“You think?” she asked. He tried to smile, not answering.
“Come on,” he said. “We'll do whatever you want. What is it that you want to do?”
She shook her head. “I'd rather just stay here,” she leaned back in her chair, watching space fly by. “If that's all right.”
“All right,” he said, settling into the lounge chair beside her. She looked at him in surprise
“You don't have to stay,” she said. “I know that you want to see Eliza.”
“I always want to see Eliza,” he replied. “But that doesn't change the fact that I want to be here for you.”
“You're not going to do the same thing?” she asked. “Do you promise?”
“I told you I made a vow,” he replied. “To you, to myself, to the magic.”
“But you didn't want me,” she pointed out, remembering the start of her training.
Nathaniel sighed. “I didn't know what I wanted, Sienna. I was young, I was…”
“No, you wanted a warrior,” she said. “Not a girl and not one who could never fight.”
“I thought that's what I wanted,” he answered. “But you've taught me so much, as a witch, as a Maestro. I was an idiot for thinking otherwise. And I want to train you now.”
She fell silent, staring off into space again. “He could have lived, Nathaniel,” she said, softly after a few minutes. Nathaniel didn't answer, knowing that words would not do her any good.
The boy could have lived, yes. She was right about those things. Had he not been distracted, if she had her magic, that child might have made it to the Academy. But Nathaniel wasn't going to dwell on those things when there was nothing that could be done.
He didn't see Desmond until long after dinner, when the ship was mostly asleep. At six p.m., Nathaniel felt his body shift, before reminding himself that they were no longer on that schedule. Six p.m. did not signal the time he needed to be alert and on call for his Tiro any longer. There was no off time, no relaxing. He was now all she had.
“We should speak,” Desmond said, as Nathaniel entered the cafeteria. The lights were flickering, but they were holding. The ship was sailing smoothly through space and would land by dawn, taking Eliza to hostile and dangerous negotiations.
“We should,” Nathaniel said. He didn't know what to say, really. Speaking to Desmond had always been comfortable and easy. Now, however, it felt awkward, difficult.
“Is she all right?”
“She might be,” Nathaniel answered. “I don't know. Losing a Maestro…”
“I'm still here,” Desmond said. “I still draw breath, and she can speak to me whenever she wishes. I will always answer.”
“If you're willing to do that,” Nathaniel pointed out. “Then why?”
“Because you and I both know it's best,” Desmond replied. “I believe we're playing a charade that needs to stop. I'm more useful elsewhere, as harsh as it is.”
“And you believe I should give up, too?” Nathaniel asked. “Two in one day?”
“I can no longer tell you what to do,” Desmond pointed out. “I can only advise.”
“Would you advise it?”
“I would.” Desmond leaned against the counter. “But I take it you are not open to that suggestion?”
“A child is dead,” Nathaniel replied. “Because you chose to leave Sienna and bring on a new batch of questionable potentials”
“That is not why that boy is dead,” Desmond said. “We both know it.”
“What did you want her to do? Resurrection magic opens a black hole of souls and nearly kills her,” Nathaniel half-spat. “Is that what you wanted? You wished she could do that, regardless of the consequences for herself?”
“No,” Desmond said. “I wished…” He took a deep breath, looking at the ground. Nathaniel was surprised to find a wave of emotion go through his former Maestro. “I wish that she could have had a normal few years, learning, training and succeeding When I took her on, that's all I wanted for her. For all my Tiros, really.”
“But we've all been such odd balls, and let you down, haven't we?” Nathaniel answered.
“No,” Desmond replied. “I've let you down. I've run many years on half-energy, on half a heart. I got us exiled, Nathaniel, for loving Mariah, and I taught you that it was all right for so long that you are in danger of doing the same.”
“It won't be the case,” Nathaniel assured him. “Don't worry.”
“That's what I thought,” Desmond replied. “And then suddenly I couldn't go a day without speaking with her, and I started to think of a life outside of this. I see the way you and see Eliza look at each other, how you dream. Your life is going to be between a rock and a hard place with a Tiro who will never succeed, and because of that, your success will be limited. Is that the best way to serve the magic? Don't be angry, Nathaniel, answer me truthfully.”
“No,” Nathaniel said, after a few moments, his breathing harsh. “That is not the best way to serve the magic.”
“Then why are you continuing to do it?” Desmond asked, and Nathaniel shook his head.
“Don't do that. Don't bait me. I can't do that to her. She's my Tiro, my first. I can't just walk away.”
“Then do it for her,” Desmond pleaded. “For the life she could live, away from this path she is not meant to walk.”
“The path she wants to walk is with me!” Nathaniel roared at him.
Silence fell over both of them and Desmond drummed his fingers ever so lightly against the counter.
“Yes,” he said. “That is true. But there are others.”
Nathaniel look away, afraid that he might cry or throw something. “Maestro, do not ask this of me,” he said.
“I'm not asking anything of you,” Desmond answered. “Only that you consider what you are doing.”
