A lie-in was definitely on the next morning and they slept like logs until midday. After a huge breakfast, they went for a long walk down by the Marine Lake. It was a very pleasant day and the lake was full of windsurfers.
‘It’s a lovely place, isn’t it?’ Laura observed. ‘I can see why you’re so happy living here.’
‘Mmmm,’ agreed Aileen. ‘Much and all as I like London, I could quite fancy living here myself.’
‘I do love it: I’ve made some great friends; I’m doing well at work; I get a lot of interior design bits and pieces to do and I love my house. I can’t see myself coming home for a long time. I never thought I’d say this but this is home for me now,’ Cassie confided as she pointed out Hilbre Island and the Irish Sea to her right and the coast of Wales and the river Dee to her left.
She wished the girls could stay longer but Laura was flying home that night and Aileen was leaving the following morning.
While they got in another few hours’ precious sunbathing, Cassie prepared a delicious salad to accompany her Chicken Kievs and carried the food out to the garden on trays.
‘This reminds me of that first picnic we had in Ranelagh. Do you remember?’ smiled Aileen.
‘They were great carefree days, weren’t they?’ Cassie said, as she poured the chilled wine.
‘And we’ve come a long way since then,’ added Laura, raising her glass and clinking with Aileen.
They were just having their coffee when the phone rang. It was John, and as she listened to her brother’s news, Cassie felt her knees go shaky. She was as white as a ghost when she came back out to the girls. ‘Mam’s had an accident. She crashed the car and she’s in hospital. John thinks I should come home, the sooner the better.’ She tried to keep her lip from trembling.
‘I’ll phone and see if there’s a seat on my flight,’ Laura said briskly, springing into action.
Aileen put her arms around Cassie. ‘I’ll pack for you and drive you to the airport and I’ll tidy the house and leave it spick-and-span when I go away in the morning. Don’t worry, Cassie, your mother will be all right.’
Cassie swallowed hard. ‘John said she wasn’t in danger or anything but he just felt I should come home. Something’s wrong that he’s not telling me about, I just know it. He sounded dreadfully upset on the phone although he was trying to hide it.’
Laura emerged on the patio. ‘I’ve booked you a seat on my flight. Come on, let’s get packing.’
In the rush to get ready, Cassie didn’t have time to think, but as they sat on the short flight over the Irish Sea, she felt knots of fear and tension inside her.
‘Take it easy,’ Laura urged sympathetically.
‘I’m trying to, Laura, but I feel awfully scared. Something’s wrong, I just know it. There’s something really wrong with Mam!’
Book III
1985-1990
Thirty-Six
‘Alzheimer’s disease! Oh God, John! Are they sure?’ Cassie thought she was going to be sick as she sat in the car with her brother en route to the hospital from the airport.
‘Well, that’s what they think it might be, Cassie. All her symptoms point in that direction. They’re just making sure it isn’t hypothyroidism or vitamin B12 and folic acid deficiency. It will be a while before they can make a firm diagnosis and confirm what really is the matter but they say her symptoms are very indicative of Alzheimer’s and to be prepared for that possibility.’
‘What symptoms?’ Cassie said tremulously. Her heart was racing, her palms were sweaty and she felt nauseous. John sighed.
‘The memory loss, the mood swings and depression, the confusion. Mam’s short-term memory is gone to pot. She can’t even remember having the accident. The guards think she put her foot on the accelerator instead of the brake.’
‘But when did all this happen? I know she was a bit down in the dumps when I was home at Easter, but this all seems so sudden.’
‘Mam hasn’t been herself for a while now, Cassie, you know that, and since Irene left, she really went in on herself. She started to do some really strange things, ordering groceries, things that she didn’t need, two and three times a week. She had this irrational fear that she was going to go hungry. She locked herself out many times because she’d forgotten her keys; I was always having to come up and get in the window. The consultant said the Alzheimer’s has been developing slowly over the years but sometimes a shock or an upsetting event can hasten its development. He thinks that Irene’s going to Washington could have been a factor and then the accident really brought on an acute attack. Cassie, she was completely confused, she didn’t know us, didn’t know where she was or what had happened. And she wasn’t concussed or anything.’
