by Kiera Cass
I kissed her, tasting her breath and taking in that warm, oceany smell of her body. My hands were lost in her hair, and I thought it would be perfectly fine if they never made their way out. She held onto me tight. Well, as tight as she could with her little body. And, for the first time in a long time, I was completely happy in the moment.
Who knows how long we kissed like that. It could have been days and I wouldn’t have complained. But when I finally pulled back and started kissing her neck and jaw and ears, I noticed tiny tears in her eyes.
“Kahlen, what is it? Did I do something wrong? I’m sorry.”
Damn. I thought she finally wanted me the way I wanted her, and I had misread it. Now she would never want to be alone with me in the same room again.
“No. Of course not,” she sniffed. “It’s just… I feel like I’ve been waiting forever for you. It’s a strong feeling, and I don’t know why it’s like that. But I can’t ignore it. I can’t not feel this way about you. There are some things now that I feel confused about, and I don’t know why. Like time. Time feels strange to me. Ben talks about days being long, but each one feels too short, too fast to me. Or if I hurt myself, I feel panicky. Even a little pain confuses me. I don’t understand any of it.
“But you… it just breaks my heart to think of being away from you. And to have you kiss me… to know maybe you feel what I do…” She ducked her head. I felt a little ashamed then that I hadn’t brought it up first, that she had to put herself out there.
I pulled my Kahlen close to me. She buried her face in my neck and I just held her. I couldn’t help but wonder what she’d managed to survive to get here. Lots of nights I was up late worrying about her past. So often it seemed like she just couldn’t figure out what she was doing here. Two or three times now, I’d found her sitting out on the back lawn in the rain, like she was waiting for something. I couldn’t understand everything she was bewildered by, but I knew one thing she could be absolutely certain of.
“Kahlen. I’m sorry you feel so confused sometimes. But you’re safe here. I’ll look after you.” I tucked my mouth by her ear and dropped my voice to a whisper. “I love you, Kahlen. I know sometimes you feel lost, but if you want, I could be your home.”
She cried. Not the ugly, selfish tears that Casey used to use to guilt me into something. Gentle tears, quiet tears. Like she almost felt embarrassed that I saw them. So I kissed them away. I didn’t think I was much of a romantic. I didn’t try to say things that would move her to sadness, and I don’t know what possessed me to kiss her tears. Maybe it was that there was never anyone before now whose tears were worth kissing. When she calmed down, she looked into my eyes and said, by far, the most wonderful thing I’d ever heard in my life.
“I love you, Akinli. It’s the only thing I know for sure.”
And that was it. My whole world settled into place. Kahlen loved me. I loved Kahlen.
Every bit of her drew me in. Her kindness, her humor, her body. Even when she was low or moody, it was in a way that just made her seem vulnerable, not mean. She was more than I hoped for.
I wasn’t letting her go again. But even better, she was holding her grip on me just as tightly.
When it came time to get Kahlen a legal name, she let me be a part of it. At first I suggested things like “Kahlen Marie TeaCozy” or “Kahlen VonEataburger.” She told me I nearly had her sold on “Kahlen Loves Cake.” That would have been killer name! I just imagined myself going up to people and saying, “This is my girlfriend, Kahlen Loves Cake.”
But when I realized she really wanted help, I got serious. I’d always wanted to give her my name, but it was too soon to suggest that at the time. So I settled on Woods. Kahlen Woods— named after where I first discovered her. She liked the idea so much, she asked if I had any suggestions for a middle name. I went with Ocean— after that delicious, clean smell she always had. Kahlen Ocean Woods. It was very earthy, and it suited her.
So for months I’d been dating Miss Kahlen Ocean Woods. She was it for me. Kahlen was my girl. I wanted to wait for something special, but I just didn’t think I could bear it anymore. So all I had to do now was wait for Ben to come home and deliver his lines. Any minute now.
