by Matt Cowper
“Fuck off,” I said. “I’m not quitting any case because some water-logged dumbass tells me to.”
“No, I will not fuck off.” He cracked his knuckles and stepped towards me.
“Touch me again,” I growled, “and those marine critters you love so much will be dining on your corpse.”
A faint smile crossed his lips. “I don’t think that’s a fight you want. God Arm or no, you’re only a Class D superhuman.”
While that was true, I remembered Waverush was only a Class C himself – only one rung up the ladder. If I was up against a Class S superhuman – like Light Racer this morning – I wouldn’t even think of throwing down, but against this dolphin-humper I had a chance.
“We do want this fight,” Dak rumbled. “I, Dakroth’gannith’formaz, will not allow you to again violate this arm, this essence of my might and glory, without extracting a heavy price.”
“Oh, it talks?” Waverush said. “That’s novel, I admit, but this Dakroth entity’s grandiose threats are just as empty as yours.”
Waverush took another step towards me. I clenched my God Fist.
“Dak, you aren’t tired from all that monument-smashing, are you?” I thought-spoke.
“Of course not. How dare you suggest—”
“OK, OK, just making sure. If this pretty-boy flounder gets one inch closer, we hit him with everything we’ve got.”
“I am excited, John Wagner. Two battles of epic proportions in one day, and hundreds of monuments destroyed in my realm? It is almost too much to believe.”
“Mr. Wagner, I don’t think you understand the gravity of this situation—”
“Gravity? You’re going to need gravity to help you get earthbound once I knock you into the stratosphere.”
Another chuckle. “Big words from a small man. Please, just shut up and go back to catching adulterers or investigating insurance fraud or whatever it is you do.”
“Whose pocket are you in? Did Woodruff sic you on me?”
“Woodruff? That megalomaniac?” Waverush sounded shocked. “I despise the man. No, I’m here on my own accord.”
“Sure you are,” I said.
“I don’t care if you believe me,” he said. “I am—”
“Listen, buddy ol’ pal, I’ve got a job to do, and you’re wasting my time. My client—”
“—is a confused, hurt woman. She wants revenge more than truth.”
“Revenge? What are you talking about?”
“Revenge on her husband.” Waverush’s mouth twitched. “Yes, I know Julia Anderson hired you. Stop playing dumb – though I know that’s your natural state.”
“You mean revenge on the husband who just got his melon blown off?” I said. “That husband? Seeing him decapitated didn’t satisfy her? She feels the need to hire a PI – me, apparently – so he’ll, what, stumble upon something that’ll make Neptune look bad? Pretty thin, don’t you think?”
“Stop dancing around the subject!” Waverush shouted.
“I’m not dancing around anything,” I said. “I’m sticking to the topic. You’re the one roaring like a water buffalo.”
“You know what I mean,” he said. “Julia’s your client. Stop denying it.”
“Sounds like you’re a telepath,” I said. “Can you tell what I’m thinking right now? Hint: it has something to do with you, a buzzsaw, and a male body part that resembles a sausage.”
“Listen to me: Julia Anderson would drag a good number of fine heroes through the mud just to get even with Patrick.” He looked up at the sky, and I thought I saw sadness flicker across his face. “There are some things that don’t need to be known. Some things that need to remain buried.” He looked back at me. “Gray Squirrel killed Captain Neptune. Leave it at that.”
“Yeah, Squirrel chucked the bomb, but the ominous way you’re talking, I’m thinking you had a hand in it. What was your beef with Neptune? Jealous of your former master? Or maybe you and him rolled around in the surf once or twice, and now you regret it. I’ve heard some wards have ‘assisted’ their big buddies during nighttime patrols – if you know what I mean.”
Even with the mask covering half his face, I could still see Waverush blush. “That’s disgusting. Patrick and I were partners, nothing more. True, we had our differences, and eventually went our separate ways, but I never wished him dead. And if I did give Gray Squirrel that bomb, would I be standing here telling you to drop this case? That would be a little too obvious, wouldn’t it?”
