by Paige Tyler
He gave her a smoldering smile. “We can go slow this time if you want.”
That was when Minka realized Angelo was still aroused. Actually, he was still very aroused.
It was difficult for her to change gears so suddenly, to forget her emotions and focus on the physical. But she loved Angelo so much that she’d take whatever she could get of her angel and be happy—for that night at least.
So she leaned forward and kissed him. “I’d like that very much.”
Chapter 12
“I know it’s scary to think about giving up control,” Tanner said. “And I pray that you never have to do it. But if you have no other choice, I want you to be ready.”
Minka was in Layla’s office for one more training session with the DCO psychologist and Tanner while Angelo and the others were doing last-minute checks on equipment and loading everything up in the trucks for the trip to the airport. The plan was to leave before sunrise.
With the tight schedule they were on, the training session had been short, but it was still informative. Tanner had taught her how to make her eyes shift, so she could see better in the dark, then explained how she might be able to gain access to the hybrid parts of her memory. Both techniques involved letting the beast out of its cage in a controlled fashion, much like she had when she let her claws out.
But now Tanner was talking about letting the beast out completely.
“Why would I ever want to do that?” Minka asked.
She’d just learned how to lock the beast away in a cage and could never imagine willingly letting it out.
Tanner regarded her thoughtfully. “What if Angelo were in danger, Minka? Would you let the beast come out if you knew it was the only way to protect him? Or Ivy, or Landon? Which is worse—letting the beast take over or watching the people you care about get hurt?”
Minka didn’t answer. Tanner already knew she’d do anything for Angelo and her new friends.
“That’s what I thought,” he said.
She listened carefully as Tanner described the process of unlocking the door of the cage that existed in her mind and opening it wide. Thankfully, Tanner didn’t ask her to actually attempt what he was proposing, because that would have been much too dangerous. But he did spend a long time explaining how to regain control afterward.
“Think about Angelo. He’s your anchor. Remember what he means to you,” he said. “It won’t be easy, but you can fight your way back to him no matter how far into the background the beast pushes you.”
Minka nodded. It would be hard, but she’d do anything to get back to Angelo, even if that meant fighting the beast tooth and nail.
Layla looked like she wanted to say something, but a knock on the open door interrupted her. Minka glanced up and saw John standing there, an apologetic smile on his face.
“Sorry to interrupt,” he said. “Minka, the team will be ready to leave in about fifteen minutes. And, Tanner, if you have the time, Angelo asked if he could speak with you.”
Tanner nodded. “Yeah, sure.” He gave Minka a smile as he stood. “Be careful over there, okay? And don’t forget who you are.”
“I won’t,” she promised. “Thank you for all the help.”
John gave her and Layla a nod, then turned to follow Tanner down the hall, but the psychologist jumped to her feet.
“John, can I speak to you?” She glanced at Minka. “I’ll be right back.”
Layla and John moved a little farther down the hallway, leaving Minka alone with her thoughts. They immediately went to Angelo and how much she was going to miss him.
She’d awakened before Angelo that morning, then lay there in the dark, her head propped up on her hand as she watched him sleep. He looked so precious and vulnerable that it almost made her cry.
She’d spent a long time wondering if she was making a mistake, not telling him how she felt. But then she reminded herself it was for the best. It would only make a difficult situation worse if she poured out her heart to him now. He needed to concentrate on this mission, and be just as focused when he went back to his team.
Forcing herself to think about anything other than Angelo and their approaching separation, Minka turned her attention to the only nearby distraction—Layla and John talking softly out in the hallway.
She was finding it easier and easier to pick up on conversations, even when they were far away. She didn’t even have to consciously involve the beast at all. She felt a little guilty about listening in on a friend’s private conversation with her boss but reminded herself that the alternative was thinking about Angelo, and that, she didn’t want to do. Besides, Layla had told her to practice her hybrid abilities whenever she could.
“If you hire Jayson, I’ll take you up on the offer you made when you first interviewed me,” Layla was saying. “I’ll start doing field work.”
Minka didn’t know who Jayson was, but he must be someone very important to Layla for her to agree to be an agent after she’d promised Ivy she would never go into the field.
“That’s very generous of you, Layla, but I can’t take you up on it,” John said.
“Is it because Jayson was wounded?” Layla asked, her voice sharp.
“It has nothing to do with Jayson being wounded. This is about a promise I made to someone.”
“My sister.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“John, when you hired me, you told me that if I ever wanted to become a field agent, all I had to do was say the word. This is me doing that—provided you give Jayson a job.” Layla sighed. “Jayson is at a crossroads right now. If he doesn’t get a job, one he can be proud of doing, he might end up in a very bad place. Please, John.”
John didn’t answer for a moment. Then, finally, he spoke again. “Okay. And while I’m not ready to send you out in the field yet, I’ll let you spend half of your time training for it.”
“Thank you,” Layla said. “One more thing—Jayson can never know I had anything to do with him getting the job. He would never take it if he knew I was involved. He’s too proud for that.”
Layla came back into the office a few moments later. Minka tried to pretend she hadn’t been eavesdropping, but Layla figured it out anyway.
