by R. J. Groves
“Fayne, this isn’t a good time to talk about it, let alone the place,” I replied, silently begging to get out of explaining the unpleasant event to him.
“Now is as good a time as any, isn’t it?” he asked, looking at his watch.
“I guess so, but Fayne…” I stammered, unsure of what to say next.
“Well, if it’s the place that isn’t right,” he said, “how about you explain it to me over dinner?”
I blushed, confused as to what he was intending in his offer.
“Dinner?” I repeated, offering him a chance to elaborate.
“Yes, dinner, tonight. We can talk then, no strings attached,” he explained, assuring me with his voice.
I thought about it for a moment. Yes, it would involve talking, but it would be a nice change. My mother was at work and I currently had no other friend I could spend the evening with. I felt my heart drop when the truth hit me, revealing to me that I was somewhat alone and insecure about myself. I went to the Clarkeys’ place to find a refuge and a friend in who I thought would be Renée, but as it turned out, I’d found a friend in her brother.
“I’d like that,” I replied, answering finally.
Fayne’s face lit up, his rapturous green eyes portraying his delight in my answer and his smile displaying his youth and vitality. The sight of his pleasure was a sure reminder that we were still young and should enjoy our youth while it lasted. The ecstatic sight was also a sign of hope, of light in the dark tunnel, the hidden beauty beginning to be revealed in the ugly fairy tale.
I returned his smile.
Chapter 13
Memories haunt the broken-hearted.
After being at the park for a while longer with Fayne and having made plans for dinner, he and I both walked back to our homes to get ready for our dinner and incoming conversation together. He said he was going to pick me up at six-thirty and take me to a restaurant called Dinner on Dirk, where I’d never been before, let alone heard of. He said that he had been there with his family and sometimes liked to go on his breaks from work. He said that, even though it was a new restaurant, it was already going quite well in business, and the food was brilliant. He did, however, let out a laugh when I asked where it was. As it turned out, Dinner on Dirk is on Dirk Street.
I stood in front of my wardrobe, looking at all my clothes and wondering what to wear. Very rarely I come to the dilemma of not knowing what to wear, but it eventually had to happen, and just decided to happen tonight. I looked at my phone to check the time – 5:45pm. I had never been to the restaurant before, so I didn’t know if the usual attire was formal or casual. There were also no strings attached, so I shouldn’t be expected to dress appropriately for a date, but should be more comfortable and casual instead. But it was still eating dinner with a guy at a restaurant, so depending on what angle the situation was looked at, it could, indeed, be a date.
I sighed and threw myself on my bed, confused as to what to wear and aware that I couldn’t ask anyone for advice. I couldn’t even ask Fayne whether it was casual or formal, either, because I didn’t have his number. And I didn’t want to risk it by sending a message through Renée, especially since I wasn’t exactly talking to her. I eventually came to laugh at my dilemma when I realised how ridiculous and unlike myself I was being.
I walked back to my wardrobe and decided on wearing dark blue skinny jeans and a long black short-sleeved shirt with a grey pattern in the middle of it and a V-shaped neckline. I wore black boots with a low heel and left my hair out. I looked at the finished outfit in the mirror and was reasonably happy with what I managed to come up with to look semi-formal. I then made sure I had some money in my purse and put it in my dark red handbag. I was done, I was ready, but I still felt unsure if even semi-formal was the right choice.
A moment later, there was a knock on my door, and I hurriedly picked up my handbag and house keys and went to answer it. I must admit that, at first, I was astonished when I opened the door and saw the handsome man standing on my doorstep. Fayne had come wearing black jeans, white shoes, a blue long-sleeved dress shirt with silver stitched lines and a pale grey tie. He had also straightened his hair – which wasn’t a surprise since he apparently straightens it so often, but it looked extra nice with his well-structured outfit.
“Hello, Emma,” he said, smiling as he looked at my outfit.
“Am I underdressed?” I laughed as I joined him outside and locked the front door.
“No, you look amazing. In fact, I’m starting to feel overdressed!” he replied as he began walking me to his car.
I laughed again.
“Are you sure? I wasn’t sure if it was formal or casual,” I admitted. “So, I went with this.”
“I wasn’t sure either,” he replied.
Fayne opened the passenger door of his car for me and closed it when I was safely in. He then hurriedly walked to the other side of the car and got into the driver’s seat. Before starting the car, he looked at me and was confused at the mischievous grin I was giving him.
“What?” he asked. “Is the tie too much?”
“No, no. The tie looks good,” I laughed, enjoying being able to comfortably tease him.
“Emma,” he started, with a confused expression that showed clearly that he didn’t know what I was laughing about.
I sighed, giving in. My little game was no fun if there was only one player.
“Okay,” I said, controlling my laughter. “Lose the tie. I feel like I’m too underdressed.”
He smiled for a moment before he started tugging at his tie. Once it was removed, he fixed up his collar, rolled up his sleeves and started driving us towards the restaurant.
