"Come on in," he said, just like the first time I had met him—only he sounded a lot more tired than he'd been on that hectic first day of class. "I don't bite." He smiled, but it was obviously forced and tight at the corners. He looked uncertain as he studied me intently. "You know what my biggest fear as a parent is?"
I shook my head as I slid into the chair across the desk from him.
"Parenting a teenager." He tried to laugh, but it came out as more of a snort. "I thought I'd have years to gain experience and grow into the role."
"Don't sweat it. In another four months I'll be twenty." I forced myself to smile and sound jokey.
He smiled for real then, and there was admiration shining in his eyes, like he liked that I could joke about this sudden upheaval in our lives. "I don't even know when your birthday is."
"February twenty-fifth. You look awful," I said.
"As it turns out, mulling over the implications of a paternity test was worse than standing by helplessly while Lyssa gave birth." He made that snorting sound again. "February twenty-fifth." He sounded almost wondrous. He nodded, but it was like he was thinking and making a mental note of it. Or maybe he was counting backwards to the day, the one time he'd done it with my mom.
Yeah, that much I knew. He'd told me they'd only done it once.
I had a million questions I wanted to ask. I started with the most basic, phrasing it without accusing. "Does Lyssa know?"
He took a deep breath. "No. You and I made a deal. Until we decided together what to do…"
I nodded, but I felt sick. He didn't sound like he wanted Lyssa to know or that he cared to acknowledge me. Ignoring the whole situation was definitely one way of dealing with it. But it still hurt.
I took a deep breath, bit my lip, and nodded. "I don't want anything from you. That suing for college expenses, that was just to scare you into taking the paternity test." I had threatened him with a lawsuit to get him to take the damn test.
He looked sad. He nodded. "No, I know. I didn't think you were serious." He took another deep breath. "It's not that, Ellie. We promised each other to keep this just between us until we decided what to do." He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "It's complicated with Lyssa."
I nodded. I had known it would be. What woman wanted to hear her baby was not the special first child of her husband like she thought? Or that she was not the woman who made her husband a daddy? And if she ever met my mom, she'd really go crazy and wonder what kind of a man she'd married. Like I said, Mom is no prize. And I was willing to bet if Mom ever found out about Lyssa, she'd make her life miserable.
"I want to help you, Ellie. I do. But we have to think this through carefully. For one thing, there's your job." Suddenly, Jason was all business. Maybe that was his coping mechanism. "If the university finds out you're my daughter, you can't work for me. It's their policy. I've never heard of anyone getting around it." He paused.
I knew that already. It was part of the risk. And since Mom had frozen my college funds, I needed my job.
"I have plenty of connections in other departments, but mid-semester it will be difficult to find you something. All the positions are filled. It would be better, in that regard, to wait until the new semester, or even next fall for the new academic year."
What he said made sense, and was nothing I hadn't thought of before when I was trying to decide whether to reveal myself to him or not. But I sensed there was more to it. "Will you be in trouble because of me?"
He hesitated. "I don't think so. I shouldn't be. Not when the truth comes out."
"But you'll be embarrassed?"
He stared at me, obviously assessing me, looking like he didn't want to hurt me. "By the beautiful young woman you've become? No."
He was trying to be kind. I admired him for that. He really was a nice guy. But I knew all too well what kind of damage was possible for him. I didn't want to destroy either his career or his reputation.
"But?" I knew from his tone there had to be a but.
As he studied me I could tell he was trying to decide whether he could trust me. "It will be an issue with Lyssa."
My opinion of Lyssa involuntary plummeted. Me being an issue with her was natural. A shock. But I wasn't as much of a threat as I would have been even just a few years ago. I was grown, not a little kid she had to raise or share him with. I frowned. I liked her and had hoped she would be a good stepmom. Now it suddenly looked like she might be of the "wicked stepmother of fairytales" variety.
