by Kara Hart
When I’m half finished with my beer, my phone rings and I nearly jump out of my seat to answer it. It’s Walker. “Walker,” I say. “Where are you?”
“You followed me?” he asks. “Why are you putting yourself in this kind of danger?”
“I can’t answer that question,” I admit. “I should hate you with all my heart. The hardest thing to confess right now is that I don’t. I don’t hate you, Walker. I love you, even if you’ve put me through hell and back. I don’t understand it myself. But I’ve come here to ask you to come home. Come home to your son. We’ll talk to this Hawk man together.”
I can practically hear the gears in his brain turning as I wait in silence for him to tell me I’m right and that he’s coming back, that he’s sorry for everything. But he doesn’t say that. Instead, he says, “I’m going to give you an address. If you stay there, you’ll be safe. You’re being followed, Erica. I told you not to come.”
“Followed?” I choke, glancing around to see if anyone is looking my way. “By whom?”
“Hawk. His men. They’re keeping tabs on all of us. You don’t understand. There’s war going on by proxy. There are people who want Hawk gone, but his last fight is through me. If he gets to you, he’ll have the upper hand. You need to listen to me,” he says.
“I miss you,” I find myself saying. “I want all of this to end. I’m not sorry I came here. I couldn’t bear the thought of you leaving me for good again.”
“Come to this address,” he says, giving me an address quickly. “Meet me there in an hour.”
“Okay,” I say. He hangs up the phone.
I shuffle quickly through the dimly lit streets, feeling the jet lag quickly creep up on me. I knock on a door, next to a boarded up house, and Walker opens the door, peering out. “Quickly,” he says, pulling me in.
“What’s going on?” I ask him. “Walker, I want to help you.”
“Come upstairs and we’ll explain everything,” he says.
“We?” I ask. He motions up the stairs and I follow him, holding onto his masculine hand. I want to be home with him. I want to feel his lips against mine. It takes every ounce of strength not to kiss his neck, or rest my head against his chest.
When we get upstairs, he opens the door and I can barely believe my eyes. “No,” I say. “You’re—”
“Mulligan,” Walker says.
“Sit down,” Mulligan says. “I’m not here to hurt you. I’m here to save your bloody life.”
The young man next to him smiles and says, “The tables are turning, love. You’re witnessing history tonight.”
The old man, Mulligan, shoots him a sharp glance, as if that statement annoys him. “We’re keeping you safe, in exchange for your boyfriend’s help,” he says. “After that, you’re both free to do whatever the hell you please.”
“Keep me safe?” I look over at Walker, who looks tired. “I’m coming with. I’m not waiting around while he goes in there and gets himself killed.”
“You’d rather get killed too?” the young man laughs. “You’re best to stay put.”
“He’s right,” Walker says. “I don’t want to lose you and you have a child who would die without you.”
“We,” I correct him. “We have a child.”
“He doesn’t know I’m his father. Not yet, at least. If something happens to me, he’ll at least forget about me. He’d never grow up the same without his mother. A child needs his mother more than anything,” he says. He avoids tearing up, by glancing out the window and breathing through his nose. “No, I won’t allow it. You’re staying here.”
All three of them are staring back at me, waiting for me to protest again so they can shoot me back down. I give in to them when I think of Aidan. Walker is right in some ways, though I hate even admitting that. If I was to mysteriously disappear, Renata would be forced to raise him. He’d never be the same again.
“Fine,” I say. “I’ll stay. But at least tell me what you’re planning.”
“Okay then. Here it goes,” Walker sighs and tells me the plan.
“It’s simple, really. I go in, find Hawk, and end it right then and there,” he says.
The young man beside him lights up a cigarette and laughs eagerly to himself. “Right, and I take care of the rest of the people inside the bar.”
“And what about you?” I ask Mulligan, who looks patiently at me.
“I do nothing, but watch you, sweetheart,” he smiles, teeth decaying.
“A quick in and out,” the young man says. “Won’t that be fun?”
