‘Mrs Greene saw you from the bus,’ said Dan. He pulled a face – like, ouch.
Barbara glared at him. ‘United front, Daniel,’ she pointed out. See? A bit of human kindness – no chance.
‘It’s not like that,’ I said. ‘You can’t just stop – everyone wants a pop. You have to work at it. I’m doing my best.’
‘It’s not enough,’ said Barbara.
‘But I’m getting there,’ I begged. ‘I’ve been trying really hard – doesn’t that count for anything? I’m really, really doing my best …’
It was no use. She just sat there with her lips pressed together like two slices of cold ham.
Dan let out a breath. ‘You’ve been on your last chance, Billie.’
‘I’ve really tried. I’ve been on a fight diet. Just one a week,’ I said, trying for a bit of fun.
Barbara doesn’t do fun. ‘You promised,’ she hissed. ‘You promised, Billie. How many times have you promised?’
‘I know, I know.’ I looked at Dan. I felt like one of those puppies you see in the ads – the ones with the begging eyes. I was thinking, Don’t throw me out, don’t make me go back into care, don’t make it so I mucked this one up as well – please please please …
They both sat there and let me hang.
Barbara and Dan are the fifth foster carers I’ve had. So far. People always get rid of me. Have you noticed that? They always dump you in the end. It’s just a question of when. But me, I’m so stupid, every single time I imagine it’s going to be different.
‘You’re grounded,’ she announced finally.
‘Oh, thank you, Barbara, thanks, I’m really sorry, I won’t let you down again.’
She nodded, and pulled a face. ‘One month,’ she said.
‘What?’ A month? That’s unheard of. No one can stay in for a month. ‘You can’t –’
‘You can’t be trusted outside. No, Billie. One last, final chance. The absolute last time, Billie. I promise you that. One month.’
‘Just accept it, Billie,’ said Dan. ‘You’ve had it coming, love,’ he added.
‘But a month …’ I’d had enough. ‘It’s stupid – it’s just a set-up. We all know I won’t manage a month. You just want to get rid of me …’
I could feel tears coming. I headed for the door, but Dan was in the way.
‘You stay there, Daniel,’ ordered Barbara, before he could move. And poor guy, all he wanted to do was get out the way, but he did as he was told and stood there and quivered. I did once, see. A couple of times. I’ve lost it with him before. It’s not his fault.
‘It’s all right,’ I said quietly. ‘I’m not going to hit you.’
And then, for no reason, for no reason at all, Barbara went ape shit.
‘Don’t you dare threaten us,’ she snarled.
‘What are you on?’ I said.
‘Gently, Billie …’ said Dan.
But I was really running out of patience. ‘She’s looking for it, though, isn’t she?’ I said.
‘She’s scared of you, Billie,’ he said. ‘We both are.’
Barbara went bonkers. She jumped up out of her chair, snapping away like a nasty little dog. ‘I’m not scared of her! She might bully her friends, but she isn’t going to bully me,’ she yelled.
‘Don’t start at me like that, Mrs,’ I told her. ‘I’ll knock you down, no problem. I’m only laying off because I know what it’s like living with a dried-up old bitch like you …’
I couldn’t help it! I watched the words coming out of my mouth and then before she could answer I ran off. I knew, if she went on, I was going to blow. I pushed Dan out of the way and ran upstairs into my room. And her, silly cow, you know what she does? I mean, she’s won, hasn’t she? All she has to do is leave me to cry it out, but no. She runs after me to the foot of the stairs and yells up at me …
‘No wonder your mother never wanted you back. Who bloody would?’
I wish I could go deaf. You can’t help hearing things. She knows I can’t cope with that. That’s why she said it.
I went. The red mist. I’ve done loads of work with Hannah about it, but it never does any good, not when people are going on about me mum. I waved my hand and tried to clear the air, but the red mist came down anyway and the next thing I knew …
I don’t know how long it took – not long probably. Minutes. It’s amazing the mess you can make in just a few minutes. When I came round, I sat down on the bed and I just cried.
