by R. S Burnett
“It’s my birthday tomorrow, not sure what I’m doing for it” I answer honestly, I never celebrate my birthday.
“I’m sure I could think of something to give you” he grins at me taking a step closer so we are almost touching.
“Is that so?” I mummer tilting my head up to look at him, even with my heels he’s still a good four inches taller than me.
“Mmm hmmm” he whispers leaning down.
“Broke” we jump away from each other at the interruption and I turn to glare at Sophie.
“Yes?” I ask with a bored expression.
She frowns at me “What happened to your lip?”
I shrug “Seems as though you’re not the only one who thinks I’m a whore” I tell her and walk out the room ignoring the questioning look Harry sends me but knowing that he will still be calling me tomorrow. “Brooke” she calls after me but I ignore it and head out to find Luke.
Unfortunately I find him talking to Matt and Tucker on the balcony, I spin around when I see them and start heading somewhere else but Luke calls me over.
“Having fun?” he asks throwing an arm around me.
“I was” I grumble and look towards the room I just left where I can see Sophie and Harry now in conversation. The fresh air seems to amplify the alcohol levels in me and I sway slightly.
“Missed you in class, where did you go?” Tucker asks me but I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket.
Unknown: I try to kiss you and you disappear on me? Told you that you weren’t boring.
I laugh at the text I know is from Harry. I look up at Tucker and Matt for the first time since joining them. I roll my eyes as I watch them both frown at the same time as they notice my lip but before they can comment Sophie joins us with Harry following her.
“I need a drink” I tell Luke moving out from under his arm but stumbling slightly.
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Matt asks watching me.
“Sure, according to your girlfriend I don’t need to drink to do anything stupid. I manage just fine when I’m sober, so why not?” I smile sweetly at him and walk away before Sophie reaches us pulling Harry along with me.
“I take it you two have fallen out” He notes turning to look at my friends as I pull him back into the apartment.
“You would be right” I agree.
I pull him into the bedroom with me and laugh at his surprised expression when I close the door behind us.
“Don’t worry I’m not going to attack you, just wait here two minutes” I call over my shoulder as I head into the bathroom, I lock the door just in case, I might be drunk but I’m not stupid and wouldn’t leave myself in a lockable room with a guy I just met. Once I have finished in the bathroom I go back into the bedroom but Harry is not where I left him, instead Tucker is stood by the bed with his arms folded across his chest looking a little angry.
“Not you too” I complain a little shocked that Tucker would think so little of me as well.
“Not me too what?” he asks frowning at me still not looking happy.
“Doesn’t matter” I shake my head at him defeated “What happened to Harry?” I sigh looking around the room just in case I missed him.
“What’s going on with you and Sophie?” he asks ignoring my question.
“She thinks I’m a whore, don’t ignore my question”
“He’s gone back out there, I told him I needed to speak to you” he sits on the bed and pats the space beside him I ignore the invitation and put my hands on my hips waiting for him to get what ever he needs to say to me over with
“Please sit Brooke” he sighs deeply.
“I think I’d rather stand for this one, don’t worry I’m sure I can handle it I’m on a roll today so just get on with it”
“Let’s start with your lip, who hit you, don’t even try and say you slipped or fell”
“This” I say pointing to my lip “Is the reason Sophie and everyone else thinks I’m a whore”
“I don’t understand … did Sophie hit you?” he asks looking confused and shocked.
“No” I say quickly shocked that he would think that.
“Then I really don’t understand”
I sigh and sit down next to him on the bed “I have nightmares every night only they stop when I spend the night with you, I didn’t notice until it happened more than once. Sophie noticed it when you joked earlier that we lost sleep because you wasn’t there. She thinks that I’m relying on you and that you’re going to let me down and leave me broken, I told her that isn’t the problem and that I’m already broken or I wouldn’t have them in the beginning. Then she said that everyone thinks that I’m a whore because I spend most nights with you but talk to other guys at parties and things. Everyone assumes I’m sleeping with you regularly but having one night stands as well. I asked if she thought that as well and she just shrugged”
“You still haven’t answered my question but first of all I’m sure Sophie didn’t mean what she said”
“I know, but it’s just out of all the things to call me that one really cuts deep”
“I keep the nightmares away?” he frowns at me as he asks this one.
“Don’t ask me to explain it because I can’t” I shrug at him “It’s hard for me to trust anyone especially men, the only thing I can think is that I don’t have nightmares around you because if I did I would have to explain stuff to you and it’s my bodies way of keeping the secret maybe?” I ponder aloud knowing that it doesn’t matter because I’m going to have to explain it all to him now.
“So what are the nightmares about?” he lifts his hands towards me but I flinch back before I can stop myself. He mutters a curse and stands “You can come in here with someone you don’t even know, but I go to touch you and you act as if I’m going to hurt you Brooke!” he shouts at me.
“Do you think it’s easy for me to have to watch the pain I see flicker in your eyes every time I flinch away from you? Because it isn’t. Every time I see that a small part of me dies, knowing that every time it happens around you, he has won” I call back just as loudly.