“I'm going to bed,” Nathaniel said as a reply.
“Find Devon,” Desmond called and Nathaniel spun on his heel, confused.
“What?”
“Find Devon for her,” he said. “Bring her to him. Maybe that will be enough for her to realize that she shouldn't be on this path.”
“And her path is with him? Are you mad?” Nathaniel said. “That boy was nothing but trouble for her. How many times did he nearly get her killed, make her sick? There's no way I'm letting…”
“When he was a witch trying to walk a different path, he was trouble for you,” Desmond said. “Because he showed her that way and she went willingly. And only when you and I showed up did she rethink, coward backwards. Her heart went in his footsteps.”
“Don't,” Nathaniel said. “Don't even think it around her. You chose to walk away, Desmond, and that is fine. I accept your choice. But now I am her Maestro, and you have to respect my wishes and orders with her. Do not even suggest her taking a walk in a garden by herself, do you understand me?”
Desmond looked away. “As you wish.”
“Thank you,” Nathaniel stormed off, resisting the urge to magically slam the door behind him.
He would not have gotten so angry if he didn't feel like Desmond's words had truth in them. Sienna's relationship with Devon had been dangerous for that very reason, and he wanted to make sure she had nothing to do with him. His relationship with Eliza was always under the understanding that they would not make each other stray from their duties, except in dreams. If she wasn't capable of forming a relationship like that, he did not want his Tiro to have one at all.
Not that she should be having one at all.
He knew he wasn't going to sleep, so he went to find his Queen in question.
Eliza was in the communications room, sending messages back to Jeffro. When she saw Nathaniel , she spun in her chair, holding her arms open.
He grasped her like she was his oxygen, kissing everywhere he could.
“Are you all right?” she asked him, concerned.
“Never leave me,” he said, and she pulled him close.
“Never,” she promised. “I promise you.”
He buried his face in her golden hair, inhaling her sweet scent.
“Good,” he said. “Because I can't do this alone.”
“You're not alone,” she promised him. “I'm here. She'll have us, always.”
“I love you,” he whispered, and she kissed him gently.
“I love you, too,” she said. “Come what may.”
He closed his eyes, taking comfort in her very presence.
“Hopefully,” he said. “What is coming is only happiness.”
Chapter 16
She couldn't stand to say it to him in a video, so she sent him a message. When her tablet started buzzing at three a.m. that night, however, she knew who it was.
“Devon,” she said, trying to keep quiet in the darkness as she answered. His face flooded the screen and her heart filled with joy.
Her nearly three year relationship with Devon had seemed like fate and yet doomed from the start. They had met in the hospital, both of them attached to IVs Devon was reckless, mischievous and strong – everything Sienna felt like she was not. His disease progression was quicker, but it was known to the med bay, and he felt no pain, nor illness, except at the worst of times. His Maestro, Laura, made sure he lived life to the fullest, and that involved allowing him to love Sienna. She followed her heart with Devon and it got them into severe trouble more than once.
He had been the last person she resurrected, when her magic was already faltering. Resurrection magic was thought to be impossible, and it made her almost take her life, not to mention, opened a portal to the world of the dead. But when Devon had been killed in battle, she had to override every sense of safety. She couldn't live in a world without him in it.
Resurrecting him seemed to have given him the courage and strength to finally break from the Witches Order, a place where he knew he didn't fit in. His Maestro, Laura, had agreed to let him go, for the good of Nature. When she trained him, although they had an amazing time, Laura did have to dedicate herself to caring for him, and Devon knew the day would come when he would no longer be able to be the warrior he was training to be. He thought it was best for everyone if he left. Sienna missed him terribly, but their lives were so different now. They talked when they could, and he had encouraged her more than once to join him, but she always hung back.
Now, she didn't know what to do.
“Hello, love,” he said. It was daytime, wherever he was, and he looked alert, awake. “Are you all right?”
She wanted to nod, but instead, a tear that she thought had long dried slipped down her face.
“It was unexpected?” Devon asked. “Or did you know this was coming?”
“He just… I thought he wouldn't actually do it,” she surprised herself by saying. “But actually, Desmond has been…hinting at such things for a while.”
“Oh, my love,” he said. “I'm so sorry. I wish I could be there for you right now.”
“I wish you could be here, too,” she answered, and there was a pause on the other end.
“We could,” he suggested. “Do you want to come here?”
“I can't,” she said. “We're escorting Eliza to highly hostile trade negotiations.”
“Surely, they can't expect you to work like this,” Devon answered.
“Of course, they…” She stopped. “Nathaniel does. He says that I can take it easy, but we aren't off the quest. There will be a lot of questions to answer when we get back to the Jurors, but he's still my Maestro.”
“And how do you feel about that?” Devon asked.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“Do you want to still be there, Sienna?” he asked. “Because you now seem to be going through the motions, and it concerns me.”
“I've spent my whole life doing this, Devon,” she said. “I don't know how to do anything else.”
“That's what I thought, too,” he said, and she shook her head.
