Twenty-seven years is a long time to live without the woman you love. Others have tried to fill the void, but there is no one but you, my beloved. I tried to take interest in other women, but they paled compared to you, and how fair would it have been to have made another woman live here at Windridge in your shadow?
Jessica bit her lip to keep from sobbing out loud. Ryan would be very upset to see her cry, and with him just beyond the open doors of the nursery, she knew he’d hear her and come to investigate. The words of the journal opened an old wound that Jessica thought had healed with time. She felt the pain afresh, remembered the bitterness of leaving Windridge while her father watched from the porch—no wave, no kiss good-bye, no word.
She saw the devotion he held for her mother, believed that devotion extended in some strange way to herself, but also knew the emptiness her father had felt. An emptiness he imposed upon himself in order to be true to the memory of someone who had died nearly three decades ago.
It was never fair that I should have sent Jessica away from here. Kate scolded me daily for weeks, even months, and finally she stopped, seeing that I would not change my mind and bring the child home. I wanted to. Once Buck helped me past the worst of it, I wanted to bring Jess here to Windridge, but Harriet would have no part of it. We’d signed an agreement, which she so firmly reminded me of anytime I wrote to suggest doing otherwise.
Jessica startled at the realization that her father had tried to bring her back to her real home. She felt a growing anger at the knowledge that Aunt Harriet had kept her from such happiness. She thought of the years of strange girls’ schools, where the loneliness threatened to eat her alive. She thought of her miserable youth and the parties and men who stood at Harriet’s elbow, hoping to be chosen as a proper mate for Jessica. If only her father could have found a way to break the contract and bring her home. If only she had known that he desired her to be with him, she would have walked through fire to make it happen. She would have defied Harriet and all of her suitors in order to be back on Windridge permanently.
Naomi, I never imagined you would leave me. I built an empire to share with you. Built you a house on Windridge and planned a lifetime of happiness here in God’s country. When you went away, you took all that with you. Took my hopes, my dreams, my future. After that, there was no one. Not even Jessica, because Harriet wouldn’t allow her to be a part of my life.
Jessica could no longer contain her sobs. She moaned sorrowfully at the thought that her father had longed for her return.
Then Jessica married. He was nothing, less than nothing. A miserable worm handpicked by your aunt. I should have remembered her choice of husbands for you and realized how far I fell from the mark. How upset she was when you ran off with a cowboy from Kansas. Jessica had no one to fight for her, and she didn’t have your strength of mind. She did what Harriet told her to do and married that eastern dandy who did nothing but bleed her dry.]
Harriet died and left them a fortune, but Albright squandered it on gambling and women. I had him watched, knew his every move, but because Jess loved him, I did nothing. I couldn’t hurt her more by interfering where I wasn’t wanted. Devon Carter helped me to see that it was no longer my place to fret and stew. Devon’s a good man. He’s a Christian and a finer son a man could not ask to have. I consider him the son we never had. He’s there, just two doors down, whenever I need him.
Jessica suddenly realized that Devon had lived in the house prior to her coming to Windridge. She also realized, without having to ask Kate for confirmation, that Devon had moved out of his own accord in order to maintain the proprieties for Jessica and Ryan. She’d only been coming for a visit as far as they had known. Her decision to stay had caused Devon to have to move permanently from the house. It made her feel bad to realize that she’d sent him off like the hired hand she’d so often accused him of being.
I’ve given Devon a piece of his own land, some two thousand acres on the south side. I also gave him a bonus of five thousand dollars. I figured if Gertrude Jenkins and Newman Albright could bleed me for funds, I might as well leave money to those I love. Jess will get the house, of course, and all of what remains of Windridge. Although in truth, I’ve neglected it badly, Naomi.
Several things came immediately to mind. First of all, Gertrude had taken money from her father, and from the sounds of it, she’d taken quite a bit. Jessica had known about Newman’s indiscretions from her father’s letters, but Gertrude came as a surprise.
But the most important thing that Jessica realized was that Devon Carter had his own money and his own land. He didn’t need Jessica’s pittance. He had no reason to run from Windridge and Kansas. He could have quit his position many times over and headed over to his own land and started a new life, but instead he stayed at Windridge—with her.
Warmth spread over Jessica in this revelation. Devon hadn’t run away, taking her last dime. No, the delay was for some reason other than his alleged dishonesty, and with that thought, Jessica really began to worry. Perhaps he had fallen ill. Or maybe someone had done him harm. The possibilities were endless.
Wasting no more time with the diary, Jessica lovingly tucked the book beneath her pillow and went in search of Kate. There were several questions burning in her mind, and Kate would be the only one except Buck who could answer them.
Kate was in the kitchen mixing a cake when Jessica came bounding down the back stairs.
“Kate, I want the truth about something,” Jessica announced.
Kate turned and looked at Jessica over the rim of her glasses. “As if I’ve ever given you anything else.”
Jessica smiled. “I know you’ve been honest with me. That’s why I know I can come to you now.”
Kate seemed to realize the importance of the matter and put the mixing bowl aside. “So, what’s on your mind?”
“Devon.”
“Now why doesn’t that surprise me?”