“Who has won?” he’s impatient now.
“It’s not fair to ask me to remember them” I whisper as he sits back on the bed by me.
“Yeah well it’s not fair for me to know someone has hit you and I don’t even know who it is or what to do about it” he tells me softly.
“I would gladly take a beating everyday for the rest of my life and not cry, cower away from it or attempt to fight back. Simply because if it’s happening to me and he’s doing it to me, he isn’t doing it to someone else. I can handle it and live through the pain; another girl might not be able to. I can’t stop what’s happening and save my life but I can save someone else’s. So please I am begging you Tucker don’t try to change the way it was supposed to be” I beg him quietly.
“A man does this to you?” he asks menacingly quiet.
“It’s been going on for eight years tomorrow” I shrug trying not to remember my thirteenth birthday. “It’s too late to change anything now” I sigh now the memories are pushed back.
“Does anyone else know about this?”
“Sophie, Matt and Luke are the only ones and now you”
“They know and they haven’t done anything?”
“I told you, there’s nothing that can be done”
“Brooke, you don’t have to go through this alone. Talk to Sophie she loves you” he says softly.
I lay back on the bed and close my eyes “The saddest thing is there are a so many people in my life that claim to love me but how can any of them mean it when none of them completely know me?” I ask sadly, realising how alone I truly am in this world. I feel the bed dip when Tucker lies down next to me and wraps his arms around me.
“I’ll stay with you every night if it means that you don’t have to live through whatever keeps you awake at night” he tells me and kisses my forehead.
“I’m glad I met you” I curl myself deeper into him.
We both jump up off the bed when the door bursts open.
“Oops sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt” Beth smirks at us before she closes the door again.
“Promise me you won’t tell anyone anything that I’ve told you tonight” I ask and search his eyes.
“I promise” he smiles at me and I can see the determination in his eyes but see no sign of a lie.
“I suppose I better go talk to Sophie” I sigh standing up and straightening my top and jacket.
“Yeah, do you want me to stay with you tonight?” he asks getting up from the bed himself.
“No, I think Sophie and I need a night to sort things out, thanks though” I smile at him as I leave the room to find Sophie. After trying to hunt her down I find out she’s already left so I head back to our room hoping she’s there.
Someone joining me in my bed wakes me up.
“Tuck?” I ask quietly.
“No it’s me, I just got in. Sorry for what I said earlier Brooke. I was tired and stressed, I shouldn’t have said what I did it was wrong of me. Of course Tucker can still stay in our room if it helps you”
“It’s okay, he knows now, I told him everything earlier”
“You’ll be okay but promise you won’t go back there” she asks quietly settling down next to me bed.
“I promise. He wasn’t there today, just my mom” I whisper as the sleep takes me once again.
Chapter Seven
“I had sex with your boyfriend last night” I look up to see Beth staring at me with a smug smile on her face.
“Who’s my boyfriend?” I ask truly confused.
“Tucker” she says turning to look at him I follow her eyes and see he is watching us both.
“He’s not my boyfriend” I say for what feels like the millionth time this week.
“Sure, everyone knows you are in love with him, he’s not in love with you though because he slept with me, so that shows you how much he cares”
“He can sleep with who ever he wants, we’re just friends, I wish people would start realising that that’s all we are, I’m getting bored with all the accusations now”
“Please, I’ve seen the way you look at him” she says smugly. I resist the urge to roll my eyes.
“What do you want Beth?” I ask bored now
“To let you know that no matter who you love or what ever it is you call it, I will always be there, and they will always choose to have sex with me over you”
“Beth really, everyone knows how easy it is to get you in to bed”
“I can’t help it if men like me, just like I couldn’t help it when Jason liked me when you were with him” she says smugly again
“No honestly its just because you are a guarantee lay, the only problem is, they do it because they know that you will definitely put out where as it you do it because you are so insecure that you need a cock inside you to feel something because without that you are empty”
I wasn’t expecting the slap, I don’t think I even realised it happened until I could taste the blood in my mouth as the cut on my lip is ripped back open from the force.
“Did you feel anything then?” I ask her, I know I’m just encouraging her, but this girl really gets on my nerves.
“You know, it doesn’t matter what you think of me, but who’s the insecure one who walked around for months hiding her body and not talking to anyone, it wasn’t me that was you. The reason no one really wants you like they want me is because you’re so fucked up, do you honestly think that I haven’t seen the way you have flinched away from people when they come too close or when they touch you in a certain place, in a certain way? What’s the matter, bad childhood?” I narrow my eyes at her, getting a queasy feeling in my stomach not sure I can handle what she’s going to say next.
“You know last night, Tucker spoke about you, I have to admit you made an interesting topic for pillow talk” I’m knocked aside and notice Tucker has joined us looking nervous.
“Brooke?” he asks looking between us both. I ignore him and stare at Beth waiting for her to continue, she learns over and whispers six words in my ear that knock the breath out of me.
