by Selena Kitt
And then, nothing much. We’re sated and allow ourselves a moment of quiet to fully enjoy it. Breaths previously competing against each other in short bursts are now slowing in tandem.
A post-orgasmic need for closeness overcomes me and I grab a cushion to cuddle with but it’s quite a pathetic stand in.
After a little break, we continue to talk and time passes at lightning speed. I tell him about my plan to go out with Amanda tomorrow, to which he responds that he has also made plans. Or rather, plans were already made to which he has been invited along.
Before we know it, my phone bleeps into my ear to complain about the battery level and it’s bedtime anyway. Had he been here, we might not have talked all this much, instead focussing on physical affections and further exploration. But it’s nice to know we at least have tons of things to say to each other anyway.
“Good night.” I yawn into the phone and stretch leisurely.
“Love you,” he says.
“Love you too.” I hang up with a smile on my face and tightly wrap my arms around the cushion I’m still holding.
IV.
The next day passes much like the previous. Amanda and I are working well together, but in the afternoon she wanders off somewhere again.
I decide to spend my alone time writing an application to HR for that admin vacancy I found yesterday. With a bit of luck they’ll decide in my favour and I have one less thing to worry about. It would be nice to at least be able to remain in the same building as John; I had only just started to get used to the place too.
At 5 to 5, I start gathering my things, as does Amanda, who has just come back from wherever. I am curious but decide it’s none of my business.
“Ready?” she asks.
I nod. We head to a local wine bar for a few drinks and then we’ll decide what to do next.
It’s a fancy place, quite the opposite to the pub John took me to the other night. Flashy. Blue lighting and lots of mirrors. I think I prefer his choice over Amanda’s but I’m not about to complain.
Perched on the steel and black leather bar stools, we get settled in and start with fairly uninteresting small talk. Almost at the end of the first glass she brings up what I’m expecting she wanted to talk about all along.
“It’s been a lot better at work without Dick there, hasn’t it,” she starts.
I couldn’t agree more.
“But what has really bothered me, the talk that’s been going on ever since John’s promotion,” she says.
“Oh?”
“Well, you already knew they’re all a bit… well… Sharon hates him especially, she feels that if anyone deserved to take over it was her,” Amanda continues.
“She’s saying that somehow you and John set Dick up. Of course I know that’s really not the case.”
“And do the others believe this nonsense?” I ask.
Amanda shrugs.
“I don’t think so, but you know how they are. They won’t openly disagree with her.”
I sigh and take another sip of wine. This place is beyond tiring.
“Did you tell him that I told you that thing about his ex?” she asks.
So this is what she’s been awkward about! Now we’re getting somewhere.
“No, just that I’d heard rumours about it,” I lie.
She seems relieved.
“I really felt quite bad for him. Maybe I shouldn’t have told you, but then it did explain a lot, didn’t it. I wasn’t sure if you liked him at the time…”
“I did, from the start,” I mumble.
She touches my arm and when I look over at her I see she’s smiling.
“Cheer up, I think you make a really sweet couple. He’s changed so much during this week, it’s amazing to watch. You seem to make him happy.”
I smile back at her. She’s right, he has changed, for the better.
“Sometimes I wonder, how can he ever fully trust me after what she did to him. And having the entire conversation overheard by all your colleagues. How do you come back from that?” I’m thinking out loud. It must be the wine.
“Just be good to him, I’m sure it’ll be fine. Have you seen the way he looks at you? Obviously he’s not thinking about any of that stuff!” She grins at me, I can’t help but give her a wide grin back.
We signal at the bartender for refills.
“So, love at first sight then.” Amanda runs her fingers down the stem of the full-again wine glass.
I nod.
“When I was offered the job, I saw him through the window of Dick’s office. I can’t quite put it into words,” I say.
“Try anyway,” Amanda encourages me.
“I was just… helpless. Knew I had to have him somehow. I can tell you the first days working together were tough, I was just a bundle of nerves and didn’t know what to do or say around him.” I smile before looking at Amanda again.
“And it doesn’t bother you that he’s…” She looks away again and takes a sip.
“That he’s what?”
“You know… I’m sorry but I’m just going to come out and say it, he’s a bit overweight.” Amanda has turned deep red by now.
“No it doesn’t. I don’t understand why people make such a big deal about this. I actually like it.” I pretend not to feel a little odd admitting it; only very few people know about my preference.
She sits quietly and looks at me for a while.
“OK, so hypothetically, if you had the choice between him how he is now and still him but he’d be all slim, abs, the whole package…” she asks.
“How he is now.” I answer without hesitation.
“Wow, that’s…” she pauses.
“Weird?” I ask.
“No, I think it’s nice. To be wanted and appreciated for who you are, isn’t that what everyone wants?”
We sit, both lost in our own little worlds, while finishing our second round. I wonder what John is up to, whether he’s also sitting somewhere in a bar with work people from the trade show. If he’s thinking of me at all.