The shelves were down. The curtains were down; the curtain rail was on the floor. The mirror was smashed; the desk was kicked over. And I’m, like, No no no no no! Please no! What is it with me? Just looking at it made me want to wreck the place all over again.
Jesus. What was going to happen to me now?
I sat there for a while. Then I did what Hannah taught me to do. I took three long breaths, got up and started to tidy up. This was going to be a bloody big deal. They had me in respite care for a week last time. I’d been on my last legs ever since.
But you know what? It was a relief, really. I been trying and trying and trying, but it was so, so hard. I felt, like, There you go, that’s it, then. Billie’s a lunatic – she’s not fit for a proper life. We always knew it. Take her away. At least now we don’t have to waste any more of our time trying to turn her round.
There was a huge long shard of glass from the mirror lying on the floor shaped like a cutlass, so I picked that up in one of the curtains to save my hand – and it was then, of course, that Barbara came charging up the stairs and burst in. I thought she was going to hit me so I lifted my hand in the air to hold her off …
‘Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! Oh my God! Dan, help! She’s going to kill me!’
Off she went, down the stairs like I was about to chop her head off. I thought, What now? Then I caught sight of myself in what was left of the mirror – standing there with this huge blade of glass raised up over my head, my face half red and half white, my eyes glaring and pulling a face like a madwoman. No wonder! I’d have laughed if it wasn’t so awful.
I ran to the door. ‘I’m not going to hurt you! Barbara? I’m not going to hurt you! OK?’
She was out in the street by then. I don’t know if she heard me or not. ‘Dan, Dan! Call the police!’ she was screaming. ‘She’s gone psycho, she’s gone psycho!’
It really was not my day.
I was halfway through sorting the room out when I heard the sirens. I thought, She hasn’t. It must be for someone else. Down the main road they came … up John Street, nearer and nearer. Up our road.
She bloody had.
I was still hoping when the cars screeched to a halt outside the front door and the doors started slamming. It was like something on the telly. I went to the window to have a look. Three cars – three! – and a van. The van doors burst open and there was a flurry of cops diving for cover. They move fast, those boys, I’ll say that. I peered down. What were they up to?
Leaning over the car there was this cop with a rifle trained on me.
A rifle?
I couldn’t believe it. The armed-response unit? Was this really happening? There was even a little dot of red bobbing around my chest.
‘Put your weapon down and come out with your hands up,’ someone said – some big chief hiding in the shrubbery or something.
‘You what?’
‘Put your weapon down and come out with your hands up,’ he repeated.
‘What weapon, you morons? I’m fifteen – oh, forget it …’
I didn’t even bother. I just went back into the room and got on with the clearing up. Outside I could hear Barbara yelling at them.
‘Don’t put that gun down! She’s gone psychotic. You don’t know what she’s going to do next.’
Even after that they didn’t dare come into my room. I shouted, ‘Knock and enter,’ when I heard them on the stairs, but they insisted on h
iding round the corner. They even tried to get me to come out backwards on my hands and knees. No way. I walked out head first, like I always do.
‘I’ve got me catapult with me, you better watch it,’ I told them, and they all smiled like girls and stood around in their body armour, and their weapons quivering in the air, not knowing what to do with themselves.
Pathetic.
They were furious. God only knows what she’d told them – they must have thought I had an AK47 in there or something. They got me downstairs and she was waiting there to watch it, her and Dan. She was crying her eyes out, like it was her that was going away to get locked up.
‘I’m sorry, Billie, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,’ she kept saying.
The big chief was telling her off while I was bent over the car getting searched.
‘This isn’t the kind of matter we normally use an armed-response unit for, Mrs Barking,’ he said.
‘I’m so sorry,’ she whispered. ‘I think I might have panicked a little bit.’
The copper sighed. ‘Billie’s going to get put away sooner or later, Mrs Barking. It’s just a matter of time. But, until she does, we have enough real criminals to deal with. You could be arrested yourself for wasting police time, you do realize that?’
