by Tania Joyce
She prayed she didn’t share the same fate as her mom. Never wanted someone to have to look after her.
Gemma slapped Lexi’s thigh. “Your boss loves you.” She flashed her rock-star-goddess smile. Her emerald eyes shimmered in the soft light. “Haven’t you got a stash of articles and restaurant reviews that have never run in the magazine? Just use them.” She bounced on her seat like she always did when excited. “Please, come with us. We fly out Monday morning and will be gone for two weeks. I’ll cover your flights, and you can stay with us in our new house. There’s no cost involved.”
Lexi pursed her lips. A dash of excitement eased the stress constricting her veins. A getaway was what she needed. Could she convince her boss?
“It sounds perfect. But my boss is a creep.” The thought of meeting with Chase sent chills slithering down her spine. “To get approval means I have to talk to him, and I’d much rather not be in a room alone with him. He makes Harvey Weinstein look like a saint.”
“Why? What’s he done?” Kara’s brow furrowed beneath her bangs.
The wine in Lexi’s stomach curled like sour milk. “He hasn’t done anything seriously wrong to me . . . yet. But at the Halloween party last month, he was really drunk. He touched my ass when he introduced me to a board member. It made my skin crawl. I hope it was a genuine mistake.”
“What?” Gemma’s voice pitched high. “You didn’t tell us?”
“Nah.” Lexi brushed Gemma’s concern aside. “You were away on your honeymoon, then busy with rehearsals."
Worry flickered through Kara’s eyes. “You need to report him to HR.”
“No.” Lexi jerked her chin back. “I’m not going to jeopardize my career. Chase is just a douche.”
“Don’t you let him get away with anything.” Gemma waggled her finger. “If he puts a hair out of place, you let me know. I’ll kick his ass to the curb for you. I do have an exceptional lawyer.”
“Thank you, gorgeous.” Gemma always had Lexi’s back. And she hers. They’d been friends ever since Gemma, Kyle and Hunter had moved into the same apartment building after they’d signed their first record deal. Everhide had moved on to luxurious penthouses in Tribeca; her and Hayden were still stuck in the same shabby two-bedroom, one-bathroom, sometimes-cockroach-infested apartment. But she loved it. It was the first place that felt like a home—no parents arguing and no brothers fighting. Lexi clutched Gemma’s hand and hoped she never needed to take up Gemma’s offer of help. “Love how you look out for me.”
“Always.” Gemma’s smile radiated warmth. “But seriously.” She took a sip of her JD. “I’d love you to come with us to LA. You’d see Kyle’s and my new house. We could hang out. The guys and I have rehearsals and shows, but you could chillax, take photos, avoid your boss, aaaannnnd . . . have a couple weeks away from Hayden.”
Lexi glanced toward the kitchen. Hayden leaned against the counter, his back toward her. Her heartbeat fluttered toward her throat, then flopped to the pit of her belly. Dryness crept into her mouth. A sip of wine offered no relief. Wriggling on her seat, she could find no comfort. Ergh! She didn’t want to feel like this around him. Time away, a break, was what she needed.
She could do this. She could pitch the idea to Chase about reviewing restaurants in LA. He’d wanted new and fresh ideas at the team meeting last week. This could work. It had to. People and families would be traveling over the next month or so with Christmas and New Year. New Yorkers needed to know where to eat when visiting the City of Angels, didn’t they? “I think I have an idea Chase might buy.” Zest-filled tingles zipped across her skin. “Girls, I’m in.”
Kara clapped. “Yay. We’re going to have so much fun.”
Some Californian sunshine would be as good as therapy. Photos of the sunset over the ocean and around the city would look spectacular in her portfolio. Not that she’d ever need it. Her hobby would never turn into a full-time profession. She’d accepted that a long time ago. The perfect balance between doing something she loved sprinkled with travel, excitement and great money didn’t exist.
Lexi slapped her leg. Her heart beat lighter. “You’ve got me pumped. Time in LA will be perfect.” Away from the cold. Away from Hayden.
Hayden wanted to experience things they hadn’t done before, so she was about to throw him a first. A huge curve ball. She would avoid him. Just for two weeks. Allow the storm he’d created to settle.
