“I’m looking forward to it,” Jana said with little enthusiasm.
The hurricane in Charli’s stomach leveled out to a tropical storm. While the cameras rolled, she led them all toward the store, pointing out the new cedar siding, posts, boardwalk, and metal awning. The paint trim had been sanded and reapplied with a fresh coat of white. And the front window now sported turn-of-the-century lettering including the established date from when Joe Wilder had first opened the doors.
Reno wrapped his large hand around a post as they moved up onto the boardwalk. He paused as she opened the front door.
“It’s going to be okay.” She took his hand. “I promise.”
At his almost imperceptible nod, Charli stepped back and allowed the family to be the first to walk into the store.
The first thing Reno did was to look up at the back wall, where she’d put up barn-wood-framed sepia-toned photos. Jana had helped her go through the old photos taken at the hardware store throughout the years. In some, Joe Wilder was surrounded by his boys at various ages. Others were candid and taken while he assisted customers. A few were of Joe and Reno working side by side. Charli hoped the gallery would help keep alive a sense of the man who’d been such a positive influence on Reno’s life.
“Oh.” Jana gasped, while the boys remained silent. “The photos are just wonderful.”
Wanting to hear something—anything—from Reno, Charli’s heart took a plunge. Her eyes misted. While she recovered, she urged the family to discover the rest of the newly organized yet still relatively intact store. Including Reno’s barrel display, which now contained bulk pet treats.
In a surreal state, she managed to follow them about, pointing out specific treatments, and almost absently making appropriate comments for the camera. But all she could wonder was why Reno had failed to react—even negatively. He seemed to be running on autopilot. And that really worried her.
“What do you think?” she finally asked him.
He avoided her eyes. “It’ll do.”
It’ll do?
Yeah. Not really what she wanted or expected to hear.
And still, it told her nothing.
Heart racing, Reno stood in the middle of his store, trying to take in all the changes and trying to disregard the cameras shoved in his face. Beside him, Charli asked a question he could barely hear over the loud buzz in his ears. He managed to mutter some half-ass response past the knot in his throat.
Everything in the place appeared cleaner and more organized. Charli had obviously tried very hard to add warmth to what was otherwise a place to buy screwdrivers and alfalfa cubes. The tractor-seat stools and checkerboard tabletop presented a bit of whimsy. The photos of his father were a nice touch. The inclusion of the broken-down desk where the man had worked for years and taken his last breath proved Charli had paid attention to Reno’s concerns.
But the spirit of his father was gone.
Reno could no longer picture his father behind the renovated counter or putting up stock on the new and improved shelves.
The buzz in his ears became unbearable, and Reno knew he had to get the hell out of there.
Without a word, he turned and walked out.
Panic shot through Charli’s heart as Reno walked out. The despair that darkened his face as she’d tried to draw him into the conversation spoke volumes of what must have been going through his mind. Because the show was not live, she had the privilege to halt the taping. She sent a silent plea to Max, who called for the cameras to be turned off.
“I’ll go talk to him,” Jana said, her motherly instincts obviously stronger than whatever had transpired before they’d begun to tape the reveal.
“Let me,” Charli said. “Please?”
Jana nodded.
Charli caught up with him just as he reached his truck. “Hey. Wait a second.”
He disregarded her and opened the door. She put herself between him and the big vehicle. As if he’d been burned, he put distance between them. Crossed his arms. And seemed to completely shut down.
“Talk to me,” she said. “What’s going on?”
For a long moment, he just stood there staring at the pavement. Breathing in. Breathing out.
And breaking her heart.
“I can’t help you if you won’t tell me what’s wrong,” she said.
His head jerked up. “Maybe I don’t want your help. Maybe you’ve done enough.”
“Whoa.” She lifted her hands. “There’s no need to—”
“You shouldn’t have pushed for this, Charli,” he said.
“So . . . whatever is going on here is all my fault?”
“It must be easy to just drop into people’s lives, change everything whether they want it or not, then take off,” he growled. “You don’t have to face the consequences that way, do you?”
“How can you say that? That’s the worst part of my job.” A cold chill ran up her back. “Because when I do “drop in,” I find people who have everything that I want. Yet it always seems to be out of my reach. All I’ve ever wanted was someplace to put down roots. Where people love you no matter how stupidly you behave. Somewhere—someone—to call home. It amazes me how easy something like that can be taken for granted.”
He looked away.
“It’s obvious you aren’t happy with the changes I’ve made to your store. I apologize.” She took a step back and leaned against the truck for support. “But I promised if you didn’t like it, I’d put it back the way it was. And I will. So what’s got you wound up so tight?”
“It’s not just the store.”
“Then what is it?” She wanted to reach out and touch him. Comfort him. But his body language screamed “hands off.”
“I wouldn’t even know where to start.”
“Just start someplace,” she said.
“Everything’s wrong. Moving too fast.” He shook his head. “Changing.”
In her mind, Charli flashed back to the expressions and body language she’d witnessed just before the cameras started to roll. Then her mind zipped back even further to something Jana had said the day she’d shown Charli her treasure-filled barn.