Dinner on Dirk was a beautiful restaurant with a red-and-black colour theme. It wasn’t like anything I expected. As we walked through the glass doors and waited for the attendant to take us to our reserved seats, I took in the surroundings. The floor was made of dark red bricks, the walls were a grey suede with one red feature wall, the tables were made of red gum and the seats were black. Every table had a red candle in the centre that would be lit when the diners sat down.
Fayne started talking to the attendant who was leading us to a table for two in the corner of the large room. I gasped at how the table was set up. The single red candle was already lit; the white square plates, silver cutlery, napkins and glasses were already set up nicely; and in front of one of the plates was a single red rose. When we reached the table, Fayne pulled out the seat for the space with the rose and waited until I sat down before taking his own seat opposite mine. The attendant gave each of us a menu.
“Fayne, this is beautiful,” I said, impressed at the presentation.
“You like it?” he asked, a broad smile spread across his face.
“Of course I do!” I exclaimed.
He smiled again as we both studied the menu. Shortly after, a waitress came with a bottle of cool water and filled our glasses.
“Welcome to Dinner on Dirk. My name is Marie, and I’ll be your waitress for tonight,” she said, smiling at both of us as she placed the napkins on our laps. “Are you ready to order?”
“I’ll have the steak with garlic prawns and a soda, thank you,” Fayne said, returning her smile.
I sighed, closing the large menu in my hands.
“I’ll just have a chicken schnitzel with salad and a soda,” I said, choosing my failsafe. Of course, there were plenty of options; I had just never tried them.
“Chicken schnitzel?” Fayne teased as Marie left our table to put in our orders. “Nothing else appealed to you?”
“I haven’t tried anything else on the menu,” I replied.
“That’s why you order something you haven’t tried when you do come here. Be adventurous,” he laughed. “Do you want some of my prawns?”
“Oh, no, it’s okay. I’m not big on seafood,” I replied, trying not to sound unappreciative of the offer.
“Oh – if I’d known you didn’t like seafood, I wouldn’t have got i
t,” he laughed again, having a sip of water.
I smiled at Fayne’s thoughtfulness and felt touched at the idea that he wouldn’t get something because I didn’t like it. I felt like I was heating up.
“So, what do you usually do with your time, Fayne?” I asked, sipping some water to calm my nerves.
My attempt to ease my anxiety and calm the butterflies beating at my stomach failed completely when he leaned back into his chair, his eyes flashing, his smile alluring. He held my gaze.
“I study,” he said. “And spend my extra time working at the warehouse.”
“What are you studying?” I asked.
He hesitated for a moment, still holding my gaze.
“Law.”
“Law? Doesn’t that require a lot of study?”
I could feel my eyes widening at the thought. He nodded, sipping from his glass again. He was smiling and seemed to be enjoying my reaction.
“How on earth do you have time to work?” I asked. “Or even to be here with me?”
“Easy,” he shrugged, leaning forward. “I’m a jet.”
“And so very modest,” I teased, fiddling with my glass.
We were interrupted as our food was brought out and Marie refilled our glasses. I took the interruption to settle my thoughts. We are friends, after all, so I shouldn’t be so nervous about having dinner with him. Fayne thanked Marie and turned his gaze back to me.
“So, why law?” I asked, curious as to why he would be drawn to such a profession.
He smiled again, cutting into his steak.
“I studied a subject in school on legal issues,” he started. “I really enjoyed it – the whole debating thing, finding evidence and working it into a winning case. I had never thought about it before then, but I loved the thrill I got from just reading about the cases. I knew then that I wanted to be a lawyer and help people.”
“Aren’t you worried about wrongly convicting someone?”
“No,” he said simply. “Ultimately, the judge makes the decision. I just present the case. Besides, you can’t go against evidence.”
“I don’t even know what I want to do when I’m finished with school,” I said.
“Don’t you have any dreams or passions?” he asked, pausing from his meal to give me his full attention.
“Well, sure,” I shrugged. “I love writing and design. But I doubt I would ever be able to make a career out of it.”
“Nonsense,” he said, reaching out to put his hand over mine, willing me to look at him. “A dream worth having is a dream worth chasing. So, I say go for it.”
“You really think so?” I asked.
“Of course!” he said, smiling. “You already have a fan.”
He made a show of his statement by raising his hand. I smiled. Before me, sat a man who was caring, considerate and encouraging. And he was taking the time to get to know me. We continued talking about everything we could think about: movies, books, sport. He told me about everywhere he lived with his family and his athletic successes in each of those towns. In comparison to everything he told me about himself, my life seemed somewhat boring. I didn’t have a job, successes of any kind, and hadn’t moved in my life.
When we had finished eating, our talking subsided too. I knew that the time had come when we’d reach the actual purpose of the dinner. I was enjoying getting to know him instead of talking about what happened, but I had told him that I would explain everything to him tonight. Fayne started the conversation.
“So, you obviously weren’t avoiding my sister when you decided to come to our place before. Why are you avoiding her now?” he asked. “Is it because of Kane?”
I was surprised at how accurate his conclusion of my earlier visit’s purpose was. I looked down at the rose still lying in front of my spot and studied its beauty. It’s a pity it won’t last forever, I thought to myself. Reluctantly, I nodded, confirming Fayne’s suspicions.