“Maybe all that time flapping around in the sea has soaked your brain. Or maybe you’re trying to throw me off by being obvious. That’d be a good plan – act like a murderer, tell me you’re acting like a murderer, to make me think you aren’t a murderer.” I rubbed my chin. “Nah, I’ll go with the first possibility. You aren’t smart enough for the second one.”
“Again with the pathetic wit.” Waverush came closer. He was now less than a foot from me. He raised his finger and poked me in the chest. “I’m telling you, Mr. Wagner—”
“Dak, super-strength, times a million,” I thought-spoke.
“With godly and destructive pleasure, John Wagner.”
I could feel my God Arm becoming stronger, denser, and larger. It felt like it was pounding the very air as it grew. It seemed Dak was still motivated from whatever “presence” he sensed earlier.
I cocked back my fist, and sent a quick right cross Waverush’s way. The look on his face was worth any drubbing I might end up taking; his cocky hero expression was gone, replaced by one of shock and fear.
Then my fist connected with his jaw, and there was a sound like a sledgehammer striking stone. It was a clean hit, like nailing a pitch right on the barrel of the bat. Waverush flew backwards, crashing into the surf he’d just recently emerged from.
“Hell yeah!” a young male voice shouted behind me. “They’re finally gonna fight!”
“Who is that guy?” someone else said.
“Dunno,” a female voice answered, “but, like, I don’t think he stands a chance. Like, Waverush is strong and stuff, and he’s sooooo cute!”
I wished I could banter with the peanut galley, but I was pretty sure one punch, even a nuclear-grade one like that, wasn’t going to keep Waverush down.
“Dak, that was fantastic, but this dance ain’t over. We need—”
“Do not be absurd. That punch surely felled him. I would be very surprised if his imbecilic head was still on his shoulders.”
“No, dammit, stop being so damned cocky!”
One of the waves erupted, and Waverush hurtled towards me, trailing sand and water. I dove out of the way, and came up in a roll. Waverush planted a foot in the sand, skidding to a stop, then jumped at me again.
I grabbed his wrist with my God Arm and clamped down, but that was the only part of my body that was superhuman, and Waverush knew it. He sent a blow into my stomach with his free hand, and I dropped to a knee, feeling vomit in the back of my throat.
“Thank you,” Waverush said. “I was hoping you’d do that.”
“What…do…you….”
“You fell off that ferry, and I rescued you and brought you to shore. Then, for some reason, you struck me. I’m just defending myself.” He sent a smile my way that was somehow both menacing and charming. “At least, that’s the story I’ll tell the authorities, and I’m pretty confident my word carries more weight than yours. Why do you think I dragged you to this public beach, instead of to some lonesome rock outcropping in Jameson Bay? I wanted you to attack me, so you’d get designated a rogue superhuman and thrown into the detention center you just left. I had a feeling I couldn’t persuade you to drop the case, so I planned accordingly.”
This bastard was more calculating than I thought. I’d let my pride get the better of me; even if I did beat him, I’d still lose. It stung, badly, but I wasn’t going to just give up.
“This…isn’t very…heroic….”
“What isn’t?” Waverush replied. “You nearly broke my jaw. I’m just neutralizi
ng the threat you represent.”
I looked up at him, and sure enough, blood was pouring from his mouth, and there was a large red mark on his cheek. It would be a colorful bruise soon enough.
Seeing my handiwork caused a surge of adrenaline to flow through me. I swallowed the bile, rose to my feet, and squeezed Waverush’s wrist with every ounce of strength Dak had given me.
Waverush grunted, and now he was the one drifting down to his knees. “You’re…stronger…than I…thought.”
“Yeah?” I said. “You’re weaker. And once I pound the other side of your face, you’ll be a hell of a lot uglier.”
“You seem to…have forgotten…that we’re on…dry land.”
Waverush swept my legs out from under me, and I fell ass-first onto the beach. He kicked some sand into my face, and my hands went reflexively to my mug to wipe off the blinding, choking particles.
Freed from my grasp, Waverush grabbed my legs and slung me into the air. I crashed into the bay again, sputtering and flailing – back into Waverush’s world.