She wanted to spend time with the girls. Feel the ocean breeze on her face when she walked along Santa Monica Pier. Fill her lungs with fresh air as she rode a bike down Venice Beach. She wanted to fill her heart with the rapture of the sunset over the Pacific Ocean. And most of all, she didn’t want to think about, see or hear the tiniest tap of a drumbeat from Hayden. She had to prepare for his send-off. Prepare for life without him.
“I’m in. Even if I can swindle time without pay, I’m going to do it. I’m going to come to LA. It’s exactly what I need.”
Chapter 3
After helping Kyle and Hunter clean up after Thanksgiving dinner, Hayden grabbed a six-pack from the fridge to go jam with the guys in Hunter’s home studio. The three of them hadn’t played together in more than eighteen months thanks to Everhide’s grueling tour schedule, harrowing ordeals and Kyle and Gemma’s wedding.
Hayden needed a good session. This would be one of the last chances he’d get to play with them. But, more importantly, he needed to thrash out the crushing pain in his heart.
Lexi’s rejection had hurt more than he could ever have anticipated. Never thought it would cut so deep. It stung that she’d avoided him since they kissed. He was adamant there was something magic between them; they could be something great. He wanted his two loves, music and Lexi, to meld. He’d taken a gamble but lost. Big time.
The only way to extinguish the fire that had ignited in the pit of his belly a couple of months ago was music. Would that be enough? No breakup with a girl had ever crushed him this much. When he moved to Boston, it would be weird not having Lexi around every day, but if she didn’t feel the same way about him as he did for her, it was time to move on.
Crossing the living room, he glimpsed the girls sitting on the balcony, laughing, chatting, drinking. His heart rattled his ribcage. He shouldn’t have told her he loved her. It was the stupidest thing he’d ever done.
Idiot.
No matter how much he apologized for kissing her, she’d avoided him most of the day. It was killing him. He charged down the hallway and followed the guys into the music room. He needed beer and music to beat out the dents in his heart.
Taking a deep breath, Hayden scanned the room. Hunter’s home studio rivaled Cannon’s, the indie recording studio where he worked part-time, or anything he and his band possessed. It was fully decked out with state-of-the-art soundboards, computer equipment, racks of guitars, digital piano and microphones. Fuck, the value of the equipment in this room was more than what Hayden would earn in ten lifetimes.
Taking a seat behind the Pearl drum kit, Hayden downed a mouthful of his Budweiser. The guys grabbed their guitars. Hunter sat on a nearby stool; his fingers glided slowly over the steel strings. Kyle pulled up a chair next to him, propped his bass on his lap, and posed his fingers, ready to play, his gaze intent on watching the chords and notes Hunter struck. It didn’t take Kyle long to pick up the rhythm. A tune started to form. Hayden puffed out a short breath. His friends were just too talented. He’d never reach their level.
But playing drums was what Hayden was born to do. It was in his blood. He’d picked up a set of sticks at his first foster home when he was ten and never looked back. He put his drink on the floor, picked up the sticks, pumped his foot against the pedal, struck the snare.
The room’s acoustics were perfect, the beat just right. It drowned out the constant clamoring inside his head: you-idiot-you-idiot-you-idiot. Through dinner, Lexi hadn’t been able to sit far enough away from him. She hadn’t joked with him—hadn’t even looked at him. He’d had enough. Weren�
�t friends supposed to forgive each other? Laugh mistakes off? Be there for each other no matter what?
Zwwwiip. Hunter’s fingers slipped over the fretboard and stilled his strings. He threw him an enough-with-your-bullshit stare. “Hayds, it sucks you’re leaving. It won’t be the same without you around. But there’s something else up your ass. What is it?”
“Nothing.” Hayden grabbed his beer, took a sip and set it back on the floor.
“There sure is.” Kyle didn’t look up from his continued bassline. “The way you were at dinner, I assume it has something to do with Lexi. You two have a fight?”
“No.” Hayden jerked his chin back. “What makes you think that?”
“Shit, man.” Hunter flicked his shoulder-length brown hair off his face. “Even I can tell there’s something going on. And I usually don’t notice anything or give a fuck about anyone.”
