by Anna Jacobs
A couple of neighbours had wished them well as they passed, and that felt good, too.
Then they got back and Ma was waiting for them, ready to get on with the packing.
The wedding was over, Cara thought. Her new life had begun.
She changed out of her fine clothes, deciding to pack them away at the bottom of the bag because they reminded her too much of the easy life she’d lost.
Before she could do that, Ma came to help her, touching her possessions gently, stroking the delicate materials.
‘You have some lovely clothes and underclothes. I’m glad your aunt sent these for you. It’s only fair.’
Cara was holding a delicate blue scarf and pushed it suddenly into the older woman’s hand. ‘I want you to have this.’
For a moment Ma stared at it, stroking it with her roughened fingertips, then she tried to give it back. ‘I can’t accept it. You haven’t got enough things to give any away. Besides, it’s too fine for me.’
‘No, it’s not. You should be dressed in silk, because you’re the kindest person I’ve ever met in my whole life. I’m not taking that scarf back. It’s yours, a thank you for all your help. Now, let’s get on with sorting out the boys’ clothes.’
But Ma had first to find a handkerchief to wrap the scarf in and Cara noticed that she stroked it again before she covered it up.
After that, she became practical once more, holding up a ragged shirt. ‘Look at this. The boys are growing fast and I’m ashamed of some of the clothes we have to take with us. They play roughly and tear things. I do my best to mend them, but I’m no needlewoman.’
‘I can do the mending from now on, if you like. I enjoy sewing.’
‘Oh, would you? That’d be such a relief! I’ve a couple of things you could do first thing in the morning while I finish cleaning the floors.’
‘Um … do the boys have any other undershirts or drawers, apart from their best ones, I mean?’
Alana shook her head. ‘No. Eileen was ill for a long time, and I was busy looking after her, so I didn’t keep up like I should have done. We’ll need to buy some more underclothes for them, I think. I’ll speak to Fergus.’
‘I’ll speak to him, if you don’t mind. It’s my job now.’
‘So it is. I forgot. I wasn’t trying to order you around.’
Cara laid one hand on the other woman’s shoulder. ‘I know. And I wasn’t taking offence, only trying to do my share. It’ll take a while before things settle down, me being his wife now, I mean, won’t it? But I don’t take offence easily.’
Ma patted the hand, then grew brisk again. ‘Come into the kitchen when you’re ready. They’ll be wanting something more to eat than a piece of cake, so I’ll make a start on it.’ She bustled off, leaving the younger woman to follow in her own time.
Cara lingered for a moment or two, smiling at the sound of Ma’s voice, raised in fond scolding, then she heard her laugh at something Pa had said.
What would the family do without Ma? she wondered. Alana Grady might not be able to read words on paper, but she could read people, coax them to try new things and help them in so many small ways.
Cara remembered her own mother: cowed, timid, hardly daring to open her mouth, often cringing visibly before her husband’s bullying. Determination grew in her not to be like that. She was twenty-two, a mother herself now, in all practical meanings of the word. It was a great responsibility, being a mother, but also a great privilege to raise children. And a joy.
If only … No, she mustn’t think about her losses. She was lucky to have Ma to help and guide her, so very lucky.
She glanced in the mirror, tucked a strand of hair back in place, rolled up her sleeves and went to join her husband and family.
Fergus looked up with a quick nod of greeting as she entered the room, then turned back to Sean.
Later, as Cara sat down to feed the baby again, she caught her husband looking at her from across the room. When he smiled, she smiled back.
But though Sean didn’t dare scowl at her openly after his father’s scolding, he still avoided going near her, tried not even to look at her. And Mal followed his brother’s example in that, as in everything else.
They’d been all right with her before, but they didn’t like her marrying their father, that was clear.
She would have to try to change how they felt about her. Could she do that? There must be a way to win them over.