Jason rushed to her defense. "Don't get the wrong idea. Lyssa likes you. When she finds out you're my daughter, I know she'll love you. It's…" He sighed, looking like he was up against it. "Can I trust you with a secret?"
I snorted, like You have to ask? "Isn't that what this is?"
He grinned back at me like he was embarrassed. "You got me there." His Adam's apple bobbed. "Lyssa was engaged before she married me. To another professor here. Of computer science of all things." He paused again.
I imagined an eggheady PhD would probably lord his degree over Jason. "It must be awkward."
He nodded. "He doesn't like me, to put it mildly. Lyssa broke off the engagement when she found out her fiancé had a four-year-old son he'd 'forgotten' to mention. With a former grad student of his who wasn't so former when the boy was born."
I made a sympathetic sound. "That's rough."
"Yeah. It wasn't so much the child, but the lie. He was more of a player than she realized. And a liar. She couldn't live with that."
I wasn't so sure about it being just about the lie. Maybe it was about the child. Maybe she didn't want any competition for Mia. "You haven't lied to her. You didn't know about me when you married her."
"No, but I'm not sure she'll see it that way. I've kept my suspicions from her. I haven't shared what we're going through. She'll see that as a betrayal. And after the scandal of her broken engagement…
"Let's just say the university may seem large, but it's really a very small community. I don't want to hurt her or make it worse for her here, professionally or otherwise." He took a deep breath. "She's barely gotten over her postpartum depression from having Mia. I can't risk upsetting her now, just at the point when she's becoming herself again."
Postpartum depression, that was new. I hadn't even heard any rumors of it around the office. I didn't know whether to be impressed with his secret-keeping ability, or worried.
"I need some time to figure out how to tell her. To think everything through. To know exactly what you and I want of each other first."
His behavior was typical of analytical types. I had some of those tendencies myself. "Won't it be worse the longer you keep it from her?"
He gave me another of his sad, but impressed smiles. "You're very mature."
"For someone my age." I smiled. "I've had to be. Mom sure isn't." I could have kicked myself. I hadn't meant to bring her up. Jason got a funny look on his face when I mentioned her. I had to divert his attention. "So you're asking me to keep this a secret?"
Jason nodded, looking guilty. "It's selfish—"
"Forever?" I stared him directly in the eye, willing him to come clean and tell me the truth—did he want me to leave without Lyssa ever knowing?
"No." He shook his head, emphasizing the point. "Just until the time is right."
But who knew when that would be?
"And if Lyssa finds out before you tell her?"
"She won't." He sounded confident. Overly positive.
Which worried me. "Secrets have a way of finding the light." That was something my grandma used to say to me.
He arched an eyebrow and pointed to me. "You were a secret for a long time."
"Yeah. What's your point? Mom's the queen of deceit, as tightlipped as they come. It took nineteen years, but here I am." I shrugged. "See what I mean?"
"It won't be forever. Not even for nineteen years." Then he laughed. "Maybe eighteen." He winked.
I bit back what I wanted to say about wanting to hav
e a father in my life and hoping he'd be there to walk me down the aisle someday, hopefully before eighteen years were up.
"Maybe this is best," I said, trying to find the bright side of being kept secret for a while longer. "Logan will be upset when he finds out I've been hiding my search for you from him since I met him. It would be natural for him to think I've been using him to get close to you. As you know better than almost anyone, he's really vulnerable right now. Relieved that Dr. Rogers has been arrested. But he has a lot to deal with. I don't want to lose him." I paused. "So we're both doing this to save our love lives?"
"Yeah. Like father like daughter." He choked on the word "father" and his eyes misted up. "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree."
My eyes misted, too. "Where do we go from here?" I hesitated again. "I'd like to get to know you better. As a person. Or as a dad." I choked up on the word "dad" like he had on "daughter."
In a flash, Jason was out of his chair. He came around to my side of his desk and pulled me into his arms. He was tall, over six feet, and strong and firm and warm. He smelled clean, like pleasant soap and cologne. I rested my head on his chest as he wrapped me in his arms. A sense of wellbeing washed over me as I was cradled in my father's firm embrace for the very first time. Unlike my baby sister Mia, I'd always remember the first time our dad hugged me.