“I’m not exactly looking forward to this,” Walker admits. “But it’s something I’ll have to do. For her. For my family.”
It’s hard to take any of this with a grain of salt like they are. Walker’s eyes tell a different story. They bear the look of pain, regret, and burden. But if he dies, he won’t have to live with the level of sorrow I will. He won’t have to tuck Aidan in at night. If I lose him, I’ll have lost everything. That’s why I can’t let him mess this up. That’s why I’m devising my own plan to get him back home with me.
Walker
“In and out. Just like you said. I want this to be done as fast as fucking possible. I never want to see these streets again,” I tell Edward.
“What’s the matter? You don’t like me?” he laughs.
“Just shut up and keep walking,” I smile.
Hawk. Killing him is going to be like killing my father. It needs to be done, but there’s a level of sadness attached to it. I never wanted for everything to get this bad. All I wanted was a separate life. A new life. A man who works hard deserves that much.
“You sure you can do this?” Edward asks me. “You can go through with it?”
“I can do it,” I nod mindlessly. “How hard will it be? I pull the trigger and run.”
He slaps my shoulder and rubs his head. “I’ll take care of the rest.”
We get to the old bar and I feel my stomach turn. “Fuck,” I sigh. All my memories. My broken childhood. It all comes to this. I feel numb as my hand touches the door. My eyes glance to both of the side windows. Inside, there are men watching the game. I can hear glasses clinking, slurs being yelled, and some laughing along with it. Good riddance.
I walk in and everyone turns to me. Edward stays outside, smoking and on the lookout. I don’t say a word, and I keep walking.
“What are you doing here?” someone I can’t recognize asks me.
“I’m looking for Hawk,” I say. My gun placed strategically in my pants, but I still worry they’ll find it.
“I’m not sure he wants to see someone like you,” he says, standing up. The other guys stand with him.
“I’m sure he will.” I smile. “He’s been waiting for me, or so I’ve been told.”
The man turns and gives an arrogant smile to his crony’s. “You know the rules,” he laughs. “Arms out. Feet spread apart. No one sees Hawk without a proper search.”
Fuck. I’ve never been searched like this before. Usually, Hawk just guided me through. I had privilege back then. Now, I’m like a wanted criminal, making his way into a courtroom. The man’s hands search throughout my body. Nothing so far. Nothing, until, “There we are,” he smiles. “Trying to get through with this?”
Another man says, “Undo your trousers.”
I take off my belt and pull the weapon out. I slide it across the floor, along with my heart. There’s not much hope for me now.
“Alright, he’s clean now,” he says.
His friend smiles and asks me, “You ready to see the boss? You’re right about one thing. He’s been waiting for you. Though, I can’t say the meeting will be all too friendly.”
“I don’t give a damn how friendly it’ll be,” I say. “I’m ready. Let me the fuck through.”
“Fantastic, mate.” He keeps his smile wide and leads me through he dim hallway to Hawk’s office. My whole life flashes through my eyes. When I was a boy, walking through this narrow hallway felt endless. I kn
ew something was awaiting me at the other end. I always thought it was the future I wanted. Turns out, it was far from that. It was the future I would end up wanting to destroy.
Three knocks on the door is all it takes. Hawk coughs and the man opens the door. “I’ll leave,” he says. Hawk nods. He’s holding a lit cigar in his hand. He barely evens looks at me before motioning for me to sit down.
He looks much older than he did when I last left him. He looks feeble. I start to actually feel bad for the man, but then I realize all of the horrible things he’s done to people. I may have grown up as a hooligan, but I never killed anyone. This man has murdered hundreds for money and power. His reign needs to be extinguished.
“I’m not surprised you came back,” he says. “In fact, I prepared quite vigorously for it.” He starts coughing violently.
“You look sick,” I say. “Am I your last conquest?”
He laughs. Still coughing, he holds onto his chair with all his might. “I suppose you could call it that. I’m old. Yes, I’m sick. I’m probably on the last of it. It’s a shame, innit? I never thought it would be this way, but you never know how life will surprise you.”
