by Tania Joyce
As she slipped into the driver’s seat, butterflies took flight in her tummy. Taking a deep breath, she pressed the ignition button. The dash lit up. Music boomed out of the speakers. The GT Ford Supercar roared to life. The rev of the engine jump-started her heart. She inched out of the garage, eased across Manhattan and hit the freeway north. She put her foot down. No more denial. No more lying.
It was time to go get her man.
Chapter 25
Lexi walked up the paved pathway to Hayden’s house. Her knees wobbled. Her stomach bubbled like broth on the boil. A lone light filtered through the sheer curtain in the front kitchen window. Every scenario of what to say to Hayden had run through her head on the long drive here, but now, standing in front of his door, they all flew from her mind. She’d checked her tracking app before getting out of the car. Hayden was home . . . She hoped he was alone and didn’t have a girl with him. Her heart faltered. Nope . . . I got this. Holding her breath, she pulled off her glove and knocked.
No answer.
No noise.
It was worse than The Night Before Christmas. Nobody stirred in the house. She prayed she didn’t see a mouse.
With no doorbell in sight, she rapped on the glass panel with her knuckles as loud as she could.
Fuck. In the frigid air, she wrapped her arms around herself and jostled from foot to foot, rubbed her knees together.
She glanced at the bedroom windows. No lights. Hayden’s room was on the other side of the house. These guys rarely used to go to bed before midnight. Maybe they were asleep . . . or out. Shit. Shit. Shit.
She’d come all this way; she had to see him. Call him.
She dug into her purse and grabbed her cell phone. Her fingers shivered and ached. She hit his number and held the cell phone to her ear. His ringtone played on the other side of the door, but it wasn’t getting any closer, not getting any louder. Just as she went to knock again, the door opened.
Hayden.
Dressed in a gray hoodie, long pajama pants and socks, he stood with his cell phone to his ear. His eyes widened. “Lex? I heard the knocking. I thought the guys had forgotten their keys. Then . . . you called.” He lowered his hand and held his cell phone against his chest. “What the fuck are you doing here? It’s nearly midnight.” Concern wobbled in his voice. “Is everything okay?”
She held up her hand, softened her voice. “Everything’s fine.” Except her mind was a complete train wreck. “I . . . I came to see you.”
“My God, get in here. It’s freezing.”
She dashed inside the toasty warm house and dumped her purse on the dining table. She screwed up her nose at the smell of pot overpowering the subtle hint of rosy air freshener.
“So the guys aren’t home?” She pulled off her beanie and scarf.
He leaned against the kitchen doorjamb, folded his arms. The soft light behind him glowed golden of his olive skin. “No . . . they’re out . . . somewhere.”
“Oh . . . are you alone?” She grimaced, glancing at the staircase, expecting to see a long pair of bare legs appear.
“Yes. Why?” He puffed air through his nose. “You think I have some girl in my bed?”
Her jaw tensed. “I wouldn’t know.” She unbuttoned her coat, tossed it on a chair. “You haven’t talked to me in weeks.”
A ridge formed between his brows. “Did you come here to fight?”
“No.” She shook her curls. “Not at all.”
Hardness set in his eyes; he stuffed his hands into his hoodie pocket. “Then why are you here?”
She wrung her hands, trying to find the right thing to say. “To apologize. I’m sorry for hurting you. Home isn’t the same without you.”
“What did you expect?”
She took a step forward to close the six-feet gap between them. “I miss you.”
He held up his hand and flinched backward. “Yeah, well . . . I’ve been busy.”
“I’ve seen your posts. You’re recording. That’s awesome.” But excitement didn’t touch his eyes. If anything, he shut down even further. “Isn’t it?”
“Not really. It’s not coming together as planned.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.” Her voice dropped, and she flattened her hand across her stomach. “I miss you so much. I hate not knowing what’s going on with you. Hate that you haven’t called or texted and that we haven’t seen each other.”
“I told you.” He hugged himself tighter. “I need more time.”