Everyone was quiet on the final morning. They got up before daylight and dressed quickly by the light of their last few candle stumps, because all the oil lamps had been sold and taken away the previous evening.
There was plenty of food for breakfast, but only the boys seemed hungry.
As the sky began to turn grey, neighbours popped in to say farewell and claim the last of the items they’d bought.
The family’s trunks and bags were loaded on to two handcarts, provided and pushed by Fergus’s workmates. Then it was time to leave the empty house and follow the carts as they rumbled over the cobbles towards the station.
For once, Ma didn’t try to organise everyone, leaving it to her son-in-law. She’d been unusually quiet this morning.
‘Are you all right?’ Cara asked her as they walked.
‘I’m a bit nervous about the journey. It’s a long time since I’ve been on a train and the world’s changed so much since then. Us third-class passengers had to travel in open carriages, like carts on wheels, in those days. I was so cold and covered in smuts, too.’
‘Goodness, how terrible! All the carriages have seats and protection from the weather now, so we’ll be all right.’ Cara had travelled on trains and seen the third-class accommodation. She wasn’t looking forward to the discomfort of wooden bench seats for hours on end, though.
The boys had never been on a train at all and were wildly excited about the coming treat. Fergus had to speak to them sharply a few times to make them calm down but they got excited all over again as the train drew into the station and covered them all with clouds of strange-smelling steam.
Fergus supervised the loading of the bigger items in the luggage van at the rear, while Cara found herself guiding the others into seats.
The boys quietened down when their father joined them, exclaiming as the train set off. It went faster and faster, rattling along the tracks to London.
After a while, however, the novelty began to fade and the boys grew bored and sulky. Cara left them to their father, because she was busy with Niamh. It was hard managing a baby on such a journey, and more than once she felt embarrassed at the lack of privacy.
Alana had made a bag out of oiled cloth, which kept the wet baby clouts from the rest of their luggage, but the ragged pieces of cloth would need washing out as soon as possible once they arrived.
From Paddington they had to hire two cabs to take them and their luggage to a modest hotel where rooms had been booked for them by Mr Kieran.
A smiling landlady was waiting for them. She admired the baby and said to Cara, ‘I’ll wash the little one’s things, if you like, for two shillings extra. I can get them dry before you set off tomorrow morning.’
When Cara hesitated, wondering about the money, Fergus stepped in. ‘Thank you. We’d really appreciate that. My wife’s tired now.’ He hesitated, knowing the others were waiting for his instructions.
Cara guessed how unsure he was about what to do next and stepped in. ‘Did Mr Largan leave any messages for us?’
‘Yes. He left a note for Mr Deagan. I put it in your room. I’ll take you all up now, shall I?’
‘Yes, please.’
On the second floor, she left the Gradys in the first bedroom, the boys in the second.
Fergus warned them, ‘I don’t want anything breaking, you two!’
The landlady flung open a door opposite the boys’ room and gestured to Cara and Fergus to go inside. She picked up a note from a small bureau in one corner and handed it to him. ‘My husband and son will bring up your luggage sho
rtly.’
When she’d gone, Fergus tore open the note. ‘Mr Kieran and his wife will meet us at Victoria railway station tomorrow morning at nine-thirty, from where we’ll all catch the train to Southampton. There, they’ll help us buy our outfits for the journey.’ He frowned at Cara. ‘What does he mean by “outfits”?’
‘More clothes, probably. We’ll be travelling for two months. I gather people take a lot of clothes, divided into sets, and bring clean sets out of the hold every two weeks or so.’
‘How do you know that?’
‘From my reading.’
Niamh woke up and began to cry for food. There was no mistaking that sound.
Cara wished Fergus would go away and leave her to manage in private. When he didn’t, she said, ‘I’d better feed her. Perhaps you should go and tell the others about tomorrow, then ask the landlady what time breakfast will be served and how we can find cabs.’