‘This is unbelievable!’ Cassie shook her head in shock and yet, as she reflected, she could see how Nora’s behaviour had changed over the years: the gradual onset of forgetfulness, the disimprovement in her housekeeping, even in her appearance. Nora had always been neat as a pin, with her hair done every week, but Cassie had noticed, especially the last time she was home, that her mother was much less inclined to go to the hairdresser or keep herself smart and tidy. She remembered the episode with the teabags. She should have realized then that all was not well with Nora, she chided herself. What this all meant for the future, she dared not think.
They arrived at the hospital and Cassie tried to compose herself. Alzheimer’s disease. Some people called it the living death, and the doctors thought her mother could have it. She wanted to cry, to howl her eyes out and shriek abuse at the Almighty and even at Jack. How could he have let this happen to his wife? The dead were supposed to watch over the living. If that were the case, her father hadn’t done a very good job of it!
‘Mam is sedated so she might not recognize you,’ John warned as they walked down the long hospital corridor, Cassie’s high heels echoing hollowly, breaking the silence. It was the same hospital that Jack had died in, and the antiseptic smell was enough to turn her stomach. When they reached her mother’s bedside, she saw with dismay that the rails around the bed were up.
‘In case she wanders.’ John sighed deeply. ‘She wants to go home. She gets very agitated at being in hospital so they had to sedate her.’
Nora lay doped to the eyeballs. There was not a flicker of recognition as her daughter lowered the rails and bent over and kissed her mother on her waxen cheek. Sitting down beside the bed, she took Nora’s hand in hers and rubbed it between her own.
‘I’m here, Mam. You’ll be all right. Don’t worry. Cassie and John are here.’
‘Where’s Barbara?’ Cassie wearily asked John.
‘She was here this afternoon, then she had to go off to some gala. She said she’d ring you tomorrow.’
‘What about Irene and Martin? Have you told them?’
Her brother shook his head. ‘I wasn’t sure whether I should or not. I wanted to tell you first and see what you had to say. What do you think?’
‘I suppose we might as well wait until we see how it goes. Irene will only get hysterical. She can’t handle things like this at all. And there’s no point in having Martin worrying until we know a bit more.’ Cassie wished someone else could make these decisions but knew that, as the eldest, it would be left to her.
‘That’s what I was thinking too,’ John nodded his agreement.
‘How’s Karen?’ Cassie enquired, as she stroked her mother’s hand.
John smiled. ‘She’s fine, Cassie. She’s the best in the world, you know.’
‘I know that, John. You were dead lucky to find her.’
‘You can say that again. She’s at home in Mam’s, airing a bedroom for you, and giving the place a bit of a tidy-up. She calls in every day and does a bit for Mam ever since she started to – well, you know . . .’ John couldn’t bring himself to say ‘go a bit peculiar.’
‘I hope she’s not overdoing it, John. She has enough on her hands,’ Cassie said in concern. Her sister-in-law was heavily pregnant with her first
child, and Cassie knew that she and John were very anxious to have the house finished before the onset of winter. Karen also helped John with the paperwork of the business, so giving Nora a hand was more than kind of her.
‘Does Barbara visit much?’ Cassie asked. She knew that Nora was thrilled with her little grandchild. Maybe if her mother had someone like the baby to focus on a bit more it might help her condition.
‘You know Barbara!’ John said wryly. ‘As far as she’s concerned, Port Mahon is a no-go area, the sticks! She visits about once a month. Irene writes every week. She loves Washington. She’s staying with Dorothy and of course money’s no object there and Irene’s having the time of her life. She’s minding Dorothy’s baby, but as far as I can gather, there’s a live-in nanny as well, so I don’t think she has to work too hard.’
‘Well, she can’t do that for ever; her money isn’t going to last. What’s she going to do then?’ Cassie snorted.
‘Search me!’ John grinned. ‘Meet a millionaire and marry him as fast as she can – I think that’s the plan.’