That made Hayden grin. Hunter was right about that.
Kyle and Hunter were his best friends. He got on with them better than any member of his own band. They’d supported each other through good times and bad, the successes and the knock-backs. These two were his inspiration, but serious girl talk hadn’t been their strong point in their past. Probably because he’d never been serious about a girl before. “It’s nothing.”
“Bullshit.” Kyle stopped playing and rested his arm on top of his bass. “Out with it. Or we’ll just get you drunk until you puke your guts up and tell us. Shall I get the JD?”
The last thing Hayden needed was to get drunk again around Lexi. He didn’t want to get in an argument with her, or to make matters worse by trying to kiss her again. “Fuck, guys. Can’t we just play?”
Kyle ruffled his fingers through his blond hair, rubbed his undercut. “So, it is about the Lexster?”
Hayden twirled a drumstick in his hand and whacked it against the floor tom. “Why do you think it’s about her?”
Kyle half-grinned. “I’ve seen the way you look at her.”
Hayden grimaced. Fuck. He hadn’t thought his feelings for Lexi were that obvious. With his best buddies away for months on end, Lexi was the one he spent his spare time with, going to MOMA—her favorite place on earth—bike riding around the city, going to the pub and gigs, and listening to live bands. His feelings for her had crept up on him, then got the better of him. “Yeah well, there’s no look anymore. I fucked up. We kissed. She rejected me. I told her I was leaving. Now she won’t fucking talk to me.”
“Holy shit.” Hunter’s short sharp laugh burst across the room. He struck his guitar strings hard. The lingering reverberation hummed through the air. “You kissed her?” He tilted his head to the side, arched one eyebrow. “What kind of kiss? Was it a touch on the lips? You slip in the tongue? Or totally fucking make out like rabid dogs?”
Hayden chuckled, but regret punched his guts. “We made out, but not like rabid dogs. The minute things heated up, she stopped.” There was no way he’d tell them he’d said he loved her.
“I didn’t think you liked Lex that way,” Hunter said, still wide-eyed.
“I didn’t until a couple months ago.” He let his head fall back and he stared at a downlight. “I had to find out if there was something between us. But I went about it in the wrong way. Now she’s avoiding me.”
How could he have hurt her? Not talked to her about his feelings first to see if she felt the same way? Instead, he’d dived in and stuck his tongue down her throat, hoping for a positive outcome. Major. Epic. Fail.
He clutched the sticks and pummeled the hell out of the drum kit. Snare drum, the tom-toms, the cymbals, and back again. Again and again. Harder and harder. Each strike triggered memories; each beat snagged his heart. Kissing her had been amazing, for the couple of seconds it had lasted. Her lips had tasted of vodka and lime. Her tongue had explored his mouth just as much as his had explored hers. Her body had molded to his when he’d held her close. She’d moaned against his mouth, tugged him closer, grabbed his hair. She’d set him on fire. Touching her, tasting her, teasing her had him undone. He wanted her. Wanted her bad. But when he’d made the move and slid his hand underneath her coat, touched her boob, he’d killed the vibe.
He’d gone too far, too quickly.
Dickhead.
Pounding at the drums, he couldn’t rid himself of his self-hatred. His anger. His disappointment in himself. Lexi was his light in his darkness. She kept him grounded and he’d gone and blown her trust in him. He struck the hi-hat hard. You utter, utter moron. You complete shithead. Thumping the base, his heart screamed. Shithead. Shithead. Shithead. Snare. Tom-tom, Cymbal. Base. Snare. Tom-tom, Cymbal. Base. Fuuuuck!
Panting and puffing, he stopped. The clang of the cymbal still rang in the air. He looked up. Kyle and Hunter stared at him, eyes widened to the size of bagels. He smirked and wiped the sweat from his brow on his shirtsleeve. “What?”
“What . . . the fuck?” Kyle’s voice rocked with disbelief. “When did you learn to play like that?”
Hayden sucked air deep into his heaving lungs and gave a half-hearted shrug. It didn’t matter how much he practiced or tried to perfect his skills; at the end of the day, he was just an average drummer. His mom’s shrieks still rang through his head. ‘You’re useless. You’ll never make it to the big time’. His heart twisted, still tainted by her words. Music was all he had. “That was nothing. You guys have been away touring too long. I’ve gotten to work with some really cool, crazy-assed indie bands that came through the studio this past year. I had to learn a heap of new stuff and correct some of my techniques for their recordings.”