When our next refill arrives, she turns to me again.
“You know, I think I like Gary.”
I pause, the wine glass inches from my lips and look over. Her eyebrows are raised just slightly while she waits for me to react. She’s not joking.
“Oh? He seems nice I guess,” I say.
She looks away again, a subtle smile playing on her lips.
“I sort of always liked older men. But I never admitted it to anyone before,” she says.
“Well obviously I’ve not thought of him that way, but yeah, I can understand the appeal.”
Gary and Amanda, I’m surprised and yet not really. He’s not a bad looking guy, even if his grey hair and well defined, sharper features suggest that the gap between them must be at least 15 years. And he does exude that certain – power is the wrong word – authority.
“Do you know how he feels about you?” I ask.
She smiles again.
“He made the first move actually. Called me into his office yesterday and asked me out.” Her cheeks are flushed once more.
So here we are, three drinks and a lot of intimate confessions into the evening. Perhaps we can be friends; there’s more to Amanda than meets the eye. Even if she remains a bit of a pleaser.
Rather than complicate matters in our current cheerful and tipsy condition, we opt to eat food next door. Italian.
Afterwards, we promise to do this again sometime soon. It’s nice to have someone to confide in who’s actually physically here. I love Jason, we’re so close, but it’s hard to beat going out for a few drinks with a friend and talking in person.
I reach home at a little after 11 and haven’t got the self control to not mess with my phone.
‘Thinking of you… Good night.’
No response.
V.
TGIF! I’m counting the hours, minutes, seconds. Once today passes, it won’t be long until John gets back. We haven’t strictly agreed on a
time to meet yet, I’m going to let him take the initiative. In any case his flight isn’t going to arrive until 10 am tomorrow.
Unlike other days, today Amanda disappears before lunch rather than after. When she gets back to her desk around 11, her hair is not strictly messy but oh so subtly out of place. Now that I have a pretty good idea what she’s up to, her guilty smile makes me chuckle. The little …!
Before I get the chance to say anything to her, my direct line rings. HR. They’ve received my application and are phoning to arrange an interview with the department head. I never expected to hear back so soon, the requirement must be very urgent.
They’re bound to ask me why I want to change roles after such a short time at the company. With the interview scheduled for 1:30pm today, I don’t have long to think of what to say. As a result, I spend lunch at my desk, preparing and drinking some tea to calm my nerves.
With 10 minutes to spare, I make my way to the correct floor and wait. My arrival doesn’t go unnoticed; before I get the chance to find a seat somewhere, a door behind me opens and I hear footsteps coming in my direction.
“Hi, you must be Catherine. Mark Lloyd.” He smiles at me as we shake hands.
“Nice to meet you. Sorry, I hope you don’t mind I came a little early,” I say.
“No problem, I’m free anyway. We can get started straightaway if it’s all the same to you.”
I nod in agreement and Mark leads me into his office. As we sit down opposite the desk, I can’t help but notice some things about him. Firstly, the stylish suit which fits him like a glove and manages to subtly demonstrate that he must visit a gym regularly. His hands – perfectly manicured – which attempt to locate my CV and application from the stack of papers on his desk.
When he looks up and smiles again, a row of straight, white teeth greets me. It occurs to me that he doesn’t look like he belongs. Everything about him is too perfect; like we’re in a movie and he’s an actor playing a role.
“Just a second, it’s here somewhere,” he says, “Ah yes.”
He places the documents in front of him and skims through them.
“So you are interested in the Sales Admin role…”
“Indeed,” I respond.
“Are you not happy where you are now, in the Purchasing team? I see you’ve only joined recently.”
“Actually, before I started here, I had worked in other strictly admin jobs before and to be honest, within Purchasing, I’m struggling a bit with the technical aspects; the products and technology we’re dealing with, it’s a lot to learn from scratch.”
This was the best reason I could come up with. A lot more professional than ‘I’m sleeping with my boss and worry that it is causing resentment amongst my colleagues’.
“That’s understandable. I also see here you’ve also worked as a PA before…” Mark points at my cv.
I take my time to explain what that job entailed and answer his questions. It’s becoming more and more obvious that the focus of this interview has shifted away from the Sales Admin job completely. Mark explains that his assistant has recently moved on and he hasn’t yet had the chance to advertise that vacancy.
The entire interview is quite pleasant and conversation flows smoothly. He has a way of making me feel at ease; clearly he’s good at what he does, a skilled salesman and negotiator. Even though I know I’m being ‘handled’, it doesn’t feel awkward.
As the meeting comes to an end, I feel like I have a good chance. What he’s looking for seems to match my experience exactly and I did enjoy the work in my previous job. It’s all about who you’re working for that matters. Had Dick insinuated that he wanted me to become his PA during my first interview here, I would’ve run for the hills.
We shake hands again and he tells me he will be in touch. Hopefully.
When I get back to my desk Amanda hurries over.
