by Charity B.
My stomach suddenly feels impaled, causing me to dry heave and double over. My ribs are attacked next before Logan jabs his sneaker against my back. I crawl in the direction he kicks me until I’m back in front of Alexander. I make the mistake of lifting my head and looking at him. His eyes are the only thing not distorted by the mask, allowing me to see them clearly. I want more than anything to kiss away the terror and fury blazing within them, as they dart from me to Logan.
I’m so sorry.
I don’t say it loud enough to whisper, I make no sound, while in my head, I’m screaming it. I’m pleading for him to forgive me for this.
Logan pushes my forehead to the cool concrete and chills run across my skin as my dress is moved up my body, exposing my flesh. The elastic of my panties is stretched tight against my skin as he pulls them to my knees. Lifting a leg at a time, I use my foot to scoot them to my ankles so I can push them off.
His weight presses my knees harder against the concrete, as I fight the urge to repel at his tongue inside my ear. His fingers spread me open to prepare me for what’s about to come, and I’m grateful for the ability to close my eyes as he infiltrates my body.
Physically, I’m aware of him shoving in deep and yanking himself out, I’m even wet because I’m sick, I just don’t really feel it. I’m numb to it.
My neck strains when my head snaps forward and Logan grunts with another deep thrust as he yanks me back against his chest. He keeps me in place by my hair and I shove my body onto his, hard and fast.
It’s stupid for me to still hope that if we’re good and take our punishment, then this will be the end of it. He said this was our last playdate. If he gets to make his point, will he let Lex survive? Let me go with him?
“Tell him, little Lotus, tell him who’s property you are.”
I smell the cinnamon of Logan’s breath as it brushes against my cheek, and even though I’m confused at what’s true anymore, I know what I’m expected to say.
“Yours, Logan.”
“That’s right.” The cramping in my stomach from him staying so deep causes a dull ache between my thighs and I push myself down further onto him. Hot tears run down my face as my self-disgust intensifies. His teeth dig into my skin and rip at the flesh, sending radiating jolts directly to my cunt. “And who am I, Plaything?”
“My Maker. You’re my Maker, Logan.”
No matter what happens, that fact will remain. I am who I am because of Logan and part of me will always hate him for that.
“That’s fucking right. Now, look at him!” His nails dig into my face and I involuntarily clench my jaw. “Our playmate needs to understand that.”
I do what he says, but Lex’s attention is on the staircase. The next thing I know, my body is thrown to the floor as Toben’s shoes bang loud on the steps.
Logan pulls up his pants as I tuck my legs beneath me to get back in my kneeling position. This is not an average playdate, I know that, and I wonder since we’re being good, if he’s going to give us heroin. For the first time in a very long time, that thought scares me. Alexander would never want to do that and I don’t ever want him to.
My fear for what could come is overrun by the reality in front of me. Logan is punching Lex in the stomach, over and over. If he keeps at it, Lex is going to vomit and I know from experience how scary that is with the spikes. I have to try to help him.
“Please, Logan! Please! Tell me what to do, I’ll do anything. Tell me how to stop this!”
He glares down at me, his golden eyes bright with fury as he storms over to me and takes away my airflow. Squeezing my neck, he pulls me to standing.
“There is no stopping this, Plaything.” I trip over my feet as he pushes me back to the bed. My hands clutch onto his wrists as he barks, “Toben, be good and share your whip with our playmate.”
He throws my body against the blankets, and my throat opens up causing me to gasp as I gulp in the air. Watching Toben set up for the blow lodges the scream in my throat. I’ve never seen him do this to anyone else before and I don’t like it one tiny bit. Lex’s bindings are so tight he can barely move, yet when the whips slices across his chest, his body jolts. I see the exact moment the spikes pierce his tongue. His eyes widen with torment as blood drips from the scold’s bridle.
“No! Stop!”
I’m still screaming the words as Logan charges toward me. He brings his arm across his chest before he backhands me so hard I fall backward on the bed. The sounds of the leather snapping against flesh are all around me. Logan climbs on top of me. He’s heavy as he whispers, “Are you having fun, cunt?”