‘That’s as good a plan as any, I suppose,’ Cassie retorted drily. They sat silently for a while, lost in their own thoughts, with just Nora’s breathing breaking the silence. Cassie felt a lump rise to her throat as she saw how vulnerable her mother looked in her hospital bed. What was to become of her? It was obvious that Nora could no longer live on her own. There was no point in asking Irene to come home; she’d never cope with an ailing Nora. Barbara and John were married and had commitments, although Cassie knew that John and Karen would bend over backwards to help out. That left her and Martin. And though he was scheduled to come home by the end of the year, Cassie just couldn’t see him agreeing to come back to Port Mahon to live with his sick and ageing mother.
That left her! Whatever way she looked at it, it was always going to be her. Barbara wouldn’t look after Nora, Cassie just knew it. Irene couldn’t. If John and Karen had their house built, Cassie felt that they would. But why should Karen have to take on the responsibility of her mother-in-law, when Nora had three daughters of her own?
Why should you have to shoulder it either, she argued fiercely with herself, feeling utterly trapped, very resentful and terribly guilty for harbouring such selfish and disloyal thoughts. But God, things had been going so right for her: the house, the promotion, the interior design, getting on her feet after Robbie. And she had worked hard for everything she had achieved. She had studied hard and it had paid off. And now, when she was relaxing and enjoying the benefits and having fun in her life, this!
‘Maybe we could get someone in,’ she spoke her thoughts aloud.
‘What?’ John looked at her enquiringly.
‘Sorry, I was thinking aloud,’ Cassie explained. ‘I was just thinking perhaps we should get someone to keep house for Mam when she gets home.’
‘Well, you know we’d take her if we had the place fixed up,’ John declared.
‘I know that but that’s not very fair on Karen, and besides Mam would be better off in her own home. Later on, if she gets really bad, she’ll have to come and stay with me, I suppose. Barbara won’t take her and Irene would be useless.’
‘Mmm,’ John agreed, ‘but that’s not very fair on you either, is it?’
Cassie shrugged her shoulders. ‘Who said life was fair? It stinks, if you ask me, but John, when any of us were in a fix Mam always helped us out. I’m not going to turn my back on her in her hour of need. I just wish I didn’t feel so goddamned resentful and angry about it. I feel like a lousy daughter and I hate myself.’
‘Cassie, you’re only human, and you deserve the most out of life the same as any of us. You’ve nothing to reproach yourself with. I think we should look at all the possibilities before you commit yourself to anything,’ John said firmly. ‘We’ll talk to the doctor again tomorrow.’
A nurse came in and took Nora’s pulse. She had cracked a couple of ribs and broken her wrist in the accident but apart from that she had got off lightly.
‘I think you should leave now,’ the nurse said. ‘It’s been a long day for you and, as you can see, your mother is quite peaceful and she’ll sleep for the rest of the night!’
Cassie looked at John. She hated leaving her mother on her own. Just say she woke up and was looking for them. ‘You go,’ she said. ‘I’ll stay here for a while longer. Laura told me I could stay the night with them if I wanted and she’s given me a key.’
‘Are you sure, Cassie? It’s just that I’ve got to check up on the temperature in the glasshouses.’
‘Go on, John. Tell Karen I’ll see her tomorrow some time,’ Cassie ordered crisply.
When he had gone, the nurse offered to get her a pot of tea, and Cassie gratefully accepted. It seemed ages since she’d had a cup with the girls after dinner at home. As she sat sipping the welcome brew, her mother stirred and muttered something inaudible. Cassie flew over to her.
‘It’s all right, Mam, I’m here,’ she whispered consolingly as she tucked the sheets around her mother. Nora’s eyes flickered open for a moment.
‘Cassssie,’ she slurred, and gave the tiniest smile before drifting back to sleep. Cassie felt a fierce surge of joy. Nora had recognized her and been aware she was there. Thank God she had stayed just for that precious moment. She sat with her mother until long after midnight and then at the nurse’s urging she ordered a taxi to Laura’s apartment, comforted by the fact that Nora was fast asleep and in no distress.