“Bud.” Hunter pointed his guitar pick at Hayden. “That was freaking amazing.”
“Yeah, right.” Hayden stretched his neck from side to side. “I don’t know what it was. Just random hammering.” It had felt good though. Therapeutic.
“It was brilliant.” Kyle nodded and took a sip of his beer, watching Hayden through astonished eyes.
Why were the guys still looking at him like that?
Hayden swatted the air, brushed their compliments aside. “Stop trying to make me feel better. It’s not going to work. Just don’t ask me to repeat it as I have no idea what I just did.”
Kyle slapped his thigh. “Damn, I wish we’d recorded it.”
“Don’t waste your time,” Hayden mumbled under his breath, but they heard. He’d auditioned for his friends once, before he’d joined The Saylors, but their management and record company opted for more talent than he possessed. He respected that. He wasn’t cut out for the major league. But a love of music had formed a bond between himself, Hunter, Kyle and Gemma he’d treasure forever.
“Shit, dude.” Kyle leaned forward. “Are you bummed about moving or fucked up over Lexi?”
Both, but mainly Lexi. He wriggled on the stool. “The move is fine—it’ll be good for the band—but I’m having a hard time handling Lex being upset.” Deep down, he was scared that she was so uncomfortable being around him that she’d want nothing to do with him anymore. She would be protective of him, conscious of his feelings, and not want to cause him any more grief. But she was having the opposite effect. Shutting him out and keeping him at a distance crushed him.
“She’d be gutted you’re leaving,” Kyle said. “I’m still in shock, so Lex would be devastated.”
Hayden wiped his hand over his face, wishing it would erase his fears of losing her. “I know. But the guys and I need to do this. Playing at Kilt’s dad’s new hotel bar will be the right step for our career, give us something permanent.”
“You want to be an in-house band?” Hunter grimaced as he picked up his beer, then took a swig.
“Yeah.” He shrugged a shoulder. “It’s regular work and part of the bigger plan. We’ll lay down an album and hit the road next year.”
“Why don’t you record at Cannon’s?” Hunter asked.
“I wish.” Hayden fidgeted with his sticks and swiveled on the stool. “It’s too expensive and booked out for months. We’ll make it h
appen in Boston.”
Hunter shook his head, scratched his chest. “Fuck man, it sucks you’re jumping cities.”
“I know. I’m gonna miss you guys.” The move to Boston with his band better be the right decision. He didn’t want the fights they’d had over music to continue. Could they keep their shit together for long enough to make it? Ugh! They had to. He wanted a bond with his band like Everhide had formed. It was vital for success.
Lexi had been his escape from his band’s bickering; his security blanket he hated giving up. But it was time to make the break. He couldn’t live with her forever with nothing between them. “I don’t know what to do about Lex, though. I’ve apologized, but nothing’s worked.”
Hunter’s mouth morphed into a grin as he peered over the rim of his beer. “You know the best way to get over some chick is to get another one underneath you. You need to go out, hook up and get laid. Do you have a night off before we leave for LA? We’ll go out somewhere.”
He wasn’t sure he was in the mood for picking up a girl, but a night out sounded perfect. “Absolutely. We could go out this Saturday after my gig.” Hayden twirled a drumstick around in the air and caught it. “Maybe after that, I should take a few days off and go away somewhere. Give Lex some time to come to terms with me moving.”
Kyle’s brow’s furrowed. “Is that what you want to do? You’re not going to try to change Lex’s mind?”
Hayden’s leg jiggled. He had more chance of winning the lottery than winning Lexi’s heart. “I’m not going to waste my time running after her if she’s not interested.”
“I don’t know about that. Sometimes it pays to be patient.” Kyle smirked. “Worked for me.”
Hayden didn’t possess patience like Kyle and didn’t possess any panty-dropping charm like Hunter. If Lexi didn’t like him as he was, after living with him for seven years, there was nothing more to be done. There was only so much rejection a guy could take.
