by E. M. Moore
My heart thunders in my ears. His voice sounds broken, tired, and defeated. Like he’s all of these things mixed together right now. “I’m sorry,” I say because it’s the only stupid thing I can think of. “What’s going on now?” I ask, pulling the covers up over me. It’s not cold at all in my room, but there’s a sudden chill going through me. Outside, the moon is reflecting on the ocean below, making me feel like Archer and I might be the only people up at this hour.
“We took her to get checked out. She’s coming down now.” He sighs. “I guess tomorrow starts when we try to convince her to go back to rehab again.”
My tongue feels thick. I don’t know what to say. I’m lost in this type of conversation. I feel like I have no words or experience enough to make this kind of thing go away or to try to make it better to him. I bite the inside of my cheek. “You did it once. You can do it again.”
“I just don’t know how many times I want to try,” he admits. “Does that sound bad?”
“No,” I say automatically.
He breathes out, the heavy sound pulling my shoulders down. “I’m just sick of it being my fault, you know? I want to help her, but only if she wants help. Ultimately, it’s her life. I can’t keep dropping everything to do this time and time again.”
His voice takes on a desperate tone, and I can feel the sadness in his voice. I wonder how many times this has happened before. It makes my heart sick to think about it. He must love his sister so much, but what he said is right. You can only help someone if they want it.
“I just kind of really want to get back to the guys right now,” he says. “No matter what shit we have going on, we’re in it together. I can’t even say that for my own fucking parents. They keep looking at me like I made Rachel this way. Like I physically took the drugs and pressed the needle down to inject the poison into her veins myself. It’s bullshit.”
“It is,” I agree. “You should tell them what you’re feeling,” I suggest, knowing I should probably take my own advice. Then I wouldn’t have to hide so much of myself away when I talk to my parents about my future, but that’s something to think about another time. Archer needs me right now. He’s calling me. Not one of the guys. “Your sister, too. Let everything out.”
He’s quiet for a long time, and I nibble my lip, thinking I must’ve given him the worst advice in the history of people who give out advice, but he says, “Yeah. Tomorrow. I’m sorry I called you. I just…I didn’t know who else to call.” He sighs. “Fuck it. That’s not it. I wanted to call you, Aisley. I don’t know why, but when we found her, I wanted to call you.”
I sink back into the bed. “I’m glad you did,” I say.
“Talk to me about other stuff,” he says. “What did you guys do today?”
I tell Archer about the songs, and about how Nolan heard the one. I skipped over the part about Ian, but then told him we all went to eat together. He was quiet when I said that, like he was depressed he couldn’t go.
“I’m going to try to get back there soon,” he says. “It’s time I start doing things for myself. If we can convince her to go back, we will, but I’m not going to be waiting here for weeks on end while she gets high a few last times before she goes.”
I can’t imagine being in Archer’s position. Wanting so badly to help your family, but at the same time, his hand being tied. He can only do so much. “Have you guys seen a therapist that specializes in this kind of thing? Not just someone to help her get off the drugs, but someone to talk to about what’s going on? They might be a good, neutral place to get your feelings out.”
“You think that might work?”
“It couldn’t hurt,” I say.
He’s quiet for a little while longer before saying he’s going to check it out in the morning. “I can barely keep my eyes open,” he says on a long yawn. “Good night, Aisley. Thanks for…being there.”
I lick my lips before saying, “Good night.” I don’t even know if Archer heard me before he hung up. All I hear is dead air before I pull the phone away from my ear. I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t. He’s got a lot of things on his mind.
I put my phone aside and lie in bed for fifteen minutes trying to fall back asleep, but I can’t. I end up looking up drug therapists in Key West and then sending Archer a few links before getting up. I think I’m just going to clear my head for a second, try to wind down before falling asleep again, but instead, I find myself outside Finnick’s door. I knock quietly. Too quietly. There’s no way he would hear me if he’s sound asleep, so instead, I nudge the bedroom door open and walk in.
