“I understand. I don’t want you to have to do everything.”
“Er, thanks. I hadn’t planned on it.” Unless she was a single mom, which would be hard.
“So, are you going back to work after you have the baby?”
“Yes. Toni will take time off first, since she’s further along. She should be back at the office before I have to leave. I’m sure she’ll need extra help, maybe a temp while I’m on maternity leave, but I’m getting back there to help her as soon as I can.”
“What about the nursery you mentioned?”
“We talked about it this past week and we’re going ahead. We might need to hire someone to take care of the babies while we’re working.”
Charlie broke eggs into a bowl. “Sounds like a good solution. And you’d both get to see the babies a lot, and if you’re breast feeding, that would be convenient.”
“I know. I haven’t decided about the feeding yet. I think I’m going to have to see if it works out.”
He shrugged. “Whatever you want to do is fine with me.”
“I’ll make a list of household chores and you and I can divide them up, okay?”
“Sure. My first ‘honey-do’ list.”
She frowned at his back as he tossed the egg shells in the trash. “It’s a list for both of us, not just for you.”
“I’m just kidding,” he said, turning back and whipping the eggs into a yellow froth.
She was distracted by the sight of those lean muscles moving and couldn’t stay irritated with him. He had no experience being a husband or father. They had to work through these things as they came up.
“Charlie?” she asked as he placed butter in a small skillet and turned on the burner.
“Yes, darlin’?”
“You do want to be here, don’t you? I mean, married and living on the ranch.”
“Of course. Why do you ask?” He looked over his shoulder at her.
“Now that you have this opportunity in Hollywood, I thought you might want to pursue that career. I know you said it’s just one commercial, but if you had a choice, would you go back there?”
“Darlin’, there’s no reason to even think about that. If I didn’t want to get married I never would have offered in the first place. And you’ve got to admit we’ve had a real good time together.”
When he was in town, she thought to herself. “Yes, but it’s been less than a week.”
“We’re gonna make this work,” he stated. “Don’t you worry about it.” He diced up some green pepper and onions he’d pulled from the crisper and sliced the precooked bacon.
“It’s not that I’m worried, but I do wonder, because you had to make such a big change. You haven’t talked much about your career in the rodeo.”
“That’s because it’s over.” He tossed the vegetables and bacon into the skillet. “I got the shoulder injury, had the surgery, and knew I’d never be able to compete at the highest level again. End of story.”
“Don’t you miss the crowds and the applause? Are you upset that you aren’t winning the big purses and the ranking as a top cowboy?”
His muscles tensed. Gone was the easygoing chef making breakfast for his bride. His competitor face, the one she’d seen on the reality show, was on again. “It doesn’t matter whether I miss the circuit or not, because I’m not going back there. I had some good times but I’ve moved on.”
“I understand. I’m just wondering if a career in Hollywood would take the place of the crowds and the winning.”
“Nothing will ever take the place of being a champion. Nothing. And as far as ‘Hollywood,’ as you call it, the only offer I’m expecting is that one commercial. That’s all. I don’t have a new career.”
“I’m sorry, Charlie. I didn’t mean to make you angry.”
“I’m not angry!” He took a deep breath, then poured the eggs into the skillet. “I’m a little frustrated. I don’t understand why we need to talk about things that don’t make a difference. I’m not on the rodeo circuit. I’m not an actor. We’re already married and there’s a baby on the way. That’s the reality of my life.”
He didn’t have to say it as if it were an irritating fact, like “I have a freckle on my nose.”
He stirred the eggs in quick, efficient motions. “I’ve told you several times that I wanted to marry you, that I offered because I think it’s the right thing to do and because I believe we can make a go of this marriage. I want to be a father to this baby. I just don’t know what else I can do to make you believe me.”
“It’s not that I don’t believe you,” Cassie said, a pleading tone creeping into her voice. She wanted him to understand! “It’s just that I want you to be happy.”
“Cassie, I’d be a lot happier if you didn’t keep questioning my motives for every decision I make. I’m gonna open the ropin’ school, whether Colby helps me or not. I’ve made a commitment to you and the baby and I’m keepin’ it.”
“I’m sorry if it seems I’m questioning your motives. That wasn’t my intention. I only want to know what to expect. I love living here and I don’t want to move back to California if you decide you’d like to try for an acting career.”
“We’re not movin’ to California!”
“Okay, I didn’t say we were. It’s just that I’d like to have a real husband, a man who comes home most nights and doesn’t travel all that much. I want a partner, not just a name on a marriage license.”
“I’m here and I plan to stay,” he said, putting the spatula in the spoon rest. “Watch those eggs, will you? I need to walk this off.”
Walk it off? What did that mean? Cassie slid from the stool and took over cooking their breakfast.
A breakfast she wasn’t sure Charlie was sharing with her, she realized as the front door closed behind him.
Chapter Fifteen
Charlie headed in the direction of the barn. He’d spent many hours there as a kid when his dad told him to cool off. When he was younger, he’d been a hothead. As he grew older, he learned not to jump to conclusions, not to get all bent out of shape by an imagined slight.