Now I knew what he meant when he said we were on dry land – but it was too late now. Waverush could glide through the water like a dolphin, while I could do little more than doggie paddle. He could control the currents, and communicate with sea life. And, of course, he could breathe underwater, while I couldn’t stay submerged for more than two minutes without passing out.
I tried to right myself, to get my head pointed upwards at least, but some force slammed against me and drove me to the bottom. I opened my eyes and saw the current pulsing into me like it was being shot out of a high-powered jet. Which, in effect, it was. Above me, I saw Waverush floating easily, his arms outstretched.
“Whatever advantage you had is lost,” Waverush said. “Your super-strength means nothing if you can’t touch me.”
So he could talk underwater too, probably by manipulating the currents to carry his voice. Great – he could go on a monologue if he wanted to, while I couldn’t do anything but gurgle.
I raised my God Arm, but it was the only part of my body I could move. And what was I going to do with it? Shake my fist at the merman? Give him the finger? Waverush was right; I was helpless.
Helpless, that is, unless I got Dak to whip up another godlike special.
“Dak, we need to do something – quick!”
“John Wagner, you state the obvious. It is irritating.”
“Whatever. Give me a beam of energy so I can blow Waverush back to the surface. But don’t switch off the super-strength! Can you do that?”
“I can, with ease. Behold, a blackness filled with the anguished souls of those I have destroyed is sent to smite the Rusher of Waves.”
Tendrils of shadow emerged from my hand; it looked like ink in the dark green water. I heard screams, bellows of rage, elaborate curses – then a shaft of black shot up, right at Waverush. I saw the gray desiccated faces of the dead in the water, their putrefied limbs clawing desperately. A small silver fish unluckily swam within reach of one of Dak’s crazy souls, and it was ripped to tatters instantly.
And Waverush simply moved five feet to the right, and the beam sailed by harmlessly.
“Did you really think I would just float there and let that hit me?” Waverush said. “Your stupidity keeps reaching new levels, Mr. Wagner.”
My lungs were burning; Waverush’s pressure was driving every last molecule of oxygen from my body. I tried to focus, but all I could think about was the sweet air not twenty feet above me. I had to get to it – I had to. I started thrashing futilely, wasting more oxygen and energy.
Something flashed in my mind. A woman with fur and a swishing tail. A woman with a smile made of hope. A woman who never gave up, even when she’d been beaten, stabbed, and shot.
Felicia.
So that was going to be the last thing I saw before I lost consciousness: my former lover and superhero comrade.
Well, there were worse things to envision….
Suddenly I could move my body; Waverush’s pulses were gone. Survival instincts kicked in, and I swam hard towards the surface, even though my arms and legs felt leaden. I burst out of the water and sucked in a lungful of air; it smelled and tasted divine. I made a vow never to complain about Z City’s air pollution again.
“We survived, Dak,” I thought-spoke. “I don’t know how, but we did.”
“I sense another destructive force at work. I believe someone has saved us – and I very much want to meet them. I believe it is the presence I sensed.”
“One thing at a time, Dak. Where is our barnacle-covered friend?”
“Look to your right.”
I splashed around, and saw a body bobbing face-down a few feet away. I swam over, though I was so tired I could barely tread water. As I got closer, I saw it was indeed Waverush. I also noticed something sticking out of his upper back – a dart of some sort.
Someone had shot him. I quickly scanned the beach and rooftops, but I didn’t see someone with a rifle laughing maniacally and pointing at their handiwork. Not surprising – whoever could pull off a shot like that, a shot where their target was underwater, was a professional. I wouldn’t see them unless they wanted to be seen.
I pulled the dart out carefully with my God Arm. It was entirely black, even the needle. I had no idea what was inside it, but if it could take out Waverush, it could take out me. I broke off the needle with a super-strong finger and shoved the dart into my pants pocket. If I could, I’d get Burt to hand it off to one of his forensics pals for analysis.
I turned over Waverush and looked at his face. His eyes were closed, and his skin was ashen, but I could feel a pulse. I hooked an arm around him and started paddling to the beach.