"It sounds crazy, and you may not believe it," he said, "but I'm glad to have another daughter. I always wanted girls."
I sniffed a little, trying to hold back my emotions. "I bet you'll have a son, too. I'd like a brother."
"I love you, Ellie."
Someone gasped loudly. We started and turned in unison toward the sound. Our office administrator Karen stood in the doorway to Jason's office, staring at us with her mouth open and a look of horror on her face.
Caught already.
Chapter Two
Jason's first reaction was to jump apart, which would look guilty as sin. But I'd learned everything about lying effectively from the mistress of deceit—my mother. If there was one woman who could talk herself out of being caught red-handed in a clench with a lover, it was dear old Mom. The key was to disarm, charm, distract, and whatever you do, act innocent. So I hung on to Jason, made my eyes wide, and scrunched my face against his shirt like he was holding me too tight and I was being comical.
I fixed my face into a smile and laughed as I looked at Karen and pushed away from Jason. "Okay, enough, thanks." I managed to blush. "Some people are overly grateful. Do one small favor for this guy and he tells you he loves you." I laughed again as I pulled away from him and stared at my feet for a second.
Jason cleared his throat. "Thanks again, Ellie. You saved my life."
I shrugged and gave Karen a conspiratorial look, like See what I mean?
"What are you doing here?" I asked her. That's another thing I learned from Mom—go on the offensive. Make the other person explain their actions. In war, they call this evasive action.
"Oh." Karen looked embarrassed. "I forgot my work laptop. I wanted to get some work done this weekend. I just dropped by to get it."
"What? You're not doing the Dad's Weekend thing?" I asked, ribbing her.
She laughed. "Do you know how many years I've lived in this town and worked for the university? It's old hat. I think I can pass. My dad's not here."
"And here I thought you were a football fan," Jason said, joining in.
"High school football. Go Panthers!" She punched the air. "What are you doing this weekend, Ellie? You don't have a dad here, do you? Going to the game with friends?"
She knew very well I didn't. Well, not that she knew about. "Sort of." I grinned. "I'm going to the game with Logan and his dad."
At the start of the semester when I first showed up at the office, Karen had warned me off Logan, saying he was a player who had broken more than his fair share of hearts. I had ignored her advice.
She frowned subtly, but I knew she wasn't pleased. "Meeting his dad—that sounds serious."
No, finding out Jason was my dad was serious. I shrugged. "Met. I had dinner with them last night. Logan and I are just friends." We were a lot more, but I didn't feel like sharing with Karen. "It's no big deal." I made a point of looking at the clock on the wall of Jason's office. "Speaking of dads and football, I have to be going. We're going to the all-campus tailgate party before the game."
The all-campus tailgate party wasn't the traditional grilling burgers on a hibachi on the tailgate of a pickup or camper in an RV park. In fact, most tailgating at my new alma mater wasn't traditional at all. Tailgating here consisted of getting up at noon, staggering to the shower, dressing for the game, eating a bare-minimum breakfast, and then consuming as much alcohol of your choice as possible before getting in line for the game. Preferably at least three hours pregame if you wanted a seat in the student section, particularly a good seat. Some people camped out overnight for the most popular games. Thanks to Logan's dad, I didn't have to worry about getting in line. We had prime reserved seats on the fifty-yard line of the alumni side. Hooray us.
The all-campus party was held in the field house across from the practice football field adjacent to the stadium. Dozens of vendors set up booths and served food and beverages. It was supposed to be family friendly. But this was Dad's Weekend, so, hey, right. The drinking would be a little less.