He’s asleep on his side, but when I close the door quietly and start toward him, something about my presence must pull him from sleep because he blinks and then turns over before raising his eyes to meet mine. He squints. “Aisley?”
“Sorry,” I whisper. “Archer just called me. They found his sister.”
He closes his eyes and breathes out. “That’s a relief.” He holds his hand out, and I go to him. He interconnects our fingers and pulls me toward the bed. I go willingly, and I think I surprise even him when I lie next to him. He recovers quickly though, pulling me into his side. His bed is warm from his body heat, and it acts like a furnace for the rest of me. I edge even closer to him, wrapping my legs in his and splaying my fingers over his chest. His heart beats underneath my fingers, a slow, steady pace that grounds me in the moment.
“How many times have they tried to do this for his sister?” I ask.
“A handful,” Finnick says. “It always takes its toll on Archer. He thinks it’s his fault. Money and the rock scene, sometimes drugs just go along with it.”
“Do you guys do that?” I ask.
Finnick shakes his head. “Not me. The others have done a few things, but we realized pretty quickly that we have to be on top of things in this business, and you can’t do that when you’re tripping out of your mind.” When I don’t say anything, he leans over. “You don’t have to worry, Aisley.”
Relief floods me. I didn’t know what I was coming in here for, but maybe that was it. I wanted to see if they were into that sort of thing because I don’t think I could do what Archer’s doing right now. Worried about his sister all the time, wondering if she’s actually going to do what she says she’s going to do, or if she’s going to fall back on old patterns. Worried for her life ultimately.
I tip my face up, inadvertently brushing my lips against Finnick’s, but when we connect, I gasp. Little by little, I move forward, deepening the connection until it’s not one-sided, until we’re kissing each other. His tongue slides into my mouth, and I revel in the growing need I feel in the pit of my stomach. My hand slips down his arm, then to his torso and hips where I feel nothing but bare flesh. He pulls away, and I swear if I could see better in here, I would see bright blushing cheeks. “I sleep naked,” he says. “I should’ve told you.”
I smile and kiss him again, my fingers teasing down the curve of his hips, then back up and around until my fingertips graze the silky skin of his dick. He gasps, his body going rigid beneath me. He breathes out slowly through his nose and something settles deep within me. A need. An overpowering urge to make Finnick feel good. My thumb rubs the tip of his cock, and his body jerks. He grows with my attention, lengthening and hardening until he’s like a rock in my hands when I grab him in my fist.
“Oh God,” he says, his voice almost pained.
I watch his face, seeing the different emotions pass over him. First, there’s pleasure, then fear, and relief. His body is stiff underneath me, and I can just tell there’s something going on here. Something different. I don’t have a ton of experience with guys, but I’ve never had one react like this. A jumble of emotions warring within himself. “Finnick,” I say softly, keeping my hand where it is. “Are you okay?”
He closes his eyes and breathes in deep. He looks over at me, his eyes sad. “I have so much to tell you.” He puts his hand over mine, working it up and then down. Emotions warring over his face.
“But can you do this one thing for me, please? I haven’t felt like this in a long time.”
I move up on the bed, claiming his lips as mine, kissing him as my hand strokes him harder. He shakes underneath me, his body rocking into mine ever so slightly. We keep going until he tears his mouth from mine, moaning into the air like a plea for help. I reach up with my free hand to touch his cheek and notice a wetness there. There’s so little light in the room that I can’t tell for sure, but it has to be tears.
His hips jerk into mine, and I increase the pace, sliding my fist up and down his silky hardness until his hips move just as fervently into my hand. He cries out as I stare down at him, his eyes closing until his dick jerks in my hand. My stomach fills with butterflies as I watch him come. His chest heaves, his body seems to melt, relaxing into a state of bliss. And then he’s pulling me toward him, wrapping me up in his arms, keeping the blanket between us as he rains kisses onto my face. Though his body collapses onto the mattress, he never lets me go, holding onto me with strong, vise-like arms. I hold onto him just as tightly, alarms going off in my head. Not ones that tell me I need to get away, but ones that tell me something amazing just happened. Something deep. Something beautiful that I got to be a part of.
