they both said at the same time, between laughs.
I sighed, walking out the door and down the stairs. I looked around me at the tapestries, portraits and mirrors decorating the walls. Scenes of landscapes filled almost every other available spot on the walls.
I entered the kitchen and started searching for a glass. I heard the front door click, keys jingle and the well-known sound of footsteps headed towards the kitchen.
“Emma,” Fayne said, walking over to the kitchen bench. “What are you looking for?”
“Tell me,” I answered, turning around to face him. “Do you have glasses here anymore?”
He laughed, walking over to the cupboard directly opposite the one I was looking in, taking two glasses out of it. He handed one to me and filled the second with water. He took a long drink before saying anything else.
“So, now that my little sister claims she is returning to school tomorrow, even though I don’t think she is well enough – which she isn’t, mind you,” he began, displaying a slightly crooked smile. “Will I still get to see you?”
He took a few steps closer to me and leant against the kitchen bench.
I let out a quiet laugh.
“Of course. Maybe not as often, but I’m sure I’ll still visit,” I said, filling my glass with cold water, completely aware of his presence beside me.
“Good,” he replied, smiling. “I look forward to it.”
I watched him as he walked out of the kitchen and tossed his keys on the side table in the hallway. How smooth and easy he made everything seem.
΅ ΅ ΅
“So, Aimee,” I began, turning to her after watching Emma leave to get a drink.
“How is your love life going?” I continued.
Aimee’s cheeks flushed red. It was barely apparent on her already tanned cheeks, but it was still noticeable that she was blushing.
“I’m not sure I know what you mean,” she replied quietly, returning her gaze to her phone held delicately between her long fingers.
“Well,” I started, thinking of a way to present the question. “Who’s the lucky guy?”
“I wouldn’t exactly call him lucky,” she said, shrugging her shoulders.
“Oh, stop avoiding the question!” I laughed, poking her arm.
She smiled goofily at her mobile as she took a moment to reply to the message she had just received. After pressing send, she looked back at me again, still unable to erase the smile that brightened up her unblemished face.
“Sorry, what was the question?” she asked, somewhat cheekily.
“Oh! You’re talking to him, aren’t you?” I replied excitedly, teasing her with my eyes.
“Talking to who?” she asked, continuing to avoid the question.
“Who you like, silly. Who is it?” I yanked her phone out of her hand unexpectedly.
“Renée! Give me my phone back!” she whined, leaning towards me to get her phone out of my hands.
“Ow, ow, ow!” I laughed reflexively.
Aimee jerked back, thinking that she had somehow triggered my stomach hurting again.
“Sorry,” she apologised, her face growing pale. “Renée, don’t go through my messages!” she continued, reaching her hand out again.
“Tell me who it is!” I laughed, raising my eyebrow.
“No,” she whined. “Please give me my phone back.”
“Do I know him?” I asked.
“Stop it, please? Can I have my phone back?” she asked, sighing.
“No, not until you tell me,” I replied.
“I’m not going to tell you, Renée,” she said, frustrated.
“Is it James?” I started questioning.
“Why would it be James?” she let slip without thinking.
“Kane?”
“What? Renée, stop this please,” she replied defensively.
“It is, isn’t it?” I questioned further, becoming as gleeful as any girl does when she finds out who someone likes.
“I never said that!” she laughed, taking her phone from my hand.
“Does Emma know?” I asked. I was slowly becoming aware that he may not be a very good choice for her, considering how he and Emma didn’t seem to be getting along.
“Do I know what?”
Aimee jumped, and we both turned our gaze to the door to see Emma standing in the doorway. Silence swept over the room for a moment, and I could tell that Aimee tensed right up as she realised Emma’s bad timing.
“Aimee?” Emma asked her best friend, walking over to sit on the bed again.
“Nothing,” Aimee replied hesitantly, not looking up from her hands. “It’s nothing.”
Chapter 11
Betrayal is mutual.
If you ever asked me if I liked Mondays any time before two weeks ago, the answer would have been yes. I was one of the crazy people who actually looked forward to it. But since Kane and I broke up two weeks ago, I have hated Mondays. To me, Mondays have now only represented the beginning of a new school week, the number of days where I would be hurt and the start of another string of wishes for the weekend to come.
Monday was now the worst day of the week for me.
For the first time in months, I was running late for school. I arrived just in time to hurriedly grab what I needed from my locker and breathlessly reach the small crowd filing into the chemistry lab. I walked to the back of the room and sat myself down at my usual bench. I looked around – still no Renée. Sighing, I opened up my textbook and started scribbling notes in my notebook.
After chemistry was maths. I looked around the classroom to find Aimee, my heart stopping when I saw that she was sitting next to Kane – that she was talking to him. I hastily took my seat at the vacant spot on her other side, pulling out some paper and scribbling a note to her.
Why is he sitting next to you? I wrote, shoving the note towards her.