Kahlen kissed Bex on both cheeks and looked up, catching me in the act of watching her. She just smiled and went back to stroking little Bex’s head. Was I too young to be thinking about how much I wanted her to be kissing our children? Images like that assaulted my head daily. I was in deep.
Kahlen Woods, I love you.
I heard the footsteps on the front porch. The door opened and closed. I heard Ben’s voice in the kitchen as he greeted Julie and grabbed some food. It was well after lunch time. He walked into the living room and saw us all there. Perfect.
“Hey, Akinli, how was it this morning?” Ben asked casually.
“Good. Had some good numbers. It was too cold though, so I didn’t get the last few traps.”
“What?” he exclaimed. This was good.
“Shh, Ben, your daughter is sleeping,” Kahlen shushed.
“Well excuse me, but your boyfriend here is slacking off, and I have every right to be upset.” He turned to me. “Dude, if it’s just the two of us doing this now, you can’t be lazy.”
“I told you, it was cold,” I said, trying to sound a little whiney.
“Well, it’s warm now. Get off your butt and pull the rest of the traps,” Ben replied.
“Are you serious?”
“Yeah, I’m serious.”
“Fine, whatever. Let me go get a jacket.”
“Awww. Akinli, do you want some company?” Kahlen asked, not missing a beat. I knew it! Yes!
“Oh, no sweetheart, you stay here and be warm.” Take the bait, girl, take the bait.
“It’s not that cold out now, not with the sun. Let me come, too, I can help!”
“If you insist,” I sighed, winking to Ben as I passed. I knew she’d come. That’s just how she was. Always thinking of how to make things easier for someone else.
We bundled up in our coats, and I grabbed my purple scarf. It really wasn’t too bad out now. Almost spring. Still, we took Bessie as opposed to walking. All I had to do now was keep calm. Having handlebars to grip helped.
As we got into the boat, I couldn’t help but think about how normal it felt to have her in my life. I really knew nothing about her except what she was since we met. Some people would probably say I was making the biggest mistake of my life. They’d be wrong. If anything, she was getting the raw end of the deal.
I would be getting a princess. An artist, a comedian, a friend, a model, a lady. She’d be getting… me. Poor girl. Still, I had to hope.
I held her hands for longer than necessary as I helped her into the boat. And I gave her a kiss that lingered a bit, but she didn’t push me away.
Luckiest man on earth.
I drove the boat slowly. She would assume it was because I didn’t want to kick up the water. Truth was I was scared out of my mind. How would I live with her if we had this giant “no” hanging over us? Ughhh. This could go so bad.
I searched for the buoy. I had painted this one with a special marker to tell it apart from all the others. I slowed even more, looking for the black dot that would separate one buoy from the dozens we kept. It took a little while, but then there it was… and I felt I’d found it all too soon.
Suck it up, Akinli. She loves you. You love her. This is no big deal.
I pulled up beside the dotted buoy and started reeling it in.
“What can I do?” Kahlen asked.
Say yes.
“Nothing for now.” I smiled. “Just look pretty.”
“I’m on it!” She laughed. “I wonder why Ben was so grumpy today. He’s usually in a much better mood.”
“Blame it on hunger. He was home later than he wanted is all,” I said, continuing to p
ull.
“I guess. How many traps do we need to pull up?”
“Not many. This’ll be fast.”
“No rush. I like it on the water.” I was distracted as she leaned her head back and let the wind pick up her hair. She had really gotten over that fear of the water, and now she seemed like she could practically live out here.
One of her mysteries.
“Yeah, I know you do.” I could see the outline of the cage coming into sight.
“It’s so beautiful out today,” she commented.
“It is.” I started to sweat.
“Do you need a hand?” She could see the trap breaking the water.
“No, I’m good,” I said, clearing my throat.
“Oh, that stinks. It’s empty.”
“Oh well. No loss.” Maybe I didn’t have to do this now. Maybe she wouldn’t see the box, and I could just pull up the traps I had set earlier today. She didn’t have to know.