“The boys are not ready for me to take that plunge.”
Realization dawned. “Does this have something to do with your mother wanting to date?”
His head came up. Eyes narrowed. “You knew?”
She shrugged. “It may have come up.”
A muscle in his jaw contracted once. Twice. “And you didn’t say anything to me?”
“She asked me not to.”
“Why?”
Charli pressed her lips together. “Oh. I don’t know. Maybe because you’d react just as you’re doing right now?”
“My brothers and I had a right to know.”
“But it wasn’t my place to tell you. It was hers.”
Brows tight over tired, haunted eyes, he said, “You just don’t get it, do you?”
“I get it. Clearly.” She took a breath to keep from losing her cool because that certainly wouldn’t help. And only honesty was going to get it settled. “I know your anger is misplaced. And I know this has nothing to do with anyone else. This is all you, Reno.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“I know you loved your father, your brother, and Diana very much. And I know your grief has consumed you. But this isn’t about them. This is about your not wanting to let go. You think if you move forward and live your life, you’ll be disloyal to them. But you’re wrong. If you live your life, their memories will thrive. Through you. Don’t you think they’d want that?”
He looked away.
“You haven’t grieved alone, Reno. Your mother has suffered too. Your father was the boy she fell in love with. The man she built a home and family with. And she misses him terribly. But if he’s the man I think he was, he wouldn’t want her to be miserable. And she isn’t ready to lie down and die. She’s ready to live the rest of her life with as much joy as she can find.”
Charli took a breath. “You should be too.” She planted her feet in preparation for the force of his bitter defense.
Though his body remained tense, when he finally spoke, it was clear the fight in him had deflated. “Nothing is ever as cut-and-dried as it seems.”
“No. It’s not. I’m sorry you’ve lost so many people you love,” she said softly. “I wish I could bring them all back. I wish I could tell you that you’ll never lose anyone you love ever again. But I can’t. All I can tell you is that your mother deserves the opportunity to find happiness. And so do you.”
Heeding her own advice, she took a chance. Took a step closer. Placed her hand on his arm and let the warmth seep through her fingers. “I’m in love with you, Reno.”
His unreadable dark eyes searched her face.
“I know I’m a risk. I know there will be challenges . . . things to work out. I know I’m not perfect. I’ll annoy you, piss you off, say stupid stuff, then take it all back. But I guarantee you will never find another woman who loves you more than me. If you’re ready to take a chance and step outside that box you’ve built around yourself, I’m here.”
He hesitated for several long, painful breaths that told her everything she didn’t want to know but needed to just the same.
He wasn’t ready to move forward.
At least not with her.
She’d taken a chance. Again. And she’d failed. Again. She’d jumped too soon. Let her heart rule her head. And now here she was, having the same conversation with a man who couldn’t or wouldn’t love her back. Her ridiculous man ban hadn’t worked because the moment she’d met Reno, she’d jumped ship and dove headfirst into love. Again.
When would she ever learn?
“Charli, I—”
“No need to make excuses. I get it.” She withdrew her trembling hand. Sucked in a lungful of courage. “But as much as I love you, I’m not going to beg you to love me back. I’m not going to cajole you the way my mother did my father just so you’ll be happy.”
If she wanted to go that path, she could tell him right now that she’d love nothing more than to stay in Sweet. Make a life here. But really, what was the point?
“I deserve to be happy too.” Tears stung her eyes, and she didn’t even try to stop them. “And if you can’t—or won’t—make this relationship a two-way street, then we really have nothing more to say.”
She took a step back. Waited several heartbeats for him to respond.
Say something, she pleaded silently. Take me in your arms and make this be okay.
He only stood there—motionless—and looked at her like he hadn’t really heard a word she’d said. Or didn’t care.
As she turned away, her body shook with tethered emotion. Her heart cried out for him to stop her. To tell her he was ready to take that step.
To tell her he loved her.
But he didn’t.
He let her walk away.
The following morning, Reno stood inside his store looking around at all the changes. Exhaustion ate into his soul.
Until the early hours of dawn, he’d waited for the sound of Charli’s Hummer to roll into the driveway and park near the barn.
That sound never came.
She’d never come back to gather her things. To tell him good-bye. To tell him what a stupid ass he’d been.
From the back veranda, he’d looked out over the yard, the garden, and the wide-open meadow beyond. He’d had an urge to run. To ride. To dunk his head in a cold bucket of water. When his pity party ended, he knew he needed to talk to her. Explain himself. Apologize. Figuring her and the crew would still be putting the place back together, he headed to the store.
It wasn’t every day a beautiful woman told him she was in love with him—even with all his faults and fears.
She was right.
He’d been afraid to let go.
She was right.
He wasn’t the only one who’d suffered from the losses. His mother had lost a husband, a best friend, a lover, and her firstborn son. Jesse, Jackson, and Jake had lost their big brother. And Diana’s parents had lost not one, but both their daughters. And yet they’d all somehow managed to put one foot in front of the other and move forward. He had not.