He wanted to sit there, she wrote back in her neat, legible handwriting.
And you let him? You could have said no. My hurried writing seemed to be a complete contrast to Aimee’s.
Gosh, Emma! It’s a seat. There’s nothing special about it – anyone can sit there. Stop freaking out over nothing! Aimee wrote, her writing significantly messy compared to her first response.
A fresh feeling of hurt swept over me. Was there a trace of defiance in what Aimee wrote? Was she betraying me – her best friend?
My morning was nothing like I thought it would be. I worked alone in chemistry, my best friend betrayed me in maths, and we got our assessment results from English, in which I didn’t do as well as I’d hoped to – what I thought I had. It just seemed that, ever since my heart was shattered, my life was slowly falling apart.
Was Aimee’s and my friendship fading into darkness? It couldn’t be. We’d been friends for so long already. We promised each other when we were younger that we would always be friends, no matter what happened in our lives. We would always be there for each other whenever either of us needed it and we would cry together, laugh together, do everything together. That’s the way we planned it, how it’s supposed to be. It’s the promise we made. How could we be losing our friendship at a time when I needed it most?
It just wasn’t feasible.
Could Kane really despise me so much that he would do anything to hurt me? I had to admit that attacking me from my most tenable region was a sharp move. I just didn’t understand why he would continue to do this to me, knowing that he has already hurt me so much that everything that happens around me has little or no part in my life anymore. Causing my best friend to somehow change her alliance was a solid blow.
I thought she was on my side.
And what about James? He never did tell me what he wanted to say to me at his party. I mean, Aimee and Renée were already so sure about what he was going to say, but that’s from another girl’s perspective. It could have been anything – anything at all. The question now is whether he still wants to tell me what it was or not. Was his need to tell me still valid, or was that opportunity thrown away?
“Emma, can I talk to you?”
I knew this voice too well. I had grown close to it, being pushed away abruptly in the end. It could only ever belong to one person. I looked up to see blue eyes belonging to a face framed by short, wavy black hair. My chest hurt. Being so close to him, knowing I couldn’t have him, and knowing that I really didn’t want him.
“Do I get a choice?” I asked brusquely.
He shook his head.
“Emma, I’m sorry I did what I did,” he said, sitting down next to me. “I don’t know why I ended it like that. I was just really messed up.”
I felt tears welling up in my eyes. Hurt. Hatred.
“I trusted you,” I said. “I trusted you with my whole heart, and you broke it. We promised each other that whatever happened, we would tell each other what was going on. We promised! You didn’t talk to me, Kane – you didn’t tell me what was going on.”
I could feel my heart racing, and hear my voice reaching notes it normally didn’t reach in everyday conversations.
“I needed a break,” he replied defensively.
“So you broke up with me? Smooth,” I said. I could feel my body shaking, though I couldn’t tell if it was with hurt or anger anymore.
“Emma, you don’t understand.” He raised his hands in frustration, running one of them through his soft hair. “I really just need you as a friend right now.”
“How can I be friends with someone I can’t trust?” I let the words escape my lips in a whisper.
His face displayed rejection, defeat, hurt. I couldn’t resist smiling on the
inside, knowing that I was hurting him after all that I was going through – that I was doing to him what he had done to me.
I stood, turning my back on him to walk towards where Aimee was standing. She watched us with wide, confused eyes.
“Don’t you think you were a bit hard on him?” she asked, raising her eyebrow.
“You know what he did to me. I’m just showing him how to play his own game,” I said, smirking.
“Emma, you don’t know what he is going through.” Aimee’s voice was firm, informative.
“And you do?” I asked, a fire burning in my chest. “You haven’t told me anything lately either. I thought we tell each other everything. That’s what we promised each other. Last time I checked, that promise still stands.”
“He knew he could trust me. I’m showing him that he can,” she replied, her voice rising slightly.
“Aimee, we’re supposed to be best friends,” I said, my voice shaking.
“To be honest, Em, you’ve been a real bitch lately,” she said, her own voice starting to shake. “People change as they grow older. We’re two different people from the little girls we used to be. It’s time to grow up and look life in the eyes. The world doesn’t revolve around you.”
She walked past me in the direction of where Kane had previously been, bumping into my shoulder as she walked past, leaving me alone and confused.
I began to stare ahead of me, beyond the trees and houses, beyond the students and teachers cheerfully talking, unaware of the conflict that was going on around them. The fire inside my chest was rampant, a feeling that felt like my heart had been torn out and trampled on.
I finally knew the answer to the questions I asked myself before.
Yes, I was losing my best friend, and yes, he was stealing her from me.
No, she was not on my side.
I was alone.
A life away from where I was – anywhere else – would have been very inviting. The desire to run away, anywhere, was so great that my muscles were already warming themselves up. The only thing that stopped me from leaving then and there was the warm touch of a hand resting against my arm.