The cops eased me into the back seat while she stuck her nose into Dan’s shoulder and wailed. I looked round as we drove off. He actually had the nerve to wave me goodbye.
Chris
It was getting dark at the rec. People were starting to drift away.
I had a plan. Like all works of genius, it was blindingly obvious once you knew it, yet almost impossible to guess until you did. It couldn’t fail. It was too simple to fail.
I don’t go home.
It’s perfect! Obvious, yet unexpected. Lock me in my room when I’m not there – how do you do that? Make me do homework while I’m out playing footie with the lads – I don’t think so. Devastating.
Of course there were one or two technical details to work out, like eating, drinking, having a few quid in my pocket, somewhere to sleep. Those kinds of things are easy enough to organize, though. I raid our fridge when Mum and Dad are out at work. I stay with my mates; their parents feed me. Problem solved.
Despite the likes of Wikes going on about me being rude, I am actually very polite when I want to be – polite enough for people’s mums to take a shine to me. It isn’t hard. All you have to do is give them a big smile whenever you see them and tell them how wonderful their cooking is and what a warm cosy home they have, and they’re just about ready to adopt you.
‘All right if I stay at your place tonight?’ I asked Alex – not going into too much detail. Alex takes fright too easily.
He looked down and shuffled his feet. ‘Don’t think you’ll be able to,’ he said.
‘Why not?’
‘Mum …’
‘She won’t mind,’ I told him. She’s never said no yet.
‘Yeah, but your dad rang up.’
‘What?’
‘He told her you weren’t to stay.’
‘He never!’
‘Yeah.’
The bastard was on a mission. I looked around for someone else. ‘Mickey …’
‘Sorry, mate. He rang mine up as well.’
‘How can he ring yours up? He doesn’t have your number.’
Mickey scratched his eyebrow and looked over at Alex.
‘What’s going on?’ I asked.
‘Mum wanted the land lines,’ muttered Alex.
‘And you told her?’
‘I didn’t have any choice – she asked me!’
‘You just say no, Alex!’
‘She put pressure on me,’ wailed Alex, the loathsome worm. ‘She said it was for your own good because you were falling behind at school.’
‘Jesus, Alex, you pile of fluff. That’s me stuffed, isn’t it?’
A quick roll-call revealed that it was all true. Alex, my so-called best friend, had handed over the entire contents of his address book to my dad, who’d spent the rest of the evening on the phone telling everyone that I needed rescuing from myself. Can you believe that?
‘Alex, this is new heights of cowardice even for you.’
‘Gotta go,’ whined Alex. ‘Said I wouldn’t be late. See you.’ He ran off.
‘Sorry, mate,’ said Mickey.
‘Can’t I sleep on your floor anyway?’ I asked. ‘Sneak me in.’
‘Not really, mate. Sorry.’
One by one they all deserted me. I was on my own.
Back at home, Dad was being smug. Thought he had it cracked, didn’t he? So me, I was smug right back. I looked at him and smiled a smile that said, ‘You think you’ve got me? You’re so far from getting me you’re not on the right motorway. You’re not even in the right country, you grey, balding control freak.’
That took the ‘s’ right out of his smug and you know what that made him, don’t you? You could see it in his face, draining away, all the ‘s’, trickling down his chin and making his T-shirt all wet and sticky down the front. He tried to keep it up for a bit, but I couldn’t help myself and turned up the smug all the way to full frontal cheese. That’s when he started shouting.
‘He’s up to something,’ he said. ‘Doreen, look at him – look at the way he’s smiling!’
I dropped the smug – too late.
‘It’s no good, Chris. I’ve been watching you. Stop winding your father up. He’s only doing this for your own good – you know that perfectly well.’
I gave her my best complacent shrug. She paused.
‘There’s nothing he can do, nowhere he can go,’ she said to Dad. ‘We’ve rung up all his friends; he has no money. He’s just putting on a brave front. This time, we’ve got him.’
But you could hear the doubt in her voice even as she spoke.