I raced from Jason's office to meet Logan and his dad, Harlan, at the south entrance of the field house like Logan had asked. I tried to pull myself together as I hurried down the concrete steps from the backside of the comp sci building down the hill to the practice field and across to the field house. The wind had kicked up and, although the day was still mostly clear, clouds had begun rolling ominously in. I huddled in my coat against the cold, hoping I wouldn't give myself away as being upset.
Logan and Harlan were waiting for me. Harlan looked antsy, glancing at his watch like he could hardly be bothered to wait for me. But my heart caught at the sight of Logan. He was breathtaking, sexy, hot in a way that wasn't put on, but simply was. Tall, athletic, brown hair, built, and full of charisma.
"There she is. Hey, Ellie, Elizabeth, Martin." Logan's eyes danced as I approached. "Right on time."
"She's five minutes late," Harlan said.
"Give her a break, Dad. We changed the plans at the last minute."
I pushed the encounter with my dad from my mind and tried to concentrate on the here and now. The sound of Logan's voice made my heart race. The way he said my name was a joke between us. When we first met I refused to tell him my last name. So now he liked to use it from time to time to remind me I couldn't fight fate.
"Logan Walker." I smiled and gave him a deep, lingering kiss, like I didn't want to let him go. Beside us Harlan made a grunt of disgust. Logan tasted like beer—a deep, earthy ale that was totally hot. Although he'd obviously been drinking, to my relief, he wasn't smashed. I reluctantly broke away and smiled at his dad. "Harlan."
Harlan stared at me, assessing me again, probably wondering how far I would go to defend Logan. "Ellie."
Logan took my hand. "Ready for the big game?"
"I'm ready for anything." I hardly cared about the game, just about being with Logan.
"Let's go." Logan held the field-house door open for me.
Inside, the field house was crowded with people, vendor booths, and the smell of hotdogs, barbecue, and beer. The school colors decorated everything from people to furniture and even the food in the form of giant sheet cakes decorated with the mascot. I expected Logan and Harlan to head to food row. But they walked past it, winding through the crowd toward the far end.
"Wait!" I dragged my feet and tried to pull Logan toward a barbecue stand where the food smelled delicious. "Where are we going? You promised to feed me."
Logan leaned in and whispered in my ear. "Dad has something more exclusive in mind. Don't worry, El. There will be plenty of food. The university always puts on an impressive spread."
Which was when it hit me
—Harlan had a pass to an exclusive private party for donors who gave generously to the university. A man of his wealth, power, and connections? I should have known this would be the case. I had fixed my makeup and hair to impress Logan, but if I'd known I was going to be among the VIPs of the university, I would have dressed differently.
Harlan led the way behind a roped-off area to a private room. We checked our coats at the door. Glen Lawrence, the university president, greeted us as we came in. "Harlan Walker!"
Harlan smiled at him, shook his hand, and slapped him on the back. "Glen!"
President Lawrence's gaze shifted to Logan. "Logan. Good to see you."
"Good to see you, too, sir."
Oh, shit! Logan knew President Lawrence personally?
Harlan gave Logan a one-armed hug, acting like he was all proud of his boy.
The president shook Logan's hand. "How's the shoulder?"
Logan paled slightly, and spoke with a smile frozen on his face. "As good as it's going to get."
"Sorry about that, son. Tragic accident." The president shook his head. "The baseball team lost a rising star. Glad you stuck it out here. Your dad is quite the booster. We would have hated to lose you and him." There was an awkward pause while President Lawrence assessed Logan and Harlan remained silent.
Logan had torn his labrum while pitching a game his freshman year. A torn labrum was a career-ending injury for over ninety percent of players, including Logan.
"I hear you're a star in the IT department. Your boss Jason brags about you every time I see him."
I jumped at the sound of my dad's name while President Lawrence smiled largely like a politician and Harlan remained stony. Logan was stiff beside me, obviously uncomfortable and nervous. I squeezed his hand reassuringly, finally getting what was going on. This was a CYA move by President Lawrence. Lawsuit avoidance.
The president lowered his voice. "We appreciate your help in the incident."
Reckless Secrets Page 2