She was right.
His mother deserved to find happiness. And no one had the right to stand in her way. His father had died. She hadn’t. She deserved to live and be happy.
Realization didn’t always come easy. Didn’t always come when it should. Since the deaths, Reno believed his grief was a way to pay respect. To show his loyalty. But all this time, he’d been nothing but a coward. Hiding behind the grief. Making excuses for reasons not to live.
She was right.
He deserved to find happiness.
He glanced around the store. At all the thoughtful ways Charli had managed to preserve the spirit of what had once been the heart and soul of his universe. Of what she knew meant more to him than breath.
The realization came too late.
Charli was gone.
He’d lost again.
This time he had no one to blame but himself.
“I told her to leave it the way it was.”
Reno turned to find his mother in the doorway. Bright sunshine poured in behind her, and church bells rang in the distance.
“I wondered,” he said, glancing up at a photo in the center of the new gallery. The picture was of him and Jared sitting in a wheelbarrow laughing while their father held the handles. “I remember that day.” He pointed to the photo and smiled. “Jared and I thought we’d come down and give Dad a hand in the store. Guess we were more trouble than help because Dad set us both in the wheelbarrow and wheeled us right out the door.”
“I remember too. I took that photo,” his mother said. “I’d come down looking for you two rascals. Right after I took that shot, your daddy wheeled you out to my truck and tossed you both in the back with a smack on the behinds for scaring the living daylights out of me with your disappearing act.”
Smiling, Reno nodded. “I remember.”
She closed the door and walked up to him. Cupped his cheek in her hand. “See that, son? That’s what memories are supposed to do. They’re supposed to make you smile. Warm your heart. They’re not supposed to tear you apart. Those memories—those smiles—keep them alive.”
“That’s what Charli said.”
His mother nodded. Patted his cheek. “She wanted to put everything back the way it was. Said she promised that’s what she’d do if you didn’t like the changes.”
“She did make that promise.”
“I told her to leave it. I think it looks wonderful.”
“So do I.”
“But that’s not what you told her.”
He shook his head.
“Why?”
“Because I didn’t realize until I stood in here this morning that these are all just . . . things. They can’t bring someone back. And they can’t help you make new memories. They’re just . . . objects.”
She smiled. “It’s so nice to see you finally get a clue.”
“Took long enough.”
“Better late than never.”
At the moment, he couldn’t agree. Because taking so long had now cost him more than he’d been willing to lose.
“I’m sorry about last night,” he said, taking his mother’s hand. “I’m sorry to be so selfish that I couldn’t see how lonely you’ve been.”
“I know, sugarplum.” She squeezed his hand. “I know.”
A sigh of relief expanded his chest.
“I’m probably going to date,” she said.
“Okay.”
She gave him a wistful smile. “I might even fall in love again.”
Surprised to discover how much that made him happy, he leaned down and kissed her cheek. “I hope you do.”
Chapter 21
Something inside her had died.
Charli studied the little building in Lakeside, Oregon, that had
been everything from a grocery store to a video store. Currently, it was being operated as a restaurant. A diner, to be exact. The exterior architecture was midcentury and the menu reflected the era’s love of burgers, fries, and milk shakes. But due to the poor condition of the building, it looked unappealing, and the customers had dwindled. Like the other places she’d brought back to life, it needed her TLC.
Any other day, she could have come up with a quick design to make the best use of what already existed. Today, she could not.
The production crew had rolled into town a few days before. She’d done some preliminary sketches from photos the location scouts had given her. But as easy as black-and-white-tiled floors with red 1950s soda-fountain accents might seem, Charli couldn’t get her mind off a certain hardware store she’d left behind.
As she sat out front of the diner on the curb, the sun broke through a layer of clouds and offered a ray of warmth on the late-summer day. Much to her surprise, the coast in Oregon was much cooler than the beaches in Southern California. And the gloominess did nothing to perk up her current funk.
She’d made a promise to Reno that she’d put the store back the way it was if he didn’t like it. Well, he’d hated it. And then she’d skipped out of town, leaving it just as it was. Jana—whom she’d not talked to since she’d left Sweet—had convinced her that it would be fine. But Charli felt that she’d let Reno down.
And wasn’t that the crux of her funk.
In the end, they hadn’t aired the hardware store portion of the makeover. Any references to Wilder and Sons or the Wilder family had been expertly cut as though they never existed. Charli realized that was best. Later, down the road, she didn’t want to have to see reruns that would remind her of what she’d thought she’d had with Reno, only to be fooled once again.
She hadn’t gone back to the apartment to gather her things. T-shirts and tennis shoes were easily replaceable. But the love she’d developed for Reno? Not so much. Somehow, she’d move on without him. But it wouldn’t happen anytime soon.
In the meantime, she needed to find her happy place. After that, figuring out the rest of her life should be easy cheesy. Then again, delusional was a very interesting place to dwell.
She’d much rather be in Sweet.
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