The familiarity of the needles puncturing my thigh is comforting as I suck in air and respond just as softly, “Yes, Logan.”
He pulls, causing the needles to go deeper as he slides back into me. My orgasm is quickly building; the sounds of the whip the only thing keeping it at bay. He shifts around so I will ride him, tapping on my clit as I slide down his length.
“Look at him, let him watch you come on my cock.” The warmth of the blood rolling in streams down my thigh makes me ride him harder. The needles burrow deeper and I can’t…I can’t hold it back any longer. My tears roll down my face as I come in violent pulses. “Tell him Lotus, tell him what you’re doing.”
“I’m coming. You’re making me come, Logan.” My body doesn’t know whether to weep or moan. I look to Lex, and as I shudder from the remnants of pleasure, he’s getting ripped to shreds.
I. Hate. Who. I. Am.
And it’s his fault.
He grabs my waist and discards me on the bed as he stands and tugs up his slacks. “Toben. The tenderizer, give it to me.”
My chest feels like it’s caving in as I imagine the possibilities of what he could do to Lex with that. I’ve always known Logan could kill us, I’m just not sure if I ever truly believed he would. With Alexander, I know he won’t blink.
I squeeze my eyes shut for only a moment. When I hear a thud, fear shorts out my heart and it beats in a frenzy. My eyes fly open to see…Logan on the floor?
Toben’s arms are flying around as he hits Logan with all his might. How the heck did that happen?
Alexander.
I jump off the bed and run to him, wanting more than anything to hug him.
“I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” His chest is ripped up, his mouth is bleeding, and I know he can’t speak, so it’s such a stupid question. I need to stop crying. Taking a deep breath, I look at his chest drenched in scarlet. My fingers find the iron latch and the hinges on the mask squeak in protest as I carefully open it. I drop it on the floor and try to untie him.
These stupid ropes are so tight. Alexander silently watches my frustration as I fumble with his bindings. There’s no way I can do this with my hands.
“I can’t get it untied. Hold on.”
There’s plenty of things in Logan’s bag I can use to cut through rope, so I grab the top knife and hurry back to Lex. I try my best to cut the ropes and not him, but I’m scared, in a hurry, and Toben needs our help.
“Shit! Sorry…”
Finally, the bonds loosen enough for him to help and as soon as he’s free, his big, warm hands are holding my face.
I know the wounds make it difficult to speak and, in this moment, I don’t need him to. As he looks at me, I know all the way down in the deepest part of me that he’s never going to stop loving me. Not ever.
He stands up straight and almost appears to be getting larger as he pushes back his shoulders and takes the knife from my hand. Toben’s hits have lost a lot of strength and momentum, so I run over to him. Now that Lex is free, he can help us.
My fingers grasp on to Toben’s shirt as I tug him to his feet and back away from Logan. After a quick inspection of my injuries, he jerks his arm free and goes for Lex. For a second, I think he’s going to attack him.
“No fucking way! He’s ours. Don’t touch him.” Toben isn’t as tall as Lex, but I’ve seen him take down bigger. His fists are balled up as
he leans into Alexander’s face. Lex scoffs and brushes past him. Toben’s shoulders fall as he shakes his head. “Don’t you dare kill him. We deserve that.”
Logan pulls himself to his feet as Toben backs up to stand next to me. I look down at his hand and see he took the knife from Lex. I hold him close to me as Logan’s bloody face peers past Alexander, to us.
“I must say, I didn’t think you had it in you, Plaything. I’m proud of you.”
“Fuck you,” Toben spats.
His voice is strong while his arm shakes beneath my hands. When Lex goes for Logan, I cringe. I hate seeing him fight. It takes away his brightness. It’s not like when he hits the bag in his gym, that’s fun for him. This? This is sucking out his sunshine. He takes Logan back to the floor easily and even though Logan is fighting back, he can’t keep up.
After a few terrible moments, Toben calls out, “Okay, you had your turn. That’s enough.” Alexander ignores him, landing hit after hit. “Stop!” he yells this time, and when he still receives no acknowledgment, he rips his arms from my grasp and runs to separate Lex and Logan. “Stop, damn it!”
