In their interviews, his ex-wives spoke of his violent nature, but his subordinates praised his efficiency and boundless ambition. In army reserve officer school Rahnasto had been seen as a natural-born leader. Nothing seemed to be able to penetrate his Teflon exterior. In cynical moments I wondered if Rahnasto would manage to wriggle out of the charges against him.
We still hadn’t found a new home, but my vacation would start at midsummer. Gradually the idea of moving was starting to sound exciting. We had lived in our current house for almost five years, longer than I had ever stayed in one place in my adult life.
Koivu and Wang had found a new home, and their move went quickly because Anu’s brothers and cousins all showed up to help. The cops handled the beer. The apartment was a medium-size, one-bedroom affair, which at least gave them a door to close if life together ever got rough.
The housewarming party was the day before the Midsummer Eve national holiday. Antti’s parents picked up Iida in the afternoon to take her to the cabin with them. We would join them on Friday and set sail. The forecast was for continued heat.
Antti had baked bread, and Iida and I had painted an old olive jar to make a decorative salt container. A bottle of Koivu’s favorite liquor rounded out the classic Finnish housewarming gift. The couple waited in the entryway, looking important.
“Look closely,” Koivu said, tilting his chin toward Wang. I looked. Five seconds later I realized what I was supposed to be noticing. Koivu and Wang were engaged.
Rasilainen and I immediately set about planning the bachelorette party, and Antti suggested that he and Koivu found a Lady Cops’ Gentlemen’s Club. Puustjärvi’s small, shy wife drank two glasses of punch and announced she wanted to dance. Koivu managed to clear some space in the living room. So many people dancing in such a small space reminded me of the clubs of my youth. I spent some time bouncing to ABBA tunes and then went outside on the balcony to cool off. Between the neighboring buildings, I could see all the way to the sports park, and the sounds of traffic were muffled. A breeze made the fir trees below sway, and I wiped the sweat from my face.
I didn’t know how to thank Mikke. The thought of visiting the prison was too much, but a card or a phone call were too little. I had started several letters but had ripped them all up. The previous day I had received a long letter from him. Mostly it was serious, but there was the occasional irony. An eternal outsider like Mikke could see the humorous side of prison life. That was what made me cry the most.
I don’t expect you to write to me, but of course I’d be happy if you did. But don’t do it out of pity. I like you, but I’m not nursing any hope. I’m finally getting myself together and starting to think about the world outside these walls. You were right. The sea isn’t going anywhere. I’ve already started planning my next trip, even though a parolee can’t leave the country. There are still plenty of places in the archipelago I haven’t explored yet. Fair winds to you and your family.
Maybe I would write. Apparently time and distance weren’t enough; you only got rid of painful feelings by living through them. Trying to bury Mikke in the back of my mind was pointless. The pain would stop festering eventually. I didn’t have to talk to anyone else about it. Knowing what I felt and what I didn’t was enough.
Taskinen snapped me out of my reverie. Relations were still cool between us, although he had made some attempts to mend fences. I could see from his eyes that he was a little drunk. That was rare.
“It’s warm inside,” he said cautiously.
“Not too bad out here,” I replied.
“I’m really embarrassed about giving in to those threats. I always thought that would never happen to me, that no one could ever blackmail me. I thought I was better than most of my colleagues. It isn’t easy admitting that you’re just like everyone else.”
Taskinen’s eyes were misty, and he was still favoring one leg. His summer vacation was starting at the Midsummer holiday too. Earlier in the spring we had planned to go sailing together, but there hadn’t been any more talk of that.
“I haven’t told anyone about the blackmail except you. Everyone else is a colleague, not a friend. We are still friends, aren’t we?”
I believe everyone deserves a second chance. I’ve even been able to hold to that when thinking about murderers, like Mikke. Finding the right words wasn’t easy, so I just hugged Taskinen. I didn’t trust him like I had before, but that was alright for now. Maybe we had both been trying too hard to go it alone, and that had led to mistakes.
“Oh, so we’re hugging my wife out here, are we?” Antti said from the balcony door. He knew about the rift between Taskinen and me, and was visibly relieved that things seemed to be returning to normal. I extracted myself from Jyrki’s embrace and went to the bathroom. On the way I gave Antti a kiss on the cheek.
Puupponen was waiting for me in the entryway.