Although Waverush hadn’t tossed me far out into the bay, it still felt like I was swimming across the English Channel. When we finally washed up on the beach, I collapsed onto the sand and stared up at the blue sky, feeling like I could take a sixteen-hour nap.
Of course, that wasn’t going to happen.
“Like, I can’t believe you punched Waverush,” a female voice said. I recognized it from the earlier peanut gallery. “You, like, hit him in his gorgeous face. What the hell’s wrong with you? Like, are you totally braindead?”
“Hey, don’t pick on him, Melody,” another female voice said. “He’s kinda cute too – though his nose is too big.”
“Him, cute? Ugh. Your standards are soooo low, Bliss.”
I opened my eyes and wiped some salt water from my face. Two teenage girls were staring down at me. I noticed coltish legs wrapped in short shorts, about a million ear piercings, and of course two cell phones trained on me, both in pink-and-purple glittery cases.
“Have you ladies even hit puberty yet?” I said.
“Ugh,” Melody said. “I knew he was a creeper.”
“He is not,” Bliss said, punching her friend’s arm.
“He is,” Melody said, returning the punch. “He’s such a perv. Look at him. He looks like a perv.”
I sighed and pushed myself to my feet. I’d rather jump back into Jameson Bay and drown myself than listen to this inanity.
A small crowd was gathering around me and Waverush’s prostrate body. I saw two cops running down the street, chattering into their mikes. I looked around, weighing options. If I was the Daring Destroyer, I’d just run away like I had after the battle with the Gridlock Grenadiers. But I was Johnny Wagner, and running away would be pointless. A few dozen people had just watched me brawl with Waverush; someone would recognize my face, or one of the security cameras in the area would have caught me, and the law would catch up to me and find some way to throw me into the impenetrable jail I’d just left.
Then a few black orbs landed on the sand. There was a loud clicking noise, and they started belching out thick black smoke.
“What the hell?” I said.
“Ohmigod what is that?” Melody said. “Come on, Bliss! I don’t want that stuff to get on my clothes.”
“Ohmigo
sh it smells terrible,” Bliss said, covering her nose with her shirt.
We all tried to run away from the smoke, but the orbs were all around us, and we were soon lost in a nostril-burning fog. The people closest to the orbs gagged and coughed, and fell unconscious – or dead – onto the sand.
“Shit,” I thought-spoke. “I need you to give me a burst of air, Dak. Hell, make it a tornado. If that stuff hits us….”
“I will create a powerful wind that will sweep away these noxious fumes, and that will also create much destruction in the surrounding area.”
But before Dak could get going, someone grabbed my arm and whirled me around. I was staring at a woman in camo pants and black tank top, with a black leather mask covering her entire head. A sniper rifle was slung over her shoulder, and she had about five hundred knives, pistols, grenades, and other weaponry strapped to her body.
She also had a nice rack. Not enormous breasts, mind you, but more than handfuls….
“Eyes up here,” the mystery woman said, pointing at the eye holes in her mask for emphasis. “Take this and follow me.” She shoved a plastic respirator mask into my hand. I stared at it and looked back at her, noticing that she was wearing a similar one over her leather mask.
“Do it,” the woman said, “or this smoke will drop you like the others. We don’t have time to argue.”
Chapter Nine
“Who the hell are—” I began.
“Put the fucking mask on and move your fucking feet,” the woman yelled. “Last time I say it.”
“What do you think, Dak?” I thought-spoke.
“I sense great destructiveness within her. She would make a fine disciple.”
“That’s not what I…oh, what the hell.”
I strapped on the mask. As soon as it was covering my nose and mouth, I heard whirring noises; there were apparently tiny fans within it that filtered the air.
The mystery woman nodded and jogged into the smoke. I followed her as closely as I could, though the smoke was so dense I could barely see five feet in front of me. We soon left sand and hit pavement. I saw a parked car to my right, then the side of a building. A few more yards, and the smoke thinned, and we were in an alley. The woman stopped by a dumpster and turned to me.