He pulls him off and for a moment, I think Lex is going to punch him too. I’m too busy watching them, that by the time I notice Logan is standing, he’s lunging for me.
Metal slicing through the skin on my arm is such a distinct sensation, I recognize it immediately. I don’t need to look at it to know it’s deep, and on instinct, I use my hand to add pressure. Blood trickles between my fingers as Toben tackles Logan back to the floor and Lex is next to me in a single stride.
The way he looks down at me is confusing. It’s not anger or disgust, it’s not even fear. The tears are fighting to fall from his eyes and all his self-assurances are gone. He lifts my hand from my arm to look at my cut before he grips my head tight. This is like after he showed me the video. Does he feel guilt over this? How is any of this his fault? I don’t want to make him speak and I know what he wants to know. I touch his cheek and press a soft kiss to the side of his mouth.
“I’m fine. Go, help him.”
Determination is beautiful on his face as he turns to the fight on the floor. He walks right up to them and steps on Logan’s arm like he’s squashing a bug. When the knife falls from Logan’s hand and clanks to the floor, Lex picks it up and Toben gives him a smile that makes my stomach queasy. He backs up to stand next to me and give Toben space.
There’s never been a time where we were the ones with the advantage, and as much as it makes me feel like a bunch of flies are buzzing under my skin, it’s also what I want.
I want this to be over.
“You’re done. You’ve taken everything from me, from us. It’s ending now.” Toben straddles Logan’s stomach, his fists grip at his shirt, as he spits out the words.
Logan narrows his eyes in mild disappointment. “Oh, come now, Plaything. That isn’t true. I gave you your Lotus’, didn’t I?”
Every bit of air is siphoned from my lungs as an invisible fist punches my stomach. He’s lying. He’s making this up, trying to turn us against each other like he’s always done. Toben jumps up and when I look at him for assurance, there’s none.
“What’s he talking about?” I don’t realize I’m speaking aloud until the question is asked. The sickness has made permanent residence in my stomach while Logan’s patronizing laugh makes me want to scream.
My hair hits my face as I shake my head. This can’t be right. Toben would never do that. Alexander’s fingers slide between mine as he squeezes my hand, silently comforting me.
I want Toben to say something. Tell me this is a trick and what Logan is saying is twisted.
“You have your own girls?” He can’t even look at me and I know in my bones, it’s true. “Why?” I despise feeling anger towards him, and right now, it’s the only thing I feel. He doesn’t respond. A hundred unanswered questions still make me want to refuse to believe this. When did this happen? When did he go from tormented to tormentor? “How long have you done this?” Blackness wraps around my brain, taking away everything I thought I knew about my best friend. “Answer me, Toben!”
His eyes are fighting tears while I freely let mine fall. Who is this boy I grew up with? He knows me inside out, yet I feel like I’m looking at a stranger.
“I’ve had Nikki for six years and Tiffany for about eight months, but neither of them were children when I got them.”
He says it as if it makes a difference. It doesn’t matter who they were, it doesn’t change that he tortured, beat, and raped them.
At some point, Logan pulls himself off the floor because when he speaks, he’s back to standing. “You think he’s innocent in all this. He’s caused you more suffering than you realize, my little Lotus. There’s so much you don’t know. He helped me play with my Lotus’ for years before obtaining his own.”
For years? For years they’ve hid this from me. I feel so stupid. I believed them both.
Wait…Logan has more besides me?
“You have another Lotus?”
“Oh, I’ve had several.”
I was never special to him. I thought I was the only one he did those things to. Knowing this makes me sad, yet somehow, the thought of other girls living a life like mine gives me a comfort that it shouldn’t.
“There are more Sweet Girls? There’s more like me?”
“Oh no, my Plaything. None have been like you. The others all kept their expiration date.” He rolls his head as he takes a drag off the cigarette he started smoking. “Besides Nikki of course.”