She shook her head, not wanting to hear those words ever again. “What if you don’t need more time? I know I’ve fucked up on so many levels. Every day you’ve been gone has got harder, not better. There have been days I couldn’t get out of bed. I thought I was ill like my mom. I don’t work without you. You were my strength.”
He lowered his head, closed his eyes. “We were good. But you didn’t want me.”
She ignored the sharp edge in his voice, inched another half-step closer and lowered her voice. “What if I do?”
“What?” Agonized surprise elevated his pitch.
“I was so worried about all the things that could go wrong being together, I couldn’t see what was right. Now I do. I want to try again, give us another shot.”
“Don’t fuck with me, Lexi.” He stormed down the short hallway toward the living room, his hand tugging on his hair. She followed his steps. He switched on the light and turned as quick as a tornado to face her. “You just want to pick up where we left things? Go back to the day I moved out, or back to the day you said you didn’t love me?”
Her heart struggled to beat under the weight of the anguish in his voice. She’d broken him into more pieces than a shattered pane of glass. “No. To when we were happy, like at New Year’s. When you told me how you felt before Thanksgiving, I panicked. I didn’t want to analyze the depth of my feelings for you. But the universe kept forcing me to. Kept pulling us back together, like during your mom’s relapse, my creepy boss incident, and at the Jingle Ball. We’re each other’s rock.” She twisted her hands together, searching for the right things to say. “When you asked me to move here, I freaked out at having to give up my career, at the thought of losing my independence and not having an income. I didn’t want to be a burden on you. I didn’t want you to have to look after me. But for over seven years, you always have. You’ve been the only true stability in my life.”
He stood rigid by the sofa. A muscle in his jaw ticked. “Lex, I never doubted you finding a job. I wanted you to get into photography, follow your dream. Be with me. I wanted to and was more than capable of looking after you. Doubt if I’ll ever be a millionaire though. Is that what you want? Is that all you care about? Money?”
“No. Security is. Unconditional support, love and trust. We had that. We balanced and complemented each other in every way.” Fidgeting with the ends of her long sleeves, her hands trembled. “I was so afraid of losing you, I was scared we’d turn into my parents who resent each other. I thought if we stayed friends, we’d survive anything. But we’d grown into something more. Something amazing. And I didn’t see it until I lost you.”
He took two steps toward the gas heater, faced the wall. “You were the first person who made me feel like I was worth something. Loved. Belonged. Had a home. But you threw it all away.” He lowered his chin. “I was willing to do anything for you, but it was never enough.”
She caught his arm and turned him to face her. “You have always been more than enough. No one I dated since Quintin ever stacked up against you. No one believed in me like you. Now I see I couldn’t let anyone else get close because I already had you.”
“Did have me,” he snapped. “You broke us, Lex.”
It was written in the lines deepening on his face—the pain, the rejection, the hurt.
She’d done that to him. Her heart cried; she felt every inch of his suffering. She needed to make this right. “I’m so, so sorry.” She placed her hand on his chest, could feel his heart struggling to beat. “I want to fix us.
Put us back together.” Tears welled in her eyes. “We can make long-distance work. I’m willing to give it my all if you are.”
He faltered back a step and her hand fell away. He swallowed hard. “Why . . . why would I do that?”
“Because I don’t want to be away from you for another second more than I have to.”
He shook his head. Steel set in his eyes. “No. You want me when it suits you. To play your wingman, to be a shoulder to cry on, to change a fucking light bulb. What if we fight, or disagree, or we face another hurdle? You just gonna take off again? Shut me out? Need time apart? Like you did when I first kissed you. Like you did when I told you how I felt. Like you did when you got a new job.”
“No. Never again. No more running, I promise. Time apart hurts too much. I’m better at facing life with you, not without you.”
“Not good enough.”
“Yes, it is. Because you can trust me. I trust you with my life, and more importantly . . . my heart.” She placed her palm against her breastbone. “You’ve had it for a long time. I was too afraid to admit it.”