But your wife asking if you wanted to be married, if you wanted to live on the ranch or even in Brody’s Crossing, if you wanted to move to California, if you wanted to be a movie star because you missed being a cowboy was too much to take.
Was she so insecure that she needed constant reassurance that he was here to stay? Okay, maybe leaving for L.A. during their honeymoon hadn’t been good timing, but he’d felt it was necessary. One shot was all he wanted. She’d said she understood. Had she been faking it?
He stepped on a rock and winced. Walking through the dry grass and dusty soil in bare feet wasn’t smart either. He could step on a scorpion or into a nest of fire ants, or cut his foot on hidden glass or jab it with a thorn. When he did things like this, he remembered why he tried real hard not to be a hothead.
He stopped, put his hands on his waist and rotated his neck to loosen up. The sun beat down on him and sweat broke out on his forehead and chest. Questioning whether Cassie needed constant assurance wasn’t fair to her. She hadn’t gotten much reassurance from him, just some promises. Maybe she felt that his promises weren’t all that reliable because he had gone off and left her.
He thought back to the day Helen and Jim had come to lunch, then turned cold when Cassie told them about the baby. He’d realized then that their love, if they actually had any, was conditional. He’d told her he’d be there for her and the baby and he’d meant it.
And then he’d gone off and left her.
He should have been there for her. He should have backed her up better. He’d failed her somehow; he’d felt it a few days ago, when he’d left for the airport.
He’d promised her that he’d do anything for her. She’d asked him if he really would. She’d questioned his commitment to her, and maybe his motives. Now it seemed as if she was asking, Why would you do anything for me?
Because I want to make you happy, he knew he shou
ld have told her. Telling her that he wanted to protect her sounded corny, like he was some caveman. Modern women didn’t want to be protected, did they? They wanted to be independent and free and powerful in their own right. Cassie had sure taken charge of her life by moving here, making new friends and starting a new job.
She didn’t need protecting as much as she needed…what? Support. That was important. He would support her emotionally and financially and any other way she needed.
When she’d looked at him, laid her head on his chest and told him goodbye, it hadn’t felt like support she needed.
It’s obvious to anyone with eyes in their heads that Cassie and Charlie are very much in love and perfect for each other. His mother had said that. Was it true? Did Cassie love him? Was that why she’d looked at him like that?
And were those feelings that had come over him—protectiveness of her and the baby, anger at her aunt and uncle, and joy at being with her, in bed and out—did those feelings mean he loved her?
As he stood outside with the hot Texas sun beating down on him, he suddenly realized that he wasn’t light-headed from the heat. And he needed to get back to the house right away.
CASSIE TURNED THE BURNER OFF, sprinkled cheese over the eggs, and put a lid on the skillet. There. When Charlie came back, they could eat breakfast.
Of course he would be back. He’d left with no shoes, no shirt. He couldn’t go far.
Not nearly as far as California. Not right now, anyway. She still didn’t know if he thought about moving there, or staying for extended periods while working on a career as an actor.
Why was it so hard for him to just tell her his plans?
Maybe he doesn’t know, a little voice answered. Maybe not everyone plans everything like you do.
She settled on the couch and thought about friends she’d had, all the way back to her college roommates. Some of them had been irritated by her penchant for planning her life. Some had laughed at her lists and goal-oriented actions. They’d encouraged her to loosen up, have fun. They’d told her she was going to give herself an ulcer by the time she was thirty.
They didn’t understand. They didn’t accept her as she was, any more than Aunt Helen and Uncle Jim had accepted the fact she’d had sex outside of marriage. Why was it that everyone wanted her to be what they thought was right?
Why couldn’t they accept that she might know what was right for her?
To be fair, Charlie had never laughed at her lists or asked her to change. He hadn’t been critical of who she was, but had accepted her. It wasn’t his fault that she knew so little about men. He must think that she expected him to explain everything he did or thought or wanted.
She didn’t intend to invade his privacy. But on the other hand, if she didn’t ask, and he never explained, how was she going to learn anything about him? She had no desire to ask her friends for advice regarding men.
Besides, the only man she wanted to know that well was Charlie. Maybe learning about men in general wouldn’t help her anyway. Charlie was as different from Wyatt McCall as she was from…well, from Aunt Helen.
Despite what he wanted or expected, she did need to understand a few basics if they were going to make this marriage work. She couldn’t go on believing he might leave her for a new career or out of wanderlust or a desire to be back in the limelight again. She couldn’t function that way and wasn’t going to raise a child who had to constantly ask, Where’s Daddy?
She also really wanted to know how he felt about her. About them. But that was a harder question to ask. Maybe it was also harder for him to answer.
Leaning her head back on the couch, she closed her eyes and hoped he decided to at least tell her what he was going to do. She would stop using the word planned, because that was her issue, not his. Maybe by using the term, she’d seemed critical. She wasn’t. She actually admired other people’s abilities to be spontaneous.
It wasn’t for her, though. Spontaneity had gotten her in trouble. She was gun-shy of making snap decisions.