“I can't. I can't. I miss you so much, but I can't.”
“Would it help if I came to you?” he asked.
“Where?”
“Finish your mission. I'm due to visit the school, anyways, I was going to see Laura. I can meet you there.”
“That would be wonderful,” she said. “If Nathaniel lets me.”
“Sienna, one day you'll be making the rules,” Devon said. “He's got to start letting you do things sometime.”
She tried to smile, but her heart was too broken.
“I miss you,” was all she managed to get out.
“I miss you, too,” he said. “Have you been well?”
“I've been mostly well,” she said. “A few mishaps. You look well.”
“Mm,” he replied. “The same. Much better since you brought me back to life.”
“That could be a metaphor,” she answered. “For so much. Except it isn't. That was something I could do, once.”
“You can do so much more than that, my love,” he answered. “So much more.”
“Right now, I feel like I can't do anything at all.”
“Oh, Sienna.” He sighed, trying to think of what he could do from world's away. “You can. Think of all the lives you've saved, all the people you've helped.”
“But what good is it if I can't do any of those things anymore?”
“Maybe it's just a sign that your life is headed in another direction,” he answered. “But I don't want to get to into this, when you've had a shock and it's clearly late. I'm sorry I woke you up.”
“It's all right.” She wiped the tears from her eyes. “I needed to hear from you. I just needed to know that you were out there.”
“Call me anytime,” he assured her. “I'll answer, for you.”
“I will,” she promised and he blew her a kiss before needing the call.
She fell back onto the pillow, her heart pounding. Talking to Devon, no matter how long they had been apart, always made her long for him. She wanted to be beside him almost every moment, and in the days following the interaction, she felt like she couldn't live without seeing him. It would fade, of course, but not by much.
On the other side of the small hallway, Desmond was locked in his own video conversation. He and Mariah had been talking for nearly an hour, but it wasn't getting any easier.
“What you're asking is the Jurors to overlook a huge incident,” she said. “They went out on a limb to give you Sienna.”
“I know they did,” he said. “But I won't be the first witch to see that his Tiro is not learning anymore. They have disagreed with every choice we've made with her. They never wanted her to be trained.”
“And you went against them, which is your signature,” Mariah said, with a sad smile. “And now you'll bring them another questionable source.”
“I didn't say I wanted to train this one,” Desmond answered. “And I don't see how making my obvious decision about Sienna affects my judgment of…”
“Desmond,” Mariah said, picking up a note in his voice. “Don't put me in the same box as the rest of the Jurors. You know I will not judge you for your choices. My only concern is that broken-hearted girl that you're bringing back. With your permission, I need to let her know that I will always be there for her.”
“You don't need my permission,” Desmond said. “Not anymore.”
She sighed. “I thought you wanted to train this new one.”
“No,” he said. “No, not for a moment.”
Mariah paused. “What do you want to do, then?”
“I think you know,” he said. Across a galaxy, she felt her heart leap.
“But that's not the reason,” she said. “That you left her, is it?”
“No,” he replied. “It's not the reason, but it could be a happy end to the story.”
She let out a long breath. She had waited years to have him say those words.
“When do you want to go?”
“I need to see t
his through,” he said. “But after that....”
“Well, we waited so long,” she replied. “A few weeks more is nothing.”
“I am serious this time, Mariah,” he said. “My mind is tired. My body is tired.”
“Then we shall rejuvenate each other,” she said. “Go, get some rest. It's late and you still have a dangerous day ahead.”
“Knowing my future, it will sail by,” he answered. “I'll see you soon.”
“Until then,” she said, and signed off.
Desmond sighed, putting his head in his hands. When he had taken this quest, he knew that it was going to be difficult. But he never would have been able to comprehend so many life-changing choices in one quest.
Saying the words out loud made things feel final, decided. He knew making the others understand his decision was going to be an upwards roller coaster He and Nathaniel hadn't really been apart in over 20 years. Nathaniel had grown so much, and today had forced him to step up to a whole new level. But would the young Maestro truly be all right on his own?
Would Sienna perhaps understand that he was tired. He was exhausted and not going to recover? Or would she stay angry and hurt for the rest of her career?
He couldn't think straight, shutting down the tablet and turning off his lights. He knew the morning was going to bring a difficult day, but right now, he just wanted the sweet oblivion of sleep.
It lasted about an hour, before commotion awoke him. He wasn't linked to Sienna, but he was linked to Nathaniel and he felt the panic as his former Tiro bolted down the hallway to Sienna's room. He scrambled out of bed, slamming his leg on the metal door frame as Nathaniel shot by.
There was a blue explosion that Desmond recognized as Sienna's unconstrained magic, the door crumbling and the momentary flash lighting up the room.
Desmond had never seen such an uncontrolled flash of power. Controlled, yes, as witches who were top of their game learned to divert their entire life force into their magic. But uncontrolled and raw was a brief reminder of how much power Sienna had within her.
Blane (Stratham Shifters Book 5) Page 59