“Lex, you’re too embedded in my soul.” He spoke through gritted teeth. “I couldn’t bear you leaving again.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” A tear slipped onto her cheek. Her heart thundered against her ribs like one thousand war drums. “Because . . . I love you.”
“W-what did you just . . . ? His voice was a hoarse whisper. “You can’t come in here, after all this time, and say that.”
“I have to. It’s the truth. We belong together. You’re my family.”
He sucked in a hard breath, pinched his brows together, closed his eyes.
“Hayden.” She stepped toward him and clutched his hands; they trembled in hers. She cupped his face and looked into his beautiful steel-gray eyes, let all her feelings for him rule her heart. “I love you. When I look at you and think about you, I don’t see an end. I see forever. I want you to be my forever.”
He shuddered all over. The breath shot from his lungs. “Do you mean that?”
She nodded.
His eyes glistened with tears. “I’ve been so lost since I left. I’ve been worse than your mother, hit rock bottom, can’t breathe without you. It’s like a piece of me is missing.”
She understood that and felt it in every cell. “It’s been the same for me. I want to put us back together again.”
“How?”
The defeat in his voice stabbed her heart. But she had to be strong. “What are you doing for the next few days?”
“Playing at the hotel. Why?”
“Can you get time off? Come to London with me. It was always our plan to go there together.”
He jerked his chin back. “I can’t just drop everything and go overseas.”
“Are you sure?” She searched his face for a sign of hope, but all she saw was doubt. “Everhide have a chartered flight. I’m sure you’ll fit on the plane. If not, I’ll buy you a ticket. I know it’s a huge ask, but London won’t be the same without you. It was our dream. The first place in the world we wanted to see together. I don’t want to do this without you. Please say yes.”
He swayed on his feet. He clenched his jaw. Fisted his hands by his side.
Why wasn’t anything she said getting through to him? Fire licked through her veins. “Stop fighting this. We’ve done enough of that lately. No more. I love you and want to be with you. So please . . . be mine.”
In less than a heartbeat, he closed the distance between them, clutched behind her head and crushed his lips to hers. She wrapped her arms around him and held him tight. Their tongues lashed out to touch and taste each other. His lips were like fire against hers, hot, hungry and hasty. Her heart pounded against his, his body warmth enveloping her. God, she’d been a fool to ever let him go.
“Yes,” he whispered over their kisses.
She cupped his face. A happy sob escaped her. “I’m so sorry for everything. I’m so in love with you.”
“Angel.” He cupped her face. “You don’t know how long I’ve waited to hear you say that.”
“Too long.” She drew his lips to hers and kissed him hard. She’d never get tired of his kisses. His touch. His taste. And mmm . . . his smell, so good, all sandalwood and vanilla. All Hayden. Grabbing the front of his hoodie, she pushed him back against the wall. He thudded against it and a picture fell off its hook and smashed onto the floor. He slid sideways to step away from the broken glass, but his hip connected with the low bookshelf, sent the lamp resting on top tumbling to the ground. The shade shattered.
She smiled against his mouth. “You goose.”
He guided her backward. Her butt connected with the back of the sofa. It slid forward and hit the coffee table.
She giggled, quite happy to destroy the house if that was what it took. She needed him to know, to feel, to understand how much he could trust her. She wasn’t going anywhere—not now, not ever. Distance may have kept them apart physically, but never their hearts. As she slipped her hands underneath his hoodie, her eyes fluttered closed. She was delirious to be touching him again. Hmm. Definitely wanted to show him how much she loved him.
He clasped her head between his hands. His eyes scanned over her face as if he wanted to make sure she was really there. “I don’t want to be away from you anymore.”
“Me either. I’ve been such a fool.”
“No, you’re my angel. You will always be my angel.”
He slipped his hands around her waist, tugged her against his chest. His kisses grew hungrier, deeper, hotter. Every touch of his lips, every stroke of his fingertips sent tingles from the top of her scalp down to the tips of her toes. Nothing had ever felt so heavenly. Oh wait . . . yes, it had. Him . . . naked was much better.