Although it was the small hours, and Cassie was very careful to make no noise as she let herself into the apartment, Laura had obviously been listening out for her because a few moments later she emerged from her bedroom, pulling on a negligee, and joined Cassie in the lounge.
‘Well?’ she enquired anxiously.
Cassie burst into tears.
‘Oh Cassie! Cassie!’ Laura drew her sobbing friend to the sofa and put her arms around her. ‘What is it? Tell me what’s wrong with your mam.’
‘Laura, they think she might have Alzheimer’s. Oh God, what’s going to become of her? How do you cope with something like that? I just can’t bear the thought of it.’
‘Oh, Christ above!’ Laura exclaimed. ‘Oh, Cassie, I don’t know what to say.’ She couldn’t imagine strong, outgoing Nora Jordan losing her mind to dementia.
Cassie rubbed her eyes fiercely. ‘Oh Laura, I don’t know. It’s going to come to the stage that Mam will need a lot of caring and attention and I feel such a bitch because I know it’s going to be left to me and I just resent it so much. Barbara couldn’t even stay at the hospital until I came. She had to go off to some gala or other. Irene will fall to pieces when she hears and probably get an asthma attack. I can’t see Martin coming home. I know John and Karen will help out, but they don’t even have a proper house so that just leaves me.’ Cassie shook her head, desperation written all over her beautiful face. ‘God, I get so fed up of being the strong, dependable one. It’s not fair, Laura. It’s just not fair! And I feel disgusting and despicable for thinking such selfish, mean, ungrateful thoughts. Mam did everything for us, but there’s more than me and John in the family. The rest of them share the responsibility as much as we do.’ She looked at her friend through blurry eyes. ‘Do you think I’m a selfish bitch?’
‘Don’t be daft, Cassie, you haven’t a selfish bone in your body!’ Laura retorted. ‘You’re just being very human, and if you ask me you’ve always taken on more than your fair share of family responsibilities. Don’t take this on. You’ve been promoted, you’ve a life to live in Liverpool, you have commitments the same as the rest of them. Don’t make the mistake of thinking your commitments are any less important than any of theirs. Believe me, Cassie, going on their past behaviour, Martin and Irene and most certainly Barbara will be perfectly happy to let you take on the care of your mother. You’ve got to be strong. You’ve got to put your foot down this time. You’ve got to think of yourself and your own future. I really mean it, Cassie!’ Laura warned as she poured o
ut two glasses of brandy. ‘Here, drink this, it will help you relax.’
Cassie sipped the warming spirits and stayed talking to Laura for a little while before finally going to bed. She found it difficult to sleep and she tossed and turned restlessly, trying to come up with a solution to their dilemma that would best suit her mother and the family. The best she could come up with was that Nora should eventually come and live with her in Liverpool and the others could contribute to having someone come in during the day to keep an eye on their mother. Exhausted, Cassie finally slept.
Thirty-Seven
‘Oh noooo!’ Barbara gave a groan of dismay as the insistent wail of a baby disturbed her sleep. Ian was on a drugs stake-out somewhere so she’d have to get up to Britt herself. She’d called the baby Britt after Britt Ekland, whom she’d always thought exceedingly glamorous and to whom she fondly fancied she bore a striking resemblance.
She was absolutely whacked. She’d been to a charity gala organized by Lorna Smythe, the social queen of the country. If you were invited to one of Lorna’s dos you automatically went on to everyone else’s guest list. Oh yes! Barbara was on the ‘A’ list now, after years of brown-nosing and sycophantic toadying to all the right people, even though at times it had nearly killed her. She had finally made it! And she intended to stay on there. She was going to write a wondrously glowing report about Lorna’s gala and all the high-society movers and shakers who had attended. About some of them, of course, she would write a barbed comment or two, like Mike Boyle, who was the greatest male chauvinist going and who thought he was God’s gift to women. Pulling ‘birds’ was all he could talk and think about. Thinking about it was probably all he could actually do. A fat, florid, heavy drinker, Barbara doubted if he had made love to a woman in years despite his boasting. That was a good caption. ‘Boyle’s Boasts!’ Yes, she’d do something with that in the morning.
Finishing Touches Page 37