“Wait. What’s that?”
Okay, never mind. Back to plan A.
“What’s what?” That was smooth.
“In the trap— there’s a box.”
I took a calming breath. I got down on my knees. She would just think it was to get into the trap better. I pulled out the black metal box, the waterproof one I’d borrowed from a friend. I’d tested it last week— worked like a charm. My fingers trembled a little as I opened the hatches.
Kahlen had gotten closer now, bending over to see what was inside. I opened the box, and pulled out the smaller, velvet box inside. She whispered a “wow.” The way she said it was inquisitive. She was still in the dark, thinking we’d stumbled upon a treasure.
Hands shaking, I opened the box. Inside was the small, delicate ring I’d picked out months ago. It wasn’t much. I had plenty of money put away by now. I adored the girl so much I wanted to put an ice rink on her finger. But she wasn’t about flash or show, so I went for understated— something like her.
“Oh my gosh!” She covered her mouth. Now she got it.
I couldn’t find my voice.
“Oh my…” she whispered. I looked up. My Kahlen had tears in her eyes. Now, so did I.
“Kahlen Ocean Woods.” The words came out stronger than I thought they would. “I love you more than anything in the world. I managed to lose you once, and it…” I choked. I cleared my throat. “And it nearly broke me. I don’t ever want to be separated from you again. I know I’m not much, but I promise to keep you safe and to take care of you. Would you please do me the honor of becoming my wife?”
Terror. Absolute terror.
It was out there now. Was I crazy? What in the world did I think I could offer this girl? Kahlen loved me, sure, but I was a nobody. Hadn’t Casey made that clear? I was an orphaned, uneducated loser. How could I have presumed to be something good enough for Kahlen? I should have done more to prove I deserved her. I couldn’t even bring myself to look into her eyes. I wasn’t worth it.
“Yes,” she breathed.
What?
“Yes, yes, yes.” She could barely speak the words.
I looked up at her face. She was smiling. It was brighter than any smile she’d ever given me. Tears sparkled down her cheeks. I had never known a girl who looked beautiful when she cried. Kahlen was the exception for every rule I’d ever known.
“Umm, really?” Oh man, did I really just say that out loud?
She laughed, completely delighted. “Of course!”
“Oh, you poor girl. You have no idea what you just got roped into!”
“I’ll take my chances.”
Between both our hands shaking, it took a minute to get the ring on her finger. She fell onto me, covering me with kisses. I don’t really remember much after that.
CHAPTER 20
Kahlen kept telling me I was a hopeless romantic. I didn’t think so at first, but she was right. When she walked up to me in that white dress, I cried almost as much as she did. Though I’d had reason enough to in the past, tears weren’t something I liked to show. But I figured this would be one of two forgivable times for me to cry in public: the moment I became a husband, and the moment I became a father.
By this point, my collection of mental snapshots nearly filled all the space in my head, but I couldn’t help myself; I lived in a constant fear that she would disappear. Even though this day meant she would never be apart from me again, I couldn’t help but put it all to memory. She wore her hair down, which was perfect. It was full of gentle curls that tumbled down past her bare shoulders, accented by the delicate veil. The dress was strapless and sparkled its way down to her waist where it hugged her curves and flared out gently near her feet. She said she didn’t want anything too fancy. And this wasn’t; this was perfect. Of the three shining dresses I’d seen her in, this was by far my favorite.
The wedding itself was in the bright white church on the way into town, and we all walked the distance to the reception on the dock. We exchanged vows near twilight so that even those who worked on Saturdays would be done, and people wouldn’t mind us taking up the space. Kahlen had planned ahead for the size and feel of our town. While only so many could fit into the church, she’d invited most of the village to the reception. I even spotted her talking to a few tourists in shorts, insisting they at least have a glass of champagne.
The entire Schaefer clan had turned out to see this. I knew a lot of them had worried about me when my parents died. I think they were elated to see me settle down, even with a girl whose only memories were of me. To the women in my family, that was the most romantic thing they’d ever heard.