She tugged his hoodie up. The grin that lit his face when he pulled it and his shirt free slammed into her heart. She glided her fingertips down his cheek, over his bare chest and across the hard plane of his stomach. “I love you.”
He smothered her with his kisses. His hands roamed over her breasts, her ass, the bare flesh underneath her shirt. “God, I want you. But not here. Let’s go.” He entwined their fingers and led her toward the stairs. “Just in case the guys come home.”
She followed him up the narrow steps and into his room, softly lit by the nightstand lamp. His bed took up nearly every inch of the space. They had to step in close to shut the door. He pulled her into his arms, caressed the side of her neck. “I have dreamed about holding you like this again every night since I left.”
“I tried not to, but it was useless.” She knotted her fingers into his silky hair, inhaled the scent of him into the marrow of her bones. “I’m tired of fighting how I feel for you. I don’t want to do that any longer.”
“Me either. I love you. I so fucking love you.”
The fervor in his voice ignited an inferno inside her. “Me too.”
“Can we make love now?” The longing in his voice was deliciously wicked. “Or are we gonna keep talking?”
She glided her hands over his broad shoulders, kissed him lightly on the lips. “Sex, then talk.”
He stilled and shook his head. “No . . . Lex. This isn’t sex. It’s love. Make love to me.”
She caught her bottom lip between her teeth, dragged her fingernails down his stomach, pushed his pants down to his feet. He stepped out of them; his grin shone like the top of the Chrysler Building. Color touched his cheeks as she ran her hands up his legs, over his thighs, across his groin, and around his waist. “Yeah. Let’s make love.”
He discarded her boots and clothes, grabbed her around the waist and lay her down on the sheets. She hadn’t touched the ground since he’d kissed her, still floated on that high.
Hovering over her, he gazed into her eyes. “I’ve missed you. So much. It took you way too long to realize we belong together.”
“I know.” She threaded her fingers into his hair and tugged him toward her.
His soft lips adored her mouth,
her throat, her breasts. His fingers rediscovered every inch of her body, tracing her legs, her stomach, chest and face. He grabbed a condom from his nightstand, rolled it on and buried himself inside her. Tilting his hips, he rocked into her, deep and hard.
The contact with his body shot fire flooding through her veins, reignited her heart, sent shivers spiraling up her spine.
He smiled over their kisses. “Now you’re here, I’m never letting you go.”
“Good. Don’t.”
Wrapping her legs around his waist, she pulsed her hips to meet his languid thrusts. Her fingertips sizzled as she re-explored the ridges of his muscular back, his sculpted arms, the curve of his hips, the firmness of his ass. Pure heaven.
He caught one of her hands in his, entwined their fingers and pinned it beside her head. Repeated the same with her other hand. A cheeky smile lit his face as he drove deep inside her. “You’re mine, forever.”
Oh, hell yes.
The tenderness of his touch, the tantalizing taste of his kisses, the intoxicating scent of his flesh sealed him into her heart. Where he belonged. “Okay.”
He rocked into her again. A moan escaped her. “Ohh.”
“You like that?” He nibbled her ear; his hot lips brushed her skin.
“Yeah.” She threaded her fingers into his hair. Arching her chest, her hardened nipples tingled as they grazed against his torso. So sensitive. Sexy. Seductive.
“Good. Because for me, you feel fucking incredible.” He whispered against her neck and picked up the pace.
As he thrust into her faster and deeper, she rocked and met his every move. She dug her fingers into his back; her core clenched around him. Fire hurtled through her veins, coiled around her heart. It had taken her too long to admit how she felt. She’d made too many foolish errors, denied herself of happiness. No more mistakes. This felt right. She savored their hearts racing as one, their souls reconnecting, reuniting. She needed him. Wanted him. Loved him.
Penetrating her hard, he sent her over the edge. Shivers charged up her spine. Clutching onto his shoulders, she shuddered and quaked. Her pulse whooshed in her ears; every nerve sailed on the ultimate high.