“What happened?” he asked. “Why don’t you like him?”
I remained silent for a moment. Talking about this was going to hurt me – I knew that – but Fayne also deserved for me to be honest. How could he be there for me if I wasn’t going to tell him what was wrong? I really had no choice. I agreed to come to dinner with him, I agreed to talk – I couldn’t change that now. I sighed.
“Because I loved him,” I whispered, refusing to look at him as I said it.
There was silence for a moment longer, broken by Fayne’s reply.
“Oh,” he said quietly.
“Or… I thought I did,” I added, finally looking up at him.
He lowered his eyes, observing the glass he was holding in his hands. His face grew pale; he seemed disappointed and questioning. Questioning whether or not he really did want to know what happened, I guessed. Finally, he sighed, and looked back up at me, his face still pale.
“T–tell me what happened,” he said, his voice still quiet and unsure.
“We were really close,” I started. “We were best friends. I was almost closer with him than I was with Aimee. I started having feelings for him, but I didn’t want to say anything because I was scared that we would lose our friendship. Then one day, he told me he had feelings for me. He was my first boyfriend.”
~x o x~
We were sitting in the café, drinking the coffees that Kane bought for us after my protesting about not letting him pay for mine. We talked about school, people at school, movies, music – the usual – and spent a lot of time laughing. Finally, we came to the silence between topics. It was always in these breaks where I managed to zone out.
I was pulled back to reality by the warm touch of Kane’s hand on mine. I hadn’t even realised I had my hand on the table, but he did. He studied my hand, his gentle fingers stroking the top of it. It was a different feeling for me. I had never been in that position before. I had never even been in a relationship with someone before, let alone had a guy touching my hand like this.
“Emma,” he started, taking a deep breath.
He looked so hesitant, like he was about to say something, but was almost scared to say it. I raised my eyebrow, prompting him to continue.
“I–I think I like you,” he said quietly.
I couldn’t avoid the uncontrollable smile and the blush on my cheeks that followed while my thoughts processed what he had just said. Had he really just said what I thought he did? After my time of trying to convince myself that he would never have feelings for me and that nothing would happen, had he really just given me hope that something could happen?
“Emma?” he said, trying to get some kind of response out of me, preferably in English. “Will you be my girlfriend?”
I felt like all the wind had been knocked out of me – I hadn’t expected him to say this, or ever ask me this question. I had spent so long trying to convince myself it wouldn’t happen. I hoped it wasn’t a dream. I could feel his hand tighten around mine, holding it gently but firmly, not wanting to let go. I didn’t know what I should say. I still didn’t want to lose our friendship, but I didn’t want to give up an opportunity that would potentially bring us closer. It was almost as though he stopped breathing for the time I took in deciding my answer.
“Yes,” I whispered, my smile unavoidable.
~x o x~
“Go on,” I heard the deep voice say as the memory faded in my mind.
I looked at the green eyes studying my face, confused at my long pause.
“He was my first boyfriend, so I was wary about what we would do together. I didn’t want to do anything I regretted and I didn’t want to do anything I wasn’t ready for. I don’t know how he managed to put up with me.” I let out a light laugh. “I would only let him hold my hand and hug me for the first four months. From the fourth month to the sixth, I decided I would let him kiss me. But not on the lips. I didn’t feel I was ready for it. In the sixth month, we did, but it was an accident. It was my first kiss, even if it was accidental, but after that moment, it wasn’t a problem for me. Kissi
ng was the furthest we went, and we were together for almost three years.”
I realised after I said it that I had left a small part out. My thoughts flickered to an argument we had a few weeks before we broke up.
~x o x~
It was a nice, sunny afternoon in our favourite park. I was surprised that the park was as empty as it was. I was walking over to the beautiful big tree with Kane, my hand in his. We had come straight from school to the park, like we usually did when it was a nice day and we didn’t have a great deal of homework to do.
Usually, we would both be content to just sit with each other, hold each other or even kiss under the tree, but nothing more. It was always sweet and never really meant that our relationship was purely physical. Instead, we had a good relationship and could talk with each other. But for some reason, Kane just wasn’t content this time. I leant my back against the big tree stump as Kane took both of my hands in his and leant in to kiss me.
His lips were soft and sweet like they usually were – even his breath was sweet. His gentle kiss gradually became vigorous as he pressed his body up against mine. At first it was nice, until I registered that it was different. Different to how we would normally be, and different to how he would normally act. He let go of one of my hands and eased his now free hand under my shirt and began to kiss my neck. My body froze. I was terrified by what was happening and I couldn’t think.
“Kane,” I whispered.
No reply.
I felt his hand moving up my stomach, the warmth from his hand leaving a warm trail on my skin. My body stiffened. I still didn’t know what was happening and I didn’t know what to do, or how to react.
“Kane,” I repeated, slightly louder as he moved his hand up higher. “What are you doing?”
My voice was shaking, and my body was still tense. I flinched when he replied.
“What does it look like I’m doing?” he replied casually, kissing my lips and squeezing his hand.
“Kane!” I gasped, abruptly pulling his hand out from under my shirt. “What is wrong with you?”