Jessica smiled. “Devon lived here in the house when my father was alive, didn’t he?”
Kate nodded. “How’d you find that out?”
“My father kept a journal shortly before he died. He knew he was dying and wrote the words as if speaking to my mother.”
“I never knew this,” Kate said in complete surprise. “Where did you find this journal?”
“Under my mattress,” Jessica replied and laughed. “Remember how you wanted to turn the mattress last spring, and we only turned the tick and said we’d see to the mattress come fall? Well, I finally remembered it and took it on my own initiative to resolve the matter. When I managed to pull the mattress off, there it was.”
“Well, I’ll be,” Kate said in complete amazement. “If I’d just turned that mattress after Gus died, we’d have found it a whole lot sooner. Guess that’s what I get for being a poor housekeeper.”
Jessica shook her head. “Don’t you see? This was exactly as God intended it. There was a hardness to me when I came to Windridge that would never have allowed me to deal with the words I read in that journal. God knew the time was right and knew too that I needed to read those words.”
“What words?”
“My father talked of how he loved me,” Jessica said, tears forming anew in her eyes. “He talked too of how he loved Devon as a son. How he gave Devon land and money. Devon is considerably better off than I figured, isn’t he?”
Kate smiled. “I don’t know how much he has left. He took a good deal of his own money and started using it to fix up Windridge.”
“What?”
“He knew he couldn’t just offer it to you, Jess. He knew you’d say no. So he just started buying things that we needed. And he figured to add a good portion of his own funds to whatever the steers sold for and just tell you that he got a really good deal.”
“And here I thought Devon was an honest man,” Jessica said, wiping her eyes and smiling
.
“He didn’t want to hurt your feelings or spoil your dreams. Took a lot for him to accept the idea of a resort ranch, but he did it because he knew what it meant to you.”
“I only wanted to make something of Windridge without relying on others for help. Guess that was my pride getting in the way of reality,” Jessica admitted. “And to think I called Devon the hired help.”
“That was pretty hard on him. Gus had treated him like a son, then you came along and relegated him to one of the hands.”
Jessica shook her head. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Devon made us promise we wouldn’t. Made us promise we wouldn’t say anything about any of it. As much as I love you, Jess, I couldn’t betray that promise.”
“Papa’s diary also said that Gertrude Jenkins and my husband had bled him for money. What do you know about that?”
Kate thought for a moment. “I don’t know too much about his dealings with Newman. I know your husband would send telegrams asking for money, telling of one emergency or another. Gus always sent whatever he asked for, knowing that even if Newman spent it on something other than what he claimed, it would at least keep you from suffering.”
“It didn’t keep me from suffering,” Jessica replied. “But if Papa thought it did, then I’m glad.”
“I think he knew the truth,” Kate replied. “He knew about a lot we never gave him credit for. As for Gertrude, well, she thought she was going to talk Gus into marriage. She’s a poor manager of that ranch of hers, and Gus lent her sum after sum, all in order to help her keep afloat. She finally deeded the ranch over to him, although no one was supposed to know that but she and Gus. That’s part of the reason why she took off for Europe. She didn’t want to face the retribution of listening to what folks would have to say when they learned she’d borrowed against the ranch until Gus owned the whole thing.”
“Why wasn’t I told about this?” Jessica asked.
Kate took a deep breath. “Because Devon arranged to buy the land from Gus, and when Gus died, Devon gave it back to Gertrude. It’s the reason she hates him so much. He told her he knew he didn’t owe her anything, but that he couldn’t bear to see her suffer, especially if there was the slightest chance that he had somehow caused Jane to look elsewhere for her happiness. He also told her the truth about finding Jane in the arms of a traveling salesman. Told her how he confronted Jane, agreed to forget the whole matter, and still planned to marry her. It wasn’t the story Gerty wanted to hear.”
“I can well imagine.”
“Anyway, Gus never knew. He probably figured Devon saw the merit of the property because it adjoined the land Gus had already given Devon.”
Jessica wouldn’t have thought it possible that she could love Devon more than she already did, but hearing of his generosity and giving to a woman who hated him made her realize how deeply she admired and loved Devon Carter.
“This changes everything,” Jessica murmured, wishing silently that there might be a way to win Devon away from the woman he knew God had intended him to marry. Perhaps that is the reason for his delay, she thought for the first time. Maybe he’s gotten himself married.
“Not really,” Kate replied, interrupting Jessica’s thoughts.
“What do you mean?” Jessica asked.
“You love him, and he loves you.”
She shook her head sadly. “No, he told me there was someone he cared for. Someone God had chosen for him to marry.”
Kate started laughing. “Silly woman, he meant you. He told Buck as much.”
“What?” Jessica felt her chest tighten and her breathing quicken. “Are you telling me the truth?”
“I thought we’d already established that I’ve never lied to you. Do you think I’d start now?”
“No, but, I mean—” A wonderful rush of excitement flowed over Jessica. “He loves me?”
Kate laughed even more. “It’s pretty obvious to everyone but you two that you’re perfect for each other. You need each other in a bigger way than any two people I’ve ever seen. Whether you go back to regular ranching or run a resort, you’ll do fine so long as you do it together.”