“I have a reason to celebrate too,” he said, looking proud of himself. “I finished this yesterday.” With that, Puupponen took a thick stack of paper bound between plastic covers out of his briefcase.
“The Blond in the Red Shoes,” I read from the cover. “A mystery. Written by Ville Puupponen. Wow! So this is what you’ve been up to all spring?”
Pride mixed with panic on Puupponen’s face.
“Yes, but not during work time! Or just a little. It’s really fast paced and fun, and the main character is a cop from Savo. I’d like to ask you a favor, since you know something about books. Would you mind reading this and telling me if it’s any good?”
“It would be an honor,” I responded in surprise.
“Don’t tell the others,” Puupponen whispered, and I hid the plastic binder in the bag Antti and I had brought our presents in. Hopefully Puupponen’s story wasn’t too gory. I got enough of that at work. I didn’t want death to become commonplace, to see beaten corpses day after day and eventually become so numb that I thought violence was normal. I was tired of it. I needed something else to balance out all the death.
I went to browse Koivu and Wang’s music shelf. Anu’s nineteen-year-old brother smiled at me shyly. He had just aced his college-entrance exams and been automatically admitted to the Helsinki University of Technology to study physics. Anu thought her brother would have his PhD in four years flat.
Tucked in among the Van Halen and Bon Jovi I found some classical music, but what I chose to put on the turntable was Luonteri Surf, a Finnish cross between the Ramones and California beach music. Although the first track was about fall, it was also a perfect fit for a summer evening. It spoke of the cold autumn sun setting beyond a lake and oat stubble underfoot in a field, of the strength that comes from familiar things, of the bedrock that’s so close to the surface everywhere in our land.
“So if ‘Kallio’ means bedrock, is this song about you?” Puupponen grinned. Antti wrapped his arms around me, and we swayed with the music. The last record was hardcore punk, and I managed to get everyone else bouncing with me. We danced in a circle with our arms around one another’s shoulders until the downstairs neighbor came to the door to tell us that she would call the police if we didn’t quiet down. We turned off the record player and managed not to burst out laughing until she had gone.
Koivu had lit a few lanterns on the balcony. The summer night illuminated itself, but the shadows cast by the candles made the concrete walls and floor feel homier. Warmth still radiated from the walls, and violets bloomed in the flower boxes.
“Antti, come here for a minute,” I said and drew him out on the balcony. Based on his expression, he was expecting either a kiss or a cigar. Instead I pulled the crumpled birth-control prescription out of my purse. I felt strong because I knew what I wanted.
“I’m supposed to start my pills again today, but I don’t want to. What do you think? Do we need this?”
“No,” Antti said and pulled me into his arms. After a long kiss, I ripped the prescription into pieces and burned them ceremoniously in the flame of a candle.
One
month later I was pregnant.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Photo © 2011 Tomas Whitehouse
Leena Lehtolainen was born in Vesanto, Finland, to parents who taught language and literature. A keen reader, she made up stories in her head before she could even write. At the age of ten, she began her first book—a young adult novel—and published it two years later. She released her second book at the age of seventeen. She has received numerous awards for her writing, including the 1997 Vuoden Johtolanka (Clue) Award (for the best Finnish crime novel) for Luminainen (The Snow Woman) and the Great Finnish Book Club prize in 2000. Her work has been published in twenty-nine languages.
Besides writing, Leena enjoys classical singing, her beloved cats, and—her greatest passion—figure skating. Her nonfiction book about the sport, Taitoluistelun lumo (The Enchantment of Figure Skating), was chosen as the Sport Book of the Year 2011 in Finland. Leena lives in Finland with her husband and two sons.
ABOUT THE TRANSLATOR
Photo © 2015 Aaron Turley
Owen F. Witesman is a professional literary translator with a master’s in Finnish and Estonian-area studies from Indiana University. He has translated more than thirty Finnish books into English, including novels, children’s books, poetry, plays, graphic novels, and nonfiction. His recent translations include the first three novels in the Maria Kallio series, the satire The Human Part by Kari Hotakainen, the thriller Cold Courage by Pekka Hiltunen, and the 1884 classic The Railroad by Juhani Aho. He currently resides in Springville, Utah, with his wife, three daughters, one son, two dogs, a cat, seven chickens, and twenty-nine fruit trees.
Before I Go Page 33