“That’s true,” I nod. “Enough of the small talk, Hawk. Tell me what you want with me. Are you out to kill me or bask in memories?”
“You were always a smart boy, leagues ahead of everybody else. I knew I couldn’t just throw you onto the streets, but I figured you’d be my successor,” he says. “Now, it’s obvious that you’re my match. You came here with a weapon, no doubt?”
“It has been taken from me,” I say.
I wait to hear the scuffle happening outside the door. Edward should have come in at any minute, but I’ve yet to hear anything.
“You’re waiting for Edward?” he asks. My stomach sinks. I feel lost and numb. What the fuck is going on here? “He won’t be coming. I’m afraid you’ve been duped.”
“Duped,” I reply. “What are you telling me, Hawk?”
“I’m telling you that your time is up. Yes, I’ve come to kill you. There’s no way out. I’m terribly sorry.” He smiles and coughs some more. He spits out a glob of blood onto the floor and sighs.
“Not if I kill you first,” I say, knocking the table over. I completely black out. All I feel are my hands around his fleshy neck. I can hear the choking sounds coming from Hawk. He doesn’t even try and fight it. It’s almost as if he’s ready…
“Get your bloody hands off him!” Suddenly, the door bursts open and I’m face to face with Edward and the men from the bar. There are at least three of them, but they have blades and my gun. I take my hands off him and feel myself get shoved onto the floor. A boot lands straight across my face and stomach. The air immediately gets knocked out of my body.
“Fuck you,” I manage to spit out. “Fuck you all to hell.”
“Ha!” Edward claps his hands together and kneels down, so we’re looking at each other face to face. “You’re bloody easy to fool, my lad,” he says. “Did you really think we were on your side?”
“You helped me,” I say. “You helped me escape. I paid you.”
“True,” he says. “But of course, I had to get you back here, right? Hawk’s orders.”
“I don’t blame Edward,” Hawk steps forward, clutching at his neck. “He has paid for his mistakes.”
When I look back at Edward, he takes his hands out of his jacket pocket. I notice huge burns trailing up his wrists. I imagine they extend all the way up his body. One of his fingers is missing, as well. He scowls at me and puts his boot against my foot.
“And now, lad, it’s time for you to pay for your mistake,” he says.
“I have a son,” I say out of desperation. “He’s five years old.”
“Keep your mouth shut,” Hawk says. “I don’t have any feelings toward children. They’re like cockroaches to me. They fiend. That’s all they’re good for.”
Hawk stands up from his chair, wobbling a little bit and making a strained noise. He grabs his cane and stares down at me. “Oh, my little protégé. It’s time,” he says. He brings his cane down across my face and I feel the blood trickle down my cheek.
“Aidan,” I whisper. “His name is Aidan.”
“Shut up!” he screams.
But he doesn’t know who he’s dealing with. I’m not going to shut up. If I’m going to die, I’m going out with the memory of those I love. Fuck the rest.
“His name is Aidan,” I say. “Her name is Erica.”
“Get him out of my face!” Hawk screams.
“Aidan!” I yell. They try to pull me out of the room, but I grab onto the door. I rip the door off the hinges. “Hawk, I’m going to kill you, you son of a bitch.”
They all start beating on me at this point. I have no idea who is hitting me when, but I hear Hawk scream, “Rough him up all you want, but leave him breathing. I want him alive.”
Why? A boot hits my teeth. I feel a few crush against the steel toe boot. I spit them out and feel another blow on my kidneys. They’re killing me. The pain is immense. All I can do is try and block them, but eventually, everything starts to fade.
They’re killing me. I swear, they’re killing me. “Stop!” Hawk screams, but it sounds far away from where I am.
Erica. They’re killing me. I’m so fucking sorry for everything. I tried my best.
Erica
Over an hour passes and Mulligan is still staring at me from the other side of the room. He’s flipping a pack of cigarettes in his hand, but when he lets himself rest, he resembles an old mannequin. “Please,” I ask him for the tenth time, “leave me to myself.”