He looked at her with a wry smile, as if he perfectly well understood that she was trying to guide him tactfully into doing the right thing, as well as leaving her alone. ‘All right. And thank you for your suggestions. I’ve never stayed in a fancy hotel before.’
‘It seems a nice place, well suited to a group with children.’
When he’d gone, she sat down with Niamh, glad to have some time to herself, a bit worried because for the last day or two, the baby hadn’t seemed as satisfied after her feeds.
Fergus came back more quickly than she’d expected, even before their luggage arrived, and was in the room before she could cover herself. His eyes flicked over her, then he must have seen her blush, because he went to stand by the window, looking out.
‘Ma says to tell you she’ll see to the boys.’
‘That’s kind of her.’
‘I agreed that they could leave the bigger pieces of luggage downstairs. They said everything would be locked up safely. Was that all right?’
She was aware once more that he was a bit nervous underneath it all. ‘Exactly the right thing to do.’
Shortly afterwards an older man and a boy brought their smaller pieces of luggage up.
‘My wife will serve a meal in half an hour, Mrs Deagan, if that’s all right? The dining room is on the ground floor.’
Cara smiled at him. ‘Lovely. Thank you.’
‘Um, can you tell me how much it’ll cost for our stay here?’ Fergus asked.
‘Mr Largan has already paid the bill. He’s had groups staying here before and knows he can rely on us to look after them. Where are you going? Australia, like the others?’
‘Yes.’
‘Long journey, that. I don’t envy you. Now, me and the boy will collect the smaller luggage from your rooms while you’re having breakfast, if that’s all right. I’ll have the cabs waiting for you and loaded by the time you’ve eaten.’
‘I have enough money for our daily expenses,’ he muttered to Cara when they were alone. ‘I don’t need anyone’s charity.’
‘I know that. But if he wants to pay, let him. Now, I need to finish feeding and changing Niamh.’
Her tone must have caught his attention because he looked at her more sharply. ‘You look absolutely exhausted.’
‘I am a bit tired. I’ll be all right, though.’ But her arms were even more tired than the rest of her from carrying the baby, who was getting heavier by the week.
And she’d not slept well last night. She’d desperately wanted to see her sister one last time, had half hoped Leinie would come to the railway station, but how could she when she didn’t know about them leaving? Cara had wept into her pillow about that.
Oh, she was a fool! Her family didn’t care about her any longer. Why did she continue to care about them?
The following morning everything went smoothly. They had an excellent breakfast, found the cabs waiting outside afterwards, and met Mr Kieran and his wife at Victoria Station, as agreed.
This train journey was long enough for the two boys to get restless again, and Cara found their bickering made her head ache. Once they bumped into her and woke their sister, and she exclaimed in annoyance, which brought her a scowl from Sean.
‘Sit down and stay in your seats, boys!’ Fergus snapped. He took the wailing infant from Cara and rocked her to and fro in his arms. She settled down almost immediately.
Cara stared at him. This was the first time he’d held Niamh. He didn’t even seem to realise that, just held his little daughter as if he was used to holding babies.
Good. Maybe there was hope that he’d grow fond of the child. Niamh wouldn’t have much of a life if her father ignored her.
One of the other men in the big open carriage frowned and muttered something about babies being a woman’s job, but Fergus winked at Cara and didn’t seem to mind.
He wasn’t like any other man she’d ever met. The better she got to know him, the more she liked him, for all his abruptness at times.
When they got out of the train at Southampton, Ma and Pa grabbed the two boys and then they rejoined the Largans, who had travelled first class.
‘We’ve booked you into a hotel,’ Mr Kieran said. ‘If we go straight there and leave the luggage, we’ve time to get something to eat, then do a little shopping. Will you be all right, Mrs Deagan?’
It took Cara a minute to realise he was addressing her, because she still wasn’t used to her new name. ‘Yes, I’ll be fine.’
The hotel was another small, friendly place, but this time the Largans were staying there as well, and were clearly known to the proprietor.