“Someone’s been looking for you…” She points at John’s office where the lights are on and the door open. My heart skips a whole lot of beats.
I put my stuff on my desk before rushing off. With a token knock on the door, I step into his office.
“Hey you’re back early!” I say.
John looks up from his computer. I can’t quite read him, his eyes are vacant.
“Yeah I got here at around 2. Where have you been?”
I close the door behind me and approach his desk. He does not get up. Why is he being so weird?
“I found an opening on the intranet in the Sales Department and they called me for an interview already.” I wait by his desk, not sure whether to keep standing or sit down as well.
“Yeah, Sharon mentioned you were seeing Mark on the third floor.”
“That’s right, he was interviewing me.” Sharon told him I was with Mark. Judging from how odd he’s acting, I have to conclude that she didn’t make it sound like I was there for work reasons. The bitch.
John is looking at his computer again, face tense.
“Good looking guy,” he remarks.
“Meh.”
Ironic that the morning after worrying out loud in front of Amanda that John might have developed some trust issues somewhere along the line, I get a taste for myself. He’s jealous!
“What exactly did Sharon tell you?” I take a few steps forward and lean against the desk right next to where he’s sitting. My heart is pounding in my throat and I’m halfway between panicking and getting pissed off.
“He has a reputation you know,” John says.
“I was there for a job interview,” I respond.
When I put my hand on his shoulder, he flinches slightly. It hurts, all I want is for him to believe in me, in us.
“John, I’m not interested in Mark or any other guy. All I’m trying to do is to get a transfer so we can at least keep working in the same building together.”
He shakes his head but doesn’t respond.
“Sharon is a spiteful bitch who wants your job. Of course she’s going to mess with your head.” She is so going to hear about this, the last thing I need is for her to stick her nose where it doesn’t belong!
When he looks up again, it seems like I’m finally getting through to him. He looks sad, or scared, probably both. It’s infuriating that he seems to have a tendency to jump to conclusions with regards to other guys. But I know it’s not his fault really, it would be best for me to swallow my pride and not make it worse.
“Please get up,” I say.
He hesitates but finally does as asked and I hug him tightly.
“I’ve missed you. Silly I know, in just 2 days, but I can’t help it.”
His arms close around me and he seems to relax a bit, as do I. His touch still has that magic, that calm and safe effect.
“So sorry,” he whispers.
“It’s OK.”
“I’ve missed you too. Wouldn’t know what I’d do if you left. It drives me crazy to think that one day you might realise that I’m all wrong for you,” he says.
“Shh, that’s not going to happen,” I say.
“When we’re apart, I feel like everything is lost until I see you again. And to think that I would end up feeling like that permanently…”
“You won’t. I love you. You’re the first thing on my mind, no matter what I do or who I meet with.” I close my eyes and rest my head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat.
“I try not to… but this is the second time I’ve doubted you.” He sighs.
“It’ll be OK.”
I reach up, around his neck and kiss him. He responds like a starved man finding his first meal in days. His arms surround me tightly and forehead rests against mine while he says sorry again.
It’s hard now, but I will earn his trust somehow. I just have to keep reminding myself that this is not my fault nor his. He’s been let down horribly in the past and it’s going to take time to get over that. I just hope he keeps letting me back in when he shuts down.
“So how was the show?” I ask after what f
eels like ages.
“Useless, that’s why I changed my return flight. I’m convinced Richard arranged it all just to get a free trip.”
I slip my arms around his waist and hide my face in his chest. I’ve missed this, his scent, the warmth of his body against mine. Everything is starting to feel right again.
“I want you to know I’ve never cheated on anyone and I’m not about to start now,” I say, “I’d never hurt you.”
He just stands still, his hands resting one on my shoulder and one on the small of my back.
“You’re everything…” he whispers.
I look up and smile at him. His eyes have come alive again after seeming so blank earlier.
“Your place or mine tonight?” I ask, “I’d very much would like to fall asleep with you, and wake up next to you, and everything else.”
He smiles too and traces his finger over my jaw, down until my chin.
“I should unpack my stuff…” he says.
“Then how about, I pick up some fresh clothes from home and meet you at yours after?”
He nods in agreement and I let go of him. Time to get back to work, hopefully the rest of the day will pass quickly.
When I get back to my computer, I see a new email from Mark. My gut feeling about the interview was right, he says he’s offering me the position to become is PA. I can start on Monday, provided he sorts out the logistics of the move with HR.
I’m very excited and a bit relieved. Hopefully John will be cool with the idea after all.
VI.
John leaves a little early to make up for the morning flight on Wednesday, while I wait until 5 exactly before heading to the lift.
Sharon is already inside when I join her, met by a hostile stare. The earlier conversation with John is still fresh in my memory, as well as her involvement in the whole situation.
“Sharon, I know you seem to have some kind of problem with me…”
She raises her left eyebrow when she turns to look at me, her expression no friendlier than before.