“You heard all that didn’t you?”
Minka nodded sheepishly. “Is Jayson your boyfriend?”
Layla sat down on the couch beside her. “I’m not sure you could call Jayson my boyfriend. I wish he was, but it’s…complicated.”
Minka knew all about complicated. “Does the fact that Jayson can’t seem to get a job have anything to do with you not being sure if he is your boyfriend?”
Layla looked at her in surprise. “Wow. How did you know that?”
Minka shrugged. “Men are very proud. If they can’t get good jobs, it makes them very difficult to be around.”
“That pretty much describes Jayson to a T,” Layla said. “He used to be in Army Special Forces with Landon and Angelo, but he got seriously injured on a mission and wasn’t able to stay on the team. He was doing well for a while, but now it seems like he’s starting to give up again. Lately he’s getting more depressed, and I’m worried that he’s going to hurt himself.” Her eyes glistened with tears and she took a deep breath. “He’s home alone a lot, and he just sits around and thinks about all he’s lost. That’s why I asked John to offer him a job. He needs something to give him purpose and a reason to keep going. I’m not sure it will be enough, but it’s all I can think of right now.”
Minka knew a thing or two about coming close to giving up. She had gotten near that point many times while she’d been held captive. But then she’d found Angelo, and he’d given her hope. It sounded like Jayson needed something to hold on to long enough to see that things could get better. She suspected Layla had been that thing for Jayson for a time, but now he was getting lost again. He needed something else for now—a new anchor—to help hold him steady until he realized that Layla was there for him.
“Maybe you should get hi
m a puppy,” she suggested.
“What?” Layla said with a laugh.
Minka shrugged. “It’s hard to be unhappy if you have a dog to take care of. They have a way of making people see the brighter side of things. And maybe the responsibility of taking care of a dog would help Jayson focus on something else.”
Layla thought about that. “You know, that might actually be a good idea. A therapy dog sounds like just what he needs.”
Minka glanced at the watch John had given her yesterday with her new uniform. It was probably time to go. She stood. “I should leave. Angelo is waiting for me.”
Layla got to her feet. “Before you go, there’s something I wanted to ask you. Ivy mentioned that she thought Angelo might be staying in Tajikistan after the mission was over. You and he talked about that, right? I mean, about him coming to DC after he gets back from deployment?”
Minka had been doing her best not to think about Angelo and what it would be like if she never saw him again, and having Layla come right out and ask her that very question made it hard to hold back tears.
Layla frowned. “He’s not coming back, is he?”
Hearing the anguish in Layla’s voice was enough to almost push Minka completely over the edge. She wiped a stray tear from her cheek. “I don’t know what he’s going to do.”
“How can you not know? The two of you are in love.” Layla gave her a curious look. “You do love him, right?”
Minka couldn’t see why she would need to hide that from Layla, especially since it seemed obvious her friend already knew.
“Yes,” she whispered.
“And he loves you?”
Minka felt fresh tears spring to her eyes. “I don’t know. He hasn’t told me how he feels. He tried to tell me that he would have to leave soon and that he didn’t want me to be hurt when he did,” she said. Then, at the flash of anger in Layla’s eyes, she quickly added, “But I let myself fall in love anyway. It’s all my fault. I can’t and won’t blame him.”
Layla regarded her in silence for a long time, then pulled Minka in for a hug, wrapping her arms around her and squeezing tight. Minka hugged her back.
“What are you going to do, Minka?” Layla asked when she stepped back.
Unfortunately, while Minka had been giving that question a lot of thought, she’d yet to come up with an answer.
“I don’t know,” she said honestly. “Sometimes it seems like there is no place for me in this world if Angelo is not there with me.”
* * *
At least the C-17 they were heading to Tajikistan on had real seats instead of those fold-down jobs like the plane that had transported him and Minka to the States. It didn’t matter though, Angelo thought. Minka had spent a good portion of the trip sleeping on his shoulder. Not that he was complaining.
At the moment, however, she was leaning over the other way, against the interior of the cabin wall, hugging his uniform jacket to her chest. She was dressed in the nonmilitary uniform typically worn by private contract security or embedded reporters, but she made it look good. Gazing at her beautiful face, he couldn’t help thinking about how his outlook on everything had changed since she had come into his life.
He was still sitting there watching her sleep when Landon walked by, two cups of coffee in his hands. Landon motioned with his head toward the back of the cargo section. Angelo hesitated. He didn’t like the idea of her waking up and finding him gone, but she seemed to be sleeping deeply. He quietly released his seat belt to follow his friend to the back of the plane where a pallet of equipment was secured under a cargo net.
Landon handed Angelo one of the cups, then leaned back against the gear. Angelo took a grateful swallow.
“Thanks,” he said. “I always did like caffeine on a long flight in one of these loud tin cans.”
“I remember,” Landon said, pitching his voice to be heard above the constant drone of the jet engines. “I would have brought some for Minka, but she’s been sleeping for most of the trip.”
Angelo looked back at Minka, wanting to make sure she was still okay. She’d gotten better about not freaking out whenever there was some space between them, but he still worried about her.