‘Which dock is the SS Peru in?’ Mr Kieran asked the proprietor of the hotel.
‘She hasn’t arrived yet.’
‘That’s cutting it rather fine, isn’t it?’
‘The ship was due a few days ago, but they can unload and reload a ship quickly these days. I’m sure it’ll depart on time. The P&O ships always do.’
As they set off to do some shopping, Fergus again took the baby from Cara. ‘Let me carry this little madam for you.’
‘It’s not right for a man to carry a baby, people may stare.’
He shrugged. ‘I don’t care. Anyway, I don’t know anyone here.’
Cara was glad to see him getting to know his daughter, so she didn’t protest any further. And it was nice not to have a wriggling baby in her arms all the time.
Niamh began cooing and waving her hands, seeming to enjoy the sunshine, even though the day was chilly. Fergus glanced down at her from time to time, thoughtful, searching her face. Perhaps he was trying to see a resemblance to his dead wife. Cara wondered about that sometimes, but didn’t like to ask.
They spent the rest of the afternoon buying clothes, so many clothes even the boys were struck dumb. Cara intervened to suggest slightly larger sizes, since the boys were growing fast. She had firm views on what would suit her, too, choosing carefully, not being extravagant, but suddenly feeling like a young woman again.
It was lovely not to feel the need to keep an eye on the people she passed, in case someone recognised her. It made her feel truly free for the first time in months.
The shopping continued the following morning, this time extending to things to do on the journey, books and even two sets of playing cards for the boys, whom Mr Kieran had charmed by teaching them to play Patience and Snap.
When he found that Cara already knew several parlour games using cards, he made her a present of a box of several sets of cards.
‘I can’t take so much from you,’ she protested.
‘Please take it,’ Mrs Julia said. ‘You’ll have a lot of time on your hands during the journey. We also know a shop which sells second-hand books; I thought we could get you a few there. You can’t object to that because they’re much cheaper than new ones. We’re such misers.’ She chuckled as she said that.
Cara couldn’t resist the offer of books to read and stopped protesting.
When they got back to the hotel at midday, they found an urgent message waiting for them from the P&O agent.
The SS Peru, the ship they’d been booked to sail on, still hadn’t arrived at Southampton, and another ship had sunk in the Orient a few months ago, so the P&O people were putting a new ship into commission early for this voyage, the SS Peshawur. The message asked the Deagan group to report to the emigrants’ hostel as soon as possible and be ready to board ship. As soon as it was readied.
‘Well, we’d better get ourselves organised,’ Mr Kieran said. ‘Ladies, we’ll leave you to do the final packing. If you’ve any small items you still need, tell my wife and she’ll lead me out to buy them for you. And we’ll take these two lads with us, keep them out of mischief, eh?’
He ruffled Sean’s hair and the boy stared at him solemnly, as if unsure how to react.
So instead of having a day or two longer to chat and get ready, Cara and Ma started packing their new things, sorting out parcels of clothes to put in the half-empty trunks stored in the ship’s hold. These would be brought up at regular intervals, so that they had clean clothes.
‘I hope that other ship that’s late hasn’t sunk as well.’ Ma’s voice wobbled.
‘Modern ships don’t often sink,’ Cara said, hoping it was true. She didn’t allow herself to dwell on the possibility of shipwrecks. She had enough worries already. But she could see that her words had cheered Ma up.
They were taken to the emigrants’ hostel later that afternoon and there the Largans said goodbye and wished them well.
Everyone thanked the Largans for their help and then suddenly, they were gone.
They’d be on their own from now on, Cara thought as she followed her husband inside the hostel.
She was both dreading the voyage to Australia and looking forward to it.
Fergus had his own family, both here and in Australia. She was totally dependent on him now.
But when she thought about it, she realised she trusted him to look after her. He was a lovely man. She wished she’d met someone like him earlier.