“I can’t let you out of my sight,” he says. “Orders.”
I have such a bad feeling about all of this. I don’t trust this man, nor do I trust the kid with him. They look rough, yes, but it’s the eyes that tell the whole story. They’re lying. They’re going to set him up and there’s nothing I can fucking do.
“Well, at least give me a cigarette,” I tell him. “You can come down with me outside and make sure I don’t leave.”
“No can do,” he simply says.
“You afraid you couldn’t catch up with a girl?” I laugh. “Seriously? What am I going to do? Run away?”
“Oh, bloody hell,” he sighs. “If I give you a cigarette, will you give it a rest? I’m tired of hearing you talk.”
“I promise.” I smile. He hands me a cigarette and opens the front door of the room. We both walk down the stairs and I take a breath of fresh air. “It’s been forever since I’ve had a cigarette. I’ve been craving one since I stepped off the plane,” I lie.
“I don’t care much for your life story,” he says. “Just on with it.” He steps in front of me.
What can I do to get out of this? I reach into my pocket for a lighter, but of course, I don’t have one. I feel the blade inside my jacket. It’s the knife I stole from Renata’s house, some hunting knife she didn’t know she had. I look up at Mulligan and take another deep breath. I’ve never done anything like this before.
My hand trembles and there’s a split second where Mulligan opens his mouth and widens his eyes. In that split second, I can see him realize what’s about to happen. I grab onto the knife and I pull it out. Am I violent person? No, I’ve never been violent in my life. But this is my son we’re talking about. I’m not taking any chances with that.
I don’t even feel the pressure as the blade sinks into his leg. He reaches into his own pocket, but he’s left his weapon inside the upstairs room. There’s a look of shock on his face. It’s as if he’s seen a ghost. Only, I’m not a ghost. I’m just a pissed off mother who wants her life back to normal.
“Give me the address,” I tell him, pushing the knife in deeper. I pull it out and stick it into his abdomen. He screams with a wild fury.
He tells me the address, but not before supplementing it with, “You fucking bitch.” I put more pressure onto the blade before pulling it out. As I run toward Hawk’s address, I look back on
ly to find him crawling to the doorway. He’s right. I am a “fucking bitch,” but I’m the fucking bitch who just stabbed you in the gut.
Hawk’s place isn’t far from where we’re at and I worry that Mulligan will somehow fix himself up and follow in behind me. There’s no time for fear, however. When I get to the old wooden door, I carefully look in the window. Spare for the light in the back, there’s no one in the bar area.
I slip inside, feeling my heart slam against my sternum. Then, I hear the screaming. It’s that fear-for-your-life kind of screaming, the torture kind of screaming. I hear three or four young men laughing and yelling unintelligible slurs and an old man calmly reciting what he needs. “No,” I hear someone say. “Please just leave my family alone.” It’s Walker and they’ve got him.
I head toward the noises, hiding my breath as I bounce on my toes. The door in front of me is half-closed. I can just see enough of Walker’s face to know that he’s still alive, but who knows if they’ll keep him breathing in a few hours.
“This is for Aidan,” I keep saying it over and over in my head. I don’t know how it came to this. Darrin and my life before was nothing that I wanted, but this is above and beyond.
Walker looks up at me and he tears up. His face is dripping blood and sweat. His eyes are practically begging for me to leave, but I can’t do that and have a clear conscience. It’s time to finally act. He keeps silent and looks away as I stand behind the bathroom door in the hallway.
“Get me a pint,” the old man says. I’m assuming it’s Hawk, but I can’t be too certain. “Leave us alone for a while. We’re celebrating tonight.”
The men come out, laughing. One of them says, “Hold on, mate, I have to use the loo.”
I quickly duck behind a stall, lock it, and listen as the man’s boots come inside. He starts humming the Manchester football anthem and that humming soon turns to whistling. He hits against my stall, and I hold my breath as he notices it’s locked. I put my feet up as he looks down.