Angelo leaned back against the stack of gear beside Landon, so he could keep an eye on her. “I think the stress of the last few days has finally caught up with her.”
Landon sipped his coffee. “Does she know you’ll be staying in Tajikistan with the team?”
Angelo stared down into his cup. “Yeah. We talked about it some last night. I made sure she knows she can stay in the States and will be able to keep working with Tanner.”
In all honesty, he was worried as hell about leaving her to the mercy of the DCO, but John had assured him that they wouldn’t use or abuse her—or turn her into a field agent.
Landon snorted. “Like I’m sure she gives a crap about that stuff.”
Angelo slanted him a look. “What does that mean?”
“You’re joking, right?” Landon asked. “Dude, the only thing Minka cares about is knowing how you feel about her and when you’re coming back. As long as you two covered those topics, she’ll be okay.” When Angelo didn’t say anything, he frowned. “You told her, right?”
Angelo knew damn well where Landon was going with this, but he asked anyway. “Told her what?”
“That you’ve fallen for her.”
Angelo shrugged and swigged more coffee. “Not in so many words. She knows I care about her, though.”
“You care about her?” Landon echoed. “Well, I care about my truck. I have a really good fitting pair of boots I’m even kind of fond of. I’m not asking if you care about her. I’m asking if you love her.”
“You can’t fall in love with someone in a week,” Angelo protested.
Even he winced at how lame that sounded.
“That’s not an answer,” Landon said. “It’s an excuse, and a shitty one at that. I knew I had it bad for Ivy the first time we met. Within a week, I was so in love with her, I couldn’t think straight. Are you honestly going to try to convince me that what I’ve been seeing between you and Minka isn’t love?”
Angelo clenched his jaw. This conversation was getting too real, too fast. Hell yes, he was in love with her. He had been since she’d curled up and fallen asleep in his arms on the long flight from Tajikistan. He just hadn’t had the balls to admit it to himself because he’d been scared to think about what came next.
“Yeah,” he said hoarsely. “I love her. But it doesn’t matter.”
Landon frowned. “Doesn’t matter? What the fuck are you talking about? I’m pretty damn sure it matters to Minka. And it should matter to you.”
“It does matter,” Angelo snapped. If Landon hadn’t been his best friend, he’d have punched him right then. “Fuck! It matters, okay? I just don’t know what the hell to do about it. How fair is it to tell her something like that, then disappear on a string of deployments for the next five years?”
“You don’t think she’d be willing to wait for you?”
He closed his eyes for a moment before answering. “Landon, we’re talking about five years.”
“So you spend every minute you can with her. Make sure she knows how important she is to you. And you make it through the rest of your enlistment the best you can—together.”
Angelo shook his head. Landon made it sound so easy. But his friend knew it wasn’t. “I don’t know if Minka can do that. You’ve seen how she is. She needs me so much. I’m worried that when we’re apart, she might lose control—or worse, just give up.”
“Like your mom did?” Landon asked softly.
Angelo’s chest tightened so much he wouldn’t have been surprised if it had stopped beating. He’d tried to convince himself Minka was stronger than that. But the truth was, while Minka could be so strong in so many ways, she was still fragile in others, just like his mom had been.
“Yeah, like my mom,” he said. “That’s why I can’t tell Minka how I feel. I would
do anything to save her from the pain and loneliness that Mom went through.”
“You can’t do that, Angelo,” Landon said. “You can’t keep Minka from falling in love with you, and you can’t keep her from being lonely and in pain when you’re deployed. All you can do is love her and pray it’s enough.”
Angelo looked at his friend. “How the hell did you get so smart about all this shit?”
“Ivy, of course.” Landon grinned. “Fortunately, I was smart enough to realize that women like her—and Minka—don’t fall into the laps of guys like us very often. When they do, you need to hold on tight and not let go.” His smile faded. “Dude, I don’t know how to make this work between you and Minka, but I’m telling you that you need to find a fucking way.”
Landon was right. But telling Minka he loved her was only half of it. The rest was about figuring out how to help the woman he loved get through the days until he could be with her again.
When Angelo went back to his seat and buckled himself in, Minka must have sensed his presence because she immediately turned in her sleep and snuggled against his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around her and put his head back, praying she would be strong enough to handle being in love with an army guy.
Chapter 13
Angelo didn’t realize he’d fallen asleep until the thud of the plane touching down on the runway at Bagram jerked him awake. Minka was sitting beside him, looking around with wide eyes. Dammit, he could have killed Thorn for making her come back here.
He sat up straighter and took her hand, lacing their fingers together. Then he leaned over to kiss her—screw whoever didn’t like it.
When the plane finally came to a stop, he stood up with everyone else. They were just getting on their rucksacks when the plane’s crew chief dropped the rear cargo ramp. It settled to the asphalt with a thud, letting in bright sunlight. Angelo saw Diaz, Derek, and Lieutenant Watson waiting for them.
Laughing, Angelo took Minka’s hand and headed down the ramp to meet them. He noticed Powell and Moore didn’t look pleased. For some reason, that made Angelo even happier.