Everything they’re saying is ricocheting in my head and getting tangled. I don’t understand. So many questions are bombarding into each other. Why are there other Lotus’, and no other Sweet Girls? Does expiration mean death?
“They’re dead?” If Toben’s been helping him all this time, does that mean… “You’ve killed people?”
He reaches out for me and I don’t want him to lay a hand on me right now. I back away to get closer to Lex. I can’t get my emotions to line up and can’t make my thoughts settle. I want out of this room.
Toben growls as he clutches the knife. His pleading eyes turn to hateful ones as he spins around and attacks Logan. As soon as they hit the floor, Toben holds a blade to his throat.
“You made me just like you!”
“I didn’t make you who you are, Plaything, I simply brought it out. You love what you do to your Lotus’. You know you do. It makes you feel alive.”
Logan has a way of knotting things up and making them seem different than they are. I know in my heart that Toben is a good person, but I don’t know what Logan put him through when he took him out of the basement. I don’t know a lot of things apparently.
Toben hits himself in the head with the hilt of the knife, as the urge to hold him tight runs through me. I’m angry, betrayed, and confused, and still…he’s my Toben.
“No, no, NO! I never would have done those things if it wasn’t for you!” He screams as he cuts a gash from Logan’s mouth to his ear. He’s unraveling and I don’t know how to keep him together. There’s a cracking sound as Toben grabs Logan’s throat and slams his skull against the concrete. “It’s my turn to play, Logan,” he grates out, as he cuts Logan’s shirt. When he turns to Alexander and orders, “Don’t let him get up.” The empty look on his face makes me flinch.
He’s Toben, the other half of me. I thought we knew each other deeper than any two people could. The overwhelming desire to wrap him in my arms until the boy I know comes back, surges through me. His eyes are black and hollow as he makes his way to Logan’s bag, immediately finding what he’s searching for. The blue torch is in his hand as he storms back to Logan. I can’t let him do whatever morbid thing he’s thinking of. I urge forward and reach for him, when Alexander grabs my hand to stop me.
“Toben, don’t.”
I may as well be speaking another language because his steps don’t falter. Lex’s warm hand squeezes mine, and while I wish with all my heart I could
take back everything he’s suffered, I’m so thankful he’s here with me.
Toben drops the knife on the floor and the torch makes a shhhh noise as he turns it on. Lowering to his knees, he leans over to speak in Logan’s ear, “This is the last time I ever kneel for you.” As he sits straight, he turns the blowtorch up, causing the flame to grow. “You’re so fond of marking your toys, I think it’s time you know how it feels.”
His back is to me, so I watch his shoulder lift as the first sound, immediate and familiar, fills my ears. I’ve heard the melody of my own cooking flesh many times. The second sound though, is one I’ve never heard before. Logan’s wails of agony are more gratifying than I’m comfortable admitting. I don’t want to watch the way his body flails as Toben holds him down, so I press my face against Lex’s chest. It does nothing to quiet his screams or dilute the unmistakable smell of burning skin.
I stay there until the noise of his torture has gone quiet. I know it’s going to be horrid, and still, when I see what he’s done, my knees wobble. Crude, bright red letters burn down his chest.
PEDO
Toben slowly stands as he walks toward me, holding out a blade. “This is it, Tav. He’s used and abused us for over half our lives. He stole who we were supposed to be. It’s time he suffers for it. He deserves to die.”
I take the knife, but even after everything, the idea of taking someone out of the world, even Logan, is impossible to me.
“I don’t know if I can.”
“He won’t ever stop. If we want this to end, we have to end it.”
Alexander releases me and I take Toben’s hand, allowing him to lead me to Logan. The bumps of the handle are pressing against my fingers as I slide my leg over Logan’s chest and sit on his stomach. He looks at me the way he used to, when he gave me my candy. Almost like he loves me.
He’s never loved you.
“I’ve taken care of you, Tavin, kept you safe. You, Toben, and I are a family.”
A family.
I’ve waited my whole life to hear him say those words and he chooses now, after all this time, to say them. Memories of all the times I prayed for him to say that, to say he loved me, burst around my mind, and I cry harder.