When his breath calms, his grip slips little by little. Lying on my side, I watch Finnick fall back into a peaceful sleep. I watch him for a little while until I, too, fall asleep, wrapped up in the comfort of Finnick’s embrace.
Hours later, I’m awakened by a kiss to my temple. My eyelids peel themselves apart, and Finnick’s hazel eyes are the first things I see. I smile, then remember what happened last night and settle back so I can check him over. Make sure he’s okay.
He bites his lip, and it’s one of the first times I’ve seen one of the guys look even remotely overly vulnerable. “You probably have a lot of questions about last night.”
“Only if you want to share with me.”
A small smile pulls his lips apart. “At this point, I want to share everything with you. I want to tell you why I think you’re so special, and why I reacted that way, and so many things that my brain can’t even come up with yet. But I’m afraid of one thing. I’m afraid you won’t…want me afterward.”
I grab Finnick’s hand. “That’s not going to happen,” I tell him. “You were the first one I fell for in this house.” I gaze into his eyes, trying to compare the Finnick I thought I knew to the one in front of me right now. The other Finnick was the peacekeeper. He was carefree and go with the flow, but this one, there are secrets behind his hazel eyes. Secrets that he looks like he’s willing to part with. I thought I had Finnick figured out, but I obviously hadn’t. “You always tell me everything I feel is right on my face,” I say softly. “It feels like I’m just seeing the real you now.”
“It was always me, Aisley,” he says, his eyes hardening. His hand comes up to caress my cheek. “It’s just that I got really good at putting a mask on.”
He’s silent for a few beats, so I say, “Okay,” to urge him forward.
He holds my hand to his chest. I can feel his heart beat furiously under my touch.
Behind us, the door opens. “Dude,” a voice says, “it’s—”
Finnick’s gaze moves up. I don’t need to look behind me to know Ian’s just walked in.
“Shit, sorry,” he says. The door starts to close, but then it bursts back open. “Fuck. Finnick.”
“I know,” Finnick grinds out.
The door closes and Ian moves toward us. I look over my shoulder, but Ian isn’t looking at me, he’s looking at his cousin. I can’t really gauge his reaction. It’s as much of a mystery to me as Finnick crying last night. Is he mad we did something? Jealous?
“Did something happen?” Ian asks. His gaze flicks to me then back to his cousin. “Do you need me? I can…” He trails off.
Finnick sits up in the bed. His knees come up, too, and he places his elbows on them as he holds his head in his hands. His back muscles bunch, and I move over to press a kiss to his shoulder. “Hey,” I say, “It’s okay.” I honestly don’t know if it is though. I’m still in the dark, wading through the shadows. Finnick, I thought, was the most unaffected one. He always had a smile and seemed to be on top of things, but this was hiding inside him all this time.
“Do you want her to leave?” Ian asks.
My back bristles, and I glance over at Ian who gives me a pained look in response.
“No,” Finnick says right away, reaching for me. “I’m telling her.”
Ian sits on the bed. He ruffles his cousin’s hair and then puts a hand on my leg, squeezing me gently. “Head up, man. It’s not your fault.”
Finnick does what Ian says. He lifts his head and stares into his cousin’s face. When Ian nods, Finnick slowly moves his gaze to me. I immediately kiss him, sealing my lips to his with reassurance. I’m not leaving. I’m not going anywhere. They can’t even make me now if they tried. There’s real fear in Finnick’s eyes, and my stomach hurts for him. Waiting for what Finnick has to tell me twists my insides out, but at the same time, he needs to do this at his own pace.
When I pull away, he bites his lower lip. “This is something you’re probably only used to hearing from girls.”
Ian sighs, and Finnick shoots him a look.
When he returns his warm gaze to mine, I just wait. “About nine months ago, I was molested, I guess you would say. I was touched…sexually.” His eyes burn into mine. I make myself stay completely still, trying not to show all the shock and anger that fills me when he tells me his story. “Um, I didn’t stop it. And it’s so stupid because I’m a grown ass man and I should be able to stick up for myself, fight someone off, but this person manipulated me.”