Everyone doted on my new wife, which was easy enough to do. At the reception, they hugged her and kissed her and made her pause for photographs. And while it was all important to me, my favorite moment of the evening by far was when we came upon Casey.
Kahlen had insisted we invite her, saying she held no ill will against my former girlfriend. Admittedly, I’d done everything in my power to keep them from meeting again, but if Kahlen wanted her at the wedding, I couldn’t stop her.
Casey came and sat at a table with the handful of friends that stayed in touch from college. The dress she chose was scandalous: red with a plunging neckline and not nearly long enough… and with heels at least four inches high. A friend explained that she wanted me to see what I was missing. All I could do was roll my eyes. Casey was petite and attractive— I wasn’t an idiot. But she was also venomous— a quality that she hid well and I easily overlooked for a very long time. I hoped with all my heart she didn’t choose to be rude to my wife today. I’d never hit a lady, but I wasn’t above tossing her out of our reception.
“That’s her,” I whispered as we made our rounds. “In the red dress.”
Kahlen gasped. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah.” Oh, this was going to be bad. And then, to my surprise, she started laughing out loud. Kahlen was so tickled, she actually had to pause and dab at her eyes.
“What’s so funny?” I asked, finding myself smiling, too.
“Nothing, nothing. It’s just… really?!” And she started laughing again.
By the time we reached the table, Kahlen had composed herself. She hugged all of my friends, saving Casey for last. I realized then that besides Ben, Julie, Bex, and me, everyone she embraced today was a stranger. Casey was as smooth as a snake. How had I missed all this for so long? She hugged me, lingering too long to be friendly, and then turned to shake Kahlen’s hand.
“Well, hello Kahlen, dear. It’s nice to meet you again.”
“Casey, it was really nice of you to come. Thank you.” Kahlen tilted her head to the side, trying to hold back a laugh. Casey didn’t miss this and went to strike.
“That’s a nice dress. I mean, for you. I guess if you’re marrying a fisher,” Casey crinkled her nose and dropped her voice, “you can’t afford the nicest dress.�
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Someone at the table gasped, but Kahlen didn’t miss a beat.
“I wonder who you’d have to marry to afford a whole dress.”
The table erupted. Casey’s mouth dropped in outrage. I had to bite my lips hard to hold back the laugh. Kahlen slid into place on my arm, winking as we continued around the room.
“Kahlen Ocean Schaefer! What’s gotten into you!?” I whispered as we strolled away.
“She insulted my husband,” she said simply, looking up at me with absolute adoration.
Casey, for some reason, didn’t stay for the cake.
That was a shame because Kahlen had picked the cake out herself. It was delicious. There was no denying Kahlen had an above average palate. She could probably be a chef if she had the inclination. But her love of food was something that she found obnoxious. She’d complained that she’d gained at least ten pounds since she came back to Port Clyde.
I had no idea what she was talking about.
Somewhere between bouquet tossing, line dancing, and relative hugging, I lost her. I assumed she would be with Ben and Julie, so I started hunting for them. I found Ben beside the dock with Julie there holding a sleeping Bex in her arms.
“Have you seen the bride?” I asked.
“How can you lose the only girl wearing white?” Ben snapped.
“I know! Just too many people, and it’s getting too dark. Do you see her?” I craned my neck, searching around the dancing couples.
“Here she is,” Julie said. And I whipped my head around to see Kahlen walking with her eyes downcast. Her arms were full of boxes, and she looked like she’d been crying. It startled all the champagne out of my system, and I took her in my arms immediately.
“Kahlen, sweetheart, are you alright?”
“Yes. Yes, I’m fine. I just met some more of your family, and they were just so kind to me.” She paused to sniff. “Why didn’t you tell me any of your family members were hearing-impaired? We could have had someone sign our ceremony.” She looked disappointed.