Rob
It was a bad one. It went on for hours. Me and Davey stayed upstairs out of the way with the Xbox on loud. Whenever Mum or Philip came up to use the loo, we turned the sound down so they wouldn’t come in to moan at us.
How rubbish am I? If I was worth anything, I’d be down there as soon as he raised his voice to her. I’m a big lad – big as Philip, I reckon. But I never do. You know why? Because I’m too scared. I’m a coward. I sit up here instead, playing computer games and pretending nothing’s happening.
Billie wouldn’t do that. If someone was speaking to her mum like that, she’d be straight down there. Bam bang whack! You should see her. She’s that fast you can’t even see what she does. And down they go. I could never tell her. If she knew what a wimp I really am, she’d never speak to me again. She’s the Queen of Pain. Me, I am the shit in fear’s pants.
I didn’t use to be like this.
‘Go, just go, go go go!’ screams Mum downstairs.
‘It’s my house! Why should I leave my own house, you silly cow?’ he screams back.
It’s Philip. He turned me into shit. He turned my mum into shit. He turns everything into shit. Davey’s staring hard at the Xbox trying to ignore the noise, and I’m thinking, It’s all right for you – he likes you.
Davey’s his son. Me, I’m just the fat lump that gets in his way.
Hours they were at it. How can you find so much to argue about? We were starving hungry. In the end I sneaked out and got us some chips – I didn’t have enough for fish. But chips were OK.
It quietened down sometime after ten. He went out. I went to bed. I’d had enough. We’d been playing Xbox for hours. Davey wanted to go on – he can go on all night – but I’d had it. As soon as Philip left, I sent Davey out and got into bed and just lay there. I wanted to get up and see if Mum was OK, but I thought, I’ll let her get herself together first. She won’t want me to see her just yet. I heard Davey creeping downstairs. I thought, I’ll just close my eyes for a minute and then I’ll go down too …
I m
ust have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew, Mum was sitting on the side of my bed, going, ‘Robbie, love, you awake, love?’
I sat up, all dopey, and started remembering.
‘You all right?’ I asked her.
‘Well, you know,’ she said.
‘That was a big row,’ I told her. ‘Davey was right scared.’
‘I know, love. You did really well by him. He told me about it, playing up here with him all evening. Buying him chips.’ She smiled sadly and stroked my hand. ‘I’m not very good at being a mum, am I?’
It really annoys me when she speaks like that. ‘You’re a great mum. It’s not you.’ There was a pause. We looked at each other. ‘Where’s Philip?’ I asked – kind of hoping he’d somehow gone and left us to it.
‘Out,’ she said. ‘Hey, love, look, I’ve got something for you.’
She handed me over this carrier bag. A present. It wasn’t even my birthday. I reached inside and hoiked out … Guess what? Only a Metallica T-shirt. No – only the Metallica T-shirt. I could hardly believe it. I turned it over to read the back to see if it said what I was hoping it said.
It did.
‘Oh, man! It’s awesome. Mum, just look at it. Oh, you beauty!’
‘D’ya like it?’
Like it? It was the best thing I’d ever owned. On the front was this evil skeleton on a bike and on the back in letters of blood it said …
CRACK-SMOKING
FUDGE-PACKING
SATAN-WORSHIPPING
MOTHERFUCKER
It was sooo beautiful I wanted to cry. I just flung my arms round her and gave her a great big roly poly love.
‘Ah, Mum, where’d you get the money?’ I asked, suddenly thinking how skint she was.
‘Been saving for you.’
‘What did I do to deserve this?’ I jumped out of bed in my pants. I didn’t care – I wouldn’t have cared if I was naked. I pulled on the T-shirt so I could see in the mirror.
‘Look at that! Look at me! Do I look good or what?’
‘You’re terrific, love. You look great.’
‘I do, don’t I? I look great.’
‘You deserve it, Robbie. The way you look after Davey. You deserve everything anyone can ever give.’
Kill All Enemies Page 4