“Step daddy never loved you either”
I’m not a violent person, after everything that has done to me I have learned that fighting back isn’t the answer. However after hearing my secret whispered back to me by the one person who will use it taunt me this goes out the window. I pull my arm back to slap/punch her but its grabbed and before I know what’s happening I’m being swirled around the dance floor. Once we have stopped, my arms are pulled up and around a neck, looking up I relax when I see I’m dancing with Todd.
“She’s not worth it” he assures me as his hands settle on my hips and we automatically move to the beat surrounding us.
“I know, normally I can just let it go but she really gets on my nerves sometimes”
“What did she say to make you want to hit her?”
“Nothing that’s important” I shrug it off
“Happy Birthday by the way”
We settle into the dance and are silent for the longest time and unconsciously adapt our dancing to the songs, one of my favourite songs off all time comes on and I smile widely until I can see him looking around and back at me nervously, following his gaze I can see that quite a few people are watching us.
“You do realise that by tomorrow morning your name will be added to the list of people I’ve supposedly had sex with right?” I ask him not sure how he will like being part of my ongoing rumour.
“Meh ... I’ve had worse things said about me” he smiles down at me.
“Well it wouldn’t have been long until you were added to it regardless, I wonder what they will do when they run out of names to add on it” I ponder aloud.
“Can’t be easy, having everyone say these things about you” he notes sympathetically.
“Want to have some fun with it?” I ask feeling the earlier fight not forgotten but wanting to take my mind off it.
“What did you have in mind?” he asks smiling back at me.
“Just work with me and I’m probably going to kiss you, you should know which I haven’t done to any of the other people on my list by the way so our rumours might be extra special” he just laughs and shakes his head at me as I press myself up closer to him, he picks it up straight away and starts moving his hips against mine, I block out everyone around us and don’t take my eyes from him as we continue dancing seductively, I move my hands up and thread my fingers through his hair, playing with the ends of it that rest on the back of his neck, he lowers his head down to mine the same time he moves his hands around until they meet at the bottom of my back at the same time our lips meet. Secretly I’m impressed by the perfect timing of this move making me smile when we pull apart. I look over his shoulder and see Tucker coming towards us frowning, when he catches my eye I shake my head at him with a glare he just stands there for a few minutes watching me.
I tear my eyes away from his and look up at Todd, noting my expression, he smiles sympathetically at me.
“Want to go? We can share a taxi” I nod and he pulls me through the crowd towards the door, as I’m about to get into one of the waiting taxi’s I hear my name being called, I turn to see Tucker stood at the door to the bar. “Wait!” he shouts making his way over to us.
“Don’t” Is all I reply shaking my head at him and get into the taxi.
I manage to hold it together for the journey home, Todd seems to understand that I don’t want to talk about it and tries to distract me by telling me stories of a few walks of shame he has done in the past, it half woks and he manages to get a few giggles out of me.
As I walk through the door to my dorm I feel the first tear fall down my cheek I wipe it away as soon as I see Sophie and Matt sitting at the table drinking coffee. I make my way towards the coffee machine their conversation stops. “Your cousins an ass” I say to the coffee machine knowing that they will know straight away who I’m talking abou
t. They don’t say anything until I join them at the table.
“What happened to your lip?” Sophie asks making me remember the slap and the split lip I had forgotten about until now I lift my fingers to my lip it’s not sore, but then again I’ve had worse.
“Beth” Is all I say and watch as Matt visibly winces. I cock my head at him vaguely wondering if he knows what he told her.
“I don’t understand, what’s she got to do with anything?” Sophie asks looking between me and Matt “She’s always been a bitch; she’s never hit you before though”
“Tucker” Matt simply says, as if that explains everything.
“I still don’t get it”
“Tucker slept with her last night, she came up and told me about it, made some comment about sleeping with Jason when I was with him and I told her she has to have a cock inside to her feel something otherwise she’s empty”
“Ouch” Sophie grimaces.
“Yeah ... she slapped me for that one”
“Still doesn’t explain why Tuckers an ass though…” she questions.
“Well after she slapped me I didn’t back down and then she got smug and …” I trail off remembering the look on her face as she told me what he had revealed to her.
“And …” Sophie prompts looking to Matt who just shrugs and turns to me expectantly.
“He told her” I whisper. Sophie reaches out and clasps my hand with her own encouraging me to carry on. “He told her about my step dad, the abuse, me flinching when someone comes too close when I’m on my own with them”
“She must have been lying … he wouldn’t do that” Sophie pleads, to who I don’t know.
“Well who then because it’s only you two, him and Luke that knows any of that shit and he was stood right by us, watching, listening to her tell me” I snap at her.
“I’m so sorry Brooke, I knew he slept with her, she was leaving the dorm this morning when I went over to see him. I had no idea what he told her though”
“It’s fine, it’s my own fault, guess I just have to be more careful with who I trust that’s all. I thought it would have taken longer than a few hours for him to tell someone though.”