“Stop saying that shit,” Ian barks.
“It’s true,” Finnick says, his voice hardening. “I should’ve stopped him. I should’ve—” He breaks off in a growl and stands, whipping the covers off him. At that moment, I don’t even register the fact that he’s naked anymore. I’m just staring at a lost boy. “I didn’t know I could feel that way again,” Finnick says, eyes crashing into mine now. “I haven’t been able to do anything since that night, Aisley, until last night.” Tears gather in his eyes. “I thought I was broken.”
“Dude,” Ian says, getting to his feet, but I’m right there with him.
I crawl over the bed, and Ian and I both stand in front of Finnick. I take his hand and Ian takes the other. “I’m so sorry,” I say. “I’m sorry you went through that, and even though I don’t agree with how Ian’s saying it,” I say, tossing him a glare, “I agree with him. It’s not your fault. None of your reactions are your fault. It shouldn’t have happened to you. Period.”
He looks away, but he gives my fingers a slight squeeze. “I felt shame,” he says, voice finally breaking. “So much shame.” He swallows.
“It’s not your fault,” Ian says. I’ve never heard him sound more tender. Underneath that hard exterior, I guess there is a good person.
“I came, Ian,” Finnick growls. Then his lips part and he looks at me, sadness pouring over him with a shock. He probably hadn’t actually wanted to tell me that part.
Before I can even think to say anything, Ian says, “That’s called Science or some shit. Our bodies are made to react that way, whether we want them to or not.” When Finnick doesn’t answer, Ian closes his eyes. “What did I tell you, bro? I told you you only needed the right girl. I told you you weren’t broken.” Ian smiles down at me, and I can see the softer guy underneath. The one who cares about Finnick maybe more than anything. “Thank you,” he mouths to me inaudibly.
My jaw tightens. I clamp down to quit from crying because I’m sure that’s not what Finnick needs right now. He needs us to be strong. Isn’t that what people who feel weak need? Someone to be their rock? Someone they know who won’t crumble under the weight of their own misery?
Finnick takes in a deep breath, then he looks over at Ian. “Do you mind if I have some time alone with Aisle
y? I’ll make breakfast in a few minutes.”
“I’ll make fucking breakfast,” Ian says with a growl, then gives Finnick a short hug before walking out the door.
I immediately turn into Finnick’s embrace, wrapping my arms around him. I lay my head on his shoulder. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying right here. I don’t care what you’ve been through, only that it hurt you and that it shouldn’t have happened. I’m here,” I tell him, holding him as tightly as I can.
His arms come around me, and he kisses the top of my head. “I’m sorry to lay all this on you. It’s…a lot. With Archer…and Ian telling you about his parents. You must think we’re so fucked up.”
“It is a lot, but that’s okay. We all have shit, Finnick. Every one of us. Some of ours is just well hidden.”
“You’re so fucking perfect,” he breathes. For the first time, Finnick initiates a kiss. He delves his tongue into my mouth, sweeping me away with him. After a few seconds, he pulls away, already breathing heavy. “Fuck yes,” he says. He grabs my hand and pulls it to his stomach until I feel his hard cock. “You have no idea,” he says again through fierce kisses. I grip him in my hand again, and he moans into my mouth when he captures my lips again.
This morning, there’s more urgency. He shifts his hips into my fist, and I stroke him right back, keeping up with his pace. “Fuck,” he growls. He drops his head back, and I kiss his neck, dragging my teeth along his pulse. He shudders, his body going rigid until he cries out, his dick jerking in my hand again. He takes my face in his hands and kisses me, his hips shifting ever so slightly forward while he rides his orgasm out. He continues to thrust himself into my hand in little strokes until he moves forward, making me step back.
The backs of my legs hit his bed and I topple over, Finnick moving right after me. He tugs on my sleep shorts, pulling both them and my panties down in one move. I suck in a breath as he stares down at me. “I’m sorry I was selfish last night.”
“It’s fi—”