“He loves me,” Jessica repeated. “And he loves Ryan.” She looked up at Kate and saw the happiness in the older woman’s eyes. There was no doubting the words she spoke. Devon loved her.
Chapter 10
Looks like it’s gonna blow up a snow,” Buck said, coming into the house. “I don’t like the taste of the air. Wouldn’t be surprised to see it shape up to be a bad one.”
“Are we prepared for such a thing?” Kate asked.
“I’m having the boys bring up wood from the shed. We’ll stack it high against the back of the house. That way, if we have a blizzard like the one the year Jessie was born, we won’t have far to go for fuel.”
“What about the hands?” Jessica asked, easily realizing the seriousness of the moment.
“They usually ride the storms out in the bunkhouse. We run a rope from there to the barns, and that way, they can keep an eye on the horses and milk cows.”
Jessica nodded. “If it gets too bad, let’s bring them up to the house. Better to use fuel to heat one place than two.”
Buck and Kate exchanged a quick glance and smiled approvingly. “You sound more like your father each day,” Kate told her.
Jessica laughed. “I would have thought that an insult at one time. Now, I take it as the compliment you intend it to be.”
“I’ll bring up extra fuel for the lanterns, and if you ladies think of anything else we need, you let me know,” Buck said, heading back for the door. He opened it and looked outside. “Snow’s already started,” he announced.
“Then we’d best get busy,” Kate told Jessica.
Ryan came into the kitchen about that time. His cheeks were flushed, and his eyes appeared rather glassy. Jessica immediately realized he’d been unusually quiet that morning. Picking up her son, Jessica could feel the heat radiating from his tiny body.
“Ryan’s sick,” she told Kate. “He has a fever.”
Kate came to Jessica and held out her arms, but Jessica felt all her feelings of overprotection and inadequacy surface. “I’ll take care of him,” she said more harshly than she’d intended.
Kate nodded as if understanding. “I only wanted to see how high his fever was.”
“You can tell by a touch?” Jessica asked, still clinging tightly to Ryan.
“You can when you’ve dealt with as many sick boys as I have. Remember, I’ve nursed the bunk hands, my own sons, Gus and Buck, even Devon. You get a feel for it after a time.” Kate put her hand to Ryan’s head. “Feels pretty high. We’d best get him to bed and see what we can do to bring that fever down. Do you see any rashes on his body?”
“Rashes?” Jessica asked in a panicky voice.
Kate nodded. “I heard some of the Newcome kids were down with the measles.”
“Measles!” Jessica’s voice squeaked out the word. “He just can’t have measles.”
“Well, only time will tell. Let’s get him to bed, and we’ll work on it from there. Why don’t you put him in the bed in our room? That way you won’t have to run up and down the stairs all the time, and it’ll be warmer here by the kitchen. If you like, you can sleep there, and Buck and I will take one of the upstairs rooms.”
“Thanks, Kate.” Jessica looked down at Ryan, who had put his head on her shoulder. It was so uncharacteristic of the boy that Jessica thought she might start to cry. She bit her lower lip and, knowing nothing else to do, began to pray.
❧
The blizzard blew in with the full force Buck had expected and then some. Icy pellets of rain came first, coating everything with a thick layer of ice. Then sleetlike snow stormed across the hills, and visibility became impossible.
Jessica t
hought very little about the storm, except to occasionally worry about Devon. She had far too much with which to concern herself by keeping on top of Ryan’s needs and easily relegated everything else to Buck and Kate.
By the second day of the storm, Ryan bore the telltale signs of measles. Tiny red splotchy dots covered his stomach and groin, and his fever refused to abate. Jessica found herself so weary she could hardly keep her eyes open, yet when Kate offered to relieve her, Jessica refused.
“You aren’t doing yourself or Ryan any good,” Kate told her. “I don’t know why you can’t see the sense in letting others help you.” Kate’s tone revealed the offense she took at Jessica’s actions.
“I’m sorry, Kate. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. It’s just that. . . well. . .he’s mine, and it’s my responsibility to see him through this.”
“But if you kill yourself trying to nurse him back to health, what good will it do? I swear, the way you act, you’d think I was trying to steal your glory.”
“What?” Jessica questioned, struggling to clear the cobwebs from her sleepy mind. “What glory is there in a sick child?”
“None that I know of,” Kate replied. “But you seem to think there’s some reason to keep anyone else from getting too close to that boy.”
Jessica slumped into a chair and nodded. “I just can’t lose him. He’s so important to me. I don’t want to lose him to you or Devon or sickness.”
“Why would you lose him to anyone? Ryan knows you’re his mother, and he loves you. Well, as much as any two year old can love. Jessica,” Kate said, reaching out to touch the younger woman’s shoulder, “you’ve been like a daughter to me. I always wanted to have a daughter, and I would have happily raised you for Gus. Let me offer you a bit of motherly advice.”
Jessica looked up and nodded.
“Don’t let fear be the glue that binds your relationship with Ryan. Fear is a poor substitute for love.”
House On Windridge Page 13