The door opened, and she sat up, blinking. “Charlie,” she breathed. He seemed flushed, or maybe a little sunburned. His tanned skin was darker, his muscles more defined, his hair damp along his neck.
He looked wild and…dangerous. Instead of being alarmed, she felt her pulse jump and her skin was supersensitive as she rubbed her palms on the couch cushion.
“I figured it out,” he said, standing over her, breathing a little harder than normal.
“What did you figure out?”
“What I want. How I feel.”
She leaped up and placed her hand on his burning hot forearm. “Wait, I need to tell you something, too.”
“This is my fault. I should go first.”
“No, I pushed you. I forgot that not everyone plans out their lives. Some people are perfectly fine with changing their goals, following their dreams wherever they might lead. Just because that’s impossible for me doesn’t mean it’s not right for you.”
“I have changed my dreams,” he said, placing his hands at her waist.
He’s bracing me for a big announcement, she thought. He’s leaving. He doesn’t want this life that I crave more with every breath.
“It’s okay if you want to be a star. I understand how tempting that would be. Far more exciting than settling in a small house on a ranch. Being tied down with a wife and a baby you didn’t expect. I understand. But just tell me you want to be free. Tell me, and we’ll work something out.”
He frowned and looked at her as if she were speaking in tongues. “You’re wrong,” he said.
“No, I’m trying to be understanding. I know I can’t live with the uncertainty. I’m trying to do what’s best for both of us.”
“What’s best for both of us,” he repeated, looking down into her eyes. One of his hands caressed her cheek. His face took on an expression of wonder and…joy. “How could you know what’s best for us when I’ve never told you how I feel?”
“I…um—”
“I love you, Cassandra McMann Yates. You’re my darlin’, my sunshine. You’re the person I’ve been waiting for all my life, and I didn’t even know it until you walked up to me in Dewey’s and asked me to dance.”
She hadn’t actually asked him to dance, she was about to say, but all that would come out was, “You love me?”
“I really, really do. It took me a while to realize it, even when other people could tell right away.”
“Sometimes we don’t know…sometimes it takes time to realize…” She swallowed and looked into his green eyes. “Oh, God, Charlie, I love you, too. So much it scares me.”
He wrapped his arms around her and crushed her to his damp chest. “Don’t be scared, darlin’. I’m scared enough for both of us.”
“You? What could scare you?”
“That I won’t be what you really want. That you don’t want a slightly broken-down rodeo cowboy who has acted like an immature jerk.”
“You’re not a jerk,” she said. “And you’re not broken down. You just can’t rope well enough to win a championship anymore. That doesn’t mean you’re not my champion.”
He dipped his head and kissed her, pouring a lot of love into the press of his lips, the thrust of his tongue and hardness of his body as he held her tight.
He pulled back after a few moments, breathing hard. “So, I was immature?” he asked, smiling.
“At times you have a boyish charm that is contagious. And appealing. I think that must be what the camera sees in you. That’s why I understand if—”
He placed a finger over her lips. “I don’t want to move to L.A. I don’t want to be a movie star.”
“But if you have the chance—”
“I’m not going to let that happen. When my agent told me that the director of the commercial gave me high marks after the screen test, I never experienced a real ‘wow’ moment. I didn’t feel the excitement of waiting for the calf to run out of the chute, or the adrenaline rush of looking up to see my
time on the clock and know I’d scored high enough to win. I just felt…I guess ‘validated’ is the right word.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure. All I could think about was coming home to you. I couldn’t wait to get on that plane, or drive from DFW Airport to Brody’s Crossing. When you ran out of the house, my heart started beating and I felt happy.”
“Oh, Charlie,” she whispered, truly appreciating that he was opening up to her. The truth of what he was saying made her love him all the more.
“Even then, I didn’t realize that what I’d been feeling was love. I’d never been in love before. Lust, yeah. I knew all about that. Not like I lust after you, mind you. We’re kind of explosive in that department.”
Cassie smiled. Who would have thought a couple of years ago that mousy little Cassie McMann could inspire explosive lust in a cowboy star? “Yes, we are.” She searched his face. “You really are happy on the ranch? Starting your rodeo school and raising our child here?”
“I really, really am. I can’t imagine living anywhere else. Where else would we have such good friends and neighbors? This is the place where we’re going to build our memories.”
“Brody’s Crossing is a good place to live,” she agreed. “That’s what I felt when I first came here with Wyatt. That’s why I never wanted to leave.”
“We won’t. And I’ll never leave you, either. If you want to get away from this cowboy, you’re gonna have to be real fast out of the chute, because I’ll always be right there alongside you.”
“As long as you don’t lasso me and tie me up!”
“No?” he said with a big grin. “I could think of a few uses for those piggin’ strings if you ever get the urge.”
Her face flushed. “I, um…I’ll let you know.”
“You do that, Cassie darlin’,” he said, leaning down to kiss her again. “I’ll be right here.”
He picked her up and carried her into their bedroom, the omelet forgotten for quite some time.
Epilogue
February 5, 2012
The Texan and the Cowgirl Page 17
